by CJ Morrow
‘He did not.’
Cat shrugs. ‘Okay. Well it doesn’t matter now, does it? You’re free of him. Thank God you didn’t go through with it. Thank God you found his phone. Imagine if you’d married him? It would all have come out eventually. That Alfie is far too big to hide forever. You would have been Leeward’s beard.’
‘His what?’
‘You know, a beard, a wife to hide the fact that he was secretly gay.’
‘Really? Does that still happen? People don’t need to be secretly gay, or bi or whatever Leeward wants to be.’
The sense of what Cat’s said hits me. I’ve spent the time since meeting them in the park trying to put their faces out of my mind. I’ve managed another coat on the lounge walls, cleared up, had a shower and washed my hair, dressed in clean clothes, even though my pjs were calling, and done anything and everything to distract myself – all with loud music playing.
‘He never mentioned my hair,’ I say softly.
‘Maybe he didn’t notice.’
I think about this; I had my hood up the whole time we were talking. But my hood is wide and it’s very easy to see my hair.
‘He did. He definitely did. I suppose he doesn’t care anymore, about me, I mean.’
‘Lauren, I think he always cared more about himself than y… anyone else. Anyway, show me this house of yours, I’ve only seen the hall and kitchen so far.’
‘And you haven’t even met Shadow.’ I open the door to the garden and call her name. She doesn’t come running, in fact she ignores me, even though she can see me quite clearly.
‘Cute little garden,’ Cat says, peering over my shoulder.
‘Too small, according to Grimmy.’
We both laugh at that.
‘Shadow,’ I shout again, but she still ignores me. ‘Shadow.’ Nothing. ‘Sheba,’ I say between gritted teeth and in she comes and makes a beeline straight for Cat.
‘Hello, Sheba,’ Cat says, making a fuss of her.
‘Shadow. It’s Shadow.’
‘You need to tell her that.’ Cat laughs again.
‘I have. I am. Come on.’
I give Cat the tour and when we get back into my lounge she admires my paint job, telling me she’s very impressed.
‘I have some chairs and an old kitchen table you could have until you can afford your own.’
‘Have you?’ I love Cat’s taste, anything she’s had, even old, will be lovely.
‘Yeah, they’re in the garage. They were Mother-in-law’s.’ Probably not so good then. ‘Do you want them?’
‘Yes, please.’
‘We’ll bring them over at the weekend. When’s your sofa coming?’
∞∞∞
Cat has only been gone three minutes and I’m considering going to bed early so I can get an early start on painting my next room when there’s a knock at the door. I wonder what she’s forgotten. I fling open the door, laughing.
‘What did you…’
It’s not Cat.
It’s Ken. With an enormous bouquet of flowers, a bottle of champagne and a box of chocolates in his arms.
He sees me looking at his gifts, shock on my face coupled with confusion.
‘Housewarming gifts,’ he says. ‘I have a card too.’
‘Oh. Thank you. Come in, come in. I thought you were Cat.’
‘Oh, are you expecting her?’
I’m about to lie, I’m about to say yes, any minute. Why? I like Ken, we’re good friends. But given the timescale of her leaving and him arriving, he probably saw her leave. I wonder if he was waiting for her to go, he knows her car, it was on my driveway, next to mine.
‘No, she’s just gone, I thought she’d forgotten something.’ I’m glad I’m not in my pyjamas.
‘These are for you,’ he says, rather unnecessarily, pushing everything from his arms into mine. I step back and take the items individually.
‘Thank you.’ I feel self-conscious as I lean up to kiss him on the cheek. He turns his head at just the right time and our lips brush. I step back and bustle towards the kitchen with my presents.
I busy myself finding and filling another vase, opening the card he’s also given me, putting the champagne in the fridge and opening the chocolates.
‘Would you like a coffee to go with that?’ I ask as Ken takes a creamy truffle.
‘If you’re making one.’
I’m not. But I will. I’d rather go to bed. Alone.
‘Thank you so much for my lovely presents. That’s so kind of you, especially after the day I’ve had.’ I watch his face to see if Leeward has told him about our encounter in the park.
‘Oh, what have you been up to?’
I tell him about my trip to B&Q, my painting, my walk in the park. He doesn’t react when I mention the park.
‘Oh,’ I add, smiling. ‘And I met Alfie too.’
Ken blinks several times, he looks flustered, not a reaction I’ve ever seen from him.
‘Alfie?’
‘Yes, you know. The Alfie. I know you’ve met him because you took them to the airport for my honeymoon, and probably their other holiday? And well, they’ve been together ages, so I know you’ve met him.’ I arch my eyebrows at Ken and wait for his explanation.
‘Err, yeah.’ He looks sheepish.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
Ken laughs, not a funny laugh like Cat’s had been, but an ironic one. ‘Maybe I was trying to spare you further heartache.’
‘I was always going to find out, wasn’t I? Eventually.’ I’m making his coffee, though none for myself.
‘I suppose so.’
‘Especially as they live just across the park. I’m sure you realised how close we are.’
‘No. I honestly didn’t. If you remember you only messaged me your address last week. I didn’t know where this place was, I had to put it in my satnav.’
‘Okay.’ I believe him. And, if I’m honest I’m being mean. He’s been a good friend – or at least I think he has. And he’s turned up with gifts tonight. ‘What have you told Leeward about me?’ I hand him his coffee.
‘Nothing.’ He sounds indignant.
‘Not told him I was buying a house?’
‘Absolutely not.’
‘But you told me about his new house.’
‘Yes, so you knew he had money enough to pay you some, because obviously Alfie had a house to sell too and they’ve bought the new one between them.’
‘Okay.’ I pick up the box of chocolates and head into the lounge. ‘Come and see my handiwork,’ I say, smiling.
‘I’m sorry, Lauren,’ Ken says as he follows me into the lounge.
‘How long have you known?’
‘I found out on your wedding day.’
‘My non-wedding day,’ I correct.
‘We all did. He had to come clean when Mum really laid into him.’
‘Wow, I didn’t know your mum cared that much about me.’ I feel rather touched. It doesn’t last.
‘Well, to be honest it was more about her and her outfit, the wedding party, the whole thing. She was furious with him for cocking it all up.’
‘Oh, she didn’t care about me then,’ I laugh. I’m not bothered how Jayne feels about me, certainly not now, and, if I’m honest, not before.
‘Has the whole family met Alfie?’
‘No. Only me and I got tricked into it with the airport run. Steve and Sian aren’t interested in anyone but themselves, which is fair enough, Sian is about to give birth, I mean literally. She went into hospital this afternoon; I’m just waiting for the call to say I’m an uncle.’ He looks excited.
‘Oh, that’s nice.’ It is too. But it should have been me having a baby soon. I try my hardest not to feel envious but it’s difficult. ‘You didn’t say…’
‘No. It seemed as though it would have been rubbing your nose in it.’
‘Yeah. I see that.’ I can see it from his point of view. He’s been piggy in the middle. I don’t know why he’s bothered
really. He could have not ever seen me again. That would have been perfectly reasonable.
‘Mum hasn’t spoken to Leeward since that day. Not one word. She won’t speak about him either, if I mention him, she cuts me dead.’ He’s saying this because he expects me to be pleased. Sadly, and with only a modicum of guilt, I have to admit I am.
‘And they’ve got a dog. I was never allowed a dog.’ I snap this at Ken as though it’s his fault.
‘Don’t you have one now?’
‘Yes. Yes. She’s in garden again, she loves it out there. You can meet her before you go. Anyway,’ I smile brightly, putting an end to all talk of Leeward and his lover. ‘What do you think of my handiwork?’ I wave my hand along the wall like a game show hostess showing off the prizes.
‘Great colour. Good job.’
‘I’m doing feature walls in all the main rooms.’ I head for the door then stop; do I really want to take Ken upstairs? I hesitate. That accidental kiss is still playing on my lips and on my mind. Also, ringing in my head are the alarm bells that Cat set off months ago when she said that Ken is just biding his time before he makes his move on me.
Ken is waiting, watching me during my inner deliberation. I smile, then lead the way upstairs, suddenly aware that he’s following me and has a perfect view of my backside.
‘When are you getting a bed?’ He half laughs on seeing my single air bed; it is completely swamped by my king size duvet.
‘When I can afford one.’ I usher him from my bedroom and show him the bathroom and spare room which is completely empty. One of the joys of having nothing when you move into a new place is not having lots of clutter from your previous life.
No baggage, I think, smiling to myself.
I march down the stairs at speed, glancing back to see Ken trailing behind me.
‘I’ll get Shadow.’ I open the back door and whistle, not very well, for her. Her ears prick up and she comes running. Perhaps that’s better than calling her. ‘Hello, Shadow,’ I say, emphasising her name. ‘Good girl. Meet Ken.’
Shadow gives him a cursory look, sniffs, then lopes over to her basket and drops into it.
‘Cute dog,’ Ken says, without approaching her or attempting to make a fuss.
Ken glances at his watch – very expensive and sooo him. ‘I’d better make a move, promised I’d pop in on Mum.’
‘How’s Suzi? I ask, not without malice.
‘Yeah, good, I think. I’m not with her, if that’s what you mean.’
‘Oh no. It’s just when you mentioned Jayne, well they were good friends, weren’t they? Jayne even brought her to the non-wedding.’
‘I don’t know,’ Ken says, his tone dismissive. ‘I was thinking,’ he starts, ‘I could take you out for dinner. To celebrate your moving here.’
‘Oh yeah. We could go to that pizza place we went to a couple of months ago. Such good value.’ We had a great time, and it was only ten pounds each including a small lager.
‘Err, I was thinking somewhere a bit classier. My treat. What about Saturday?’
‘Saturday? Um. Okay.’ I didn’t mean to say that.
‘Great. I’ll pick you up at seven. Wear something,’ he pauses, ‘Dressy.’
‘Okay.’ I feel oddly obliged to comply, otherwise our friendship over these last months has been nothing but me using him to get information – although that hasn’t been quite as successful as I thought it had given how he kept the biggest secret of all.
‘Did you know Leeward was gay?’ I frown at him, wondering if he had spotted it long ago.
‘No. No idea. Anyway, he says he still likes women, just likes men more.’ He stops, then adds, ‘Not all men, obviously.’
‘Just Alfie.’ I watch Ken’s face. ‘More than me.’
‘It’s his loss, Lauren. He was always punching above his weight with you.’
I laugh. I can feel my face colouring with embarrassment, then I decide to press for more information.
‘How long had it been going on?’
Ken sighs. I can tell he really doesn’t want to talk about this or be drawn into it.
‘Do you know when they met? And where?’
‘You see,’ he starts, ‘This is part of why I didn’t want to say anything. I become a part of it and I don’t want to be.’
‘But, do you know?’
‘Yes, they met at the gym when he started to go to get buff for your wedding.’
‘How ironic.’ Cat was right.
‘Yeah.’
‘He still goes by the look of him.’
‘Yeah. I’d better go.’ He smiles and leans in to kiss me goodbye and this time I ensure that our lips do not touch.
I’m beginning to think that Cat might also be right about Ken. And he’s certainly waited it out. And waited until I’m out of my parents’ house too.
The voice in the back of my head, the rational-irrational one, poses a question: Would it really be so bad to be in a relationship with Ken?
What would Leeward think?
Eleven
I’m up early the next morning to get the first coat of paint on the feature wall in the spare bedroom. Then I take Shadow out for her long walk around the park. I still don’t have the retractable dog lead as suggested by Thor, but I have ordered it online – another charge to my credit card. It should arrive tomorrow.
I am very careful not to walk Shadow at the same time as I did yesterday. I don’t want to chance bumping into them again, although from what was said, Leeward had only taken one day off – not that I can be one hundred percent sure of that – so avoiding going at the same time decreases my chances of bumping into them.
The park seems to be busy again today, more dog walkers – I exchange pleasantries with them today because I actually look okay; I’ve changed out of the painting dungarees and fluffed up my hair. I’ve also made sure that my boots match.
It’s nicer weather today, warm with no ominous clouds in the sky. I pass a couple of women pushing their babies and wonder if Leeward’s brother and his wife have had their baby yet. I didn’t even know Sian was pregnant. I have to admit that I don’t know Sian very well at all, Leeward wasn’t that close to his brother so we didn’t see them very much. Ken was always more favoured in our house than Steve.
That could have been me, I think, having a baby. It should have been me.
When I check the time on my phone, I realise that we’ve been out for over an hour. We’ve been round the park twice and Shadow is now walking nicely to heel, mainly because I think we’ve used up her energy. And mine. I turn to head back but it seems I’ve indulged these thoughts too soon. Suddenly Shadow’s nose goes up and her ears twitch and she’s racing along with me galumphing along behind her – most inelegant. I really don’t want to run anymore; I’m exhausted from jogging with her around the park. The sooner that new lead comes, the better.
She’s heading for the bench where a man is sitting with his dog, Shadow’s speed is increasing and her tail is wagging with excitement. I grip her lead and try to rein her in, and eventually, just as we reach the bench, I get control of her and pull her to heel.
The man on the bench doesn’t even notice me as I put myself between him and a straining Shadow. His dog – a twin for Shadow but a grubby white instead of black – lies between his feet, looking forlorn and sad, its lead a piece of string. I glance at his face as I drag Shadow past, he looks awful. His skin is pale and blotchy, his hair unkempt and his bloodshot eyes stare aimlessly into the distance. Oh dear. He’s on something.
‘Spice,’ Cat says with conviction later, when I tell her on the phone. She’s rung to check on my decorating progress – allegedly – but also to see if I’ve seen any more of Thor and Gollum.
‘Spice. Possibly.’
‘Yeah,’ she says, ‘You know that one that leaves the user catatonic. Sounds just like your man.’
‘I know what it does. It was his dog I felt sorry for, looked so pathetic and on a piece of string.’
‘
Yeah.’ She tuts her disapproval. ‘How’s your decorating going?’
‘I’m going to do the feature wall in my bedroom tomorrow, then the one in the kitchen-diner the next day. Oh, and my sofa’s definitely coming tomorrow. I had a text. It’ll be between eight and one.’
‘Cool. Though I hate those big time slots they give you. Have you ordered another one yet with Grimmy’s voucher?’
‘Yes, online on my phone. It’ll be six weeks though. Oh, and I should be getting the internet soon too.’ And not before time, I took a chance and ordered it before I’d even moved in.
‘It’s all coming together and we’ll bring that furniture around at the weekend. I was thinking Saturday about six.’
‘Yes. Great. No. Wait. I’m going out on Saturday night. I have to leave at seven so I need to get ready.’
‘Ooo, where are you going?’
A part of me doesn’t want to tell her.
‘Just out for a meal.’
‘On your own?’ She doesn’t miss a thing.
‘Um, no, with Ken. It’s his treat to celebrate me moving into my own house.’
‘Oh yeah. You need to be careful with him. I have told you this before.’
‘I know, I know. But…’
‘But what?’
‘He’s very attractive. Would it be so wrong?’
‘I’m going to let you work that answer out for yourself.’ She’s using her big sister voice. ‘Have to go, catch you soon. Oh, we’ll come Sunday morning instead.’
‘Not too early,’ I say. Why do I feel as though she’s hoping to catch me out?
∞∞∞
I’m up, showered and dressed well before eight. I can’t chance the sofa people turning up early and catching me in bed. Of course, I know by being ready so soon that they won’t come until one.
I’ve finished the first coat of paint on my bedroom wall, tidied up and now I’m almost twiddling my thumbs while Shadow paces around impatiently, wanting to go out. Her retractable lead still hasn’t arrived and I hope it comes before I take her out which will be immediately after the new sofa arrives.