“That’s one nice thing, John,” Andy said. “Here you’ve got a guy, he tells the world where he’s gonna be.”
“Good,” Dortmunder said. “Then he can tell me. Wally, where is he?”
There was a manila envelope on the floor beside Wally’s chair. Stooping now, with many grunts and false starts, Wally picked up this envelope and took from it two sheets of paper, as he said, “You just want for the rest of May, I guess.”
“Sure,” Dortmunder said.
“Okay.” Wally studied the papers. “Well, today,” he said, “he’s in London.”
“That’s fast,” Dortmunder said. “He was on Long Island last Thursday.”
“Wait for it,” Andy said.
Wally said, “He got to London this morning.”
“How long is he gonna be there?” Dortmunder asked, thinking he really didn’t want to have to go all the way to London to get his ring back.
“Day after tomorrow,” Wally said, “he’s going to Nairobi.”
“Nairobi.” Dortmunder didn’t like the sound of that. “That’s in Africa someplace, isn’t it?”
“Uh huh.”
“Is he ever coming back to the States?”
“Saturday,” Wally said, “because he’s going to testify at a congressional hearing next Monday, a week from today.”
Andy said, “What you’ve got there, John, you’ve got your basic moving target.”
Dortmunder said, “London, Nairobi, Washington, all this week. He’s going to Washington on Saturday?”
“On Monday. He’s going to spend the weekend at Hilton Head, in South Carolina.”
“Nice for him,” Dortmunder said. “How long’s he gonna be in Washington?”
“Until Wednesday. Then he goes to Chicago for two days, and then Sydney for the next —”
“Sydney? That’s a person.”
“Sydney, Australia, John, it’s a city. And then the Monday after that he flies back and goes to Las Vegas, and then he —”
Dortmunder said, “Are we still in May?”
“Oh, sure, John,” Wally said. “The schedule says he’ll be in Las Vegas two weeks from today.”
“I’m almost feeling sorry for this guy,” Dortmunder said.
“I think he likes it,” Andy said.
“Well, I’m not gonna chase him around London and Africa, that’s for sure,” Dortmunder said. “I can wait till he comes back this way. Washington isn’t so far, where’s he stay in Washington? Got another house there?”
“An apartment,” Wally said, “in the Watergate.”
“I’ve heard of that,” Dortmunder said. “It’s some kinda place.”
Wally and Andy looked at one another. “He’s heard of it,” Andy said.
Wally said to Dortmunder, “It’s a great big building over by the Potomac River. It’s partly offices and partly hotel and partly apartments.”
“Apartments are harder,” Dortmunder said. “Doormen, probably. Neighbors. Could be live–in help there, a guy like that.”
Grinning, Andy said, “John? You planning a burglary at the Watergate?”
“I’m planning to get my ring back,” Dortmunder told him, “if that’s what you mean.”
Andy still had that little crooked grin. “No big deal,” he suggested. “Just a little third–rate burglary at the Watergate.”
Dortmunder shrugged. “Yeah? So? What’s the worst that could happen?”
“Well,” Andy said, “you could lose the presidency.”
Dortmunder, who had no sense of history because he had no interest in history because he was usually more than adequately engaged by the problems of the present moment, didn’t get that at all. Ignoring it as just one of those things Andy would say, he turned to Wally. “So he’s gonna be there next Monday night? A week from today.”
“That’s the schedule,” Wally agreed.
“Thank you, Wally. Then so am I.”
Chapter 14
* * *
Already it had become a habit, a ritual, a pleasant little meaningless gesture. While he was in conversation or in thought, the fingers of Max’s left hand twiddled and turned the burglar’s ring on the third finger of his right hand. The cool touch to his fingertips, the feel of that flat shield–shape with the Tui symbol on it, the memory of that spur–of–the–moment mal geste, served to strengthen him, encourage him. How unfortunate that it was too good a joke to tell.
All day Monday, as he was chauffeured in a British–division TUI Rolls from meeting to meeting, he twirled the ring. Monday evening, as he attended Cameron Mackenzie’s latest, Nana: The Musical, with another aspiring entertainment journalist (this one, English, was named Daf), he twirled the ring. (He’d already seen the New York production of Nana, of course, but enjoyed the original London version even more, if only for how reflexively the British despise the French.) And Tuesday morning, in his suite at the Savoy, he fondled the ring as the managers of his British newspaper chain presented their latest rosy predictions — no matter what they did, he knew, no matter how many contests they launched, no matter how many football hooligans they espoused, no matter how many breasts or royals they exposed, they would still be read only by the same four hundred thousand mouthbreathers — when Miss Hartwright, his London secretary, deferentially entered to say, “B’pardon, Mr. Fairbanks, it’s Mr. Greenbaum.”
Greenbaum. Walter Greenbaum was Max’s personal attorney in New York City. He would not be phoning for a frivolous reason. “I’ll take it,” Max decided, and while the newspaper managers withdrew into their shells of politeness within their baggy suits he picked up the phone, pressed the green–lit button, and said, “Walter. Isn’t it early for you?” Because New York was, after all, five hours behind London; it would be barely six in the morning there.
“Very,” Walter Greenbaum’s voice said, surprisingly close.
“But it’s also very late. When can we talk?”
That sounded ominous. Max said, “Walter, I’m not sure. I’m due at the Ivory Exchange Bank in Nairobi tomorrow, I don’t think I’ll be back in the States till —”
“I’m here.”
Max blinked. “Here? You mean in London?”
“I Concorded last night. When are you free?”
If Walter Greenbaum were troubled enough by something to fly personally to London rather than phone, fax, or wait, Max should take it seriously. “Now,” he said, and hung up, and said to the managers, “Good–bye.”
• • •
Walter Greenbaum was a stocky man in his fifties, with deep bags under his eyes that made him look as though he spent all his time contemplating the world’s sorrows. Once, when a friend pointed out to him that the removal of such bags was the easiest trick in the plastic surgeon’s playbook, he had said, “Never. Without these bags I’m no longer a lawyer, I’m just a complainer.” And he was right. The bags gave his every utterance the gravity of one who has seen it all and just barely survived. And yet, he was merely doing lawyer–talk, like anybody else.
“Good morning, Walter.”
“Morning, Max.”
“Coffee? Have you had breakfast?”
“There was a break–in at the Carrport facility on Long Island last weekend.”
I am hearing this for the first time, Max reminded himself. Sounding mildly concerned, he said, “A break–in? That’s what comes from leaving the place empty. Did they get much?”
“Perhaps a quarter million in silver and other valuables, plus a car.”
Max’s mouth dropped open. His mind stalled. He couldn’t think of a single response to pretend to have.
Walter smiled thinly into the silence he’d created, and said, “Yes, Max. He went back. He escaped from the police, and he went back to the house.”
“Back? Back?” What does Walter know?
They were standing in the white–and–gold living room of the suite, with views of the Thames outside the windows, where black birds tumbled in a strong wind beneath plump hurrying clouds.
Neither of them gave a thought to the view, as Walter gestured at a nearby white sofa, saying, “Why don’t you sit down, Max? Before you fall down.”
Max sat. Walter pulled a white–and–gold Empire chair over near him, leaving tracks in the white carpet. Seating himself in front of Max like a sorrowing headmaster, he said, “I’m your attorney, Max. Try to tell me the truth.”
Max had now regained control of himself. So; the burglar had escaped from those incompetent policepersons, had gone back to the house (in search of his ring?), had stripped the place, and then had stolen a car to transport his loot away from there. And somehow, as a result, Max’s own participation in the evening’s events had become known. Not good.
He said, “Walter, I always tell you the truth. If there’s something I don’t want to tell you, I simply don’t tell you. But I don’t lie.”
“You should have told me,” Walter said, “that you meant to violate the orders of the bankruptcy court.”
“You would have insisted I not do it.”
“Who was the woman?”
“With me, in Carrport?” Max shrugged. “Miss September.” But then another awful thought struck. “Does Lutetia know?”
“Not yet.”
“Walter, this is not something for a wife to hear, not now, not ever. You know that, Walter.”
“I certainly do,” Walter agreed. “Which is another reason I wish you’d mentioned your plans before acting on them.”
“I don’t see … why … why …” Max ground to a halt, took a deep breath, and started again: “How did it come out? About me?”
“Apparently,” Walter told him, “the officers originally meant to cover up for you, but once their prisoner slipped out of their hands they could no longer do that, they didn’t dare do it, they were in too much trouble as it was. There was also the fact you made the 911 call.”
“I can’t believe — Walter, if you’d seen that fellow, that burglar, you wouldn’t — How on earth did they manage to lose him? He was as docile as a cow!”
Walter shook his baggy head. “Don’t trust those who are docile as cows, Max.”
“I can see that. So he went back,” Max mused, rubbing the ring against the point of his chin. “Looking for the ring, I suppose.”
“The what?”
“Nothing, nothing.”
“Max,” Walter said, leaning back in his chair so it made a noise like a mouse, “you know better than this. You’re supposed to confide in your attorney.”
“I know, I know, you’re right.” Max wasn’t used to feeling embarrassment in the presence of other human beings, and he didn’t like it; soon, he’d start to blame Walter. He said, “I’m just not sure you’ll think it funny.”
Walter raised his eyebrows, which made his bags look like udders. “Funny? Max? I’m supposed to find something in this situation funny?”
Max grinned a little. “Well, in fact,” he said, “I stole the burglar’s ring.”
“You stole …”
“His ring.” Max held up his hand, to show it. “This one. You see? It has the trigram on it, and —”
“You just happened to be holding a gun on him anyway, so you thought —”
“No, no, after. When the police came.”
“You stole the burglar’s ring, with the police standing there?”
“Well, they suggested I look around, see if he’d taken anything, and it was a spur–of–the–moment thing, I said, that ring on his finger, right there, that’s mine. And they said, give Mr. Fairbanks back his ring.” Max beamed. “He was furious.”
“So furious,” Walter pointed out, “that he then escaped from the police and came looking for you, and found a quarter million dollars worth of loot instead.”
“Not a bad trade, from his point of view,” Max said, and held his hand up to admire the ring. “And I’m happy as well, so that’s the end of it.” Dropping his hand, he shrugged and said, “And the insurance company will certainly pay. We own it.”
“And the judge,” Walter said, “will ask questions.”
“Yes, I suppose he will,” Max agreed, as a faint cloud darkened his satisfaction. “But we can limit the damage, can’t we? What I mean is, I can surely say I merely went out there to get some personal items that are not a part of the Chapter Eleven, and I happened upon the burglar just as he was breaking in, lucky thing I was there and so on, and we needn’t mention Miss September. Which is to say, Lutetia. That’s where there could be trouble, if we’re not careful.”
“It doesn’t look good to the court,” Walter said, “you leaving the country immediately after.”
“It wasn’t immediate, Walter, and this trip has been planned for months. Every move I make is planned well ahead, you know that.”
Walter said, “I’ve been on the phone with the judge.”
“And?”
“My most difficult job,” Walter said, “was to get him to agree to begin with a private conversation in chambers, rather than a session with all parties in open court.”
“A session in court? For what?”
“Oh, Max,” Walter said, exasperated. “For violating the terms of the Chapter Eleven.”
“For God’s sake, Walter, everybody knows that’s just a dance we’re all doing, some folderol, not to be taken seriously.”
“Judges,” Walter said, “take everything seriously. If you are making use of assets that are supposed to be frozen, he can if he wishes reopen the negotiation, bring in the creditors’ representatives —”
“Those miserable —”
“Creditors.”
“Yes, yes, I —”
“Including the IRS.”
Max grumbled. He didn’t like to be crowded, he didn’t like it at all. Feeling ill–used, he said, “What do you want me to do?”
“Put off Nairobi.”
“Walter, that’s very difficult, they —”
“You can do what you want, and you know you can, at least on that front. Put off Nairobi, fly back to New York with me tomorrow, meet with the judge in chambers at one on Thursday afternoon.”
“And?”
“And look penitent,” Walter said.
Max screwed his face around. “How’s that?”
“You can work on it,” Walter said. “On the plane.”
Chapter 15
* * *
“The thing is,” Dortmunder said.
“Washington,” May suggested.
“That’s it. That’s it right there.”
They were walking home from the movies in the rain. May liked the movies, so they went from time to time, though Dortmunder couldn’t see what they were all about, except people who didn’t need a lucky ring. When those people in the movies got to a bus stop, the bus was just pulling in. When they rang a doorbell, the person they were coming to see had to have been leaning against the door on the inside, that’s how fast they opened up. When they went to rob a bank, these movie people, there was always a place to park out front. When they fell off a building, which they did frequently, they didn’t even bother to look, they just held out a hand, and somebody’d already put a flagpole sticking out of the building right there; nice to hold onto until the hay truck drives by, down below.
Dortmunder could remember a lot of falls, but no hay trucks. “Washington,” he said.
“It’s just a city, John,” May pointed out. “You know cities.”
“I know this city,” Dortmunder told her, pointing at the wet sidewalk between his feet. “In New York I know what I’m doing, I know where I am, I know who I am. In Washington I don’t know a thing, I don’t know how to go, to do this, to do that, I don’t know how to talk there.”
“They talk English in Washington, John.”
“Maybe,” Dortmunder said.
“What you need,” May said, “is a partner, somebody who knows that place, can help you along.”
“I dunno, May. What do I give him? Half the ring?”
“This Fairbanks is very rich,” M
ay pointed out. “A place he lives, there’s got to be other stuff around. Look how much you got from his place on the Island.”
What's The Worst That Could Happen Page 6