by Wilde, Ora
And so I told him.
“Alright, Andrea,” he spoke, “stay put. My dad and I will be there as soon as possible.”
“Thanks, Finn.”
As the call ended, I rested my back on the plastic chair I was sitting on. I began to think about what will happen next.
Finn’s dad will come over and he’ll try to get Nash out of this mess.
I’d feel indebted to Finn, and he will expect that we’ll get back together again. Knowing how understanding he usually was, he’d give me some time to think about things. He’d keep his distance. He won’t pressure me into anything. But he will still ask me to be his date for the Homecoming party next week.
And I will have to say yes.
How could I not, after all the help he would be extending? He shouldn’t have to, but his willingness to be there for me only proved that he still cared for me... that I still mattered to him.
And it got me thinking...
Perhaps he wasn’t lying. Perhaps, Jaynie was only there because she really needed to take a shower and change. Perhaps, Finn has been loyal to me all along... and I unjustly refused to believe him.
Fifteen minutes after Finn’s call and his dad arrived at the station. Tall and thin, with gray hair and glasses, Mr. Jeremiah Henshaw was still wearing his coat and tie. He saw me and immediately approached my seat. I stood up to greet him. He gave me a tight hug.
“Andrea!” he said. “Thank God you’re alright! I came here straight from the firm as soon as I heard that you were in trouble. What happened?”
“My brother... he’s in a bind, Sir,” I answered. “But it wasn’t really his fault... well... at least not completely. Please help him...” I begged him, distraught and panicky.
“Okay, child, calm yourself and tell me everything that happened,” he instructed. “Everything. I want each detail, no matter how small.”
I narrated the facts that transpired. He kept nodding his head, his way of telling me that he understood, that he would be able to fix things for us.
“Please don’t tell our folks, Sir,” I pleaded yet again. “My dad... he wouldn’t be pleased. And my mom... she’s not really good at dealing with stress and this might take its toll on her health.”
Mr. Henshaw placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze.
“Wait for me here, Andrea,” he ordered. “Don’t go anywhere because I might need you later. I’ll fix some things inside and we’ll get you home before the night ends.”
He went to the counter and greeted the officer who was assigned to man it. The officer saw him and smiled. They chatted like they’ve known each other for years. When the officer called him by his nickname, Jerry, I was able to confirm that they, indeed, have been acquaintances - if not friends - from before.
The officer led Mr. Henshaw inside. They stayed there for around ten minutes or so. When they went out, Linda was with them. Mr. Henshaw and Linda approached me at the waiting area.
“Andrea, I’ve talked to Mrs. McTaggert,” he said. “I’ve explained what happened.”
“I’m terribly sorry,” Linda uttered, “I never knew he was your sibling. I have retracted my statement and provided a more detailed report.”
“Basically,” Mr. Henshaw began to speak for her, “Linda has withdrawn her complaint against your brother. She has told the officers inside that were it not for your brother, more harm would have come to her... and you.”
“Does this mean we could go home? Tonight?” I asked him, still agitated by the things which remained uncertain.
Before he could answer, two policemen escorted a hooded figure from one of the rooms. They released him right in front of us.
“You better stay out of trouble, kid,” one of the officers told him.
I was so elated to see him, free and unharmed. I leapt out of my chair and hugged him. He didn’t return my embrace with the same level of zeal, though, which was perfectly understandable. After everything he has been through during what could have been a harrowing interrogation, and after the shame and the guilt he must have felt when he saw me witness his extracurricular affairs... him being down and dejected would be the least of my concerns.
“Nash,” I called his attention. “This is Attorney Jeremiah Henshaw. He was the one who arranged for your release. I think a thank you is in order?”
Mr. Henshaw smiled at him and extended his hand.
Nash looked at him, hesitant about how he should respond. Eventually, he shook Mr. Henshaw’s hand... though he never uttered a word... not even a simple ‘thanks.’
“Andrea!” someone from behind us yelled. It was Finn. He was running towards us, his face was a picture of restlessness and worry. “I’m sorry, I tried to get here as fast as I could,” he said as he reached our group.
Then he hugged me and kissed my forehead... just like how he did when we were together... before we broke up. I didn’t expect him to do that. My eyes were wide with shock, my mouth agape as words struggled to escape.
“Thankfully, my dad was nearby and he got here sooner,” he added.
He was still hugging me. I could barely move my head. I tried to roll my eyes towards my side, towards Nash. But I couldn’t.
Finn released me from his embrace.
And then it happened.
A loud thump. The sound of knuckles against flesh. The sight of Finn collapsing on the floor.
And over him hovered Nash, his hands clenched into fists, ready to strike at his fallen foe once more.
I gasped in horror.
The policemen were quick to respond. They restrained him, and pushed his body against the wall.
Mr. Henshaw was startled stiff. It took him a few seconds before he knelt beside his son to see if he was okay. Then he started screaming and cursing at Nash.
And then I felt it.
A prod in my gut.
A realization that was too forbidding to bear.
Three weeks ago, my world started to change.
And now, it has begun to burn.
15
Hopefully, A Dream
I was falling.
Into the darkness.
Into depths unknown.
The velocity of my descent was getting faster and faster as I fell deeper and deeper into the ocean of black. What would greet me down below, I wondered? Sharp rocks that would rip my body to shreds? A flat surface that would smash me into an unrecognizable pulp of flesh? Or a bottomless fall... an endless drop into nothingness... into oblivion?
It should have terrified me. But it didn’t, and that was the scary part.
Somehow, I felt something peculiar... something completely unexpected given the perilous situation I was in. I felt liberation. I felt consolation. I felt a tinge of joy.
I felt relief.
I wasn’t afraid. In fact, I embraced the feeling of helplessness, surrendering to the fate of my impending doom, and in a way, grateful that it will all be over... that I would cease to exist and I wouldn’t have to bear witness to the catastrophe that was about to happen.
And so I continued falling, down the chasm of uncertainty, further into the shadows of nothingness.
And I was smiling...
And I was still smiling when my dad woke me up.
“Having a nice little dream, aren’t you, Andrea?” he asked. He was hovering over me with a menacing look on his face.
It took me some time to realize that I fell asleep on his favorite spot... his Lazy Boy, the only thing in the household that was off-limits to me and my stepmom.
“Unghhh... sorry Pops,” I said, still groggy from my recently interrupted slumber.
“Well, what was your dream about?” he questioned as he motioned his hand towards the other side of the house, gesturing for me to get off his sofa chair.
“Oh... nothing,” I answered. “Actually, I forgot what my dream was all about,” I continued as I dryly washed my face with my hands to get rid of the drowsiness that remained.
“It’s about some
thing wholesome, I hope?” he asked once more, as he quickly sat on the soft surface of the couch.
“Dad!” I exclaimed incredulously. “That question is so improper!”
He just shrugged.
“I just asked what was on my mind,” he said. “I can’t help it. You had that look on your face... that happy, satisfied look... like you were... enjoying... something really... pleasurable...”
He struggled to find the right words to use. He wanted to know if I dreamt about sex, though he didn’t say it outright. He wanted to test me... to determine if thoughts of romance and intercourse actually ran in my head. He still was of the belief that his only daughter, though eighteen years of age already, remained ignorant about the private ways of sexes.
To him, I was still the innocent little girl he cradled in his arms so many years ago.
Sadness pinched my heart when I realized how wrong he was about me.
And how twisted the situation actually was.
“Anyway, do you know what time it is already?” he asked.
I looked at the wall clock on the pillar near the main door. It was seven-fifty in the morning.
“Oh shit!” I screamed in shock. “I’m late for school!”
“Language, Andrea,” he reminded as he unrolled the newspaper he carried with him.
“Sorry, Dad... I gotta split,” I said as I darted upstairs towards my room. I had ten minutes to dress up. I didn’t have time for a shower. Thankfully, dad bought me a car last week and that would save me around eight minutes of travel. Still, it would be a close call.
And it was.
I was seven minutes late for my first class. Fortunately, though, the roll call - done in alphabetical order - was just at Gerard. When the teacher called out my name, Andrea Higgins, I raised my hand and smiled, pretending that I’ve been there so much earlier than I actually was.
Unlike the weekend - which passed by like a blur - that Monday was a trudge. The minutes were slow, the hours seemed like they would never end, and the professors never ran out of uninteresting things to talk about.
Was it just a boring day, though?
Or was it because there were just too many things in my mind?
About Nash. About Finn. About the robbery at Linda’s convenience store. About the events that happened at the station. About my pregnancy.
My pregnancy...
Shit! I have yet to use the second pregnancy kit. It was still in my handbag, untouched since last Friday when I picked it up at Linda’s counter before the robbery happened. I can’t believe that an entire weekend has gone by and I didn’t even remember to use it!
I was just so preoccupied with everything that has transpired.
When Nash punched Finn square on the face - right in the middle of the damn precinct where he was just released from custody - the police were quick to restrain him. They threatened to take him in once again, and that time, Attorney Jeremiah Henshaw, Finn’s dad, wouldn’t even dare to help him. He struck his son, for crying out loud! He struck Finn right after Atty. Henshaw drove to the station just to get him off the hook!
I had to cry and plead for their understanding.
He hasn’t taken his medicines, I told them. When asked what those medicines were for, my answer was succinct but sufficient: he’s suffering from manic depression.
I have always been a bad liar. But I managed to pull it off. The officers were doubtful at first. Atty. Henshaw was still mad that he didn’t want to believe me. But all of them eventually came around when Nash himself calmed down. They released him, and he started to walk away.
But before he left, he whispered something to me...
Why did you ask for his help? I’m not worth it. I’d rather go to jail than see you go back to him.
A minute later and Finn recovered from the blow that walloped him almost unconscious. He checked his jaw to see if it was still aligned with the rest of his face. Then he turned to look at me, curiously smiling.
What was that all about, he asked.
I gave him the same explanation that I mentioned to his father and the police officers earlier, and once again, just as always, he understood.
Come, he said, I’ll drive you home.
I actually left my car in front of Linda’s convenience store, so I just asked for a ride back to the scene of the crime.
In his vehicle on the way there, Finn asked the question I’ve been dreading to hear since I requested for his help. Can you forgive me?
I nodded. I owed him that much.
It was the follow-up queries that I was most anxious about, however. Does this mean we’re back together again? Do you still love me? Can I kiss you?
I just told him that I needed more time, that the events of the day have left me in a state of confusion and terror, that I was in no position to give him the answers he sought.
Finn being Finn, he understood.
Can we at least go to the Homecoming party together, he wanted to know, just as I’ve expected. He was almost begging for an affirmative response.
I said yes. I couldn’t turn him down, not after everything he has done for me... and for Nash... that night.
He was giddy happy the entire ride.
I, on the other hand, was drowning in my thoughts. What should I do? With Nash? With Finn? With the people who were involved in the intricate mess that was about to unfold? With the baby I was carrying in my womb?
The baby...
The pregnancy kit in my bag...
I yanked myself back to the present. Three more periods were left before the end of the school day. I can’t wait that long. I had to find out. Immediately!
I excused myself from class. Mrs. Thurman gave me a sharp look, but she was used to students going out of the room. She even understood why, most probably. Government Law was hardly an engaging subject.
I rushed towards the restroom. No one was there, which was perfect for what I had in mind. I checked the gap beneath the cubicles to see if there were people inside. There were none.
I went to one of the partitions, the area at the farthest end of the room just to be safe, and opened the box in my handbag. I took the test stick. How does it go again? Dip the tip for five seconds... check the lines... one line is negative... two lines would be positive.
I re-read the instructions just to be sure.
This particular brand worked differently, perhaps because it was cheaper. I had to collect my urine in a container and dip the stick there. Simply putting the stick in the opening of my vagina wouldn’t be enough.
Luckily, I had a water bottle inside my bag. The lid can act as the basin for my urine.
I removed the cover of the stick’s tip, unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them down together with my underwear. I started to pee on the lid... I didn’t have to fill it up, just enough for the tip to be immersed completely.
Once that was done, I dipped the tip and waited.
Five seconds, the instructions said.
They proved to be the longest five seconds of my life.
Then I drew the stick in front of my eyes. The moment of truth was upon me. I prayed really hard for a negative result. All of my fears and doubts flashed in my head, reminding me of the consequences I would have to face if the result would be positive once again.
I looked at the window on the test stick.
There was one red line...
And there was another.
Two lines.
For the second time.
Almost instantly, my knees weakened, nearly collapsing from the weight of my body that was made heavier by the deluge of apprehension that flooded my being. I was able to sit on the toilet bowl before I lost my balance.
Two lines. On two different occasions. It can’t be surer than that.
I was pregnant. And the baby inside me was almost a month old.
I wiped the tears that fell from my eyes as I summoned enough courage and composure so that I could plan my next course of action.
First and
foremost, I had to tell Nash. He should know as soon as possible. He’s the father of this child, and we should be together in dealing with the consequences of my pregnancy.
Second, I had to figure out whether or not I should tell my folks, my dad especially. They should know... but I was afraid about how they’d react. My dad would be furious. Worse, he’d be so sad and that wouldn’t be good for his health.