Lewis was watching her face intently. Caroline looked away, unwilling to give her own feelings away.
“I am honoured by your regard, sir,” she said uncertainly, “but I must have time to think. After all, I was obliged to hear rather more than I wished this evening of your affections for another lady!”
Lewis’s tense expression lightened a little. “Affection be damned!” He gave her hands a little shake. “Surely you must see that I cannot bear Julia? Oh, I admit that for a while I was at her feet—impressionable youths must be allowed to make mistakes in their salad days! But she was always a mercenary piece! Even when I went away to sea she asked for a keepsake and took me to task for presenting her with a necklace of pearls rather than one of diamonds!”
Caroline tried unsuccessfully to smother a giggle. “Alas that your judgement of women is so faulty, Captain!”
“Not this time,” Lewis said.
“And then there is the question of your more recent behaviour,” Caroline pursued. “You were seen embracing Mrs Chessford, and yet you denied it!”
Lewis raised his eyebrows. “My dear Caroline, you have already accused me of this once! If you refer to the occasion when Julia cast herself into my arms in floods of tears, then I suppose I must plead guilty! There was nothing in it but if Lavender saw—” He shrugged. “I suppose she may not know the difference!”
He slanted a look down at her. “Perhaps you might make the same mistake? Allow me to demonstrate…”
He smiled down at her for a moment, then bent his head and kissed her gently. Caroline resisted briefly, but the temptation was too delicious to withstand. Her lips parted and he deepened the kiss immediately, tasting, teasing, until compelling pleasure sent her mind reeling. She was dimly aware of Lewis pulling her closer, and she slid her arms about his neck, all thoughts lost in the delight of sensation. One could drown in such pleasure…
“Your answer, Caro…” Lewis’s words were barely above a whisper. “Say you will marry me…”
His mouth had left hers and was brushing the sensitive skin just below her left ear, sending shivers of excitement coursing through Caroline’s blood. His mouth drifted lower to the hollow at the base of her throat, then down to the soft swell of skin above the lace of her nightgown. Caroline caught her breath.
“Lewis, wait…” She stepped back and tried to extricate herself. “I must think…”
“Must you?” Lewis loosened his grip a little but did not let her go. “Just for once, Caro, could you not put aside your customary cool detachment? The romantic Miss Whiston I met in the woods had no such scruples…”
Caroline laughed a little shakily. Cool detachment was hardly the way to describe her feelings. “I think you took advantage of me then, sir—”
“A delightful thought! But, no—” He had felt her instinctive movement of protest and let her go “—the time and place are scarcely right. I know I should have waited to ask you. I will give you until tomorrow for an answer, but Caro—” she looked up at his tone and met the determination in his eyes “—do not think to refuse me.” He pulled her back to him and gave her a brief, hard kiss that held a disturbing echo of their former passion. “Now I had better let you go.”
The morning had come. Caroline lay in bed and watched the shadows move on her ceiling, the curious white light that suggested that there was thick snow outside. She had slept late after the events of the previous night, falling into a deep, dreamless sleep as soon as she had tumbled into bed. There had been no time to reflect on either the extraordinary revelations about Julia or the more pressing problem of Lewis’s proposal.
Just why was it a problem? Caroline turned on her side and heaved a sigh. She cared deeply for Lewis and had done so almost from the first moment she had met him. She believed him when he said that he no longer cared a rush for Julia, so it was not as though she felt she was living in a shadow of another woman. Their mutual passion was as intriguing as it was explosive, but perhaps she should not think of that, for it was enough to blind her to all else…
Caroline shifted uncomfortably. She had lived her whole adult life without succumbing to physical desire and it was only now that she realised how vulnerable this had made her, affecting her judgement, making her uncertain…For the nub of the problem was that Lewis might no longer love Julia, but that did not necessarily mean that he loved her.
Caroline faced the thought plainly and sadly. Lewis had to marry to fulfil the terms of his father’s will. Who better than the convenient companion, a woman with no expectations, sensible, plain, a good manager who would help him turn the estate around? Put in such straightforward terms and shorn of the misleading confusion of physical attraction, it seemed a little bleak.
That did not mean, of course, that she had to refuse him. Caroline got out of bed, washed and started to dress, all the time preoccupied with her thoughts. It was an opportunity that any governess companion would give their eye teeth for. She had only to say yes.
She stared into the mirror, wondering why the thought gave her such difficulty. Her wan face looked back at her. The reason was not far to seek. She had fallen in love with Lewis Brabant and wanted him to love her too. Anything less was not enough; physical passion, companionship, a home…Caroline shook her head. How foolish, when she had had none of these things a few months ago, and now had been offered the world! Almost all the world. Yet somehow, without Lewis’s love, it was not enough.
Caroline was not surprised to find that Julia was not at the breakfast table. Lavender was present and had evidently received a foreshortened explanation of the events of the previous night from her brother, for she was looking shocked and pale. Lewis had finished eating and had progressed to his newspaper; Richard Slater was placidly demolishing a plate of devilled kidneys. It seemed to Caroline that everyone was trying a little too hard to behave as though nothing had happened.
Caroline sat down and returned their greetings a little self-consciously. She was very aware of Lewis’s gaze resting upon her, of a contained restlessness about him that was even more noticeable than previously. Caroline could hardly pretend that she did not know its cause and her nerves tightened in anticipation of the interview to come. She accepted a plate of toast, then promptly found that her appetite had deserted her.
Lewis put down his newspaper and got to his feet.
“Miss Whiston, would you grant me the pleasure of your company as soon as it is convenient? In the study. Preferably now.”
Caroline hesitated. Richard continued to eat his breakfast whilst Lavender looked speculatively from one to the other. Caroline capitulated.
It was with some trepidation that she preceded Lewis into the familiar room and waited whilst he closed the door. She pressed her hands together to give herself courage.
“Well?” Lewis spoke softly. He had come to her and taken her hand, and his touch almost undid all her resolutions. Caroline moved away.
“Captain Brabant, I am conscious of the honour you do me but…” She met his eyes and looked quickly away. “I fear I must decline your offer.”
Lewis was very still for a moment. “I see. Will you do me the courtesy of explaining why you reject my suit?”
Caroline bit her lip. This was dreadful, worse by far than disappointing poor Mr Grizel, for in refusing Lewis she was going against her own feelings as well as rejecting him. She wrung her hands.
“You seem in some distress, Miss Whiston,” Lewis said quietly. “Pray tell me what I may do to help you.”
Caroline cast him an agonised glance. “There is nothing you can do, sir, save not to press me for a reason—”
Lewis gave her an ironic smile. “Then it seems I must be cruel, for I do most ardently wish to know your reasons, Miss Whiston.”
Caroline’s feelings got the better of her like a dam bursting. She abandoned polite restraint. “There are one hundred and one reasons why we should not wed, Captain, as you are well aware! The most obvious one is that the dispositions of your fathe
r’s will mean you are obliged to marry! You can scarcely expect me to feel flattered, the convenient bride!”
“The devil!” Lewis seemed genuinely amused, which only served to irritate Caroline the more. “My dear Caroline, please do not suggest that I have proposed to you because I am lazy and you are convenient! Such assumptions do credit to neither of us!”
“It is what everyone will think—”
“Who cares a rush about that? I do not think it, and now that I have told you there is no truth in the accusation, you may disregard it too!”
“Leaving that aside, sir,” Caroline said hastily, “there are other considerations! I am—was—Mrs Chessford’s companion, and it would be most—”
“I hope you are not going to say that it would be inappropriate!” For a moment, Lewis looked dangerous. “Caroline, you are a Whiston of Watchbell Hall, if you insist on social distinctions, and even if you were not from a good family, I would not care tuppence! You will have to do better than that!”
“There will be a lot of talk,” Caroline said desperately.
Lewis shrugged indifferently. “There always is! Let them talk!”
“And then,” Caroline said, grasping at straws, “there is my age, sir.”
“Your age!” Lewis looked completely incredulous.
“I believe that you should marry someone younger, someone more…” Caroline broke off in slight confusion.
Lewis looked as though he were not sure whether to laugh or lose his temper. “Caroline, that reason is contemptible! You are scarce in your dotage! Besides, I should run mad if I were married to some brainless débutante!”
“There are some very sensible young girls,” Caroline began, but Lewis stopped her with a gesture. “Please, Caroline, do not insult my intelligence with any more of your spurious excuses! It is clear to me that there are other reasons, ones that you do not see fit to disclose. Well, I have a solution.”
He reached her side in only two strides. “The correct course of action is not an appeal through the intellect at this stage. Caroline—” his arms slid about her waist “—I know that you are not indifferent to me, and I, for my part, find you most deliciously attractive! You may have as much time to think as you wish, but please succumb to your romantic side and accept my proposal!”
Caroline gave a despairing squeak. She could feel herself weakening, both literally and metaphorically. Lewis tightened his grip and bent to kiss her. Caroline felt her lips tremble beneath his. Then, to her huge disappointment, he let her go and stepped back.
“You will not accept me and I will not accept your refusal,” he said evenly. “So, Miss Whiston, until we may come to some agreement, that is the way it will stay!”
Chapter Eleven
“So Julia has gone,” Lavender said contentedly, biting heartily into a slice of Cook’s sponge cake. “Did you hear the fuss she made, Caroline? Still, I cannot envy her having to travel in this weather!”
The snow was no longer falling but it lay thick on the ground in drifts of up to two foot deep.
“I suppose she may not make London by nightfall,” Lavender continued, not sounding much concerned, “and will have to put up somewhere on the road. Ah well, the house is the more peaceful for it!”
This was odd but true. Caroline had already noticed that a certain tension seemed to have gone from the atmosphere. The servants were smiling more. The cuckoo had gone from the nest.
“You are very quiet,” Lavender said suddenly, fixing Caroline with the perceptive blue gaze that was so like her brother’s. “Is something troubling you, Caroline? It is unlike you to be so silent whilst I chatter on!”
Caroline shook her head. “No, not precisely. That is…” She gave Lavender an anxious look. “I feel a little awkward now that Julia has gone and I am still here! I must make plans…”
“Well, there is no hurry!” Lavender said, gesturing with the cake in her hand. She put it down hastily as a few crumbs scattered on the carpet. “How unladylike of me! I suppose I am too old for your teaching, Caroline? You could always stay as my governess rather than my companion!”
Caroline smiled and frowned at the same time. “Now Lavender, we have had this conversation!”
“I know it!” The younger girl sighed. “I do not understand why I cannot persuade you! Oh, that reminds me…” She fumbled in her pocket. “I have a letter here for you! I almost forgot! Perhaps it will be the good news you are awaiting.”
Caroline took the letter with some trepidation. The writing was that of Lady Covingham, and suddenly Caroline was uncertain whether she wished to stay or to go. Impatient with herself, she tore it open.
“Is something wrong?” Lavender asked, a moment later, her gaze resting on Caroline’s face. “You look a little disappointed, Caroline…”
“Yes, no…I don’t know,” Caroline pulled herself together and gave Lavender a weak smile. “Lady Covingham writes that the family she had had in mind for me have already appointed a governess and so will not be needing my services. She says that she will continue to search for a position for me, but…” Caroline’s voice trailed away. “Oh, never mind! I shall just have to change my plans.”
“Capital!” Lavender said, clapping her hands and ignoring Caroline’s frown of disapproval at her language. “You may stay here for a spell instead! That will give Lewis the chance—” She stopped and clapped her hand to her mouth. “Oh dear…” She looked quickly at Caroline’s face. “Well, it was an open secret…”
“Was it indeed!” Caroline said wrathfully. “Your brother has not spoken to you of it?”
“Of course not!” Lavender looked indignant. “He would not! But anyone with any sense can see that Lewis cares for you, Caroline!” She gave a pleasurable little shiver. “Sometimes when he looks at you—”
Caroline raised her eyebrows and decided that this was not the moment to try to explain the difference between physical attraction and love. Lavender’s face was suddenly wistful. “I wish…” She broke off. “Oh, I know it is none of my business, Caroline, but if you have refused Lewis because you think he is only interested in marrying to fulfil the will, you are fair and far out! Why, it is plain to me that he loves you and I know you care for him too!”
Caroline smiled a little sadly. “That is not all, though, is it, Lavender? Only think how people will talk! The Captain and the companion—”
“Let them!” Lavender said robustly. “Anyway, you are wrong if you think that the neighbourhood would not approve! Why, only last week Lady Perceval said to me that you were a charming girl, just like your mama, and that she hoped that you would find you would be spending longer at Hewly than you had first thought!”
Caroline raised her eyebrows at this sign of approbation. “Well…”
“Think about it!” Lavender said, patting her hand and suddenly sounding far older than her years. “I am persuaded that you will find that most of your objections do not truly exist!”
“Perhaps you are right,” Caroline said, getting up. “I shall go for a walk and give the matter some thought! It is time I cleared my head!”
“Only do not stray too far!” Lavender called after her. “Belton says that it will snow again later!”
The gardens were completely transformed under their blanket of white. Heavy branches bowed down under the weight of snow and the sun was blinding. The snow crunched under Caroline’s boots as she walked. She was wearing a thick winter cloak, a warm scarf, gloves—and the red velvet dress, for if she was to make the most momentous decision of her life she wished to do it in style.
The sunlight glittered on the icy surface of the Steep river and Caroline walked on, deep in thought. Lavender was probably correct and all her objections were insubstantial ones. She would make a good mistress of Hewly, she loved Lewis deeply and if he truly loved her…Well, there was only one way to find that out. She would have to ask him. Caroline squared her shoulders. It was a daunting thought but she would prepare carefully and approach him in a se
nsible and rational manner. Then, if the answer was not as she hoped, she would be able to withdraw with what dignity she had left and consider an alternative plan…
An icicle dripped from the tree above her head. Caroline jumped and looked around her. She was disconcerted to realise that she had wandered quite far into the forest whilst she had been thinking. The blue shadows were gathering beneath the silent trees and it was almost dusk. She looked around for the path, but nothing was visible beneath the white covering of snow. Her own footsteps stretched behind her as far as she could see. Turning around, Caroline hurried back the way she had come.
Within a half hour she was no nearer the edge of the forest and she was forced to concede that she was lost. Darkness was falling and it had started to snow again, just as Belton had predicted, obliterating her footprints and making it even more unlikely that she would find her way back. Caroline was very angry with herself. Of all the foolish starts, to go wandering off in the snow without so much as a second thought of how she might find her way! Everything was now covered by a fresh layer of snow and she was completely disorientated. Nor were there any lights to guide her. Caroline fought down a wave of panic and continued to pick her way through the trees, taking care not to stumble over a hidden root. It was slow going in the snow, and she was feeling both hungry and tired now. The hem of the cloak and the red dress were both soaking, and Caroline’s feet were numb with cold.
She had almost given up hope of shelter when she stumbled across the hut. It was more substantial than the one in which she had hidden on the day she had first met Lewis, for the roof and all the walls were sound. Indeed, when Caroline stumbled inside she found it to be furnished in a rough fashion, although deserted. There was a stump of a candle in a dish and dry brushwood in the fireplace, a pitcher of water and a long truckle bed against the wall, as well as a few other sticks of furniture.
Caroline closed the door against the snowy night and groped her way across to the table. After four attempts she managed to strike the tinder and light the candle, which proved to be tallow and smelled strongly. Caroline did not care. She lit the brushwood fire, stoked it to a blaze and stripped off her cloak and soaking dress. Then, huddled before the fire in her shift, she wrapped the cloak around her once more and tried to get warm.
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