by M. E. Nesser
After I heard from the girls, I set my phone aside. I never thought to turn it off again. When I heard the familiar buzz, I knew who had sent me a message. Ian had sent me a text that simply said, “Dinner?”
“Working late,” was my response.
“You’re scaring me,” he replied.
“Why don’t you have dinner with Monica?” was my smartass reply.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he wrote.
“Sometimes you’re an ass,” was all I could come up with. I regretted it as soon as I sent it, but I couldn’t take it back. This whole situation was clearly getting out of hand. Well, I didn’t want to deal with it now. I’d face this whole debacle later.
I didn’t hear another thing from Ian the rest of the day, and I did stay late at work, even though it wasn’t necessary. I didn’t want to go home. I was tired and didn’t want to talk about it. I realized I hadn’t had anything but a cup of coffee and a sports bar to eat all day. I knew I should eat, but I didn’t feel hungry. I was worn out, and I felt very alone.
I decided to go see my favorite bartender, Carl, at the bar where Ian and I had met; a gin and tonic and a bite to eat were just what the doctor ordered. It also would kill some time before I had to face my husband and deal with all of this crap. Carl was excited to see me and had my drink ready before I was settled on my barstool. Even though it had been a few weeks since I had been there, he didn’t initiate idle conversation. He respected my need for privacy. That was a big reason I enjoyed sitting at his bar. I ordered crab cakes and let my mind wander. I missed Ian. I needed him. I loved him so much. What was I doing? I should be home discussing this whole situation with him. I shouldn’t be avoiding him and hiding at the bar like a scorned woman. It wasn’t my style. My actions were childish, and very unlike me. I decided to eat the rest of the crab cakes, which were always one of my favorites at this place, and finish my drink. Then I would go home and deal with this like I should have done yesterday. As I was finishing my appetizer, I could feel someone staring at me. I didn’t have to look up to know who it was.
“Is this seat taken?” a familiar voice asked me. He was standing behind me, just out of my range of vision but close enough that I could smell his cologne.
“I was saving it for my sexy boyfriend, but I guess you’ll do,” I said without looking up.
“How sexy is he?” he asked in that deep, husky voice that made my heart race.
“Pretty fucking sexy,” I said evenly. “Sadly, he experienced some temporary brain damage and forgot how to use his penis, so I’m coming up with a strategy to figure out how to get it working again,” I quipped.
“Forgot how to use his penis, you say? That’s disappointing. A beautiful woman like you shouldn’t have to go one single day without a well-functioning penis at her disposal. It must have been some serious trauma. I’d love to fill in while he figures out how to get it going again,” he offered seductively.
“I don’t know—I have pretty high expectations. I require a well-endowed man who can make me climax at least twice during every session.”
“I think I’m up for the challenge. Want to check out the goods and see if they’re up to your standards?”
I finally looked up from my drink, looked my incredibly sexy husband in the eye, and said, “Yes, I think I would like that very much.”
56
I knew this Monica fiasco had been stressful, but I never stopped to think how hard it was on Katharine. It was her remark about taking Monica to dinner that put it all into perspective. She was right. I had neglected her, and that wasn’t fair. This whole situation had gotten out of hand. I worried so much about the girls’ emotions that I didn’t even consider how my wife was dealing with all of this. Katharine was very protective of my daughters and of me, and she knew how badly Monica had hurt all of us. I was an ass.
It scared me when I woke up and found that Katharine had left the apartment in the morning without telling me she was leaving for the day. I suspected she was mad, but I had no idea how upset she really was or how much I had hurt her. I don’t think she’d ever let one of my calls go to voicemail before. It was a horrible feeling. I hated calling her at work, but I couldn’t go all day without speaking to her. When I did call, the conversation left me bereft.
When she blew me off for dinner, I knew I had to do something. I called the office at around 9:00 p.m., and when she didn’t answer, I realized where she probably had gone. Familiar surroundings are often very comforting when things aren’t going well. If I hadn’t found her there, I wasn’t sure where else I was going to go. Seeing her sitting alone at the bar brought back a flood of feelings and memories, and I vowed at that moment never to let anyone or anything get between us again. It was too painful.
As I approached her, I was worried she wouldn’t talk to me. I was ready for a fight if that’s what it took to resolve this. At least a fight would include words: she would be talking to me, and I could hear what was bothering her. It would be progress. A million things went through my mind before I approached her. I didn’t know what to say when I walked up to her. I figured asking permission to sit was a good icebreaker. It would give me an idea what kind of mood she was in. I hadn’t expected the response she gave me, funny and welcoming. I was so relieved.
We made out the whole ride home, and we promised to talk everything through after she received the pleasure I had promised her. After we finished fooling around, I told her about Monica’s outburst and how crushed the girls were. She started to cry. She couldn’t believe a mother could speak to her daughters that way. She told me that she would call the girls in the morning to see if they needed to talk about it. I was honest about Monica’s reason for the suicide attempt: she had been jealous and angry that I had married again, and she thought her desperate act would be the perfect way to get me back. Monica revolted me, and I told Katharine that. I was very forthcoming with my wife about everything that had transpired. Talking about it with her put the final bit of closure on the situation. I would never let Monica come between us again.
I apologized profusely about neglecting Katharine’s feelings. She admitted how hurt she had been, and I finally understood. I had been a total boob. Now that the incident was behind us, it was obvious that none of the Jensen clan was ever going to have anything to do with that horrid woman ever again. She had given me my daughters, which I would always be grateful for. Aside from that, I completely washed my hands of her. She was a hateful woman who had hurt the most important people in my life. From this day forward, I didn’t plan to give her another thought. Katharine accepted my heartfelt apology, and we made love again before we went to sleep. God, how I loved this woman.
I made it a point to talk to each of my daughters every day after that. It didn’t take long for them to set the incident aside and get back to their routines. They were both excited about the semester coming to an end. I heard that Sara and Jack were hanging out, but I never pried for any information. I figured that if Sara wanted to share anything with me, she would. It was really none of my business. Jack wasn’t sharing anything with Katharine, either, so we knew we just had to wait and see. Emily was excited about graduation and her upcoming internship at the law firm, and Martin was still waiting to see where he was going to medical school. It sounded like their relationship was going well. I was happy about that. He was a nice young man who seemed smitten with my daughter. Katharine and I got back into our routine and moved forward.
We rekindled our connection back at Bear Mountain the weekend after the girls went back to school. I reserved the same room, and the staff had it fully equipped without my asking. They kept records of their patrons’ preferences, which made us feel very welcome. I ordered a couple’s massage, horseback rides through the mountains, and a guided hike tour. It was a magical weekend. All of the crap was truly behind us.
57
I was mortified when Ian told me how that horrid woman had spoken to her daughters. Even though I was not a viole
nt person, I wanted to do vile and aggressive things, to hurt her as much as she had hurt the family I loved so dearly. She must have had some kind of mental problem to attack the girls the way she did. The whole scenario was incomprehensible to me. The more he told me, the more upset I got. I didn’t know how anybody could speak in such a hateful manner to another person, especially to her own flesh and blood. It was despicable.
I called Emily first thing the following morning, because I knew she was an early riser and had class at nine. She tended to be more reserved than Sara, so I wasn’t sure how much she would open up to me. We had an excellent relationship, but we never spoke as freely about our feelings in the way I was able to speak with Sara. The conversation started out with the usual pleasantries about her ride back to college and her first classes. She had kept up with all of her schoolwork while she hung out at the hospital, so she wasn’t behind at all. After a few minutes, I told her that Ian confided in me about the exchange she’d had with her mother.
“I guess her outburst shouldn’t have surprised me, Katharine, but it did. She’s so mean. Sara ran out of the room crying, which is the only way Sara knows how to deal with things. I’d hoped the whole experience might have changed her for the better, but it did the complete opposite. It made her even more hateful, if that’s possible. I can’t imagine what we did to make her hate us so much, but she does,” Emily said sadly.
“Emily, I don’t think she hates you or Sara, because she doesn’t even know you. She’s too narcissistic to take the time to see what wonderful daughters she created. It sounds like Monica is a very disturbed woman. I’m so proud of the woman you have become, and if she had any sense in her head, she would be, too,” I said reassuringly.
“Why can’t she be more like you, Katharine? She’s never tried to get to know me or support me. She doesn’t even know anything about me. She has no idea I’m going to law school in the fall. Isn’t that pathetic? I don’t even think I’ve ever had a real conversation with her. And she’s my mother, for God’s sake. It’s not fair.” It sounded like Emily was trying very hard not to cry.
“No, it’s not fair at all, Emily. Sadly, I don’t think Monica is capable of loving anyone besides herself—and to be honest, I don’t think she loves herself very much, either. She had the devotion of a wonderful man and two loving daughters and she threw it all away. You and your sister deserve a lot better than that,” I said lovingly.
“Thank God we have you in our life now, Katharine. It sucks losing a mom, and she isn’t even dead,” she said dejectedly.
“I’m sure it does suck. But you do have a mom now. You have me if you’ll let me be one for you. Or we could be friends. It’s up to you. I want to get to know you so much better. I want to be there for you always. If you let me, I promise to be the best step-mom you could ever imagine, “ I told her.
“Let you? You’re already the best step-mom Sara and I could ever ask for. We’re so happy Dad found you. But, if it’s all right with you, I’d like to drop the whole ‘step’ part of the description. You’re the best mom Sara and I could have imagined. We’re so grateful for you.”
“I’m just as grateful for you, Emily. I always thought I was happy with one child, but I was wrong. Now I have two daughters who I love as much as my own. I feel truly blessed to have both of you girls in my life,” I told her.
“We love you just as much. Thank you so much for calling me. I feel bad talking to Dad because of what Mom did to him. It was easier to talk to you about it. I didn’t think it would help to talk about what happened, but it really did. It wasn’t the same talking to Martin either. He tried to help, but his mom is nice and normal, and it was hard for him to understand how hard this has been. It’s been really hard growing up with a mom who didn’t care about us. Listen, Katharine, I hate to go, but I have to get to my business law class or I’ll be late,” she said reasonably.
“Then I’ll let you go. But before I do, I need you to promise me something as my daughter, OK?”
“OK, what’s that?” she asked eagerly.
“I actually need you to promise me two things. First, I need your promise that you will always be honest with me, no matter how uncomfortable it may make either of us. It’s a pact I have with Jackson, and honesty is something I feel very strongly about in my relationships.”
“I like that pact, especially since Monica didn’t know the definition of honesty. I promise.”
“Second, I need you to promise to be my daughter forever, just like I made the promise of forever with your dad,” I said.
“You have my promise on both counts,” she replied enthusiastically and without any hesitation. And off she went to business law.
The conversation with Sara was very similar, except for the fact that she cried a lot. Emily was much more stoic with her emotions, which would be advantageous when she became an attorney. Sara wore her heart on her sleeve. She was much more demonstrative and cried very easily. Her mother’s betrayal had been very hard on her, and I thought some counseling might be very beneficial to her. Sara agreed to my pact of honesty and also to the notion of being my daughter forever. It was a conversation filled with hope and with love. I was so glad I took the time to call these very special young women.
On the drive back from Bear Mountain, I told Ian about the conversations I’d had with his daughters. I needed to reiterate to him how much I loved them and how important a relationship with them was to me. As I was finishing up my story, I felt him slow down and pull to the side of the road.
“Is something wrong?” I asked worriedly.
Ian removed his seat belt so he could turn to face me. “On the contrary, my beautiful wife. Everything is so right. What did I do to deserve a woman like you?” he asked me.
“I could ask you the same thing,” I answered.
“Not only have you opened up your heart to me, but you have freely given it to my daughters as well. I’m speechless,” he said with tears in his eyes.
“The Jensen clan saved my life, Ian. You know that. When I promised to be your forever, your girls were part of that promise. They needed to know that. They also needed to know how important honesty in a relationship is to me. I can’t take the place of their biological mother, but I will spend the rest of my life loving them like a real mother should.”
“I don’t know what to say. Thank you just doesn’t seem like enough,” Ian said. It was obvious that he was overwrought with emotion.
I took his face in mine and kissed him lovingly. I loved this man, and I loved his daughters. It was that simple.
“How about you get this car in gear, and I’ll figure out a few creative ways you can thank me properly when we get home,” I suggested.
“Aye aye, counselor. It would be my pleasure.”
Epilogue
There were only two weeks left before all three of our children would be home for the summer. Jack had met with the advertising team over spring break and secured his internship at the company. He had decided to live with us, since the company he was working for was right around the corner from our loft. We had planned to drive to Yale the following weekend to help him move home, but he offered to rent a U-Haul and drive back himself. He was finishing his sophomore year in college. He was definitely an ambitious young man with a bright future.
Emily and Martin got a sublet for the summer near Katharine’s law office, which they were very excited about. They thought it would be a good idea to see how they liked living together. The lease started May 15, which gave them three months of playing house before Emily went off to law school. Martin got a full-time job at a restaurant near the apartment as well. Waiters and waitresses tend to make good money in New York City, and he needed to make as much as possible to help pay for school. He had been accepted into medical school at NYU and was excited to start the program in the fall.
Sara still wasn’t sure what she was going to do when the semester ended. She was always waiting until the last minute to make decisions. We had a
room for her at our new place, and my other apartment was also available for her to use if she wanted. I hadn’t been to my old apartment for about two months, so I needed to have my cleaning crew go over and give it a deep clean in case she decided to live there. I couldn’t imagine that it had gotten too dirty, but I wanted it ready either way. I wasn’t worried that she didn’t have a definitive plan. She was always resourceful and would figure something out at the last minute. I loved her spontaneity.
Katharine had sent me a message earlier in the day saying that she wanted to go to Pane Vino for dinner. She was craving my brother’s lasagna. I told her I could meet her at about seven o’clock. I needed to go back to the old apartment first and get some documents out of my safe. I hadn’t been back there for several weeks. I loved the place and sometimes missed living there, but I loved my new home with Katharine much more. Buying the new place together had meant a lot to the both of us.
I was checking an e-mail on my phone as I walked into the apartment. I had just responded to one of the messages when I looked up and was mortified by what I’d walked in on.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I blurted out.