Rain’s hands rested in his lap, but then he reached out, his fingers curling around the sheet near the place where his father’s arm lay exposed. “By staying out of your way.” Rain turned to me now. “Remember how when you shifted, you found many doors, not just one of them?” I nodded. “That gave me an idea. Forget about going to Trader’s house. Tomorrow, when you shift, you should look for the door that leads directly to Jonathan Holt’s office, the one in his house. Conjure it, Skylar. From there, we’ll have all we need for the emergency broadcast.”
My brow furrowed. “We?”
Rain seemed uncertain. “I’m planning on plugging in here at Briarwood and meeting you in the App World to help. I’ve watched my father do emergency broadcasts my entire life and know how to access his special downloads.” His eyes sought the floor. “Also, I didn’t want you to have to do this alone.”
I was quiet a moment, taking this in. “Rain,” I said eventually. “Thank you.”
The trace of a smile appeared on Rain’s lips. “I’m glad I could do something right.”
I stared into Rain’s sea-green eyes, waiting for my heart to run to him. When it didn’t, I knew it was safe to say and do what I did next. I took his hand. “You do a lot of things right,” I said, and then I smiled.
But when he smiled back I knew my gesture was a mistake.
There was hope in his expression.
I felt my heart falter a little inside my chest. I waited a beat, until it could right itself, and then I got up and walked out.
Tonight, like always before something big was about to happen, there was a party at Briarwood. This time, instead of a skating pond, there was a softly lit room that flickered with candles; the mood hushed, with occasional laughter breaking in through the quiet. It was already crowded when I arrived.
Adam stood at the door with a basket, collecting everyone’s tablets.
People seemed reluctant to let them go. Some of the devices seemed stuck to their fingers and palms like glue.
“Zeera needs to upload them with the Shifting App,” Adam explained to those who were so reluctant they resisted handing them in. “You’ll get them back. Promise.”
I walked up to him. “Isn’t Zeera coming?”
He leaned in and whispered. “Yes, but I figured the party wouldn’t be as fun if everyone was off in a corner on their own, tapping away.” He nodded toward a table piled with food. “Parvda’s over there if you want to say hello.”
“I want,” I said and headed her way.
She looked up from her plate. It was piled high with food. “You look pretty.”
I laughed. “I can’t decide if that was a compliment or an insult. You sound so surprised.”
Parvda rolled her eyes. “Skylar, you’re always beautiful, but tonight you look different.”
“Different?”
“Yes,” she said, drawing out the word. “Like you took care deciding on your outfit.” She took the hem of my long top into her hands and inspected the fabric. “Since when do you wear shimmery blue silk?”
My cheeks grew hot. “Since tonight I guess,” I mumbled. I dug through the bag over my shoulder for the thick gray winter sweater I’d stuffed inside for later. When I pulled it out Parvda stopped me.
“Don’t put that on! Not yet.” She took the sweater and put it back in the bag.
“I’m suddenly cold,” I said.
She smirked. “You are not.”
I scanned the room for Kit. I worried he wouldn’t be able to tear his eyes from the monitor that showed his sister. I wouldn’t blame him. I sighed when I didn’t see him anywhere.
Parvda offered me her plate. “Are you nervous?”
I didn’t take anything. The thought of food right now turned my stomach. “About tomorrow? Definitely.”
She laughed. “I wasn’t talking about tomorrow.”
I followed her gaze toward the door and noticed Kit hovering just inside. When his eyes landed on me they brightened. “Parvda! Stop making me blush.”
“I don’t think it’s me making you blush, Skylar.” She nudged me. “Go talk to him.” She got on her toes to whisper in my ear. “Tell him how you feel. You don’t know what’s coming tomorrow. Don’t waste this chance.”
I looked at her like she was crazy.
“Go, Skylar,” she said, and gave me a gentle push.
I walked away from Parvda, her advice still ringing in my ears. When I reached Kit, I opened my mouth to ask him a question, but he put a finger to my lips before I could get any words out.
He shook his head. “No more talk of plans and sisters and rescue tonight. Okay?” He took his finger away.
I could still feel it there, pressed lightly to my mouth. “Okay,” I whispered.
Kit shifted from one foot to the other. “I know it’s early, but do you want to get out of here?”
Don’t waste this chance, Parvda had said. I felt shy as I answered, “Yes.”
“I’ll go get the bike and meet you at the front door?” Kit asked.
I nodded. “See you in a few minutes.”
Without another word, he slipped away.
I was on my way out, lost in the wonder of where this night might lead, when Lacy stepped out of nowhere and blocked my exit. She wore a slinky green dress that showed off her long freckled legs. I did my best not to compare my own outfit with hers. She always managed to seem glamorous, even in the Real World.
“Where are you off to?” she wanted to know. “This party’s barely started.”
“Lacy,” I said tightly, stepping aside to move around her. “Why do you even care?”
She played with her shoulder strap. It was as thin as the sharp edge of a blade. “I just think you’re being hasty. You’re missing out on all the secrets this place is keeping.”
I stopped midstride. “Secrets?”
Lacy smiled that wicked smile of hers. “Oh yes. Follow me.”
I knew I shouldn’t succumb, but I couldn’t help myself. Lacy had me curious. At first I wondered if she’d take me to the room where Jonathan Holt slept, thinking I didn’t already know he was awake, but I followed her to a part of Briarwood that I’d never visited before, that no one visited as far as I knew. We wound our way through a long dark hallway, and just as we arrived at the end of it, Rain stepped into our path.
“What are you doing?” The question seemed like it was aimed at both of us, but he only looked at Lacy.
The right strap of her dress slid down Lacy’s shoulder and she smiled. “The party is boring. Skylar and I were just trying to spice up the evening a bit.”
Rain’s face flushed. “You should get back to it. We all should. I’ll walk with you.”
Lacy didn’t budge. She glanced at me, then back at Rain. “Isn’t there anything you want to tell Skylar before we go?” she hummed. “Or show her?”
Rain whispered angrily in her ear. I couldn’t catch the words, just the tone of them. “No” was all I caught, his voice cold and hard.
My eyes shifted to Lacy, waiting to see how she responded. Disappointed when her only reply was a glare for Rain, I pulled the sweater from my bag, followed by my coat, and began to put them on. “Well, if there’s nothing else, then I should be off.” I took a deep breath. “Have fun at the party, and I’ll see you at the meeting spot in New Port City, bright and early.”
Surprise stormed Rain’s eyes. “You’re off where?”
I shrugged. “Don’t worry. I promise I’ll be there before dawn. I just need a little space to collect myself tonight.”
“I wasn’t worried about timing,” Rain huffed.
Lacy stepped between us. “Then what were you worried about, darling? Skylar can take care of herself.”
I shrugged the coat over my shoulders and started to walk away. “For once, I agree with you, Lacy. See you tomorrow in the App World, Rain,” I called over my shoulder. Then I disappeared down another hallway before either one could say anything back.
38
Skylar
falling
KIT WAS WAITING for me outside, the motor on his bike cutting into the night and the distant roar of the waves. “I thought you might have changed your mind.”
I shook my head. “Never.”
He looked at me, a wry smile spreading across his face. It nearly made me forget all that was to come tomorrow. He slid backward a bit and tapped a hand on the seat in front of him. “Do you remember how to get there?”
My lips parted in surprise. Kit was offering to let me drive what I thought might be his most prized possession. “I do remember,” I admitted. “But another time, another night,” I said, passing on his offer. I longed to feel the smooth cold of his leather jacket against my cheek and I was looking forward to the ride, to not having to be the one in charge. I was in charge of plenty tomorrow.
He nodded and slid forward again.
I got on and we took off.
As we drove away from Briarwood, away from Rain and Lacy, from the friends I’d made and the other seventeens from whom I still felt distance, my heart grew lighter, as though it could no longer be pinned down by gravity.
I clung tightly to Kit as we flew along the cliff because I wanted to be closer, to erase all of the space between us, and because I could never be close enough. I let my hands wander underneath his jacket until my fists closed around the soft fabric of his shirt. I buried my face in the back of his neck and let myself breathe him in. There was something about the dark and the cold and the tiny snowflakes gently falling around us that made it seem like we were the only two people left in this world. I felt wild and other, like a different Skylar had come to take my place, or maybe a dimension of myself that I’d just never met until now. But there she was and she was merging into me, and I welcomed her like a strange and unfamiliar App downloading into my body.
Kit wound the bike along the curves of the road and I leaned forward, watching his face in the mirror. He was smiling broadly now, and making no effort to hide it.
I nearly didn’t feel the cold.
The cottage appeared ahead of us, a lonely and stark shadow against the night, its only companion the waves of the sea as they rushed in to the shore. Kit slowed as we approached the yard, and when we came to a stop, my heart was still flying. He put his feet on the ground to hold the bike steady and I swung my leg across the seat and slid to the ground. He parked next to the lone craggy tree, the branches gnarled and curling above him. The two of us hadn’t said much since the afternoon, not in words, at least, but it felt as though a million things were passing back and forth between us nearly constantly. The sheer fact of our presence with each other right now was communication enough; the fact that I’d said yes to Kit’s request, that I’d come back with him alone, because I wanted to and he knew this, said more than any words ever could.
There was a moment, a single fleeting instant, when I thought about Rain, when I remembered that evening on the beach when we almost kissed, just before I found out about the lies and the half truths and before everything else that happened between that almost-romance and today. As these thoughts flew through me and faded away, I realized I was glad that Rain’s kiss never came.
I was happy my first real kiss was still ahead.
The wind whistled around the edges of the house.
Like always, Kit threw wood into the iron stove. While he stoked the fire, I retrieved one of the bottles from under his bed and two short glasses from the cabinet. Soon we were sipping from them, but unlike before, we were standing, not sitting, each of us resting one hand on the kitchen counter, like we needed help holding our bodies upright. We talked about nothing and everything. We avoided tomorrow and spoke only of before and of days that lay far into the future, of worlds that used to exist and might never exist again. We talked until the hour grew late and the night tipped into morning.
Finally, there was a pause.
I ran my hand up his arm and stopped at his tattoos. I lifted his sleeve an inch, until I could see the beginnings of the night sky inked onto his skin. “Why stars?” I asked him. “Why birds?”
He pulled off his shirt and turned so I could better see the scene on his arm in the waning glow of the fire from the stove, the only light inside the cottage. He stared down at them with me. “I love the magic of the sky and everything in it. I love that it’s magical but it’s real. I don’t need the virtual to find magic in the world.” He looked up and caught my eye. “If you got a tattoo, Skylar, what would it be?”
I didn’t have to think long before answering. I’d thought about this very thing ever since I’d first seen his. “A ringlet of waves around my upper arm. Or maybe around both of them. I love the water. I love to swim.”
“Maybe you’ll get one someday.”
I was glad for the dark, that it hid my face, as I stood there, heart jumping and leaping, in front of this boy I’d known only a little over a week, yet it seemed like years had passed since the day we met. “Maybe I will,” I agreed. “Maybe when I do, you’ll come with me.”
“I’d like that.” He hesitated a beat, then spoke again. “My sister could do it. She was, is quite the artist. She’s the one who did mine.”
I held my breath at the mention of his twin, at this delicate revelation. “Tell me more.”
“Even better, I’ll show you.” Kit took my hand and pulled me into his bedroom. He switched on a lamp and retrieved a box from underneath the bed. He sat down, prompting me to sit next to him. We were close, our legs pressed together. He lifted the cover from the box, revealing a series of thin bound books. He took one out and rested it between us. Opened it to the first page.
I gasped. The artistry was extraordinary, detailed and beautiful. But what surprised me most of all was the familiar people the book portrayed. I pointed to one of the panels. “That’s Rain.”
Kit nodded, staring down at the page. “My sister drew all sorts of chronicles about the famous people in the App World, Rain most of all. She spent her whole life dreaming of living there. Of plugging in. Of meeting someone like him.”
I nearly laughed. “When I was a Single there, every girl I knew and plenty of the boys, too, dreamed the very same thing.” I flipped ahead, took in the carefully sketched drawings, the imagined stories of the people I’d spent years watching on Reel Time with the rest of their voyeurs. “We’ll get her back. And then we can introduce her to the real Rain Holt. Maybe it will make her want to stay in the Real World.”
Kit looked up from the book. “I’m not sure I want her to stay if he’s the reason.”
I felt the warmth of his gaze and I raised my eyes to meet his. “Is that because of who Rain is or because of who he’s been to me in the past?”
“The past? Is he, really?” Kit sounded surprised.
“Yes,” I said.
There was a long stretch of quiet as I leafed through the book. Eventually I set it aside. “Your shoulder’s healing.” I peered at the thick red seam along his skin. It cut across the birds inked there.
He nodded. “I’ll have a scar.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, and I was.
“I’m not,” he said.
He looked at me with those bottomless eyes, dark lashes fanning out to frame them. I wanted to fall into them, to fall into him. My hand had its own plans, and it was reaching out, reaching up to brush the hair from his brow. He caught my fingers and wove them through with his own. Quickly, he brushed a kiss along my shoulder, his lips like feathers. My heart zipped and dipped through the air on filmy bee’s wings. I wished I could catch it, hold it in my palm, soothe its restlessness, but it had taken flight outside my body. When our eyes met again, our mouths were close. I could feel Kit’s breath, short, sweet bursts, that made me want to taste him.
Kissing in the App World was always a transaction of sorts.
You’d view the choices of partner, of kiss type and location, the length of time for the experience, the sort of mood you were going for. Boy and girl icons both vied for your attent
ion, they flirted and played coy, until you settled on the one you fancied for the moment. Capital was exchanged, and the kissing session began. With an App you got exactly what you wanted, always the way you wanted it, and with enough capital you could download a parade of kisses, one partner after the other, trying out for the role of romantic ideal, until you settled on the one you liked best. Once Inara and I were old enough, like all thirteens we went through a kissing-obsessed phase, where our lips were nearly constantly purple and bruised, our minds in a fog of post-kissing delirium. But no amount of downloaded kisses could have ever prepared me for what it would be like to kiss someone for real.
To kiss Kit for real.
To feel the first soft press of his mouth against mine, for the way our lips would part and our breaths would mingle; for the way I would feel his fingertip running down my arm as though he was touching all of my skin at once; for what it was like to kiss someone until I was no longer in control and I no longer cared; or for how not knowing what would happen next could be thrilling. Kit kissed me until my mind no longer mattered, until I was all body, all skin and bone and flesh and beating heart. He kissed me until I was sure that I was real, that I’d always been real, that I’d never been more real, that I was meant to be real and not virtual ever again. And when he pressed me back into the soft blankets on the bed, I found that it was exactly what I wanted. As he kissed a trail down my throat and across the soft skin of my neck and I lost the power of speech, I found other ways to communicate, marveling at the entirely new language of sighs and moans and touches and laughter that my body seemed to know instinctively.
Love was a miracle we could not catch. It lived in the ether like the sweet smell of pollen, it dwelled in the highest eaves we could never reach, and it swam in the deepest crevices of the ocean.
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