Instead of finding a table, this time Kim just takes me straight to the dance floor. “Come on, Lindsay!” She’s screaming over the loud crowd and the loud music. “We’re not going to waste time. Let’s dance and have some fun.” We walk straight to the center of the dance floor that is on the bottom story and start dancing to the music. I try to forget about what happened at the other place and get back into my trance on the dance floor. I’m definitely happy she isn’t giving up on our night. Even though the room is shoulder to shoulder with people on the dance floor, I still am able to clear my mind and just let the music take over. Time goes by really fast as we dance to song after song, and I notice I’m beginning to get tired, and with it being so crowded I’m hot and sweaty.
“I’m going to take a break and go get something to drink – you want to come?” Kim shouts into my ear, and it was still hard to hear her.
I’m thirsty, but I don’t want to stop dancing afraid that if I do I’m going to realize just how tired I actually am. “No thanks. I’m going to stay here. Hurry and come back.” I don’t want to start thinking about all the things that are bothering me right now either.
“Okay. I’ll be quick.” Kim dances off the stage and then disappears into the crowd by the bar. I just continue dancing and close my eyes and listen to the music.
“Lindsay!” someone shouts in my ear and places their hand on my bare shoulder.
I look behind me, and there he is. Oh, how I’ve been waiting for him! His hands graze my bare shoulders, stopping me from dancing and the desire begins to ball up in my gut. He’s stunning. “Ethan – how did you find me?” I’m shocked and utterly excited to see him at the same time. He’s here, hands on me, here for me!
“Can we go somewhere quiet to talk?” He gently grabs my hand and guides me out the front door into the parking lot.
“Of course!” It had gotten much cooler outside. He doesn’t say anything, just walks me to his car.
“If you want, I can turn on the heater, and we can sit in here to talk?” he says. His deep eyes look at me with passion and sorrow. I can see that he’s hurting.
I want so much to rid him of his pain, to be able to tell him he’s perfect and should not be so sad. “That sounds good. It’s cold out here.” Ethan opens the front passenger door for me, and I bend down to get in. He shuts it behind me and then walks around the front of the car to the driver side. Watching him walk to the other side of the car, I noticed how graceful he is and doesn’t seem awkward in the slightest. Perfection! He gets into the driver side of the car and then turns it on in order to start the heater.
“I’ve been meaning to come and talk to you the past couple of days Lindsay.” He turns to face me and holds my hands in his. “By the way you look stunning in this dress.” He smiles and looks me up and down. “I have to apologize for taking off the other night. I don’t really know why but I just didn’t want to hurt you. I know that probably doesn’t make sense right now, but it’s the truth.”
I smile shyly, “Ethan, its okay. I just wasn’t sure if I did something wrong to make you take off like that. I’ve been thinking about you and that night non-stop, I’m not even sure why. All I know is that I care about you, a lot and I don’t even know you. All the basic things that two people should know about each other, we don’t but I can’t help my feelings toward you, Ethan. I need to know if I did something wrong, please tell me.”
“No, Lindsay, it’s nothing you did. You could never do anything that would make me want to leave you. All I want is to be with you; I’m just not sure how. I’m going through some things right now and I have to get them figured out, so I may not be around as much as I would like to be. It has nothing to do with anything you’ve done or could ever do; it is just some personal issues that I have to get figured out. I care about you more than I’ve ever cared for someone before, and that scares me because I don’t know why I feel like this.” I can see how nervous he is through his expression.
“I don’t know much about you either Lindsay, so I think we can start out with learning something’s about one another, and maybe that will help this whole situation feel even more right.” He looks deep into my eyes with confidence and love. I want nothing more than to pull myself into him and never let go. He’s extraordinarily beautiful and the desire burning inside me in this moment is undeniable.
“That sounds really good.” I don’t really know what else to say. I don’t want to use words to show him how I feel. I want nothing more than to show him. Then, as if he knows my very thoughts, he places his hand to my cheek and gently pulls my face to his. His sweet lips press gently against mine. It begins slowly and innocently but just like last time we kissed it gradually becomes more intense, not in a bad way and this time he isn’t hurting me. His left hand moves to my bare leg and he gently caresses my upper thigh but is careful not to get too inappropriate out here in the parking lot. We steam up the windows even with the heater on low and I’m certainly not cold anymore. My whole body feels like it’s on fire and I can feel every beat of my heart. Then it’s over, and his lips move slowly away from mine and his hands are back in mine. Oh, why did he stop? I want to give all of myself to him, if only he would let me. But I knew he wouldn’t let it happen, not here.
“I love you, Lindsay.”
The words sound so good and vibrate through my body. I shiver in reaction to his sensual confession of love. “I love you too, Ethan.” Then as soon as the good feeling is there it is gone with banging on my window. I jump; releasing my hands from Ethan’s and I turn to find Kim with a frown on her face glaring at me.
“What are you doing, Lindsay? This is supposed to be a girl’s night out!” she’s almost shouting through the window in her anger. I close my eyes taking a deep breath trying to hide my embarrassment. She isn’t happy but that’s no reason to yell at me. She’s glaring at Ethan, as if he forced me into his vehicle. I put up my finger to ask her for one more minute.
She turns her back and walks away a couple of feet then stops to wait for me. I look back to Ethan. “Thank you, Ethan. Thank you for coming by tonight, but I really should get back to Kim. She did plan this whole night and I don’t want to be rude. She brought me out here to forget about boys and here I am.” Still breathing heavy from our kiss I don’t want to leave him but know I should. “You have really made me feel a lot better. I was worried when you hadn’t called me or anything.”
“I apologize for that. I never wanted to hurt you. I should never have left you. When you say to forget about boys what do you mean? Is there another guy in your life?” he says with this tone that makes it sound like he already knows about Derrick, and it makes me think of yesterday and when I thought I saw him in the woods.
At this moment Derrick doesn’t even matter. Ethan is all that matters. “Well, it’s just Derrick. He’s just a good friend, though, that’s all.” If I keep it simple then I won’t hurt him in anyway, and I’m not lying because Derrick really is just a friend. At least that is how we left it last.
“Look, Lindsay, I care about you, and you can make decisions for yourself, but I just want to tell you that you should be careful around Derrick. At least until you know what his true intensions are. There are too many guys who try to take advantage of girls and they go around acting like they care but they really don’t. Just be careful.”
It is true that many guys do take advantage of girls, but Derrick isn’t like that. When I’m with him, it is too pure and real, not something phony, and he doesn’t come across as pushy or wanting anything more from me then what I’m willing to give. His intentions actually seem a lot like Ethan’s: to just care for me in the way that I need to be cared for.
“Well, I will try and take your advice, but like I said we’re just friends. I better get back to Kim, though, before she comes back over to bang on the window.”
“Okay. Hold on and let me get your door for you.” He jumps out of the car and strolls around the front to my side and opens the door to let me out.
I don’t really want to get out or go with Kim. I want nothing more than to be with him; now that I know I didn’t do anything and that he loves me, I want to be with him every chance there is. I get the feeling that I need to take advantage of the time I have with him. It’s probably because he took off last time but I’m afraid I won’t see him again. He closes the door behind me and then leans in to give me a soft kiss on the lips. I tell him goodbye and walk off towards Kim while struggling to keep myself from turning around and running back into his arms.
“Hang on Lindsay,” Kim says. “You wait here I’ll be right back. I just want to say something to him real quick.”
I shout after her, “Kim!” She turns and walks over to Ethan and leans into whisper something in his ear. I’m only about five feet away, but I can’t hear anything she says. With a flip of her head she turns and walks back to me. She latches her arm with mine, and we start walking back toward the night club. She’s walking so fast I don’t get to see Ethan drive away. She’s practically dragging me back. In these heels, if I turn around I’ll probably fall on my face.
“What did you say to him?”
“Oh, nothing important. Just told him to treat my best friend right or I’ll have to kick his ass.” She gives me a big grin, and we walk back into the night club.
SEVEN
Waking up this morning is not easy. Kim had me out until two in the morning when the club closed. It was fun just being out with a girlfriend and dancing but extremely exhausting. This last week has been so crazy with Ethan and Derrick that going out with Kim was really what I needed to just be a teen girl. I was so happy to see Ethan last night too. It was most definitely the best part of the night. It couldn’t have made the night any more perfect. I feel like a huge weight of misery has been lifted from my shoulders now that he’s talking to me and I don’t have to sit around pondering why he left me. I roll over looking at my clock and can’t believe it’s already noon.
Even though I’m still tired from last night I really do feel refreshed and I’m no longer worried or stressed. I know that Ethan said he was dealing with some personal issues and that he may not be able to see me as much as he would like but even though I want to be with him every minute of the day, I’m just happy to know that he loves me and that he’s here for me. A part of me still has this concern of him leaving unexpectedly but all I can do right now is brush that feeling away and move on. He let me know that he will be here for me and that there’s nothing I can do that will drive him away. Things really seem to be working out. Derrick is another issue that will have to be addressed. When we last spoke, I let him know that friends was all I can be right now, but I need to explain to him my feelings for Ethan. I don’t want it to be a secret. I didn’t even get a chance to tell Kim last night about the conversation Ethan and I had in the car. The music was so loud in the club that I didn’t want to have to shout to tell her. Today I’m going to take a break to just spend some time down at the creek by myself, and then tomorrow I’ll get in touch with Derrick.
I’ll talk to Kim the next time I see her. It’s still best that the less information I share with her, the better but I do want to make it clear that I’m forming some sort of relationship with Ethan. Last night was the first night I didn’t dream of Ethan or Derrick. I’m going to assume that this is because I feel like I finally have things figured out. Ethan is still mysterious to me, but like he said, we need to spend some time getting to know one another so that things will seem even more right. I just don’t know how I can’t spend time with him without wanting to be with him in the naughty way. Even just sitting here thinking about him is getting me hot, and all I can imagine is his lips kissing mine and his gentle hands but firm grip on my body caressing me. His image always is so vivid in my mind – his tall, strong build of his body with dark brown hair and those eyes, those eyes that pull me into their darkness wanting more of him. It’s like they are the window to his soul that I’m unable to see past but yet they can see straight into mine, taking over me. I’ve never seen anyone with eyes like his, black and filled with so much emotion and passion as if he has lived a long life already. All I can think about when I see his beautiful eyes is how they look straight into me taking over my thoughts and emotions and indulging me in his presence allowing nothing else to exist but the two of us. My mom is standing in the kitchen when I walk in to get myself some orange juice.
“Morning, Mom. You’re not going to work with dad today?”
“No. I’m home today. Well actually I’m just heading out to the spa. I had a massage scheduled for today in about an hour in a half, and it’s in the city, so I’ll be leaving here shortly. You were out late last night. Did Kim and you have a good time?”
“Yeah! It was great, Mom. It was really nice to be out with a girlfriend. It feels like it’s been awhile since I’ve had a close girlfriend, so it’s nice to have her around outside of school.” I don’t want to mention Ethan. My mom doesn’t have many rules about boys, but if I tell her Ethan ended up meeting up with us she would probably have too many questions that I wouldn’t want to answer. For now, I’ll stick with just Kim and me going out.
“I’m glad to hear you had fun. I better get going though so I’m not late to my appointment. Who knows if there will be any traffic? It is a weekday. Be good today, honey, and just enjoy yourself. Call me if you need anything. This weekend we will do something, you and your father and me.” She kisses me on my forehead, grabs her purse off the counter, and heads out the door with her coffee in hand.
I’m glad that I don’t have to chat with her today. I really feel like getting out in the sun and just going for a short walk down by the creek, by myself this time though so as not to create any more issues or drama in my life. Summer is so beautiful here. Not like in the big city where there are too many buildings and not enough nature. Walking down behind my parent’s house I take the time to notice the nature living and growing around me. It is the end of June, and the weather is beautiful. The grass is green and the flowers and bushes are blooming. The world around me is filled with color. I enjoy being able to take the time to appreciate what the earth has to give and its natural beauty. Out here, you can feel just how peaceful the world can be.
The sound of the water running in the creek helps me to clear my mind as I listen to the sounds of it rippling through the rocks. The thoughts of Ethan don’t take long to creep back on me. Sitting on the hill that is just above the creek reminds me of the first dream I had of Ethan. I’m so happy that everything seems to be working out with him now. Just as I close my eyes and lay back to start daydreaming about Ethan, I feel a presence behind me. I sit up abruptly and turn around to see Derrick standing there.
Feeling shocked with a little bit of disappointment, I still can’t help but get excited when I look at him. I can’t decide if he just spoiled my perfect moment or made it better. “Hey, what are you doing here?” I don’t mean to sound upset but as soon as the words came out of my mouth there’s a bit of anger in them. He’s invading my space right now when all I want to do is be alone and even though his presence does bring me some pleasure I decide I would rather be alone reminiscing about Ethan.
“I’m sorry, Lindsay. I went to your house, and when no one answered I thought I would check to see if you were down here. I really need to talk to you.”
“I’m trying to have some time to myself this afternoon, but since you’re here, go ahead and take a seat.” I pat the space in the grass next to me, and he plops down, making it apparent that he isn’t going to leave until we talk. His eyes are as stunning as always with their blue brightness, filled with so much love, lighting up his face. As I look more into his expression I can see that he’s really upset and his presence seems to be giving off some anxiety and frustration in the air. I can almost feel his mood surrounding us.
“So, what’s up?” I nudged his shoulder with mine to lighten the mood a little as I brush off the fact that I can totally tell he’s upset. I can’t be mad at him
for ruining my alone time for long. His presence alone calms me and makes me feel content and safe even if he isn’t happy. I can’t explain it; it just feels good with him around.
“I heard from Kim that Ethan went and saw you last night.” It was more of a question then a statement, as if he’s trying to reconfirm something.
“Yeah, Kim and I went out to have a girl’s night, and Ethan ended up showing up. Why do you ask? You know our situation, Derrick, right?” I feel bad because I can hear the disappointment in his voice when he asks about me and Ethan. I care about Derrick, and something about him feels right to me. I like being around him, but my pull toward Ethan is more intense, and I love him. I need Ethan as much as I need to breathe to stay alive. His very presence and existence has altered my whole world.
“I know that you just want to be friends, and I’m okay with that. If a friend is all I can be right now, then I’ll take it. I’m asking you about Ethan because I have to tell you something about him. You need to be careful around him. Something about him isn’t right, and I can’t explain what it is. I know that you have strong feelings for him, but his intentions aren’t the same as yours. All I can say is you are in danger being around him, and I really need you to trust me on this.”
Fallen Desire Page 7