TWENTY THREE
“Derrick! I want to get started today and use most of the day if that’s possible for training.”
“If you’re up for it, Lindsay, but I don’t want it to be too hard on you like last time.”
“I’ll be fine. I saw Avarie, and I had a little practice coming up with my own chants, and I’m sure I can ask the elements for their help to strengthen me once I release them. Plus I would like to call on Spirit today,” I reply.
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Lindsay. You have only begun to see the power of the elements and just being able to use the four is unpredictable.”
“Derrick, regardless of what you say, I know I’m ready plus I don’t want to waste any more time. I want to start using my powers.”
“Okay. Like I said before, I care about you and want to help you. Meet me in the clearing behind your house in a half an hour.”
Before I have the chance to hang up, he has already dropped the call. Spending some time with Avarie yesterday really gave me that push I need. I know Derrick will help me in accomplishing complete control over myself and the elements and I need to do it as soon as possible because I’m emotionally going crazy without Ethan.
I know that he said all I would have to do is call on him and he would be here. There’s nothing I would love more than to see his face and feel his touch. Now with how much I know maybe I won’t get the reaction I did before when I saw him. Maybe I can be with him during all of this. I just don’t really know what he meant by “call on him” whenever I need him. It isn’t like he can hear my thoughts from a distance. With a deep breath, I close my eyes and envision him standing in front of me in my room. I sit on the edge of my bed with my eyes still closed really concentrating and focusing on Ethan and without even having to try I feel him in the room with me and want him here with me more than anything.
“Lindsay!” Quickly I open my eyes, and here he is. Ethan! Standing in front of me. At first, I just see him and his beautiful tall body with his brown hair lying slightly against his cheeks and his sensual black eyes looking at me with an expression of shock and happiness. His aura surrounding him, flashing the muddied red color with black specks along the edges. I also see a spurt of white within his aura. This is the angel that is still inside him. But before I even speak or he says anything else the sight of the demon comes to view. Lurking inside him a demon creature is all I can see. Ethan is gone and this disgusting evil stands in his place. I jump back quickly in surprise.
“Lindsay! Please don’t fear me. Please you have to try and see past the evil that’s showing through. You have the power to just see me and not let the demon interfere. Please try!” He pleads with me and I can feel his concern.
“I don’t know if I can. It doesn’t even seem like it’s you anymore.” I’m so scared this won’t work.
“I know what you see must be difficult but the power you have is to allow you to see me for what and who I am. Use your powers, Lindsay. Concentrate fully and open your eyes to see the real me.” As soon as he says it, I close my eyes and call upon the elements that I’ve already had practice with and with not wanting to waste time I make it short and to the point:
“Fire, I call upon thee in this time of need. Please lend me your power and heat give me the strength that you possess. Water from deepest ocean to smallest creek please guide me and give me the power to see. Air all around giving life I ask of thee to fill my lungs and clear my mind. Earth that grounds me and keeps me stable. Guide me with your strength so that I may see the truth in front of me.”
Opening my eyes I prepare myself and hope strongly that Ethan is all that I’ll see in front of me and the demon will be gone. “Ethan!” I jump up and hug him not wanting to ever let him go. His scent fills my lungs as I breathe him in, and his touch brings a tingling sensation from my head to my toes. Ethan is all I see standing here in front of me with complete perfection.
“You are amazing, Lindsay. You’re learning to use your elements well.”
I can’t seem to stop smiling, “Yes, it feels so good to feel you again and touch you. Oh how much I’ve missed you, and it has only been but a few days.” Before either of us say anything more, he’s holding me tightly around the waist pulling me in and reaching down to kiss my lips. His lips are soft and warm against mine feeling perfect and making my whole body instantly heat up with passion.
He lifts me gently and lies me down on the bed placing me on my back with him hovering over me tugging at my shirt kissing my lips and neck and then kissing my belly as he pulls up my T-shirt to just under my breasts. Having him hold and touch me again is all I want. I instantly forget about Derrick, all I want is Ethan. I can feel his aura intertwining within mine bringing us closer together than I’ve ever felt before. I can feel his chest pressing against mine, our heartbeats in sync beating together as one. All my worries have disappeared, and I know everything is going to be okay as long as I have Ethan.
With the elements still with me all of my senses are heightened and just a brush of Ethan’s skin on mine gives me an intense feeling of desire. Desire that begins to fade as he lifts up slightly leaving my lips and thoughts of Derrick enter my mind. A feeling of guilt consumes me. “Derrick’s helping me.” I want him to know since he must know Derrick’s intentions if Avarie does and also since he obviously speaks with Avarie.
“I know. He’s wise and he has access to the book of spells that will help you build your strength to your full potential. I just want you to understand, Lindsay, that whatever he may tell you about me it’s not true. My intentions are good and so are the intentions of a lot of the others that are like me. We all need you, Lindsay, to help us.”
“I know, Ethan. I went and saw Avarie and she explained a lot to me. I think I’m going to continue to visit her as much as I can because she has many simple spells that I would like to learn along the way. She told me as well to continue to see Derrick, but we did a spell at her house that will keep me from becoming consumed in Derrick’s Angelic charm.” That’s the only way I know how to describe my pull toward him. “So I’m certain that when I go to see him I’m not going to get all love struck anymore.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear that. You need to protect yourself as much as possible because once word gets out that you exist there are going to be a lot of unhappy Fallen Angels. There are many like Derrick that feel the same way he does. Please remember, it doesn’t make them evil or bad it’s just how they see us. I want you to be careful, Lindsay. Derrick will protect you. I’ve seen how he looks at you and his feelings for you are pure. I’m certain he will not let anything happen to you. However I do want you to be prepared that when you see him you may still feel something. I’ve seen you guys together and I don’t believe that it’s angelic charm that is making you feel that way around him. Actually, I have a feeling you’re immune to our charms. Your soul was put here to be around the Fallen Angels and I’m sure that since you were gifted with the ability of sight that you see past the outer charm that some Fallen Angels or should I say Demons may use to control their victims.”
I sigh at the thought, “No Ethan, no way. I love you; I know that the way I feel about you I could never feel for someone else. Everything I’m doing is because I want to help you so that we can be together in peace. I know my feelings for Derrick can’t be anything more than me being under his spell. I did tell Derrick, however, that I would meet him in the clearing in the forest. Would you like to come with me?”
He slowly shakes his head, “I don’t think that would be a good idea. With the way that Derrick feels about me I’m afraid he will no longer want to help you if he knows you’re talking to me again.”
“Yeah. You’re probably right. He did ask that I stay away from you as long as he’s training me. I better get going before he comes here looking for me. Please stay close so that I can see you when I’m done.”
“All you have to do is think of me like you did this morning and I’ll be here. I can
feel you, Lindsay, and I’ll know when you want or need me.” He gently leans in and kisses my forehead. “I love you, and I want you to know that the feelings that I feel toward you I’ve never felt for anyone before. You’re meant for me, Lindsay.”
“I love you too, Ethan.” As soon as he leaves I put on my shoes and head toward the forest. Without concentrating or trying, I walk straight to the path as if my subconscious led me here. Derrick standing in the middle of the opening in the grass looks incredible. The little bit of sun light streaming through the trees is catching his skin in the perfect light. The feelings that I thought would be gone, the feelings that weren’t supposed to come back because of my spell of protection are suddenly creeping back up. I can feel a warm sensation in my chest and a feeling of lust when I look into his eyes. My mind is telling me no but my body is telling me different. The feelings of lust are overwhelming when I see him. Realizing I have not let the elements go yet I ask them for more help:
“Fire, Water, Air and Earth please give me the strength to overcome these feelings for Derrick so that I may concentrate on training so that I may reach my full potential.”
In response to my request the feeling of fire burns at my finger tips and the air rushes around me moving my hair slightly. Then the sensation of water covering my body, I can feel droplets of water hovering on my skin. When I get a tingle in my toes, I look down at my feet and see a green light coming from the ground and swirling up around me until it gets to my head and then disappears into my body.
With all the elements fully empowering me I look back at Derrick who at this point is now standing right in front of me only a foot away. I now realize that no matter how much power I may have, I’m unable to cover up my true feelings. Looking at Derrick in this state, knowing all the feelings I have are real, makes me realize that even though I love Ethan I love Derrick, too. I’m going to need to face these feelings at some point but today is not the day; I refuse to admit the possibility. I don’t need another headache.
“Everything alright Lindsay?” His voice soft and sensual.
“Yeah. Sorry guess I’m just a little nervous that’s all.”
He reaches for my hand, and even though I want to pull away, I can’t because my body wants his touch. He intertwines our hands together and gives me a smile reassuring that everything’s okay. His eyes light up bright blue and his aura shifts slightly brightening up as he grabs my hand. He pulls me into him and puts his other hand around my waist placing his hand on the middle of my lower back and then brings his other hand around my waist holding my back and bringing me into him closer. His lips move toward mine, and as I watch him his eyes sparkle with love and I can see his true feelings for me. Not only can I see them but I can feel them too. He loves me! His lips touch mine bringing me to forget about everything. He’s amazing. Pure! He tastes of fresh spring air bringing life into me and filling me with joy. I have a battle going on within myself because part of me is telling me to pull away and stop but the other part of me is telling me how right this is. As I’m about to move in tighter and kiss him back harder he gently pulls away, leaving me breathless.
“Shall we begin?” He asks as I let out a sigh.
Out of breath and not really sure what just happened I nod my head, and he walks me to the center of the opening where he has candles positioned in a circle. Before stepping into the circle I stop and turn to face Derrick. “Listen Derrick, I’m not sure what’s going on here, obviously I have feelings for you. I know you have feelings for me but why when I start to give myself to you do you suddenly pull away? Before you couldn’t take your hands off of me.” I feel agitated that I’ve allowed him to leave me wanting more.
“I don’t want to pressure you, Lindsay. I respect your space and your free will. I want it to be fully up to you if anything goes further with us. I don’t want to feel like I pushed the situation on you, and what happened before shouldn’t have taken place. I shouldn’t be pushing myself on you.”
“I see. Well I really appreciate that.” Even though I want to tell him how much I want to pursue something more I don’t. Remembering Ethan keeps me in check. We spent the rest of the day training. Calling on the elements and releasing them over and over again and practicing manifesting and destroying things. By the end of the day, I was so exhausted I couldn’t walk home. Derrick lifts me and cradles me in his arms and carries me back to my house and straight up to my room like the last time. My mom and dad are already home, but Derrick was very stealth about getting through the front door without them noticing us. Once he’s gone I’ll go visit with them so they don’t think anything’s up. Cradled here in Derrick’s arms I start to imagine the dream I had of him, Ethan and Kim out in the forest and I’m thinking that maybe he is the person I can talk to about it.
Maybe he will have some insight as to what my dreams mean and why I would be having one about him and Kim having an argument with Ethan. As he lays me down on my bed, I figure it’s now or never.
“Derrick.”
“Yes Lindsay?”
“I wanted to talk to you about something – well more about a dream I had the other night.”
“What is it? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just that the dream was so vivid and real – and you and Ethan were in it. Kim was, too, which was kind of strange, but that could just be my subconscious pulling her in. Anyways, you guys were all out in the forest and you and Kim seemed to be on the same side and she was an angel as well and then Ethan was trying to defend himself but you insisted that he leave me alone. I know it was just a dream but I was thinking your book about the redeemer might have something in there in regards to the spirit of the redeemer having strange dreams and what it might mean.”
His face seems slightly strained as he thinks about what I’ve said. “I don’t believe it does, Lindsay. I think it was just a dream and you shouldn’t concern yourself with it too much. You had a long day and you need your rest for tomorrow.”
“Oh okay. Just thought I would check. Thank you, Derrick, for giving me your time today with the training.”
“Of course. You mean so much to me Lindsay, you have no idea. I will do anything to help and protect you. I know you have feelings for Ethan but please consider that I may be better for you.”
I could hear him speaking but I’m already nodding off and don’t have enough energy to respond. I know what he says is true I mean not necessarily the part about him being better for me but I’m going to have to figure out how I’m going to handle my feelings for him. The last thing I want to do is hurt Ethan.
Derrick
Her beautiful skin and brown eyes are filled with so much history that she herself doesn’t even know yet. She’s more beautiful then she could ever know. She’s filled with love and an instinct to take care of those around her. Watching her call upon the elements brings me pleasure in knowing that I’m the one helping her to obtain her true and full potential. It’s strange, though, to be standing here in the forest watching her call upon the elements not for the purpose of learning but for the purpose of wanting to protect herself from me. She isn’t aware that I know what she’s doing but being an angel I have the ability to hear what’s going on around me, especially since she’s so close. All I can do is just stand here and pretend to not notice for the time being until she’s done. For her to think that the only reason she feels attraction toward me is due to my Angel distractions that work on humans, she has another thing coming. She’s going to be in shock when she looks up to see me and still feels the same way no matter how much she tries to deny it. And I’ll make sure that she knows how I feel about her, but at the same time I won’t let it go too far because I don’t want to distract her from what we need to accomplish here today. I’m sure as well with the thought of Ethan in the back of her mind she won’t let it go too far, either. Which makes me feel a little sad but I know she will come around to seeing things how I see them. It’s the only way.
As she looks up at me
, it is undeniable that we are meant for each other. Her eyes slightly confused but see the truth that’s in front of her. I’m but a couple of feet away from her and with the expression of surprise on her face I can see that she has realized that her feelings for me are real which makes me want her that much more. I would take her away from here if I could, so that we could be together without the unnecessary distractions of Ethan and the other Fallen, but I can’t. I have to help her because in the end I’ll need her help in ridding the earth of the demons that are now allowed to roam free with no consequences for their behavior. They harm humans every day by feeding on their souls, using them for strength and energy.
The only reason Ethan hasn’t hurt Lindsay is probably that he’s been feeding on others, I just haven’t caught him yet. Moving into her slightly I can feel that she’s at war with herself, trying to deny me and my touch but she can’t. I grab her hand and pull her into me, as I press my lips to hers I realize that even though we’ve kissed before, it’s different this time. This time she realizes that she wants it just as much as me; she cares for me, too. Not wanting to distract us from today’s mission I pull away gently even though I don’t want to, I know that I have more willpower than she does. Human’s hormones can be so overbearing for them. It’s my mission to win her heart and also prepare her to fight by my side when the time comes and I won’t allow Ethan or anyone else to stand in my way of what is right.
Fallen Desire Page 21