by Lydia Rose
Susan shook her head. “Your daughter is in love with Kayla.”
“She is?”
“Yes.”
“Oh,” Carl said sitting back in his chair. “What do you think about that?”
“All I care is that she found someone to love.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“Your daughter doesn’t want us to know and I think Ann is having second thoughts about being with Kayla.”
“So Kayla is leaving because Ann won’t ask her to stay?”
“I think Kayla is concerned that Ann has changed her mind. I mean about the two of them being together.” Susan said with a chuckle.
“Shouldn’t we say something?” Carl asked.
“Then Ann will leave too.”
Upstairs the conversation wasn’t going any better. “I don’t know why you can’t stay for a few days.”
“It won’t change anything, Ann. I may as well go home.”
“You’re being selfish. What am I going to tell my parents?”
“Your mother knows I’m leaving. I told her I did what I came here for and you still have to go to Seattle. Is there a reason why I should stay?” Kayla asked looking directly at Ann.
Ann’s mouth opened then closed as if she were trying to find the right words. “Because I want you to stay.” The words choking out.
Kayla came over and put her arms around Ann. “I love you, Ann. I always will, but you have to decide what you want. I’m not going to force you to be with me. I’m not going to force you to tell your family about us. When you’re away from me, you may decide that I was just a winter distraction.”
Ann wanted to argue, but Kayla put her finger over her mouth.
“You’ll know how you will feel when we’re apart. You have no idea how hard it is for me to leave you here, but I know I have to.” Kayla kissed her lips deeply.
*
Dinner that night both Ann and Kayla tried to put on a front. Ann didn’t want to upset her parents and Kayla went along. When it came time to go to bed. Ann and Carl helped Susan up the steps.
“How do you feel, mom?” Ann asked as they were half way up the steps.
“Pretty good, Ann. My legs still need to get used to moving, but they feel much better.”
Ann knocked on Kayla’s door. “I just wanted to say good night,” she said as Kayla opened the door.
“I already called a cab to take me to the airport.”
“Why? I would have driven you.”
“Ann, it’s fine. You spend time with your parents.” Kayla hugged Ann. “I’ll miss you.”
“Will you?” Ann asked stepping away.
Kayla pursed her lips, but she didn’t approach Ann again. “Good night, Ann.”
“Good night,” Ann said and left the room.
Later that night, Ann came into Kayla’s room and got into bed with her.
“What are you doing?” Kayla asked rolling over.
“I want to make love with you,” Ann said kissing Kayla’s neck wondering if this would be the last time they made love.
*
In the morning, Kayla went over to Susan. “I’m glad I could help you and thank you for your hospitality.”
“I wish you were staying a few more days, but I understand. Thank you again,” Susan kissed Kayla’s cheek.
Carl reached for Kayla and pulled her into a bear hug. “Thank you so much for giving me back my wife.”
“I’m glad it all worked out.” Kayla turned to Ann as the cab beeped his horn. “I guess that’s for me.” She walked over to Ann and pulled her close. “Take care of yourself.” Then moving closer, she said. “I will miss you.”
Ann smiled. “I’ll call you.”
Kayla nodded, waved and went out the door.
Ann turned her face away before the tears began to fall. She went up the stairs to her room.
“I feel bad that she’s hurting,” Susan said to Carl.
“Maybe you should talk to her, Sue. Tell her we’re okay with Kayla. I take that back, we’re not okay.” Carl held up his hands. “We’re ecstatic with Kayla. She didn’t have to risk her secret to help you.”
“She did that for Ann. I think Kayla would do just about anything for our girl.”
“I think you’re right, Sue.”
“When she comes downstairs, would you make yourself scarce?” Susan asked Carl.
“We need some things from the store, so that will be a good time to go.”
Ann came downstairs an hour later. Her eyes were puffy and red.
“Honey, I’m going to the store. Do you want anything special?” Carl asked putting his arm on his daughter’s shoulder.
“No, dad. I’m fine.”
Carl went out the door and Susan said. “Come sit with me, Ann.”
Ann walked into the living room and took a seat next to her mother on the couch. “Is Jan coming over today?”
Susan nodded. “She’s bringing the kids over for a visit later.”
“Good. I’d like to see them too.”
“Ann, why did you let Kayla leave?” Susan asked calmly.
“She wanted to go home. I couldn’t make her stay.” Ann asserted.
“Oh, honey. I think you could make that girl do whatever you wanted.” Her mother patted Ann’s leg.
Ann didn’t say anything.
“Talk to me, Ann.”
Ann stood up. “I’m not ready to talk about this yet.” She began to pace.
“Why? You know you can talk to me about anything.” Ann didn’t comment. “Honey, your dad and I love you. All we want for you is to be happy.”
The tears fell silently onto Ann’s cheek. “I know, mom, but I don’t know if I’m ready.” Ann sighed. “If I’m ready for Kayla.
“I know she loves you. I can see it every time she looks at you.” Susan sighed. “You have that same look when you look at her. I knew it the moment you walked in the door.”
Ann wiped her face. “Kayla, said I will know how I feel about her, about us when we’re apart.” Another tear fell. “I’m afraid without her here, I won’t need her anymore.”
“You’re not telling me that you were with her to help me?” Susan’s voice was firm.
“No, mom. I didn’t even know about her talent until after we were involved.”
“Maybe Kayla is being the adult here. If you can go back to the life you had before her, then you shouldn’t be together.”
“I know, mom. Kayla knows that too,” Ann said softly as the tears fell onto her cheeks.
Jan arrived after lunch with the kids. “How are you feeling, mom?” She asked as she came into the house.
“Good, dear. Come here you two.” Susan called to the kids. Molly and Bryan came running.
“You not sick anymore, grandma?” Molly asked as she climbed into her grandmother’s lap.
“I’m getting better, honey. I’ve missed holding the both of you so much.”
“Where’s Kayla?” Jan asked looking around.
“She went back to Alaska,” Ann said softly.
“I thought she was going to be around for a few days. I liked her, Ann.”
“She needed to get back,” Ann said with a shrug.
“Back to what? She lives in the woods. It’s not like she has a job.”
“She has a job. She’s a very gifted artist.” Ann left the living room and went into the kitchen.
Jan looked at her mother who signaled for her to follow Ann. Jan walked into the kitchen. “What’s going on, Ann?”
“Nothing,” she said taking a bottle of water out of the refrigerator.
Jan grabbed her arm and led Ann out the back door. They sat on the swing together. “I wondered how long it would take you to realize that you and men don’t go together.”
“What are you talking about?” Ann asked sneering.
“You and Gary were never going to get married. I don’t know why you even agreed to get engaged.” Ann sat there quietly listening. “Don’t you remember C
athy?”
Ann’s eyes opened wide. “Cathy Simmons?”
“Yes, Cathy Simmons. I thought you were going to die when she moved.”
Ann laughed. “I was thirteen years old and she was my best friend.”
“Ann, even after all these years you still can’t admit you were in love with her.”
Ann’s shoulders slumped. “Are you going somewhere with this conversation?”
“Yes. I like Kayla. Mom and dad like Kayla. Why won’t you admit you’re in love with her too?”
Ann turned away. “I’m thirty three years old and I don’t know what I want. How could you possible know what’s best for me?”
“Because we love you and want you to be happy.”
Ann turned into Jan’s shoulder. “I don’t know if I’m ready to live my life as a lesbian, Jan.” Ann’s hands came up in defeat. “I don’t know if I am a lesbian.”
Jan took Ann’s shoulders. “Answer one thing for me?” Ann nodded. “How was the sex?”
“Jeez,” Ann said burying her head again against Jan.
“Don’t worry, you don’t have to answer. That blush on your face told me everything I needed to know,” Jan said laughing.
Ann sat up. “I’ve never felt anything close to that with a man. How could I have gone all these years not knowing?”
“I thought when you went off to college you would have experimented.”
“I didn’t.” Ann admitted. “I never was attracted to any woman until I met Kayla.”
“Who made the first move?” Jan laughed.
“It was me.” Ann blushed again.
“So why did you let her leave?”
“Because I couldn’t tell mom and dad. Because she wants me to see once I’m back in the real world, what I’ll do.”
Jan stood up. “Well, I for one hope you make the right decision.”
*
Ann called the cabin before she left her parent’s home to go to the airport. “Hello” she asked knowing it wasn’t Kayla who answered.
“Hi, Ann. It’s Karen.”
“Hi, Karen. It’s so good to hear your voice. How’s Kayla?”
“When we got here, she wasn’t good.”
“What do you mean?” Ann sat on the bed to keep herself from collapsing.
“She was drunk out of her mind and I don’t think she had eaten in a few days.” Karen took the phone outside. “Kayla’s not the only one with intuition.”
“Is she okay now?”
“She’s sleeping it off. I got her into the shower and made her eat something.” Karen looked at her watch. “She’s been sleeping for about twelve hours.”
“Thank you, Karen for checking up on her.” Ann felt the guilt in her heart. It was her that caused this pain.
“We’ll stay here for a while to make sure she’s okay. I’m making a stew and hope the smells will get her up,” Karen said with a chuckle. “How are you?”
“I’m okay. I’m leaving for Seattle tomorrow.” I did this to her.
“How is your mom?”
“Oh, Karen. It’s so good to have my mother back. She still getting her legs under her, but she’s fine.”
“I’m glad that Kayla could help you.” Karen took a deep breath. “You are coming back?”
Ann was quiet a moment. “I don’t know, Karen.” She tried to laugh. “I’m still trying to figure that out.”
“I understand, Ann. I do and I’m sure Kayla understands too.”
“Yeah, she’s been very supportive. I’m really sorry that I’m putting her through all this. She deserves better than me.” Ann’s words choked out in emotion.
“Honey, she wants nothing, but you.” Karen insisted.
“I wish I was that sure.”
“I know, Ann. Do you want Kayla to call you when she wakes up?”
“No, Karen. I’ll call her tomorrow when I’m back in Seattle.” Ann sighed. “Would you let her know I called?”
“Of course. You take care of yourself and I’ll take care of Kayla.”
“Thank you, Karen.”
“No thanks necessary.”
*
Kayla came down the stairs in time to eat dinner with the Harris family.
“You look much better, Kayla,” Karen said touching her hand. “Ann called while you were asleep. She’ll be in Seattle tomorrow and said she would give you a call.”
Kayla nodded silently. She doesn’t love me.
“She does love you, Kayla.”
Kayla couldn’t believe that Karen had read her thoughts.
“You have to hold on to that.” Karen sent the kids to the living room to watch TV. “Don’t give up on her.”
“I’m trying, Karen, but it’s so hard.”
“She’ll be back. I just know it.”
Again Kayla nodded silently.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Ann was on her way to Seattle and made arrangements to meet with Charles Benson before leaving Texas.
As she walked toward the publishing building she took a deep breath. Ann didn’t know what to expect when she sat down with him.
“Ann, please come in,” Charles Benson greeted as she walked into this office.
“Hello, Mr. Benson.” Ann took a seat and waited for him to begin.
“We think what you’ve written so far is very good, but we don’t like the way you ended it. It just ends. It doesn’t say what Ms. Hopkins plans for the future is. Is she going to stay in the wilderness? Is there anyone in her life? The reader is going to want to know these things.”
“I understand, Mr. Benson. Yes, Kayla plans to stay in Alaska as far as I know.” Ann took a deep breath. “I thought you wanted to leave out the fact that Kayla is a lesbian?”
“We did initially, but it’s who she is and I think the reader deserves to know that.” Charles stood up. “We want more. You’ll know what to do.”
Ann stood up and shook his hand. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Ann spent the rest of the day in her apartment writing and writing. Unfortunately, everything she had written was deleted. She didn’t know how Kayla’s story ended because she was the one controlling the end. At eight o’clock she picked up the phone.
“Hello,” a groggy voice answered.
“Kayla?”
“It’s me, Ann. Hold on a sec.”
Ann could hear the covers rustle and a door opening and closing.
“Okay, I’m back.”
“Where are you?”
“In the walk in closet. I didn’t want to wake up the kids who are sleeping downstairs.”
“I’m glad the Harris’ are still there.” The quiet took over.
“How did it go with your publisher?” Kayla asked breaking the silence.
“Not good. He doesn’t think the book is finished. He wants to know what the future holds for you. If you’ll stay in Alaska.” Ann sighed. “I told him that you had no intentions of leaving Alaska.” Ann chuckled softly. “He wants me to include that you’re a lesbian. Now he changes his mind,” Ann said as if she were talking to herself. “So I’ve got a lot of rewriting to do.”
“What does my future hold, Ann?” Kayla asked softly.
“I wish I knew, Kayla. I’m still trying to figure that out. I’m sorry that I’m putting you through this.” Ann cleared her throat. “I better let you get back to sleep. I’ll call you in a few days.”
“Good night, Ann.”
“Good night, Kayla. I.” Ann didn’t finish. She didn’t feel it was right to say I love you and then stay away.”
Kayla ended the call and said into the quiet. “I love you.”
*
Ann picked up the phone without looking at the screen. “Hello.”
“Ann, how are you?”
“Marion?”
“Yes, it’s me. Are you still running around in the wilderness?”
“No. I’m back.”
“When did you get back?” Marion asked.
“About two weeks ago.”
> “And you didn’t call me?”
“I’ve been working on my book.”
“I thought you would have finished it by now,” Marion said with a laugh.
“Me too, but Benson wants me to continue writing,”
“Have dinner with me tonight. We can meet at that little restaurant you like so much.”
“What time?”
“Six.”
“Okay, Marion. I’ll see you tonight.”
“I’m glad you’re back, Ann. See you then.”
Ann put her hands on the keys, but her mind kept her from forming any words. Marion had been her best friend since she moved to Seattle, but she never gave her a thought when she returned. She tried Kayla, but the call went to voicemail. “Hi, Kayla. I guess you’re out hiking. I wish I was there hiking with you. The book seems to have stalled. I’m meeting my friend Marion tonight for dinner.” Ann giggled. “Maybe doing something normal will get me back on track. I’ll try you in a few days.” Ann put the phone down and went for a walk.
Marion was waiting for Ann when she arrived at the restaurant. They hugged and took their seats. “It’s so good to see, Ann.”
“You too, Marion.” Ann added a wide smile.
“So do you miss Alaska?”
Ann nodded. “I do and I miss Kayla.” She admitted freely.
“So you two became friends?” Marion asked moving closer to Ann.
“We did. Good friends.”
“So that’s why you didn’t call me,” Marion said with a pout. “You replaced me with her as your best friend.”
Ann poked Marion. “I could never replace you.”
“Tell me about Kayla.”
“I’ve never met someone so strong. So determined to live her life the way she wants to and not care what anyone else thinks.”
“I think you’re a very strong woman too, Ann. You’ve always been strong. When you broke up with Gary, you held your head up and just went on.” Marion sighed. “I would have been devastated.”
“You have to feel love to be devastated.” Ann’s emotions were rising. “I feel bad that I wasted so much of Gary’s time.”
“He’s married now with a kid.”
“I’m happy for him. He deserves to be happy.” Ann smiled.
“So do you, Ann.”
“Do I? Suppose what will make me happy will change my life completely?”
Marion reached out and rested her hand on Ann’s. “You’re talking cryptic. Tell me what’s going on.”