by Leigh Bale
“Well, are you coming in or not?” he growled.
She couldn’t answer. Her throat felt like sandpaper and she swallowed back a croak of sorrow.
Dad released a giant huff of irritation, then slammed the truck door and stomped up the sidewalk. Lily sat there in the hot truck, sweat trickling down her back. Dad had taken the keys with him, so she couldn’t leave and come back later to pick him up.
People gathered at the front entrance, waving and chatting. Louise Gillum, a thin woman with dark graying hair and a penchant for gossip, intercepted Dad at the door. Even though Lily couldn’t hear their conversation, she could see their expressions. Dad pointed at the truck and Louise looked that way, her eyes filled with pity.
Dad went inside, and Louise clasped the arm of another woman Lily didn’t recognize. Louise gestured toward Lily and tossed a disgusted glare her way.
Great! Lily couldn’t go inside. She contemplated taking a long walk but feared who she might run into. She was stuck out here. But sitting inside the truck on a hot day wouldn’t do her and the baby any good, either. What should she—
A tap on the window made her snap her head around. Nate stood there wearing a dark suit, white shirt and red tie. Freshly shaved, he’d combed his short hair back. With his high cheekbones and square chin, he looked like a model who had just stepped off the cover of GQ magazine.
A handsome heartbreaker.
He gave her an inviting smile and for a fraction of a moment, she thought she’d never been so happy to see someone in all her life.
She opened the door just a crack. “Yes?”
“What’re you doing sitting here all alone in this heat?”
Cynicism threaded through her like a spiderweb and she shivered. “I…I’m not feeling well.”
Okay, that was partly true, but mostly an excuse to hide.
“Where’s your dad?” he asked.
“Inside.”
Nate’s brow furrowed as he thought this over. “I take it he’s still not too accepting of your circumstance.”
How did he always seem to read between the lines and make deductions with such clarity?
“Actually, I think it’s me he doesn’t want to accept.”
“I find that hard to believe. You’re his daughter.”
“I think he resents me because I’m not…”
“Because you’re not married.”
She nodded, feeling miserable.
“One wrong choice doesn’t need to ruin your life.”
“But this was a doozy.”
“Christ took even that burden onto himself. Because of what He did, we can all be forgiven by simply repenting.”
A harsh laugh slipped from her throat. She believed what he said, yet couldn’t accept it for herself. “I wish it were that simple. I haven’t made just one wrong choice but a whole bevy of them.”
He leaned his hip against the side of the truck. “That’s the miracle of forgiveness. In return for repenting and trying to do better each time, the Lord forgets what we’ve done wrong. The Atonement isn’t just for me and other people, Lil. It’s also for you.”
She folded her arms, trembling in spite of the heat. “I still don’t want to get married. Not ever.”
He curled his long fingers around the edge of the door. “That’s reasonable, all things considered. Knowing about Tommy, I can’t say I blame you.”
His understanding manner put her slightly at ease.
“But what about the other side of the coin?” he asked.
She lifted her brows in question. “What other side?”
“All the good men out there who’re looking for a woman to love. Someone to build a life with. Someone who adores them in return.”
She snorted. “I’m not sure such men exist.”
“Oh, believe me, they’re out there. They’re closer than you might think. You just need to know where to look.”
She didn’t pretend not to understand. He’d made it clear that he was interested in her. With Nate, she didn’t have to play any games. Quite refreshing, considering all the lies and drama she’d gotten from Tommy.
He pulled the door wide open and reached to take her hand. “You know, sitting here in this heat won’t help you feel better. Come inside and go to church with me. No one else matters.”
Lily hesitated, staring at the top button of his suit coat. Oh, she was tempted by his offer. She wanted to be closer to God and realized church services could help with that. To work out her own salvation in spite of judgmental creatures who fluttered around the church waiting to focus on other people’s problems. So tempted to trust this man and let him protect and defend her. Yet she didn’t dare. She’d trusted before, and look where that had gotten her. No place she wanted to be.
“Come on. I won’t let anyone hurt you. You’ll be with me,” he urged in a gentle tone.
With him. For one nanosecond, she envisioned what being with Nathan Coates might mean. Having a real, legitimate life with this man, she could almost pretend she didn’t have a little problem growing inside her to deal with. If they didn’t discuss the baby, it would go away. As long as Lily remained strong and calm on the outside, everything would be fine. Maybe Lily could feel normal again.
But she knew better. Fear and disparagement coiled through every fiber of her being. Putting her on constant edge. Stealing any form of happiness she might find. She only knew one thing: She was so, so very sorry for what she’d done. She wanted God’s forgiveness. And she wanted to do what was right for the innocent little girl she would soon give birth to.
“If people see you with me, they’ll start more gossip. They’ll think you’re a bad man for hanging out with a bad woman like me.”
“Nonsense. People might talk, but I just don’t care about those people. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Everything’s gonna be all right,” Nate said.
How she longed to believe him. He seemed to see right through her, into the deepest part of her soul. Right to the heart of all her insecurities.
“I don’t want your pity,” she said.
“And you won’t get any from me. That’s why I think you should get out of this truck and come into church with me.” In spite of his words, his soothing voice was lulling her senses. Encouraging her to toughen up.
She took a deep, cleansing breath before hardening her jaw. “I’m not afraid.”
“Of course you’re not. Neither am I.”
To prove it, she took his hand and slid out of the truck. His strong fingers tightened around hers, steadying her, giving her support.
A fluttering of emotion settled in her stomach. The baby gave a hard kick, as if she approved.
Nate paused, standing near enough that she caught the subtle scent of his spicy cologne. He gave a low whistle. “Wow, you look beautiful today.”
A shiver of happiness swept over her. “Thank you, but I feel big as a Mack truck.”
He chuckled, looking down at her tummy. “No one expects you to be skinny while you’re carrying a baby, Lily. It wouldn’t be healthy. You’re doing just what you need to do right now. And you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”
He cupped her cheek with his hand, his rough calluses rubbing lightly against her skin. She counted to two before she turned away. His words lightened her heart and gave her the courage to go inside, but a strange fluttering filled her chest that had nothing to do with her pregnancy.
As they walked up the sidewalk, Lily tried to tell herself she was only drawn to this man’s generosity, nothing more. The same way a stray cat is drawn to a sheltering home. It couldn’t be more than that. Not for a woman like her.
“I’ll be out to the ranch right after church,” he said. “I can take care of the evening feeding of the horses.”
“But it’s the Sabbath.” She didn’t look at him, hyperconscious of his tall body close beside her.
“The animals need to be fed and watered even on the Sabbath.”
They reached the front door
. Everyone had gone inside. The meeting would begin soon. The soft chords of organ music reached her ears. A sick feeling of panic caused her stomach to churn. Prickles of alarm dotted her flesh. She pulled back, but Nate kept a gentle hold on her arm.
Reaching past her with one hand, he opened the door and whispered against her ear. “It’s gonna be fine. You’re not alone. You’ve got me and God with you.”
How she hoped and prayed he was right.
He drew her inside, smiling down into her eyes. All she could see was his handsome face. As if they were the only two people in the world. Forgetting her father and the congregation inside who may or may not be happy to see her.
They stepped inside the chapel and slid into a back pew as the music stopped, the meeting just beginning. In spite of their late arrival, several people noticed them sitting close together. Heads turned their way. Only Myra and Bill Stokely smiled at her. That was something. But Lily heard the whispers and saw the nudges. The censure in people’s eyes. No doubt sitting with Nate would set off a bevy of conjecture and gossip. She didn’t want to ruin this good man’s reputation.
She shifted nervously in her seat. “I shouldn’t have come inside. I don’t belong here.”
He patted her hand. “Sure you do. This is the Lord’s house. And He welcomes everyone. Even you and me.”
Lily watched with morbid amusement as news of her presence spread like wildfire through the crowd.
She caught sight of Dad sitting on the front row. All alone. He had his head bowed, looking just as forlorn as she felt. The urge to go and join him almost overwhelmed her. She hated the thought of his sitting alone in church. Yet she was too much of a coward to walk up the middle aisle where everyone would see her. Not today anyway.
Baby steps here. She needed time to adjust. To gain strength and confidence in God’s forgiveness. And to forgive herself, too.
Instead, she closed her eyes for several minutes, forcing herself to concentrate on the sermon rather than the people surrounding her. She’d made it through the front door. Surely it would get easier from here.
“You okay?” Nate asked after a moment.
She nodded her head but didn’t open her eyes.
He tightened his fingers around hers and she realized he still held her hand. She almost pulled away, but couldn’t bring herself to do so right now. Besides the Lord, Nate seemed her only lifeline at this point. And if she let go, she might drown in a sea of self-pity and doubt.
Chapter Fourteen
The sermon was on service to others. A topic that both shamed and inspired Lily. She thought of how much Dad, her teachers and other people had done for her in the past. And she became even more determined to begin serving others in return. Somehow her resolution buoyed her spirits and gave her added courage to move beyond her sadness. To help lift other people’s loads if she could. It would take a lot of time, but she had taken the first steps toward turning her life around and she wanted to do even more.
Another thought struck her. When she served others, she was also serving God. How simple. How honest and lovely. That was what the Gospel of Christ was all about.
Only when the service ended did she finally release Nate’s hand. He smiled in understanding, and clenched and released his fist several times, as if to get the blood flowing back through his fingers.
“I’m sorry,” she said as she stood.
He joined her, his tall body shielding her from view of other people. “Don’t be.”
“Why aren’t you married, Nate?” The moment the words left her mouth, she wished she could call them back. For all she knew, he’d been divorced or dumped by a woman he loved. Something painful that he didn’t want to share.
“You really want to know?” he asked.
She nodded, feeling mean-spirited for asking him such a personal question. Yet his response was intensely important to her for some crazy reason.
“In the past, I’ve dated a lot of lovely, educated women. But I never found that one gal who really clicked with me. Someone I felt comfortable with and was easy to talk to. Someone who made me feel lighter than air. Like I couldn’t draw another breath until I saw her again. In the past, I could never envision coming home every day to any of the ladies I went out with, much less raise a family with them. I guess you could say I never met the right woman…until recently.”
Recently. Her heart gave a sudden lurch and she clenched her jaw. His candor left her speechless and a hollow feeling settled in her chest. “Nate, I—”
He cut her off. “You asked, so hear me out, Lily. I never knew how lonely I was until you came into my life.”
Oh, she couldn’t do this. He was talking about marriage, wasn’t he?
“I…I can’t stay for Sunday school,” she said. “Next week, after the shock of my return has worn off a bit, I’ll stay for all the meetings. But not today.”
“That’s okay. I’ll take you home.”
She breathed with relief as he led her toward the door. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of Louise skirting through the pews, headed straight toward Lily.
Nate must have also seen Louise. He pressed Lily ahead of him, cutting Louise off as they stepped outside into the fresh air.
“I’m parked over there. Go on and get inside my truck. I’ll be there shortly.” With the palm of his hand, Nate pushed against Lily’s lower back and indicated his truck sitting beneath a cherry tree in full blossom.
Lily hurried in that direction, conscious of Nate turning and intercepting Louise with a congenial smile.
“Hi, Louise. How are you?” he said.
Lily glanced over her shoulder and saw Louise craning her head around Nate, trying to get past him. “I’m fine. Is that Lily Hansen I just saw?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact, it is.”
Clara came outside and joined them, but Lily kept going. “Hi, Nate. Is Lily leaving?”
As Lily reached Nate’s truck, she heard his deep voice behind. “She’s not feeling well, so I’m taking her home.”
Home. Nate was taking her there. And somehow, that thought frightened Lily more than anything else. Because something had just happened without her even being able to stop it. Without her even realizing it until it had already occurred. Nate had shielded her without her asking him to. Since their first meeting, he’d become her protector. He’d said he wanted to be more than just friends. At first, she’d been suspicious of his motives. Now she believed he was a genuinely kind man. But did he really care for her? Or did he just feel sorry for her?
Lily didn’t know what to make of this. She couldn’t completely push Nate away, yet she couldn’t let him get close, either. Could she?
* * *
Nate walked down the front steps of the church house and reached the sidewalk with Louise and Clara in hot pursuit. He turned and lifted his hands in the air, hoping to ward them off. “Ladies, you can speak with Lily another time. Right now, I’m taking her home. She doesn’t feel well.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Thank you for taking care of her, Nate.” Clara stopped and gave him an understanding smile.
“But…but I was hoping to talk to her,” Louise said.
Nate nodded. “And I’m sure she wants to talk to you, too, but maybe next week.”
The woman’s small eyes narrowed like a hawk’s. “I heard she’s pregnant.”
Nate bit his tongue, wishing the old biddy would leave Lily alone.
“She is expecting a baby. Isn’t that wonderful news?” Clara said.
Louise leaned closer and spoke in a mock whisper that anyone passing by would be able to hear. She eyed Nate. “Do you know who the father is? She’s not married.”
“I don’t think it’s our business, do you?” Clara asked.
“Well, I just think it’s—”
Nate took a step, the woman’s needling voice raising the hackles on the back of his neck. The urge to strangle Louise filled his entire being. Lily had been deeply hurt by Tommy and Nate promise
d himself no one would hurt her like that again.
Clara’s features tightened and she lifted a hand in dismissal. “I wouldn’t pay attention to mindless gossip, Louise. It’s not our business nor our place to judge. By the way, how is your son doing in San Quentin?”
Oh, that was a low blow, but it shut Louise up. Nate knew she had a son in prison for armed robbery. So who was Louise to find fault with Lily? Nate almost hugged Clara for her quick comeback. Instead, he winked at her. In return, she gave him a quiet smile. Whether Lily believed it, she had friends here in Jasper. People who actually loved and cared for her.
People like him.
The thought of loving Lily Hansen almost sizzled Nate’s toes. He was highly conscious of her as a beautiful, intelligent woman. And whether she liked it, he wanted her for his own.
“My…my son is just fine. He gets out in sixteen months. I wanted to throw a baby shower for Lily,” Louise said.
Clara shook her head. “As her best friend since childhood, I’ve already asked to do that.”
Without a backward glance, Nate sauntered toward his truck. Grateful to Clara for intervening and giving him the time to get Lily out of here. He perked his ears for the sound of following feet behind him and breathed a sigh of relief when he didn’t hear it. Finally, Louise had gotten the hint.
Without fanfare, Nate opened the door and climbed into the driver’s seat of his truck. Lily sat in the passenger seat, her face void of color, her shoulders squared and tense.
“You okay?” he asked.
She nodded, her voice sounding small. “I suppose everyone at church knows about the baby.”
He inserted the key into the ignition. “Yes, but you knew that before you came here. There’s no way to keep it quiet.”
She lifted a hand to rest across her rounding stomach, her eyes wistful. “Dad won’t know what happened to me.”
Nate nodded toward the church house where Hank stood on the front steps talking to Clara and Louise. “I’m sure Clara will tell him I took you home.”
Putting the truck in gear, he backed it up and drove out of the parking lot. He glanced at Lily as he thought about what he wanted to say to her. An idea had started forming in his mind days ago and now he was trying to get up the courage to tell Lily about it.