But being alone hurt them both, too. Leaving her didn’t mean treating her like a partner. Nor did deciding everything. “I have to talk to her.” Talk. Share. Discuss. Decide. “And I must make the wolf learn lessons, even when she simply wants to obey.” The wolf had to ask. To do what Mariska did. But not of him.
“Yes,” Quanto said with a slow nod. “Now you are on the right trail.”
“Thank you, Father.” Humbled and grateful, Cody placed a hand over his heart. Eventually, perhaps, he and his mate would have come to this conclusion. He couldn’t leave her. Walking away required he cut away pieces of himself. In the long run, it would harm them both and a part of him recognized the fallout. The loss drove him to stay close whether she were aware or not.
Despite his best efforts, he had treated her differently—in an effort to be kinder and gentler, he’d stopped being himself. He wanted her to be the woman he’d fallen in love with—the temperamental, wild, and independent woman who gave him hell when he tried to tell her what to do.
“You would have reached the same conclusion, Cody.” Quanto rested a hand on his shoulder. “Inside, you knew. The drive to be with her, to keep her close—that was your knowledge. You have grown more cautious and caring with your maturity. I am proud of you, but in this, you need to be yourself. You need to trust your instincts. Instincts experienced by you and your wolf. Trust yourself. Trust her.”
“Easier said than done,” he released a rusty chuckle, but he didn’t disagree with Quanto’s assessment.
“If life were easy, it would not have as much value.”
“Father, can I ask you another question?”
“Of course.”
Cody considered how to phrase it, considering the information Mariska had sought from Jason Kane about other Fevered shifters. “When I changed her, do you think I took from her the possibility of having children?” Her need for family, her love of the children they looked after—and her reactions to Scarlett and Jo. There was a sadness in her that he couldn’t fix.
“I think when the soul is at war with itself, the imbalance is great. Life needs balance.” Not a direct answer, but…
“Until she and her wolf accept each other, she can’t have the child she wants.”
“Yes, that could be the answer.” Not a definitive, but more than he’d had before. “Worry about children later. The spirits will know when you are ready.”
What if she could never have a child? Would she hate him? Cody frowned. Had he stolen something precious from her?
“Cody,” Quanto said, his tone demanding Cody’s full attention. “Do not borrow trouble where you already have a battle to wage. Spend time with your wife. Be yourself. Encourage her to be herself. Worry not for your siblings or the young or any other issue that is out there.” He waved his hand to the land around them. But with the gesture, he encompassed all of their family. His brothers, his sister, and their extended family—the children and town. “The spirits will know. Believe in them. Believe in her. Believe in yourself.”
Aggravated as he was by the answer, he heard nothing but truth in the words. “I will.”
With a nod, Quanto rose on shaking limbs and Cody surged to his feet to steady him. He’d never seen him frail…especially not in the dreaming.
“Are you well?”
“I am old, son. Age brings its own complications. Your brother is well, do not worry over him so. The journey he takes is one he must. Without you.” Jimmy. Jimmy was safe.
“I don’t have to like that fact.” Even if he was grateful to know his brother was all right.
“No. But paths diverge and where one of us travels, not always may we follow. To allow each to become who they are and who they were meant to be is one of the most difficult—and rewarding—tasks in our lives. I have been honored to be a part of you and your siblings’ journeys. Now you travel where I cannot always follow.”
Why did the conversation feel like goodbye? Cody frowned, but Quanto vanished, leaving him to his dreams. When he woke, eyes opening to the darkness in the cave, not even a hint of Quanto’s scent remained.
He had more questions for his father, but Quanto would find him again when he was ready and not a moment before. Turning his attention to his wife, Cody studied her face—relaxed by slumber. My wife. He told her silently. And we’re doing this together.
And he smiled. Tomorrow they would fight.
He looked forward to it.
Chapter 6
Mariska
“What do you mean we have to go back?” Incensed, she tried to pull out the equipment he’d already begun to pack. Yet before she could return the bedroll to the ground, he plucked it out of her hands and pulled her to him, one arm around her with his hand flat against her back.
“We have a home. We have responsibilities. We have a life. This…” He tossed the bedroll onto the stack he’d created, then waved to the cave. “This is a cave. This isn’t where we live.”
Anger spiked through her confusion. “I thought you understood I needed time.”
“And you have the rest of our lives. But figuring something out doesn’t mean our lives stop.” The heat in his eyes scorched her. His jaw was hard set, and his mouth a firm line. Even his scent—wild, pine, and wolf—overpowered her. “We’re going home. We’re going on with our lives. You and your wolf will have to cope. I want my wife. The rest, princess, you can deal with.” His mouth closed over hers, hard and unyielding and she parted her lips. Need swept over her, but no sooner did he begin the kiss than he ended it. “As soon as we clean this up, we’ll shift and run for home. We can change there.”
Blinking, she stared at him as he continued their preparations to leave. His order resonated through her, the same, arrogant tone he’d used when he dismissed her concerns on the trail when they’d first met. Only then it had been her desire to find her people again and he’d scoffed—scoffed at her—refusing to even consider letting her return to people who would abandon her.
“You don’t get to simply order me home.” Breathing through her mouth, she tried to calm her rapid heart rate. Her wolf had roused when he’d said they’d shift and run for home. Inside, the wolf stretched, and shivered with anticipation. She didn’t care what Mariska’s argument was.
“Yes, I do.” Apparently, neither did Cody.
“No,” she stomped her foot. “I need this time. I told you. The wolf listens to you and not to me.”
“And in the few short days you’ve been here, she’s begun to listen to you because you’re talking to her. You can talk to her anywhere. There we have people depending on us, and people who can help.”
“People I could hurt.” She couldn’t swallow past the acid burning in her throat. What if she couldn’t leash the animal around the little ones? Or Jo? Or the other women? What if in a fit of anger her wolf responded…
Cody laughed.
Fury swamped her fear. “Why are you laughing at me? This isn’t funny.”
“No, it’s not. Yet you were around arguably one of the most helpless people we know as your wolf and you played. You played with her. Your feelings for her influenced your wolf. Maybe if you stop pretending your wolf isn’t a part of you and that you’re not a part of her, you’d see it. We’re not separate beings, although we may exist in separate spaces. But who I am? Who my wolf was? We are the same.”
Didn’t that fly in the face of everything they’d discussed? A fresh surge of aggravation flowed through her. Autocratic. Insensitive. He’d behaved this way when they first met. Before they knew each other. Why the hell was he reverting? Inside, her wolf bristled. “We’re not the same. You’ve been this way your whole life, I wasn’t. This isn’t who I am, or at least not who I was before I met you.” The growl escaped before she could swallow the sound and the world flattened, the colors muting, but sounds grew sharper and so did scents.
His carried only a trace of the anger she could see in his manner. If anything, she smelled pain. Pain and intense dislike. A wound opene
d in her soul. Did he hate her weakness? Had she done this? But his expression showed none of that. Yes, anger in his jaw and heat in his eyes, but she’d tasted passion in his kiss.
“If you’d never met me, this wouldn’t be a problem.” He met her gaze, holding her attention with unflinching demand.
“Of course it wouldn’t,” she raked her fingers through her hair. “And if I hadn’t met you, I wouldn’t love you, either. I do not regret meeting you.” Did he believe she did? Had she somehow given him that impression?
“Good, because we share a life together—” he pointed to the cave entrance. “Out there. Out there we share a life. Sometimes life is messy. We have a family. It is a very large family, but they all belong to us. We need to be with them.”
“And I want to be. When I’m ready. When I can…” …control myself. Shift when I want. Not lose time. Her wolf clawed along her insides, but not at her. Oddly the sensation was different. The wolf’s hackles bristled against her skin. The animal was angry with Cody—angry and confused. That made two of them. He doesn’t hate us. She told her wolf, understanding the confusion. His scent and his manner, they were in opposition to each other. None of it matched the patient and passionate care he’d shown the night before.
Her wolf settled and her vision cleared. The animal curled in on itself and Mariska folded her arms. For the first time, she wished she could cuddle the beast and offer comfort. The animal settled as though the mere desire to act succeeded. Her vision changed again and color rushed in, depth changed and some of her heightened awareness diminished.
Cody continued to stare at her—waiting.
Enlightenment dawned. Her wolf had reacted to Cody’s repudiation and Mariska had tempered the response, not— “You son of a bitch.” The epithet escaped and she launched herself at him, only instead of hitting him, she embraced him. His arms closed around her, muscles flexing taut. “You made me protect her.”
“I merely stopped coddling you.”
A baby step to be certain. But as when she woke the wolf the day before to see Cody, and when she’d surfaced within the wolf during play with Olivia—Mariska could do this. Nipping his chin, she gave her mate a hard squeeze. “Coddling.”
“Yes,” he nodded once. “I want to take care of you, to protect you always. That is who and what I am. I will not apologize for it.”
“I don’t want you to.” In truth, she didn’t, no matter how peculiar her behavior. Not all of her responses, however, had been her own. The wolf’s had bled into hers and hers into the wolf. The animal perked and she felt it rub against the inside of her skin, wanting to brush against Cody and her both. Youth. Impatience. Need. They were all a part of her wolf. “I know,” she said, leaning against the cradle of his arms to gaze at him. “That I have behaved in a very…”
“Womanly?” The dry response earned him a laugh, but she also pinched him.
“Childish manner. I haven’t felt this…uncomfortable with who I am or wondered about who I was so much since before I became a woman.” When her monthly flows first began, her emotions had been all over the place. “I love you.”
“I know.” Smug.
Growling, she pinched him again and he caught her hand, tugging her fingers up to his lips. Her courage faltered. “I’m not ready to go back.”
“Yes you are.” He said, then shrugged. “And if you’re not…we will handle the issues as they arise. You don’t need to be alone while you struggle.”
She tried to jerk away, but he refused to let her go. Curling her hands into fists, she resisted the urge to pummel him. “You make this sound as though it’s all simple.”
“No, I’m not. This is our life, Mariska. Ours. For you to be away from me, means I have to be deprived of you. I spent most of my life without you, I will not let you run away from me now. You don’t like it, exert control over your wolf. Bring her to heel with you. Take control. You are a leader. Lead.”
Exasperated and inspired in equal measures, she settled for simply glaring at him. “I hate you sometimes.”
The corner of his mouth curved upward. “I know. You love me all the time.”
Yes. Yes she did.
“Fine.” She ceded the battle. “Let’s go home.”
* * *
A day later, she half regretted the decision to leave the cave. Delilah had been giving instruction to Billy Brixton and Will Turner—the earthshaker and weather worker had martial gifts that made training them near others dangerous. Yet, day in and day out, for weeks, she’d walk off with them into their chosen wilderness on the ranch and guide them through testing their gifts.
Today, Mariska joined them. Cody had woken her before dawn to say he and Kid were going to tackle some tasks off the ranch. Then he’d left. Left and didn’t tell me I had to go with him. The change in his manner made for a notable difference. He hadn’t even asked her about her plans.
“What we’re doing,” Delilah said. “Is letting them both build up their aggravation so they can find their triggers.”
Mariska frowned. “You encourage them to fight so they can see when their gifts get active?” How was that training?
“More or less. Will is so afraid of his after the tornado, he is unable to access the ability without anger.”
“And Billy?” She studied the young men. Barely thirteen, he was a boy with a man’s burden. Trapped on the cusp of manhood, he rarely smiled and his morose attitude leached onto anyone around him. Kid had taken to spending time with the boy since he’d returned, but even his empathic gift only seemed to dull the depression choking him.
“He doesn’t believe he has the ability.” A siren with the ability to enchant anyone to her will using only the sound of her voice, she seemed an unlikely candidate for this training. Yet, her calmness and the very fact she could stop both dangerous boys without injuring them made her ideally suited to the task. “His lack of belief makes his gift as unpredictable as Will’s fear.”
“So you make them fight?”
“No,” Delilah said with a half laugh. “I let them be boys. They fight on their own. Neither gets along well with the other—the only other one they dislike more is Shane.”
“Shane is not here.” Understanding kindled in Mariska. The eldest of the Fevered orphans, Shane had turned sixteen over the summer. He’d also left with Jimmy on his mission to hunt Ryan, the last of Miller’s men and one who possessed the chameleon like ability to become anyone. A doppleganger. A dangerous, dangerous gift in the wrong hands. Perched on a rock next to the siren, Mariska didn’t have to strain to hear the two boys talking. They were a half-dozen yards away, working on breaking up rocks.
The quarry provided many of the stones they harvested and shaped for construction. Set into a mild canyon abutted by green grass and open pasture land on either side, it offered a modicum of shelter—and a task both boys could perform far more easily if they used their gifts.
In all, it seemed an ideal location.
Neither boy, though, argued. Yes, they disagreed, but not with each other. Their chief objection, it seemed, was with Delilah’s belief in them. The boys were nursing interest in the siren, both thoroughly enchanted by her beauty and kindness.
“You may have a new problem with them.” She said, absently tugging on a frayed bit of leather pulling loose from her boot.
Since arriving, Delilah had been knitting steadily. She’d taken to most sewing, knitting, and weaving skills like a natural, loving the tasks themselves. Mariska had tutored her in the beginning, but the siren’s enjoyment of having something to do with her hands had her vastly outstripping her teacher in a few short months.
“What’s the problem?”
“They don’t want to mess up in your eyes so they are trying their hardest not to argue.” Charmed by the innocent sweetness, Mariska grinned.
Delilah, however, did not. With a scowl, she glared at the pair. “That helps no one.”
“But it’s still sweet…”
With a snort, the si
ren set aside her knitting and rose to her feet. “No, it’s not sweet. Avoiding dealing with a problem whether out of affection—or fear—for another doesn’t solve anything. I didn’t talk for a year, Mariska. I came here to a wonderful place with wonderful people and a man I fell in love with and I didn’t say a word out of fear. I needed control, control I possessed, I simply had to face it head on to find it.” Dusting her hands off, Delilah strode towards the teens with intent purpose.
As curious as Mariska, her wolf roused for the first time since Cody’s arguably bizarre behavior in the cave. He’d behaved one way, but his intent had been another. The conflicting signals confused her until she’d realized he sought to prove her control over her responses. The woman had been intrigued while the wolf had simply sulked.
Avoiding dealing with the problem, whether out of affection or fear for another, doesn’t solve anything. The words resonated with her, but the wolf turned away. Don’t. She told the animal and when the beast didn’t respond to her, Mariska closed her eyes and dug in deep. Don’t. You have to stop this now.
Why? One word. Only one. But more than enough to say she had her attention.
Because I need you. A shudder rippled over her whether from her response or the animal’s, she couldn’t be certain. And I think you need me.
Though she didn’t respond immediately, the beast also didn’t retreat. A blast punctured the silence and she jerked her eyes open to see the cloud of dust and debris created by a destroyed rock raining down in front of the three below. Billy looked dazed, but pleased. Wind swept the debris into a swirling vortex and Delilah’s laughter rang from below along with applause. Whatever she’d said to the boys worked because, one by one, rocks began to rumble and shake then burst. Each time one shattered, the wind swept in to catch the debris. Through it all, Delilah remained at their sides, seemingly unconcerned for her personal safety.
Wild and Fevered Page 7