Fading Out

by Trisha Wolfe

  “Can I come in?” she asks, tightening her grip on the binder.

  All words vacate my head. I’ve spent the past week restraining myself from making any contact—rushing her in the lunchroom, demanding she acknowledge what happened between us. Bursting into her lecture hall and announcing my feelings like in some cheesy ending to a movie. I kept my cool—difficultly—giving her the time she apparently needed, and finally, my reward is here. And I can’t think of a damn thing to say now that she’s right before me.

  Jerking my head, I nod her inside. “Yeah. Come in.” Smooth. I’m impressed that I haven’t fallen to my knees and started groveling…but the night’s still young.

  As she walks into my dorm room, she points toward my bed. “That yours?” I close the door and nod. She sets her binder down at the foot of the bed and then kicks off her shoes. Then she sits easily, as if her very presence isn’t turning me inside out.

  I settle on the bed opposite her and bite down on my tongue. She came to me, and I want to keep the advantage—even if the ball is really in her court. Whatever she offers me, I know I’ll accept, like the desperate fool I am for her. God, I hate myself. But I can’t go back. She’s effectively possessed me; mind and soul.

  “Since when do you wear glasses?” she says, tilting her head, giving me an appraising once over.

  “Oh…I forgot.” I go to pull them off, but she’s off the bed and standing before me so quickly, my hand stills in the air.

  “Don’t.” She takes my hand in hers. “I like them. I like seeing this side of you. It’s vulnerable.”

  She has no idea how vulnerable. Her fingers lace through mine, and I tighten my hand around hers. Hell, but she didn’t have to say anything.

  “I need them for reading,” I say as way of explanation. “And they make me look smart.”

  She schools her features, betraying nothing of what she may be feeling, if anything. Then she reaches up and runs her fingers through my hair, sending a violent shudder through me. “You kept your word, and now Vee and Gavin are out on a date.” She laughs. “But really, they’ve been together just about all week. I’m so stupid happy for her. She’s beyond elated.”

  Against every ounce of restraint, I allow my free hand to snake out and clasp the back of her thigh, keeping her from retreating. “He’s into her,” I say, forcing the words out past the hard knot in my throat. “So why are you here?”

  And I could kick myself. I watch her face fall, shifting from ecstatic to wary in a beat. My grip tightens, bringing her between my parted knees, as I gaze up into her face.

  A shaky breath slips past her glossy lips. “I said I would help you if you helped me…and I’m keeping my promise.” She nods to the binder on my bed. “If you don’t have any plans, I thought we could work on your story.”

  Despite my attempt at cool and calm, composed and in control, I cannot help myself. “I’m more than willing to work on it all night with you,” I say, feeling a smile hike the corner of my mouth. Damn, but I’m me—what can I say? And I desire Ari more in this moment than any damned story.

  My breath held, I wait for her reaction, and I’m rewarded with a throaty laugh instead of a reprimand. Making progress.

  “Why didn’t I see that coming?” she says, rimming my frames with her finger.

  This moment between us is tentative and slow. Us trying to find our rhythm. I want to demand answers—what we are, where we’re going—but I know better than to push her. She once demanded that of me, for me to make a promise of trust—to tell her I’d never hurt her—and I knew then that it was an impossible request. No one can make that vow.

  And I can’t be a hypocrite and force her to assuage my insecurities now. If there’s any chance that this could turn into something more, then I have to give her the reins. Let it build at her pace. But damn, how I just want to grab her, toss her down on my bed, and ravage her until she concedes that she’s mine. All mine.

  With a hard exhale that burns my chest, I say, “Yes, Ari. I want to make a story with you.” I let the connotation of my words linger in the air around us, filling the room with a heaviness, as I gently push her aside and stand to grab my laptop.

  * * *

  Ari’s laugh rolls over my skin, drenching me in chills, the sound clenching my stomach with desire. It’s pure agony.

  She wipes the crease of her eye, her laugh fading. “Oh, my God. You cannot write that.”

  Dragging my gaze away from Ari’s beautiful face, I shift my attention to the laptop screen before us. The last line of our story: And then he does something to reinforce the Revenge theme.

  “Hey, my professor said to reiterate the theme. It doesn’t get more blunt than that,” I say, rolling onto my side to face her. We’re stretched out on my bed, lying side by side. The small span of distance between us thrums and crackles with tension. Like the force of a magnet as it’s held back from a link of chain, my body is dying to give in to the pull.

  “Ryder, if we’re going to finish this at any decent hour”—she turns on her side to glower at me—“then we need to decide: does the hero take his revenge, or not succumb to his weakness?”

  I study her face; the fullness of her lips over the slight cleft in her chin, the long, sweeping lashes brushing her high cheekbones. I could not care less about this story, but she’s sacrificed time to help me, so for her, I try to reel in my lust.

  Removing my glasses, I clear my throat. “Is succumbing to doing what’s ultimately right a weakness?”

  The smooth skin between her eyebrows furrows. “Is this really a revenge theme, or good versus evil?” She props the heel of her hand against her temple.

  Attempting a shrug, I move an inch closer to her, laying my hand at the curve of her waist. “Don’t most themes have more than one subtheme? Can’t it be both?”

  She laughs. “You’re being evasive because you don’t want to do the work.” She sighs, as if she’s irritated with me, but I can see she loves this. She’s brilliant, and it’s the surest I’ve ever seen her. Confident in herself. “The hero has to make a choice. It always boils down to that in any story. Whether it’s right or wrong…that really doesn’t matter, as long as he can justify his motives.”

  “Do you really believe that?” I say, my whole body igniting with heat. Anticipation has me sliding her shirt up, splaying my fingers against her silky skin.

  A trembling breath steals past her lips, and she says, “Yes.”

  That’s all the permission I need.

  It’s like a play being called; I’m spurred into motion by her soft assent, then my mouth is covering hers, stealing her breath, coveting her mouth. My fingers curl into the fabric of her thermal, and I pull her to me. As she winds an arm around my neck, she releases a low moan, and it vibrates through my chest.

  Absentmindedly, I reach over and shut the laptop and push it aside. Then my hands are back on her, grabbing her thigh and dragging it over me, my whole body lit with yearning.

  She turns her head to the side, gasping for air and breaking us apart. “Wait,” she pants. But I’m too far-gone. After confining myself for an entire week, trying to give her the space she apparently needed, I cannot rein in my need for her one second longer.

  I move to her neck, kissing a blistering trail along her throat to her ear, and whisper, “Don’t fight us.”

  This does not have the desired affect I’m aiming for. Ari pulls away and forces herself up. She turns away from me and faces the wall, her shoulders trembling with her heavy breaths. “God, Ryder. Why do you have to be so…you.”

  Bringing myself into a sitting position behind her, I laugh. She groans. “Sorry, but is that the best you can do?” I run my hand along her arm, feeling the shiver my touch sends through her. “I know I’m…how did you put it? Crass. But I’m working on that. And I’m sick of pretending that last weekend didn’t mean anything.”

  She shakes her head. “It can’t.”

  Anger seizes my chest. I come up behind her, dro
pping my forearms on either side of her head and caging her in with my body. Her hands flatten along the wall, her body absorbing the impact of mine as I press against her. Lowering my mouth to her neck, I nip at her skin, taking in the sweet scent of her, running the length of my rock-hard erection along her ass. Letting her feel how badly she affects me—how much I want her, us.

  “It did happen,” I say. “And you want me just as badly as I crave you, Ari.” I remove one arm from the wall and grasp her thigh. I pull her harder against me and yank the skirt up. The pad of my thumb skims over her underwear. A shudder nearly cripples me at the feel of her wetness dampening the material. Her heat radiating out against my hand. “Shit…you’re so wet for me. Say it’s all for me, Ari.”

  A soft cry wrenches from her mouth, and her hips rock, grinding her ass against my cock and her pussy along my fingers. She turns her head to the side and bites down on my arm, eliciting a guttural roar from me. But the sharp pain only quickens my need, heating my blood.

  “It’s all for you,” she breathes out. “But it’s going to kill me when I have to give you up.”

  Her admission spears me. Through the lust-filled haze, an image surfaces: the charity event, her father’s disapproving glare. Then another invades my mind: her being courted by rich, powerful men that will try to buy her—to own her. I bite down hard on my lip and taste the metallic sting of blood, hating that I can’t change my roots. It’s the fear that’s steered me away from leaping my whole life; I’m not good enough.

  That fear seizes me whole, making me desperate to lay claim to her. Pushing her underwear aside, I slide a finger between her folds, feeling her tightness clench around me. Her loud gasp reverberates through my whole body. I continue to caress her warm, slick flesh, working another finger inside, as she rocks against me. I only want to hear her whispered pleas for more, or cries of pleasure. Not her fears or doubts.

  “I’m going to make love to you, over and over, until I’ve driven that stupid thought far the fuck away.” The words are ripped from my mouth in a carnal vow. Then I’m driving deeper inside her, forcing her so hard against me it’s painful, the friction against my dick.

  Not giving her the chance to dispute my claim, I release her only long enough to use my knees to spread her legs farther apart, then I’m on my back, beneath her, tearing her pink panties apart at the hip. They give easily with a snap.

  “Ryder…?”

  But her breathy sentence is cut short as I lower her down on top of me and take her in my mouth. I wanted to taste her so badly at the beach—I wanted to do everything to her body; see, taste, touch—but she took that shit from me that night. She came on strong and drove me to the brink, where all I could do was give her what she demanded.

  Now, I want to tease the pleasure out; make it last, slow and long, till she’s peaked. Then bring her there again and again. It’s completely selfish. Because I want to be the one she thinks of when she’s turned on—the best she’s ever had.

  Cocky or not, I’m going to satisfy Ari until I’m the only thought left in her pretty little head.

  Her thighs quiver beneath my grasp as I swirl my tongue around her slit and then suck hard once, making her hands find purchase against the wall. As I move one hand over to insert a finger, she loses balance and grabs my hair.

  “I can’t… You have to be inside me. Now.”

  Her plea is so fucking sexy, I’m more than tempted. But I’m too focused on making her mine to give in, and push farther into her, massaging her throbbing center as my tongue hits the sensitive spot of her clit that’s making her thighs tremble.

  As her hips rock, her body guiding my movements, demanding release, I clasp her around her waist. My cock is thick and hard and straining achingly against my jeans. But she’s so close; I can feel the need thrumming through her body with every swirl of my tongue, every caress of my fingers—then she tenses, and a rush of adrenaline goes right to my cock.

  She moans out my name, and her walls clench around my fingers as a violent shiver takes her body. I push my fingers in farther and work the throb until she’s breaking around me, her heavy breaths heightening my need for her.

  When she bucks her hips against the aftershocks of her orgasm, I pull her down on top of me, wrapping my arms around her damp body. She reaches up and removes the band from her hair, letting her destroyed ponytail free. Her scent fills my nose as her hair falls around my face.

  She moves to run her hand along my chest, working her way down…but I clasp it still on my stomach. “I need a minute,” I say. If I don’t calm down, I’m going to fuck her hard and raw. I’m so attuned to her, so turned on, that I’ll just relinquish all control—and I need some level of it right now. The night at the beach leveled me; I can’t lay myself out on the altar like that again.

  She raises her head and catches my gaze, a knowing look pulling at the corners of her mouth. Then, as if she wants to just pull the trigger and kill me now, she brushes her lips against mine, tasting herself on me. And I’m through.

  My heart ramps, beating wildly against my chest wall, an ache scorching me from the inside out. My hands go to her face, needing to keep her there. She begins to grind her bared pussy against my aching dick, and a hoarse groan expels from my mouth.

  But no, I’m not letting her take that shit again. I’m going to have her fully naked, skin-to-skin, letting me ravish every inch of her. With hurried movements, we make quick work of losing our clothes. I strip her of her thermal; she tears at the buttons of my shirt. Her skirt is lost to the floor as I push her back on her knees and wriggle it down her thighs and toss it aside. My jeans are discarded right along after she frees my zipper and hauls them down. Then she’s taking me in her hands, both of them, and my eyes close on a hiss.

  Kneeling before her, my muscles strained and my jaw locked, I feel my balls tighten as she strokes me from root to head. My eyes open, my gaze flicks to her heated eyes, filled with want. Her round breasts heavy, silky pink nipples peaked, are begging for my attention. Her breastbone betrays the stress she’s under—from her parents, school, maybe even possibly me; though I’m not that vain to believe I measure up in her world—as they protrude over the swell of her breasts.

  But it’s not enough to take away from her beauty; only make me desire her all the more, wanting to shelter her from the world that wants to destroy her. Before I can lose myself in the sensation devastating me at the feel of her gripping my cock, I pull her to me and kiss her lips. Softly, tenderly, letting my feelings for her melt through her with each sweep of my tongue.

  Grabbing the backs of her thighs, I lift her, and she wraps her legs around me. I cradle her against me, moving my palms desperately over her body until they’ve found her shoulders, then I’m bringing her down hard against me.

  A fierce shudder of pure bliss racks me as her wet, slick lips slide sensually along the shaft of my cock. God, but I would die to be inside her—just like this. No barrier between us. But then I really would be lost. I’ve never felt that with any girl before, and Ari would end me—needing her to be the last.

  I hold her back as I ease us to the bed, pressing her into the mattress, as if the solid object beneath us will get her that much closer to me. My mind is spinning, her scent and soft skin draining me of any willpower.

  As I reach over to my nightstand, she stills beneath me, and a shot of alarm fires through my awareness. I pull back to look at her.

  Her gaze dances over my face. “You have to promise me something,” she says, her voice cracking at the end.

  If she thinks there’s anything I wouldn’t vow to her in this moment, she obviously doesn’t realize how much she’s infected me—how much she owns me. In answer, I kiss her. Softly brushing my lips against hers.

  Her quick inhale steals over me with dread. “Let me trust you, believe in you, for however long this lasts. I don’t expect a commitment, because that would be the ultimate hypocrisy on my part…” She trails off. “But I need to at least believe
I’m not a conquest.”

  I part my lips to say all the things that will chase away her doubt, every profession that this is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced, and that I’m scared shitless, too—but she breaks my thoughts apart with, “And you can’t fall for me.”

  My mouth clamps shut. I can’t make that promise, because that was a done deal the second she looked at me with those bottomless amber eyes. I have to give her something, though. Anything that will alleviate the fear I see in those eyes right now.

  “And yet I’ve fumbled the whole way,” I say, giving her a cocky grin. It works, and she smiles, her body vibrating beneath me as she releases a throaty laugh. I run my thumb along her cheek, saying, “Rather, how about this. I’ll only fall as far as you do.”

  As soon as it leaves my mouth, I regret it. It was meant as a dare; but it’s more than clear my feelings for her run deeper than hers for me. And though I’m pretty confident in my abilities to get the job done where most girls are concerned, Ari is not most girls—I’m in over my head with her. Not sure if I can win her completely over before her family steals her away. Before some douchebag is putting a ring on her finger. The thought has me furrowing my brows, and Ari reaches up to smooth her thumb between the crease.

  “I want to make this last as long as I can with you,” she says, revealing nothing, but bringing me back to the now with her. I cover her mouth with mine, desperate to seal the deal between us.

  And as I enter her, driving deep and going long, the outside world and its threats against us fall away. My aim is to bring her there with me, infuse her with the same shattering need she’s consumed me with. But as I groan and release deep inside her, her body pulsing with a sweet ache that hugs me tightly, I know I’m far, far more gone.