Those words knocked her for a loop, and Grace shut her eyes as she absorbed them. This was why she was so conflicted when it came to him. He loved her, he just didn’t know how to love her the right way and it had ruined so many lives in the process.
“You can’t plan someone else’s perfect life.”
“No, but your life could have been easier. You could have had a husband. You could have been comfortable.”
“You sent me away. You tried to marry me off to someone else. You wanted me to get rid of Ryder.”
He looked pained. “I regret that part, but I could have fixed things for you if you let me.”
“Don’t you get it? I didn’t want you to fix things for me! I just wanted to live my own life.”
“You were nineteen. He was twenty-two. You were giving up a good education to be with a mechanic.”
“I was going to school.”
“You were supposed to go to Dartmouth. You wanted to be a doctor, but you were throwing your life away on him. You threw away your life for him, for your stubborn pride. Working two jobs. A mother of a teenager at thirty-two. He was holding you back, changing you into a person that your mother and I barely recognized.”
“That’s because you never knew me at all. You thought I was this sweet little girl who was born to do what you said. I never wanted to be a doctor. That was your dream. And Duke didn’t hold me back. He’s the one who broke up with me when he found out that I turned down the offer. You’ve been blaming him for so long when it was me. Duke didn’t want anything to do with me. I went after him. I fell in love with him long before he noticed me. He’s a good man, Daddy, and if you’d ever taken the time to get to know him you would have learned that.”
She dumped the eggs she’d made for him on the plate as well as the fresh toast. “Eat your breakfast. I’ve got to go.”
*
“You know, you could hire someone to do that for you,” Levi said to Duke as he ripped another rotting piece of wood from the porch.
He hadn’t even heard his youngest brother pull up. It wasn’t like him to be off guard, but ever since he’d come back to Destiny, Duke’s head had been in a fog. So many of his thoughts circulated around the boy in whom he saw so much of himself, it was disturbing. And then there was Grace, who confused the hell out of him when she came to him every night with an intense passion that needed to be satisfied. But she was also the woman who seemed to have a hard time looking him in the eye during the day. The woman who didn’t want him to know his son.
“Hey.” He put down the crowbar he was wielding and faced his brother.
“I’m still pissed at you,” Levi said.
“Join the fucking club.” Duke sighed. “I’ve got a kid I don’t know and a woman who makes me want to bash my head in. Do you really think I have time to give a shit if you’re mad at me for not telling you something for two damn days?”
“But you can tell Colt and not me? This isn’t a little fucking thing, Duke. You have a kid.”
“Colt just happened to be there when I went to the old woman. You think I went to find Colt to tell him? He’s not my fucking therapist. And my business is my business till I make it your business. That shit is never going to change.”
“That’s why I love you, man.” Levi punched him in the arm, harder than Duke had expected. And it once again reminded him that Levi wasn’t the kid he’d been went Duke went to prison. He was a man who was just as big as him and despite his friendly face, he was as tough of a son of a bitch as Duke. “How’s it going with Ryder?”
“He’s my boy.” Duke didn’t know how to put into words the feeling he got when he looked at Ryder. “Sometimes I catch myself staring at him.”
“He looks just like you. Does he act just like you? You were a nasty son of a bitch when you were in school. Not that you’re pleasant now, but people were terrified of you.”
Not Grace popped into his mind. She was never scared of him. She didn’t shy away or avoid him. “He’s less angry than I was. He can still be a shit, but he’s not as mad at the world as I was.”
“Who would have thought prison would make you softer?” Levi grinned at him.
“Yeah, the only people I have the urge to kill now are you and Colt.” Duke shook his head. “My boy is smart, Levi. A goddamn math genius. He was skipping class because he was bored. I had to hire a college professor to work with him. He’s not like me. I couldn’t even make it through school and that boy already knows more about math at thirteen than the two of us ever will.”
“We’re not stupid,” Levi said. “You could have done fine in school if Dad didn’t fuck everything up.”
High school days were some of Duke’s darkest. His father had gone to work drunk and caused a major accident that had nearly killed one man and left half the town out of work for weeks. The hate directed at the Kings was thick and hot and suffocating. The entire town iced them out for the sins of their father, which was unfair. They were just the kids who had the misfortune of being born to a drunk—and truthfully, no one could have hated the man more than they did.
“Maybe,” Duke said. “Ryder is smarter than me, but I think he needs me. He needs a father. I want to do right by him.”
“You don’t want him growing up here, do you?”
“No. I never wanted to come back here. I sure as hell don’t want my kid raised here, and especially not around the judge.”
“But that’s his grandfather. The only one he has.”
“Ryder hates him, and I’m sure the man hates Ryder because he’s part of me. It must be a slap in the face having to look at the boy you told your daughter to get rid of.”
Levi nodded. “So what are you going to do?”
“Grace and I made a bet. If I can prove that I can stay here and be a good father to Ryder, then she’ll let me move them to Vegas. If not.…” He trailed off. Not wanting to think about what would happen if he lost. She wouldn’t move. And he didn’t want to stay here but he would be damned if he’d be away from his son.
“You don’t want to fight Grace, do you?”
“How the hell can you be mad as hell as someone for something they did, and still agree with it?”
Her car pulled in the driveway then. Duke flinched as he looked at the rusty foreign-made piece of junk she carted their kid around in. He needed to get rid of it before it caused his head to pop off.
“Hello, Levi,” she said when she got out of the car. Immediately Duke noticed how deflated she looked, just plain sad. A beat of worry ticked in Duke’s chest.
“Hey, pretty girl.” Levi wrapped her in a big bear hug. “I came over to see if I could take your boy out later. I want to know him.”
“Of course,” she said. “As long as it’s okay with Duke.”
That answer surprised him, and he grasped Grace’s hand and pulled her to him. “You okay?”
Something that looked suspiciously like pain flashed in her eyes, but she nodded and slid her hands over his slightly bearded cheeks. “I’m just tired.” She pressed a kiss to his mouth, which shocked the hell out of him, especially in front of his brother. He’d been sure that she wanted to keep whatever it was between them secret from the world. But apparently not, because she kissed him twice more. Not sweet pecks that you might give an acquaintance, but intimate soft-lipped kisses that you would give a lover. “I’m going to rest for a while.” She let go of him. “You should come for dinner soon, Levi.”
“I will,” he said to her just before she walked away. “Whoa.”
Whoa was right. Duke wasn’t sure what the hell to make of that.
“What is going on between you two?”
He thought about lying to his brother, but what was the point. “Honestly, I have no idea,” he said, looking at the door she had disappeared through. “She comes to me at night.”
“Oh,” he said after a moment. “Does she want to get back together?”
“I don’t know what the hell she wants. She says she wrote to me whe
n I was in prison. But I never got the letters. She thought I didn’t want anything to do with her. She thought I knew about my kid and didn’t want to be bothered with him. I thought she knew me better than that. But I don’t know a fucking thing.”
“That woman loved you. Probably more than anybody has ever loved you. She feels guilty. I can see it in how she looks at you. I can see it all over her face. Put yourself in her place. You got sent to prison for her. She probably thought you never wanted to see her again. And she didn’t blame you because you’d never have lost so much of your life if she hadn’t gone out with Patrick Andersen that night.”
“I know all that in my head. But my damn gut burns every time I look at my boy and realize how much I don’t know about him.” For years he didn’t feel like he was good enough. His whole life the whole damn world was telling him he wasn’t. That’s why he had let her go in the first place. Sometimes he wondered if he was ever going to shake that feeling. He had money and power now. He could give her everything she ever dreamed off, but he still wasn’t sure he’d ever escape the stink of trash that followed him around.
“I don’t want to be you, Duke,” Levi said heavily. “I can’t say what Grace is feeling but I can tell by the way that she looked at you that she doesn’t want you out of her life.”
Duke wasn’t sure how he felt about Grace, but having her out of his life was the last thing he wanted. “I’m going to take the boy to see Lolly later today. Come with us.”
“Call me.” He nodded and headed back to his car. Duke went into the house as soon as he heard Levi’s car door close and right into Grace’s room. He had been past her room many times on his way from his basement apartment, but he had never been inside. It was sweet looking. Floral-printed bedspread. Gauzy white curtains. A small vase filled with fresh flowers on a dresser that looked like it was right out of the 1950s. And then there was Grace, who was curled up under the blankets, still fully clothed. Duke could just see her face sticking out. He felt something painful tug in his chest. She was more than just tired.
He kicked off his boots, pulled back the covers, and slid into bed beside her. He reached for her, bringing her body into his. As soon as he did that, he heard the first sob escape from her lips. “What’s the matter, baby?”
She said nothing, just wept into his chest. He kissed her forehead, smoothed his hand down her back, and whispered nonsensical things to her that he hoped would soothe her. He still hated seeing her this upset.
She had come from her father’s house. He shouldn’t be surprised that she was upset. That man could ruin anyone’s day without even trying.
“I should have stayed away from you in high school.”
The words were like a punch in the gut, but he wasn’t mad at her for them. “Your father finally convinced you that I wasn’t good enough for you?”
“No.” She looked up at him with watery eyes. “I ruined your life.”
“Really? I had the feeling I ruined yours.”
“My life is not bad, damn it!”
He was surprised by her sudden outburst, by the heat in her words.
“Are you trying to convince me of that, or yourself? You weren’t supposed to be a single mother at nineteen. You were supposed to have a fairy-tale life. You can’t tell me that this was the life you had envisioned for yourself.”
“Fairy tales are bullshit. And I’m not a princess. That’s the only thing I didn’t like about you. You treated me like I was some kind of precious stone that needed to be protected.”
It was true. He felt that way. He still did. “Are you telling me I shouldn’t have wanted to protect you?” He stroked his thumb along her jaw and pushed his face closer to hers, his lips just a fraction of an inch from hers.
“No. I’m telling you that I hated that you acted like I was better than you.”
“You were.”
“Why, because I grew up with money? Now you have everything and I have nothing. Are you better than me?”
“Of course I am,” he said. It caused her to grin.
“Duke…” She closed the gap between their lips and kissed him. “Falling in love with you was like placing a big target on your back. My father was just looking for a reason to get you out of Destiny. It’s been thirteen years and nothing has changed. He says he did it because he loves me, but the only thing I ever wanted was to be happy with you. If he really loved me he would have given me that.”
He had wondered when he was alone in his cell at night if Grace had ever really loved him at all, but thinking back on those moments they’d shared, he’d felt loved. It was the first time anyone had made him feel that way.
He slid his hand up the faded dress she was wearing and placed it on the small of her back. He wasn’t trying to make things sexual even though he was aroused. He just wanted to press her closer to him. Feel her soft skin underneath his hand. His eyes felt heavy and he wanted to sleep with her. Just sleep with her. Nighttime was never a good time for him. He didn’t find peace then—until her. When she crept down the stairs and came to him, for those few hours he felt relaxed, at peace. Night was now becoming his favorite time of day, and he would wait to hear her footsteps on the stairs. It wasn’t the sex, which was always good with her. It was the closeness. The feel of her skin. The smell of her hair. The sound of her sleepy voice. The way she looked perfectly content when they were done. He wanted more of that.
He buried his face in her neck and inhaled her scent. He wanted more of this.
“Duke?”
“Hmm?”
“I don’t want to have sex right now.”
“Okay. I wasn’t trying to get some.”
She slid her hand down to his stomach and down to his jeans, where she stroked him through the thick fabric. He went fully hard then.
“Gracie, that’s the wrong thing to do if you don’t want to have sex with me.”
She pulled the bedspread down and unzipped his pants, pulling out his cock, which was standing so erect it was painful. “I want to do this for you.” She kissed his head and then lightly ran her tongue around it, which caused him to hiss out in pleasure. “Don’t take over.” She placed him inside of her warm wet mouth and sucked slightly. It brought him back to the first time she had done this to him when she was eighteen years old. She had been timid and sweet and he was so in love with her he didn’t know how to handle it. Didn’t know how to process such a flawless girl wanting somebody like him. “Stop thinking.” She cupped his balls, massaging them in her soft hands. “Just enjoy this. It makes me happy to do this for you.”
He couldn’t stop thinking even though the gentle motions of her mouth were bringing him closer to the edge. He couldn’t stop wondering if she was doing all this—coming to him every night—because she felt guilty or because she really wanted to be with him.
“Stop thinking, Duke.”
“Let me be inside you.” It was easier to turn off his mind then because the only thing he could think of then was giving her a powerful orgasm.
“Do you not like what I’m doing?” She rested her head on his thigh and looked up at him with those big eyes that never failed to suck him in. “Tell me what to do to make you happy.”
Damn.
He loved her. He had never stopped loving her and he wondered how that was possible after all they had been through, after what they were going through. After not seeing each other for what seemed like a lifetime.
“You’re doing everything right. Why do you think I want you so bad?”
“I don’t do this for anyone else,” she said. He believed her. He wondered about the men that had been there after him, who she had dated, if there was anyone she considered marrying.
“I know, baby.” He touched her cheek. “Don’t stop.” He had been with other women after he got out of prison. So many of them that first year when he was trying to fill up that empty space inside. But he barely felt anything with them even though many of them had been sexual women who could bring most men to the
ir knees and leave them begging for more. The most he got from them was release. He always compared them with Grace, who wasn’t as skilled as those women, but he felt a hundred times more from her with just a simple touch.
She changed the pressure of her mouth, made her movements a little faster, and he shut his eyes, his brain filled with images of her. He wanted to be inside of her so bad, to see her bouncing on top of him, her face twisted in pleasure. He wanted to feel her squeeze around him as she came. It was taking everything inside him not to strip her bare and push himself inside her, but then it was too late. She had taken him to that point where he couldn’t control himself and he gave out a little shout of warning before he came.
He lay there breathless and spent for a while as she straightened them both up then came back into his arms and snuggled close. “Tonight I’m expecting multiple prolonged orgasms from you.”
He laughed, and reached for than hem of her dress. “Let me give you one now.”
“No.” She slapped his hand away. “Take a nap with me.” And he did. He wrapped his arms around her and fell into a deep sleep.
Chapter 13
“How are things going over there?” Judy asked her from across the table in the little coffee shop that had opened up recently in town a couple of days later. “I’ve been wanting to call you, but I thought things might be a little dicey for a while.”
Dicey? She didn’t know how to describe what was going on between her and Duke these past few days. Maybe that was a good word for it. She’d gotten called in to work last night, leaving Duke alone overnight with Ryder for the first time. Duke had not been happy about it and she knew it had nothing to do with him having to look after Ryder or the fact that they wouldn’t share a bed. It was that she was working. Every time she went out the door to earn money, it was like a slap in the face to him. She wasn’t sure why.
She didn’t want his money. She had only ever wanted him.
“Things are…” She trailed off. “They are going as well as can be expected.”
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