by CJ Morrow
I showered and dressed and packed my wheelie-case ready to go home. I assumed that one of the kids had taken Herman into the main house because I still hadn’t heard a peep from him. Only as I opened the door into the kitchenette did I see that he was still there.
‘Hey, poo,’ I joked, nudging him with my foot, ‘wakey, wakey.’
Herman didn’t grunt his disapproval, or snore or even acknowledge my toe poke. Herman didn’t move.
I stood over his inert body for several minutes willing him to wake up. Deep down, I knew he wouldn’t.
I stepped over his body and let myself into the main kitchen, closing the door behind me. Kiki and Ben were sitting at the table eating cereal, Joe was feeding bread into the toaster and Mum was sipping coffee while standing at the sink and staring out at her garden.
‘Morning.’ I sounded much cheerier than I felt. I wondered when would be a good time to break the news about Herman.
‘Hey, Sis,’ Joe smiled at me. ‘Toast?’
‘No. You’re all right, I’ll sort myself out.’
He took a plateful of toast to the table and the kids attacked it with chocolate spread laden knives.
‘So German,’ Mum muttered to herself as she turned to watch them.
‘Mum,’ I hissed.
I helped myself to muesli and coffee and sat down with Joe and the kids. I felt guilty just sitting there, knowing, but I wanted to catch Joe alone.
‘Where’s Marlene? Out jogging?’
Joe rolled his eyes. ‘In bed. Headache.’
‘Mummy’s always got a headache,’ Kiki said. Out of the mouths of babes.
‘That’s not true,’ Joe said. ‘Now eat up your toast. Then we can take Herman out for a walk if you like.’
Both Ben and Kiki groaned.
‘Okay, I’ll take him. Fancy it, Charlie, before I take you to the station?’
I glanced at Kiki’s little face and smiled at Joe. ‘Yeah.’
Ben and Kiki stayed at the table much longer than I expected or wanted them to. We’d all finished and Mum came over and removed everyone’s plates and started to stack the dishwasher but still the kids lingered.
Joe got up, went into the hall, came back with his coat and mine and started hunting around for Herman’s lead. The kids still sat at the table playing a convoluted, and rowdy, game of I Spy.
Joe whistled for his dog. ‘Where the hell is he?’
‘Um, Joe, could I have a word please?’
Suddenly, there was silence and everyone looked at me. Joe frowned, Mum raised her eyebrows and the kids just stared at me.
‘What’s wrong?’ Ben asked. He looked worried, scared almost. So much for me attempting to be discreet.
‘Joe.’ I yanked his arm and pulled him into the annex, shutting the door behind us.
‘Wake up, boy. Come on. Walkies.’ He prodded his dog but it was pointless. ‘Oh fuck. Marlene’s going to go ape.’
‘It is upsetting. I think it was peaceful though, if that’s any consolation.’ I patted my brother on the back as he sniffed back his sorrow.
‘Yeah, she wanted him put down before we came, but I wouldn’t let her. I’ll never hear the end of it. Oh fuck it. Couldn’t you hang on, boy?’ He turned to open the door back into the main kitchen. ‘Don’t let the kids in here until I tell Marlene.’
‘What’s going on?’ Kiki’s little voice asked as I followed Joe.
‘Just got to talk to Mummy a minute.’ Joe leapt up the stairs.
We all heard her scream as Joe broke the news. Kiki started to cry even though she didn’t actually know why, but Ben had worked it out.
‘Herman’s dead,’ he announced. ‘Isn’t he?’
I nodded and squeezed both kids’ shoulders as Kiki wailed and Mum marched into the annex. She didn’t look happy when she came back.
Upstairs Joe and Marlene were shouting at each other and while we couldn’t hear every word, ‘I fucking told you so,’ came loud and clear from Marlene’s mouth.
‘What now,’ Marlene yelled as she stomped down the stairs. ‘What will we do with him?’ She appeared in the kitchen red and angry and trailing a silk robe, and Joe, in her wake. They disappeared into the annex while we all waited in the kitchen.
Dad came in the front door, rushed through to the kitchen carrying the newspapers he’d just been out for and frowned at us.
‘What’s going on? I could hear shouting half way down the road.’
‘Herman’s died,’ Ben said causing Kiki, whose crying had subsided into sobbing, to start wailing again. I sat down and pulled her onto my lap, hugging her.
Marlene flung open the door and burst from the annex.
‘Benji, take your sister up to your room. Go and tidy, please. Adult talk here.’
Ben stood up, grabbed Kiki’s hand and dragged her away, but not before he managed to say, ‘It’s Ben, actually.’
‘Go,’ Marlene yelled, pointing towards the stairs.
‘Chill,’ Ben mouthed behind his mother’s back.
‘What will we do with him?’ Marlene looked around the room for an answer before muttering something in German and narrowing her eyes at Joe.
‘Call a vet?’ Mum offered.
‘Call a vet. Is this vet a miracle worker?’ Marlene threw her arms up in the air.
Mum flinched and stepped back, pressing herself against the sink.
‘I suppose we could bury him,’ Dad said. ‘In the garden.’
‘Oh,’ Mum keened.
‘The cats are out there.’ Dad shrugged. ‘Several of them,’ he added.
‘But he’s enormous, where could you put him?’
‘Behind the compost heap is the only place I can think of without digging up flower beds or the lawn.’ Dad was being very pragmatic.
‘Mmm.’ Marlene cocked her head while she considered it.
‘Couldn’t you take him home and bury him in your own garden?’ Mum obviously didn’t want him in hers.
‘What? No, Penny. It has to be done today. We are staying until New Year.’ Marlene folded her arms and pursed her lips.
Mum nodded and forced a thin smile. She knew she was beaten.
‘Come on then, Joe,’ Dad said. ‘We’d better make a start before that forecasted rain starts.’
‘Marlene,’ Joe said as he followed Dad out to the garage. ‘You sort the kids out.’
∞∞∞
Mum and I watched from the kitchen window as Dad and Joe – hobbling as his size eleven feet were squeezed into a pair of Dad’s old size ten wellies – dug a giant pit behind the compost heap.
An hour later, the seven of us stood in the pouring rain under an assortment of Mum’s colourful umbrellas while Marlene recited a prayer in German and we sang All Things Bright and Beautiful over Herman’s body. Kiki had cried herself out by then, but Ben, his sorrow now manifesting, bawled all the way through the funeral.
And I had long since missed my train.
We went back inside leaving Dad and Joe to backfill Herman’s grave. Mum put the kettle on.
‘I blame those mince pies.’ Marlene said as she shooed Ben and Kiki into the living room.
‘Well, you gave them to him.’ I couldn’t resist it.
‘We had to get that disgusting thing off him.’ Marlene shuddered and grimaced.
‘That wasn’t my fault. I didn’t buy it.’
‘Still yours,’ Marlene muttered, turning away.
‘Joe said you wanted Herman put down before you even came,’ I spat back.
Marlene let out a long sob and ran upstairs.
‘Coffee or tea?’ Mum said, deadpan.
A couple of hours later it was Mum who drove me to the station; Joe was busy consoling Marlene over Herman’s death.
I groaned when I saw the coaches lined up in the rain outside the station. Mum leant in to give me a hug.
‘Have a safe journey,’ she said.
‘And you have a fabulous holiday,’ I replied. I’d quite forgotten that Mum and Dad were goin
g on a round-the-world cruise in January.
‘If that lot ever go home,’ Mum muttered. ‘I could do with the time and peace and space to pack.’ She half laughed.
‘Tell ‘em to bugger off, Mum.’
I grabbed my case from the boot and we kissed goodbye.
∞∞∞
Yan and CeCe’s eager faces are waiting for me to tell them all about my Christmas. Shall I regale them with tales of the dildo, diarrhoea, dog death and funeral? Perhaps not.
‘Yeah, it was great,’ I say, smiling and helping myself to a third glass of my wine.
Little Mishaps and Big Surprises is available on Amazon, and is FREE with Kindle Unlimited.
Other books by CJ Morrow
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When single mum, Emily, encounters bumbling Jamie licking a 20p coin to get the parking meter to accept it, she feels sorry for him. On her way to an interview for the best opportunity of her career, she certainly doesn’t expect to see him again, much less for him to be her rival. Never lick a 20p coin! Laugh out loud romantic comedy.
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Little Mishaps and Big Surprises – a romantic comedy
Charlie's life was perfect, until that one fateful night....
London girl, Charlie, has a great life; fab flat in Covent Garden, a satisfying career and great friends. She certainly doesn’t need a man to complete her. Her life couldn’t be better. Or could it? FREE on Kindle Unlimited
Never Leaves Me – An enthralling psychological thriller
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Do we ever really know the people who love us?
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This enthralling psychological thriller will have you doubting the characters and even your own loved ones.
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Blame it on the Onesie – a romantic comedy about work, water and wine.
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A Onesie is not just for Christmas – a novella sequel to Blame it on the Onesie
Pull on your onesie, light the fire, grab a hot chocolate and join Ella, Nathan, Sam, Charlie, Walt and the cavalry for another riotous read.
There will be weirdness . . . you have been warned.
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Stonehaven Trilogy: (Hidden magic, romance, mystery)
For magical mystery lovers.
No swords, no sorcery, just magic - right under your nose.
Be intrigued for FREE on Kindle Unlimited or splash out on the box set – also FREE on Kindle Unlimited
The Finder – Stonehaven Book #1
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Stonehaven 3 book set
Short Stories
Party Time and Twelve
We all make mistakes, we all have regrets. What would you give for a second chance?
• Is there life after death?
• Is time-travel the way to right the wrongs of the past?
• What if your dead husband could come back?
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Party Time and Twelve
One last thing…
Thank you so much for reading this book. I really do appreciate it. I am an Indie Author, part of a small imprint (Tamarillas Press) and not backed by a big publishing company, so every time a reader downloads one of my books, I am genuinely thrilled. We’ve worked hard to eliminate any typos and errors, but if you spot any, please email [email protected].
If you have enjoyed this book please leave a review on Amazon and/or Goodreads, and if you think your friends would enjoy reading it, please share it with them.
Many thanks
CJ
Email: [email protected]
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