“I wasn’t even planning to tell my own family.” He rapped his knuckles on the door frame.
Steam from the tea misted Paige’s eyes. “You really don’t want anything to do with our baby, do you?”
“Our baby?” Even though he’d intended to stay involved, her question tightened the noose. “I didn’t sign up for this. You made a decision all by yourself.”
“I did.” She tried to blow on the tea, but couldn’t seem to manage. “Mike, about Sheila…”
“Let’s not discuss her. You explained what happened. Fine.” He supposed Paige wasn’t exactly at fault, but his ex-wife’s phone call had brought back feelings of anger and betrayal. “I’m in a bad mood and I’d rather not take it out on you, so let’s just say good-night.”
“I’m off to bed in a minute, anyway.” Regarding him over the edge of the mug, Paige seemed pensive.
For a moment, as he turned away, he thought she was about to say something, but she merely gave him a half smile.
Tomorrow, after he calmed down, they should talk. But Mike had to admit, the likelihood of persuading her to stay in Safe Harbor seemed to dwindle by the minute.
* * *
PAIGE HAD SEEN SIMILAR miraculous sights hundreds of times, but never from this angle. Physically or emotionally.
“Can’t tell the sex yet at eleven weeks, but he or she is an active little person.” Mark Rayburn’s dark eyes glowed with appreciation as he moved the ultrasound paddle across Paige’s gel-covered stomach. On the monitor, a tiny baby whose head took up nearly half its length wiggled in a cone of light. “As you know, there is a blood test that can determine sex as early as seven weeks with ninety-five percent accuracy.”
Paige had already decided against that. “There’s still a five percent chance it’s wrong. I’d rather wait until I can be more certain.”
“I can’t wait for my first ultrasound!” put in Lori. The nurse peered eagerly over Paige, who felt strange lying on the examining table, as if she should hop up and administer to the patient. “It’s adorable. Do you have names picked out?”
“Bree for a girl and Brian for a boy.” She wondered whether Mike would like those. Uh-oh. She’d been trying not to think about him, and now a rush of yearning flooded her. She ached for his dear, stern face to brighten with joy as he regarded this first, precious image of their child.
She had to get over this. Every time the subject of the baby came up, Mike withdrew even further. It was hopeless.
You can’t make a man love you, and you certainly can’t make him want to be a father.
All the same, she and Nora had discussed the problem with Sheila earlier. Her partner had gladly agreed to call and explain that she would be taking over the woman’s maternity care. Nora planned to present it as a simple matter of resuming treatment of a longtime patient. Only if Sheila objected would she add that Paige felt an ethical conflict because of Mike.
Last night had been awkward and disappointing. Just when Paige hoped her decision to stay might spark a new closeness between them, Sheila’s interference had created a rift. Obviously, Mike hadn’t resolved his anger over the divorce.
This morning, Paige had rushed to the hospital early to deliver a patient’s twins by Cesarean section. What a pleasure to see their little scrunched faces and hear the neonatologist announce that they were in excellent shape.
On the screen, she watched Baby B cavort without a care in the world. Six months from now, this little person would make his or her own debut.
Without a daddy.
A lump clogged Paige’s throat. Too late, she recalled how clearly her emotions showed on her face. Mark and Lori moved about diplomatically keeping their remarks to practical matters. Although tempted to assure them everything was fine, Paige supposed that would only underscore the fact that things weren’t.
But as Keely had pointed out, her coworkers and friends had become a family. She and Baby B would do just fine.
After thanking the doctor and nurse, Paige took the ultrasound photos in their protective envelope, and tucked them into a side pocket of her purse. In the car, she swung by the Suncrest Market to pick up groceries and returned home as the sunshine shaded into twilight.
On Seaside Lane, traffic was barely moving. Most likely that indicated an accident blocking the road up ahead, although Paige couldn’t tell through the long line of cars. To avoid the mess, she turned right a few blocks before Seaside Court and wended her way via side streets.
Around the corner from her house, a motor home took up two spaces at the curb. As she passed the oversize vehicle, Paige glimpsed a man on the sidewalk. Pinched face, sly expression. Willy Kerrigan.
Another face appeared through the RV’s windshield. It was a newer resident, the man she’d seen casing parked cars with Willy. No way did he own that expensive RV.
As Paige reached for her cell phone, she saw the second man leap onto the sidewalk and start in her direction. A surge of alarm ran through her. They know where I live.
She couldn’t dial and steer at the same time. Afraid to stop, Paige sped around the corner to her driveway before dialing 9-1-1, and then realized she should have kept going. Before she could back out, the men raced up, one blocking her escape while Willy headed for the driver’s door.
She was trapped. No sign of Mike’s car anywhere. Frantically, Paige spilled the facts to the dispatcher and hoped the police could get there fast.
* * *
“THIS IS WAY OVERKILL.” Wiping sweat from his forehead, Mike surveyed the play structure he and Lock had spent the past few hours installing in his brother’s rear yard.
A two-story fort, ladders and a tube slide to the ground, all for a baby that hadn’t been born yet. The kit had promised easy assembly by two people. It hadn’t mentioned heavy-duty drilling, hammering and hoisting that had left Mike with blistered hands and sweat soaking his coveralls. Still, this assemblage had to be incredibly fun. “I’d better test it to see if it’s strong enough.”
Lock finished driving bolts through predrilled holes in the slide and pushed a hank of wavy brown hair off his temple. “A big oaf like you? Forget it. I’ll invite some of the neighborhood kids over.”
Dropping onto a deck chair, Mike took a draft of the iced tea Erica had set out earlier. He and Lock had closed the office early, scoring a little hard-earned time off to install the play structure. He wished they’d had something like this while he was growing up.
Would Paige’s baby ever play here? It seemed only fair that Mike’s child…her child should enjoy what he’d helped assemble. Besides, why shouldn’t she be invited over? Erica and Paige did work together.
As he imagined a little tyke scampering up that ladder and sliding gleefully down into Paige’s outstretched arms, a knot formed in Mike’s chest. It amazed him how much he wanted to share that moment. But fatherhood wasn’t simply a matter of enjoying playtime or of suffering a few sleepless nights, either. It meant giving up control over his entire life.
“You really weren’t going to tell me, were you?” Sweat beading his face, Lock stood back to admire their handiwork.
“Tell you what?”
“Come on, bro. It’s all over the hospital that Paige is pregnant. Artificial insemination, that’s the word.” Lock quirked an eyebrow.
“That’s right.” Mike saw no need to elaborate.
“You guys make a great couple. I’ve never seen you so happy with anyone. I never cared much for Sheila.” Following that blunt disclosure, Lock grabbed his own glass of iced tea and downed it in a couple of swallows.
“We going to discuss my love life? Because if we are, I’ll leave and let you and Erica yammer about it.”
“Okay, I don’t claim to understand what’s going on.” The shorter man squinted into the fading light, stud
ying the play fort. “But I think it’s a shame you aren’t sticking around. Unless she’s throwing you out, of course.”
“And why is this your business?”
Lock ignored the question. “Since you told me you have to find another place to live, I put two and two together.”
“And got six or seven? I always said you needed remedial math.”
“You used to want kids.”
Now, that was ridiculous. “Did not.”
“I remember you talking about what you’d do when you had a kid. How you’d teach him to play ball instead of spending too much time at video games. How you’d get a kick out of reading aloud from your favorite old picture books.”
“You’re confusing me with Denzel.”
“Yeah, you guys look so much alike.” Their brother had a rich chocolate complexion and stood about five foot eight.
“Nevertheless.” To Mike, Lock was obviously making this stuff up. Or recalling something Mike had tossed out when the possibility of becoming a father sounded merely theoretical. “How old was I? Like, twenty?”
Lock snorted. “You told me that on your wedding day.”
“Like hell I did!”
“You’d been dancing with Sheila, making goo-goo eyes at each other.”
“Making what?”
“Don’t you ever watch old movies?” Lock shook his head. “Hopeless. After you sat down, two little kids got up to dance together. They must have been about five. Totally earnest and concentrating on every step. Sheila went somewhere—to the bathroom with her mother, I think. You started talking to me about having kids.”
This was ridiculous. “I did no such thing. I distinctly recall making it clear to Sheila when we were engaged that I didn’t want children.”
“Yeah, she told me that, and laughed about it. She said you didn’t mean it. The word she used was clueless.” Lock raised a hand to forestall a protest. “Which is one of the things I dislike about her. It’s not right, mocking someone you’re supposed to care about. But here’s a reality check—every now and then you used to make some statement about how cute kids were.”
“Grizzly cubs are cute, too. That doesn’t mean I want to take one home.”
“You said how you’d treat them differently from the way Mom and Dad treated us. More time for fun and games, fewer chores,” Lock went on, unruffled.
“You’re hallucinating.” Grumpily Mike stared at the playhouse. “You’re so awash in your wife’s maternal hormones that you view the entire world through a pink haze.”
“Blue haze,” Lock corrected. “It’s a boy.”
“Yeah, but your wife’s a girl.”
“Last time I looked.”
This conversation was becoming more absurd by the minute. “On that note, I’m heading home.”
After a quick goodbye to Erica, Mike departed. The funny thing was, he thought as he drove, he did kind of remember those two children at his wedding reception. The little girl had belonged to one of Sheila’s cousins and the little boy had been one of the Aarons’ last foster children. A short while later, the boy’s great-aunt and uncle had adopted him.
They really had been adorable, dancing together just like the grown-ups. Mike had felt utterly mellow that day. Having kids hadn’t seemed like such a bad idea. When had that changed?
Maybe when things started to unravel with Sheila. Their quarreling and her pressure to rush into parenthood had made him feel cornered. In retrospect, Mike could see that at some level he’d registered that having children would bind him to her even more strongly.
Was that why he felt trapped every time he thought about being a father? Sheila wasn’t his wife anymore. He needed to let go of whatever feelings she still provoked in him.
Easier said than done, but he liked the idea.
Just then, Mike hit a long line of traffic on the beach road. Annoyed, he rolled forward, his impatience growing by the minute until he reached Paige’s street.
The moment he turned the corner and glimpsed the flashing bar atop the police cruiser, he forgot everything else.
Chapter Eighteen
Among the knot of people in front of Paige’s house, Mike made out her tall figure, arms wrapped around herself, auburn hair cascading over her face. Was she all right?
As he parked and hurried toward the scene, Mike sorted out the figures. Officer George Granger was talking to Paige. Willy Kerrigan sat in the back of the cruiser, while Officer Bill Sanchez kept watch over another handcuffed man whom Mike recognized as Ben Eggers, a paroled burglar and drug user he’d checked out previously.
On the far side of the driveway, a couple of young men in Hawaiian-print shirts watched with folded arms. They were renters who’d moved in last Sunday. Not too noisy, so Mike had paid them little attention all week.
He reached Paige in a couple of long strides. “Are you okay?”
“Just a little shook up.” The paleness of her skin made her freckles stand out. Mike wanted to kiss every one of them.
“What happened?”
“I saw those men breaking into an RV around the corner.” Paige’s voice trembled. I should have been here to protect her, not loafing around with Lock. “They followed me home. Luckily the police got here in just a minute.”
“We were at an accident scene two blocks away. Now, I need to take her statement,” George said with a meaningful look at Mike.
Much as he wanted to sweep Paige away from this mess, he had to let the officer do his work. “I’ll get you a sweater from inside.” The sea wind felt cold, and she’d had a shock.
“Thanks,” Paige said gratefully. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“So am I.” The best Mike could do now was take care of her. “Do you want me to put your purse in the house?” It kept sliding off her shoulder.
“Oh, yes, thanks.” Paige handed him the oversize bag.
Inside, as Mike set it on the sofa, he noticed a folder jutting from a side pocket. On the tab was written Baby Brennan.
How could he resist?
Drawing out the dark photograph, Mike glanced at the tiny shape in the center. Big head. Cute little nose. Sweet mouth.
A person. Real and whole. A little boy or girl who someday was going to climb that ladder and slide down the tube, laughing and shrieking.
Right into waiting arms. But whose would they be? Paige’s? Some other guy’s? Absolutely not!
Mike had seen sonograms before. His sister Lourdes had shown him Graciela’s when she was pregnant and Lock had waved one of these images around the office a few weeks ago. Primarily out of courtesy, Mike had taken a mild interest.
This baby was different. He ached to hold it, to see its little face light up. To cuddle its soft body and hum to it. You’re mine, you know that? I’m going to keep you safe from creeps like Willy and Ben.
But how could he do that if Paige moved to Texas?
Through the window, Mike saw her shivering as she talked to George. Ashamed of himself for lingering, he returned the picture to its folder and fetched a cardigan from the front closet.
Outside, a second patrol car had pulled up to assist. “Thanks.” Paige draped the sweater around her shoulders.
“We’re just about done here.” George flipped his notebook shut.
Another officer came over to fill them in about the RV. Window busted, alarm disabled. The owner, whom they’d located in the adjacent house, had found an iPod and an envelope of cash missing.
Bill produced an evidence bag containing those items. “We have a match.”
That ought to be enough to send the men to prison on parole violations and possibly a new conviction, Mike reflected. But there’d be more shady types to take their places at the halfway house.
&
nbsp; All the more reason for Paige to move away.
He had to figure out how to keep her here. To protect her and the baby. But Mike couldn’t simply expect her to fall into his arms after what he’d said last night.
You really don’t want anything to do with our baby, do you? she’d asked.
And what arrogant reply had he given? I didn’t sign up for this. You made a decision all by yourself.
Damn. How was he going to atone for that?
His brain churned as he waited for the officers to finish, and then he escorted Paige inside. Understandably jittery, she ate only a few bites of dinner and excused herself for a nap. “I’m exhausted.”
By contrast, Mike felt amped up and restless. “Will you be okay if I go for a walk? I’ll set the alarm, of course.”
She nodded. “Sure. While I like having you around, I’m not that fragile.”
After cleaning up the kitchen, he changed into casual clothes and sandals. Then, peeking into Paige’s bedroom and seeing her dozing beneath the covers, Mike nearly aborted his walk to stay and stand guard. But if he didn’t burn off some energy, he’d explode. And a treadmill in that cramped garage just wasn’t enough.
The last streaks of light colored the sky as he went out. The street lay quiet, and on the beach a few isolated groups of people sat enjoying the sunset. A handful of surfers, resembling seals in their glistening wet suits, rode the waves.
The wind nipped at Mike as he paced in the direction of the harbor. He had to bring order out of the chaos in his head.
Why hadn’t he admitted before, even to himself, how much he loved Paige? He couldn’t envision a future without her. But until today, that would have meant accepting a baby he didn’t want.
Lock was right. In a way, Sheila had been, too. While Mike had been reluctant to have kids before marrying her, in time he’d probably have yielded. Instead, his doubts had hardened in reaction to her manipulations. Children would have yoked him to Sheila for a lifetime, regardless of whether they stayed married.
How utterly different things were with Paige. She was ready to let him go. Even tonight, after the scare she’d been through, she refused to tie him down.
SH Medical 08 - The Baby Dilemma Page 18