by Lord Dunsany
In The Twilight
The lock was quite crowded with boats when we capsized. I went downbackwards for some few feet before I started to swim, then I camespluttering upwards towards the light; but, instead of reaching thesurface, I hit my head against the keel of a boat and went downagain. I struck out almost at once and came up, but before I reachedthe surface my head crashed against a boat for the second time, andI went right to the bottom. I was confused and thoroughlyfrightened. I was desperately in need of air, and knew that if I hita boat for the third time I should never see the surface again.Drowning is a horrible death, notwithstanding all that has been saidto the contrary. My past life never occurred to my mind, but Ithought of many trivial things that I might not do or see again if Iwere drowned. I swam up in a slanting direction, hoping to avoid theboat that I had struck. Suddenly I saw all the boats in the lockquite clearly just above me, and every one of their curved varnishedplanks and the scratches and chips upon their keels. I saw severalgaps among the boats where I might have swam up to the surface, butit did not seem worthwhile to try and get there, and I had forgottenwhy I wanted to. Then all the people leaned over the sides of theirboats: I saw the light flannel suits of the men and the colouredflowers in the women's hats, and I noticed details of their dressesquite distinctly. Everybody in the boats was looking down at me;then they all said to one another, 'We must leave him now,' and theyand the boats went away; and there was nothing above me but theriver and the sky, and on either side of me were the green weedsthat grew in the mud, for I had somehow sunk back to the bottomagain. The river as it flowed by murmured not unpleasantly in myears, and the rushes seemed to be whispering quite softly amongthemselves. Presently the murmuring of the river took the form ofwords, and I heard it say, 'We must go on to the sea; we must leavehim now.'
Then the river went away, and both its banks; and therushes whispered, 'Yes, we must leave him now.' And they toodeparted, and I was left in a great emptiness staring up at the bluesky. Then the great sky bent over me, and spoke quite softly like akindly nurse soothing some little foolish child, and the sky said,'Goodbye. All will be well. Goodbye.' And I was sorry to lose theblue sky, but the sky went away. Then I was alone, with nothinground about me; I could see no light, but it was not dark--there wasjust absolutely nothing, above me and below me and on every side. Ithought that perhaps I was dead, and that this might be eternity;when suddenly some great southern hills rose up all round about me,and I was lying on the warm, grassy slope of a valley in England. Itwas a valley that I had known well when I was young, but I hadnot seen it now for many years. Beside me stood the tall flower ofthe mint; I saw the sweet-smelling thyme flower and one or two wildstrawberries. There came up to me from fields below me the beautifulsmell of hay, and there was a break in the voice of the cuckoo.There was a feeling of summer and of evening and of lateness and ofSabbath in the air; the sky was calm and full of a strange colour,and the sun was low; the bells in the church in the village were alla-ring, and the chimes went wandering with echoes up the valleytowards the sun, and whenever the echoes died a new chime was born.And all the people of the village walked up a stone-paved path undera black oak porch and went into the church, and the chimes stoppedand the people of the village began to sing, and the level sunlightshone on the white tombstones that stood all round the church. Thenthere was a stillness in the village, and shouts and laughter cameup from the valley no more, only the occasional sound of the organand of song. And the blue butterflies, those that love the chalk,came and perched themselves on the tall grasses, five or sixsometimes on a single piece of grass, and they closed their wingsand slept, and the grass bent a little beneath them. And from thewoods along the tops of the hills the rabbits came hopping out andnibbled the grass, and hopped a little further and nibbled again,and the large daisies closed their petals up and the birds beganto sing.
Then the hills spoke, all the great chalk hills that I loved, andwith a deep and solemn voice they said, 'We have come to you to sayGoodbye.'
Then they all went away, and there was nothing again all round aboutme upon every side. I looked everywhere for something on which torest the eye. Nothing. Suddenly a low grey sky swept over me and amoist air met my face; a great plain rushed up to me from the edgeof the clouds; on two sides it touched the sky, and on two sidesbetween it and the clouds a line of low hills lay. One line of hillsbrooded grey in the distance, the other stood a patchwork of littlesquare green fields, with a few white cottages about it. The plainwas an archipelago of a million islands each about a yard square orless, and everyone of them was red with heather. I was back on theBog of Allen again after many years, and it was just the same asever, though I had heard that they were draining it. I was with anold friend whom I was glad to see again, for they had told me thathe died some years ago. He seemed strangely young, but whatsurprised me most was that he stood upon a piece of bright greenmoss which I had always learned to think would never bear. I wasglad, too, to see the old bog again, and all the lovely things thatgrew there--the scarlet mosses and the green mosses and the firmand friendly heather, and the deep silent water. I saw a littlestream that wandered vaguely through the bog, and little whiteshells down in the clear depths of it; I saw, a little way off, oneof the great pools where no islands are, with rushes round itsborders, where the duck love to come. I looked long at thatuntroubled world of heather, and then I looked at the white cottageson the hill, and saw the grey smoke curling from their chimneys andknew that they burned turf there, and longed for the smell ofburning turf again. And far away there arose and came nearer theweird cry of wild and happy voices, and a flock of geese appearedthat was coming from the northward. Then their cries blended intoone great voice of exultation, the voice of freedom, the voice ofIreland, the voice of the Waste; and the voice said 'Goodbye to you.Goodbye!' and passed away into the distance; and as it passed, thetame geese on the farms cried out to their brothers up above themthat they were free. Then the hills went away, and the bog and thesky went with them, and I was alone again, as lost souls are alone.
Then there grew up beside me the red brick buildings of my firstschool and the chapel that adjoined it. The fields a little way offwere full of boys in white flannels playing cricket. On the asphaltplaying ground, just by the schoolroom windows, stood Agamemnon,Achilles, and Odysseus, with their Argives armed behind them; butHector stepped down out of a ground-floor window, and in theschoolroom were all Priam's sons and the Achaeans and fair Helen;and a little farther away the Ten Thousand drifted across theplayground, going up into the heart of Persia to place Cyrus on hisbrother's throne. And the boys that I knew called to me from thefields, and said 'Goodbye,' and they and the fields went away; andthe Ten Thousand said 'Goodbye,' each file as they passed memarching swiftly, and they too disappeared. And Hector and Agamemnonsaid 'Goodbye,' and the host of the Argives and of the Achaeans; andthey all went away and the old school with them, and I was aloneagain.
The next scene that filled the emptiness was rather dim: I was beingled by my nurse along a little footpath over a common in Surrey. Shewas quite young. Close by a band of gypsies had lit their fire, nearthem their romantic caravan stood unhorsed, and the horse croppedgrass beside it. It was evening, and the gypsies muttered roundtheir fire in a tongue unknown and strange. Then they all said inEnglish, 'Goodbye'. And the evening and the common and thecampfire went away. And instead of this a white highway withdarkness and stars below it that led into darkness and stars, but atthe near end of the road were common fields and gardens, and there Istood close to a large number of people, men and women. And I saw aman walking alone down the road away from me towards the darknessand the stars, and all the people called him by his name, and theman would not hear them, but walked on down the road, and the peoplewent on calling him by his name. But I became irritated with the manbecause he would not stop or turn round when so many people calledhim by his name, and it was a very strange name. And I became wearyof hearing the strang
e name so very often repeated, so that I made agreat effort to call him, that he might listen and that the peoplemight stop repeating this strange name. And with the effort I openedmy eyes wide, and the name that the people called was my own name,and I lay on the river's bank with men and women bending over me,and my hair was wet.