by Willa Alders
“Yes.” He mumbled quietly.
“Avery tell me what I can do to fix whatever it is.” I begged hating seeing him like this. “Tell me what you wanted to talk about please.”
His arms dropped instantly from the wall wrapping around me as he pulled me closer to him. He held me there for what felt like a long time and I knew then why he wanted to talk to me when he mind spoke to me. The way he was holding me close told me all I needed to know. He had been wrong he couldn’t handle this. Avery was strong but I had pushed him beyond his limit. I closed my eyes fighting the urge to cry. I felt his lips brush against my ear and then my cheek. I felt his breath on my neck as he kissed it then he kissed my chin. He stopped his face just an inch away from mine now. His expression was easy to read. Pain, longing and need. I knew what he wanted. I had been down this road before with him except this time I wasn’t going to cross that line. This time I had Archer and had to remind him of that. I was going to hurt him again.
“Are you getting the point?” He asked raspy.
“I think so.” I nodded at him as he kissed the corner of my mouth. “Avery we can’t.” I said trailing off trying to find the right words without hurting him.
“Why not?” He said in his voice that he used when he wanted more than just to talk.
I couldn’t respond because he had leaned his head closer to me kissing me before I could react. I stood there stiff as stone waiting for him to stop but he wasn’t going to. He was going to continue kissing me roughly until I caved in and kissed him back. I knew I shouldn’t but it was the only way to get him to stop. I kissed him as he entangled his hand in my hair. He mashed himself closer to me as he walked us back up against the wall. He had me lifted up with one quick moment and that was when I stopped. He was getting too far gone in this and it had to stop. I realized I shouldn’t caved in giving him what he wanted.
“Avery stop!” I tried yelling as I pushed him away from me.
“Why darlin’?” He asked leaning back into me.
I planted my hands on his chest. “We can’t do this! You know that! I love Archer! You said you accepted that Avery, you gave us your blessing. You said you could handle this.” I said, unable to hold back the tears that were welling up in my eyes now.
“I can’t. I thought I could but I can’t. I was wrong about everything. I’m not as strong as I thought I was.” Avery said putting me down.
“So you think this is ok? Kissing me!” I said throwing my hands up in the air as the tears streamed down my face.
“No it’s not. Please don’t cry darlin.” Avery said sounding like his old self as he pulled me back into his arms. “I’m sorry I kissed you. It’s just that I was wrong when I said I was ok with you marrying Archer.”
“You were wrong? What do you mean?” I sniffled into his chest.
“I had no intention of interfering in any way with you two especially after I gave you my blessing and I truthfully thought I would be ok with all of this. I guess I was foolish for thinking that this would be easy.” Avery said as he pulled me away from him.
I stood there staring at him waiting for him to continue. My tears were uncontrollable now. I couldn’t stop because the realization of the damage I caused was hitting me like a thousand waves crashing onto the shore. I walked over to the bed sitting down burying my head in my hands to keep myself together. Avery sat down beside me wrapping his arm around me pulling me close to him again. I didn’t fight him I let him pull me close.
Avery was inhaling and exhaling deeply. He was steadying his emotions so his abilities wouldn’t spiral out of control. That would be the last thing he would need right now. It could happen so easily so I got why he was breathing like he was. Especially since I couldn’t help control his abilities like I did a long time ago. I listened to the humming of heartbeat slowing down and his breathing started becoming a normal pace again. Avery was calm and in control now. I didn’t realize it at first but I had stopped crying listening to his chest.
“I’m sorry Avery.” I whispered as he started rubbing my arm.
“I know. I am too. I should have realized this wouldn’t have been easy. I thought it would be. I tried Aralynn I really did. I focused on paying all my attention on Madison. She worked for a while until she didn’t. I disappeared after I danced with you at your wedding because I was spiraling out of control I could feel it. That’s why I disappeared and I found some girl to help. The whole time I pictured you.” Avery said as he wrapped his other arm around me.
“You did?” I squeaked out.
“Yeah I did. When you left for the battle I was distraught. Trying to hide it from Caleb and Carmina was hard. The whole time I was a mess. I knew I couldn’t have you but I needed you to come back to me regardless. I was happy that you did yet I was full of pain. It isn’t getting any easier Ara. It’s only getting harder to be around you two. I could never hurt you or Archer by breaking you two up. I wouldn’t do that but I would be lying if I said there is part of me that doesn’t hope that happens. It’s only getting harder for me to fight the urges I have when I’m around you. I proved that by kissing you today. Even kissing you felt so good even though it’s not what you wanted. I know you only kissed me back to stop me. I know if I hang around it’ll only get worse for both of us.” Avery sighed.
“What are you saying Avery I don’t understand?” I said lifting my head off his chest so I could look at him.
“I’m saying I should have objected to you marrying Archer. I love you Aralynn and you’re not an easy person to get over. In fact I can’t get over you when I’m here. Every time I see you, I want to do what I just did and more. I want you to feel the way I do toward you towards me. I know that you can’t because your heart belongs to him. I get that.” Avery said squeezing me in his arms once more.
“Avery you’re not making sense.” I said into his chest again.
“I know. I’m sorry I’m messing everything up. That seems to be what I do best lately…..” He sighed again. “What I’m saying is it would be best if I wasn’t near you for awhile. As much as it kills me to do this it’s what I need to do to get over you. Until I can trust myself to be around you this is for the best. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone but I will be return. I’m so sorry Aralynn. I love you.” Avery said his voice full of despair as he stood up.
I stood up with him the tears coming back. Avery’s eyes were glossy and masked again. He pulled me into him once more. His head was resting on mine. I knew he was inhaling my scent as he hugged me. I squeezed tighter onto him not wanting him to leave. I couldn’t ask him to stay knowing how he felt. I understood and it still hurt me. Avery looked glum as he kissed my forehead and my cheek.
“I gotta go. Bye Ara…” He said letting me go and just like that he was gone.