The Body Market

by Donna Freitas

  I shook my head and laughed. “Absolutely not.”

  “Because if you did, it’s my right that you tell me.”

  “You have a lot of rights where I’m concerned these days, Lacy.”

  She cocked her head. “Shouldn’t I?”

  “I don’t know. Why do you think you do?”

  Lacy exhaled a frustrated breath. Her eyes were murderous. “As your girlfriend, I believe I have rights.”

  My heart softened. “I’m sorry you’re upset. You have nothing to worry about on that front.”

  A triumphant smile crept across her face. “So you agree, I am your girlfriend.”

  I didn’t answer, and instead stepped around her, walking faster this time, wishing we weren’t in such a deserted part of the mansion. The relief of running into someone else would be welcome. Though ever since we’d passed out the tablets to everyone, people spent a lot more time by themselves in their rooms.

  Lacy caught up once again. “I’ve seen you sending messages.”

  I glanced over at her. “I’ve seen you sending messages too.”

  “Yeah, but I’m not messaging someone I’m in love with.”

  I stared straight ahead. “I’m not in love with Skylar.”

  Her eyes didn’t move from my face as she walked. “Just saying that practically confirms that you do.”

  Now I halted. “Stop worrying about her, Lacy.”

  “Why?” she huffed. “You never do. And besides, all I suggested was that you were in love with someone, but not the who. You’re the one who supplied Skylar to fit the description.”

  “Let this go. Please.”

  She leaned against the wall and studied her nails. They got longer and longer and she never trimmed them. “Tell me who’s in that room and I will.”

  “No.”

  “Tell me, Rain.”

  “No,” I said more forcefully this time.

  Lacy narrowed her pretty green eyes. Whenever she did this, the innocence on her freckled face disappeared. She abandoned her nails to twist a lock of red hair. “If you don’t tell me who’s in that room . . .” She paused, dropped the lock of hair, and dug around in her jeans pocket. She came up with her tablet. “I’ll message Skylar right now that you’re skulking around keeping secrets from everyone.”

  My heart raced. I grabbed it out of her hand. “Don’t you dare.”

  She snatched it right back, and this time clutched it firm, her nails clicking against it. “Answer me. And even if you take this one”—she held up the tablet, daring me to take it again—“that doesn’t mean I can’t just get another. Zeera would gladly give me a new one if I asked.”

  I stepped back from her, disgusted. “There are moments when I think you’ve changed, Lacy, when I think you’re better than people give you credit for. But then you always remind me you’re the same mean, spoiled brat I knew in the App World.”

  All the triumph in Lacy’s face fell away. Hurt filled her eyes, followed by tears. They left trails down her cheeks, one after the other.

  I’d gone too far. I reached out to take her hand, but she moved aside before I could. “Lacy,” I pleaded. She started to walk. Now I was the one following her. “Lacy, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Any of it. I care about you. I really do.”

  She spun around. She was crying hard now, but she looked angry too. Her arms were rigid at her sides. “Sometimes you forget that I’m human, Rain. I am, you know. I’m not invincible.”

  “You’re right. I do forget.” Lacy sniffled. Seeing the pain on her face killed me. “And then I say hurtful things as though you can’t be hurt.”

  She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Has it all been a lie?”

  I studied her. “Has what been?”

  She pointed a finger between us. “You and me. Everything that’s happened since the blizzard.”

  I drew her to me and put my arms around her. “No,” I whispered.

  When the crying subsided, Lacy lifted her head, her pale-green eyes so wide and hopeful, still glassy with tears. “Then for once be honest with me, Rain. Pick me, not Skylar, to tell your secrets to. Trust me. Please? Tell me who was in that room.”

  I stared down at her for a long while, debating.

  Then I took her hand and led her to a place where we could talk.

  28

  Skylar

  awake and dreaming

  “IT’S ALL ABOUT state of mind—finding the right state of mind,” Trader said. “That’s how you exploit the glitch in order to shift.”

  He and I were standing before the cradle at the center of the room. The light had faded from the sky and the room had grown dark.

  Kit had joined us again. He stood on my other side, tension rolling off him, focused on every word Trader uttered.

  “Do you know how to meditate?” Trader asked me.

  I shook my head. “No.”

  “Pity,” Trader sighed. “Finding your way into the glitch is all about control—mind over virtual. The App World is designed so that everything happens without pause. People go from one thing to the next without stopping to think, by never stopping to think.” He chuckled. “It’s amazing what’s possible with a little patience and control. There’s so much power to be gained.”

  “You would know,” I said wryly. “But I’ve never meditated, so what other advice do you have for me?”

  “Let’s see . . .” Trader studied the floor for a moment. “Okay . . . Have you ever had a lucid dream? You know, a dream you can control?”

  I thought about the night when I walked straight out into a blizzard while barefoot, which ended when I stabbed Kit in the shoulder. “I’ve had a lot of dreams where I’m out of control,” I began. “The day I unplugged and found myself up on that cliff, I thought that was a dream because it seemed like I could do anything, like I had all of these powers that I would in a game.” Trader nodded. “If I hadn’t believed it was a dream, I probably wouldn’t have tried to save myself at all. I would’ve given up.”

  Trader leaned back onto his heels. “Well, shifting can start with falling into a dream. Remember how I told you that the glitch operates like a wormhole? The key is taking control of it, once you’re in it. Everyone dreams when they’re plugging in and when they’re unplugging, but what alters the process is that element of taking control—of knowing you can and then actually finding a way to do it. Normally it’s the virtual that takes control of you, but you can’t allow this to happen. Instead, you refuse to surrender to the chaos of it. You decide that you’re in charge. I’m not sure if everyone can shift or just certain people. If you are one of those people, it will take some practice, but once you do it, you’ll learn how to go back and forth, and eventually you’ll be able to slip into the state that takes you from one world to the other at will.”

  I stared down at the cradle on the floor. “But that sounds almost . . . easy.”

  Trader nudged the contraption with his foot. “It is and it isn’t. You’ll understand once you try it. Or, you won’t,” he added with a shrug.

  I took out the rubber band in my pocket and pulled my hair into a ponytail. “All right then, I may as well see if I can do this.”

  Kit moved to stand in front of me. “Skylar, are you sure you want to do this right now?”

  I fought the urge to grab his hand. “I’ll be fine. I’m not afraid.”

  “Maybe you should be afraid,” he said. “What if something happens to you?”

  “Don’t worry. I’ve survived worse,” I said.

  Kit stepped aside. “Fine. But I’ll be waiting right here when you get back.”

  “How valiant,” Trader said with a chuckle.

  “Shut up,” I said.

  Trader laughed harder. “Is that any way to talk to your brother?”

  I wanted to punch him. Maybe a desire for physical violence and exchanging barbs was also normal for a sibling relationship. Trader and I seemed to be sliding into one seamlessly. “Can we focus? Or did yo
u forget that if I actually get to the App World I’m going to search for Inara?”

  The amusement drained from Trader’s face. “I haven’t forgotten.”

  “Good.” I breathed deep and then settled into the cradle. I lay back until I was looking up at Trader. It was time. “Okay. Tell me what to do.”

  “When I turn the cradle on, it will start a download into your brain, just like an App,” Trader explained. “The plugging-in process will begin and you’ll automatically be sent into a dream state—you know what it’s like since you’ve been through it before. Things will be confusing and strange for a while, but eventually, when something appears that’s familiar to you, something that you can hang on to, grab at it as hard as you can, almost like it’s a rope. It might be a person, or a place, or even a smell. Whatever it is, follow it until things start to settle. And when you feel good and in control, when you know exactly where you are and you remember your purpose in the dream, I want you to picture a door. Once you’ve got it, once you can see the door clearly, I want you to decide that on the other side of that door is the App World.”

  I twisted around in the cradle to face Trader. “A door? I just get my bearings, conjure a door, and decide that it goes to the App World?” I laughed. “And where does this door lead in the App World exactly? Do I get to decide that too?”

  Trader’s eyes narrowed. “Listen, you asked me to tell you how I do it, so I am. If you don’t want to believe me, that’s your choice.”

  I tried to expel my skepticism. “You’re right.”

  “For me,” Trader went on, “the door leads to my place in Loner Town, which is convenient since it’s away from the City center. I suggest you decide that’s where you want to go as well. You’ve been there before, so for now, if you’ll oblige me, dear sister, make my place your App World destination while we’re still in the practice stage.”

  “That sounds reasonable,” I said, and let myself relax against the headrest.

  Trader was standing over me. “But before you go storming into the App World, let’s just see if you can get to the door. If you can, I don’t want you to go through it yet. Don’t even touch it. Don’t go near it. I want you to stop, turn around, and return the way you came until you find yourself dreaming in the Real World again. Then, if you’re able to wake yourself on your own like you saw me do earlier, that means you’re able to shift, too. Then, we’ll try again and have you go all the way through.”

  I tried to process this. “How will I know I’m back in the Real World?”

  Trader shrugged. “It’s difficult to explain until you’re in it. Just trust me, you’ll know when you’re there. You’ll see a signpost of sorts, something important to you that anchors you here.”

  Kit stood up and crossed the room. “And what happens if she can’t get back? If she’s not able to shift at all?”

  Trader shrugged. “I’ll pull her out. I’m going to be monitoring her the entire time.”

  Kit crouched on my other side. “You’re sure you want to do this?”

  I nodded. “Yes.” My skin tingled with static. I was anxious to get going. “I’m ready.”

  Trader bent over me, scrutinizing my face. “Don’t go through the door. I mean it, Skylar.”

  “I won’t, I promise,” I told him. “And I’ll look for the signpost to get back.” I tilted my head slightly and saw that Trader held the tiny device in his hands again. He was typing away at the screen.

  He glanced at me. “Here we go, Skylar.”

  I closed my eyes now, and waited.

  And waited.

  Nothing happened.

  “When are you—” I said, trying to open my eyes.

  But they were so heavy I couldn’t.

  “Skylar, are you all right? Your face is so pale.”

  Kit’s voice. Urgent, but far away.

  “Skylar, you’re scaring me. Maybe you shouldn’t do this. I’m going to—”

  His words were cut off.

  Everything grew cold. Freezing, really.

  Someone should shut the windows, I thought.

  There were voices all around me.

  “Skylar. Skyyylllaaarrrr?”

  My name echoed everywhere.

  I couldn’t see anyone.

  “What did you do to her?”

  “Why do you care so much?”

  I was in a black hole, suspended in a sea of nothing. I shivered and shivered. I couldn’t seem to warm up.

  “I just do” was the last thing I heard before the cold pulled me down, down further into the nothingness.

  I was running.

  My breath came in gasps.

  There was snow everywhere.

  My feet kicked it up into the air and it sparkled like stars.

  Stars.

  I stopped and watched them shine in the light.

  The cold faded, and with it the fear.

  Where had I seen so many stars before?

  Something nudged at me.

  A thought, a memory?

  Was I supposed to remember something?

  I saw a flash of skin, of eyes.

  A tattoo.

  I was lying in the sand.

  The sun shone above my face.

  I was warm and happy and safe.

  The ocean shushed nearby and a cool rush of water tickled my toes before receding. I lifted my head and opened my eyes. The beach was wide and curved, like a sliver of moon, and I had it all to myself. I smiled. The sea was the color of bright-blue glass, and so clean that when the waves rose and rippled toward the shore they were transparent. I wore a grass-green bathing suit. I lifted my knees and wiggled my toes in the wet sand. Then I let my head fall backward and closed my eyes again, soaking up the soothing warmth. Maybe in a bit I’d go swimming.

  I could stay here forever, I thought.

  I could die happy.

  I lay there, listening to the sounds of the surf, at peace in the quiet of this place, my favorite of all places in all possible worlds. Eventually I heard a voice, very faint, so faint, at first, that I thought I might have imagined it.

  “Skylar . . .”

  Goosebumps covered my skin. I lifted my head and looked around.

  “Skylar . . . Skylar, concentrate. Remember.”

  Remember? Remember what?

  “Skylar, remember the door. Find the door. The door.”

  I got to my feet and brushed off the sand from my legs and arms. A heavy cloud passed in front of the sun and the light went gray. Raindrops began to patter the ground. The sea turned a dark blue, whitecaps dotting across it, the waves becoming angrier. Thunder rumbled across the sky.

  I needed to go.

  Soon there would be lightning.

  “Conjure a door.”

  A door.

  I spun around, looking for the source of the voice.

  There was no one.

  A great bolt of lightning split the sky in two.

  The crack of it made me jump.

  I put my hands to my head. It hurt so badly, I thought it might break in two. I had to get out of here, but the beach only seemed to grow longer and wider as I stood there looking for a path inland. My heart sped. Lightning descended once more, zigzagging toward the ground.

  Something tugged at my brain, nagging at it, the voice, and a memory.

  My vision blurred, my head pounded, but then for a single blissful second everything cleared.

  Yes, I had to conjure a door, just like the voice told me.

  A door to where, though?

  A door that would bring me to safety?

  Beaches don’t have doors.

  Lightning cracked again, bright and fast and two feet away from where I stood. I screamed, the smell of burning immediately everywhere. I turned around and around, willing myself from this place, willing myself anywhere, willing the appearance of a door that would lead me out of this dream that was becoming a nightmare.

  Dreaming. I was dreaming.

  This wasn’t real.


  But . . . I could make myself real if I wanted, couldn’t I? I could gain control of this, something deep inside my mind was telling me. I needed to gain control. The fear subsided little by little, despite the lightning, the thunder, the rain that pounded my skin. My heart relaxed until it beat normally.

  I started to walk.

  Bolts of lightning streaked around me, like I was gaming and they were trying to tag me out. Permanently. Gingerly, I stepped to avoid them. Ignored the pain searing through my brain.

  I would search for that door until I found it.

  29

  Kit

  s.o.s.

  SKYLAR LAY THERE, so still.

  I wouldn’t call it peaceful. I was used to seeing her up and about, her eyes bright and alive. It was strange to see her like this. So lifeless. So . . . fragile. Why would anyone want to do this to their body for years at a time? How could my sister have wanted an existence that entailed giving up so much?

  Giving up me?

  This thought was brief but sharp, and I inhaled a painful breath.

  Trader hovered over Skylar, watching, like he was waiting for something to happen.

  Or to go wrong.

  His head snapped up. “Stop glaring at me,” he said. “She’s going to be fine. She’s plucky, my sister.”

  I stood. “Good, because if something goes wrong, you and I are going to have problems.”

  A smirk appeared on his face. “What’s going on between you and Skylar?”

  I decided to give him the literal truth. “Nothing.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “I don’t care what you believe.”

  Trader shook his head, then went back to watching Skylar.

  She started to shake.

  “What’s wrong with her?” I barked.

  Skylar’s eyes squeezed tight, like she was in terrible pain.

  I stepped around the cradle so I was standing in front of Trader. “Wake. Skylar. Up.” I shoved his shoulder when he refused to look at me. “Something’s wrong!”

  He glared at me now. “Calm down. This happens sometimes.” He tilted his head, as though amused. “Get out of my way.”

  “You don’t care about her at all, do you?” I spat. Then I ran to the coat Skylar left draped on the worktable and dug around inside its pockets. I came up with her tablet and powered it on, scrolling through the messages. There were dozens more, all of them worried, most of them from Rain. A couple were from some guy named Adam, a few were from that girl Zeera, and there were others from someone named Parvda. There were a lot of Skylar, please’s and Skylar, where are you’s? There was only one message from a girl named Lacy, but hers was rather unfriendly. You’re no match for Rain. You can’t ever trust him. He’ll betray you again and again. Leave him for someone who can play at his game and play it well.