“Why do you say that?” he asked.
“You lost your best friend and your wife cheated on you.”
He reached across and took the bottle from me, “Yeah, and how we are any different?”
“It just feels like more of a betrayal for you than it does for me. Carson and I had grown apart, but you guys…” I explained while he kept his eyes focused on mine.
“Oh, Chloe. Betrayal hurts no matter how deep it runs.”
“You know, I haven’t had scotch since college. I have stuck strictly to wine to keep myself better behaved,” I laughed, tipping the bottle and watching the bubbles forming in the bottom.
“Well that was a wasted effort, wasn’t it?”
I watched him as his lips wrapped around the bottle and I could see his spirit growing lighter with every drink he took. I knew the full effects of the scotch were settling in on me when I considered his looks for the first time.
He was so different from Carson. Carson had such defined and strong facial features with eyes that were so bright you would almost think they were colored contact lenses. But Brian was more relatable. His eyes were honey brown, soft and inviting. His dark, thick hair was messy like he had just rolled out of bed. He didn’t look so worried about being perfectly put together and I appreciated that as I looked at him now. His physique was that of an athlete and I looked at how his shirt clung tight to his chest and arms. He seemed genuine and that was something I never felt with Carson after our first date. Brian’s eyes were inviting in a way that I felt like there was more behind them than what Carson offered me. Brian seemed like an actual person while Carson was more of a presence. Brian was appealing. More appealing than I had ever allowed myself to accept before tonight. But now, I had nothing holding me back from fully appreciating his appearance.
The bottle landed hard against the table and I jumped, looking back to his eyes. He was watching me closely and I felt my face burn with embarrassment knowing that he had just watched me consider him for the first time.
I cleared my throat and hurried an innocent smile at him. “So, what are you going to do?”
I could see his eyes dancing with possibilities before he finally smiled down at the table. “Divorce, obviously.”
“Really?”
“Well yeah. What else is there? I cannot stand to think about her now, let alone stay married to the whore.”
I chuckled at his terminology, a word some women would consider offensive but in the moment, it was the most satisfying description I could think of for her. “I understand. I know that I should be grieving Carson’s death right now, but I cannot think about anything other than how much I hate him for doing this,” I admitted, fighting away tears.
“For what it’s worth, I think Carson was crazy for taking you for granted,” he said.
There was a sweetness in his eyes that I had never seen. I could feel that sincerity as I looked at him. He was truly gifted in speaking with his eyes. A talent I am glad I haven’t learned, especially in this moment. I shyly let out a small laugh and reached for the bottle again. “I don’t know about that,” I said, filling my glass. “The rest is yours.” I handed him the near empty bottle.
“We did pretty good, huh?” He laughed and tilted the bottle, looking at the small amount left.
“We have plenty more,” I winked. “So, did Mila admit it to you?”
He sighed heavily, looking back at me. “Yeah, she came home a hot mess. I didn’t know what was going on. She told me that I was going to find out eventually. I didn’t ask her details. I just left and ended up here.”
“Do you need a place to stay?”
He rubbed his hand through his hair and flashed another smile. “Actually, I kind of do. Just for tonight. I can get a room tomorrow but I don’t know that I should be driving now.”
We both laughed looking at the finished bottle between us. “No, you definitely should not be driving!”
“Janet is going to be here tomorrow,” I tell him, spinning my glass on the table. “I don’t know what I should tell her. I don’t want to tell her that he was having an affair that possibly got him murdered. That is her son and I don’t want to say anything that takes away from his memory.”
“Chloe, Carson put himself in this situation. Whether one of his affairs had anything to do with the murder or not, he still chose to have the affairs. I don’t think you need to worry about covering for him on that or anything else.”
I smiled at him and stood to get the red label. “You are right, Brian.”
“Chloe, do you think they would have ever told us? Do you think they planned on leaving us for each other?”
“I hadn’t thought about it. I don’t know. I guess it depends on how long it had been going on. Detective Burns said Carson had been paying for a hotel room for a year,” I told him, letting myself consider the possibility of all that time being with her. “Do you think?”
“Maybe. They had to have known that they couldn’t just have a casual affair, right?”
I shrugged my shoulders. He was right. They wouldn’t have risked so much for something so close to home for both of them if it didn’t mean something.
“What do you think happened to him, Brian?”
He surprised me when he actually laughed, “Honestly, I have no idea. I cannot think of anyone that would have reason to kill him other than me or you.”
I laughed too when I realized he was right but stopped when I thought more about it. “What if they never find who has done this?”
“Chloe, they will. Obviously, Carson kept secrets from both of us so there must be someone else that had a reason to do this. Whatever reason it may be, they will find whoever is responsible.”
“I hope so,” I sighed, twisting the cap off the new bottle of scotch.
He looked through the living room at the pool. “Carson and I never even swam in that thing together,” I said more to myself than to him.
He looked back at me and I could tell he was fighting to understand. But Carson and I had not been intimate with each other for over a year. I felt even worse for Brian now that I realized he must have been completely blindsided by Mila having an affair.
“She never behaved differently around me,” he said. “There were no warning signs.” He turned back and took the bottle. He held it tipped back much longer this time before finally saying, “Maybe there were and I was just too stupid to realize.”
“Well at least you weren’t holding on to something completely nonexistent,” I muttered as I stared at my empty cup. I wanted to make his situation seem not as bad for his own good, but I couldn’t imagine how I would be feeling if I knew that I had been sleeping with Carson after he’d been with Mila. Even though it is possible this could have been going on longer than a year, I am not letting myself entertain it.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
We eventually stumbled our way to the living room where we both agreed against watching anything news related. I didn’t want to watch the news, I didn’t even want to acknowledge what was happening around me. I know that I cannot hide from it, but at least for the night, I wanted to forget about it entirely.
Chapter Six
I slowly opened my eyes and the light shining in seemed blinding. I moaned as my head pounded and looked down to see my hand on Brian’s chest. Oh, my God. I felt him move when I carefully raised my face away from his neck and I froze hoping he wouldn’t wake. He quieted so I sat up on the couch next to him and looked down at the half empty bottle of red label scotch laying in the floor. I couldn’t believe I passed out on him. I quickly patted my chest and exhaled in relief to see we were both still fully dressed.
I held my breath when he shifted to open his eyes. “I’m sorry,” I whispered as he looked around the room. He laughed when he looked down at the bottle of scotch and I innocently shrugged my shoulders at him.
“I haven’t passed out drunk with a girl on a couch since college,” he said offering me a smile to try and take a
way from the awkwardness.
“Yeah, I don’t even remember falling asleep,” I admitted, accidentally looking back to his neck.
“I am pretty sure it came right after your couch dancing.”
I dropped my head in my hands when I remembered spinning around on the middle cushion to some commercial jingle. “Oh, wow!” I laughed. “That is why I stick to wine.”
He gently squeezed my leg above my knee and smiled at me again, “Let me get you some coffee and aspirin.”
I picked up the bottle and followed him to the kitchen. “I am so sorry I passed out on you.”
“Chloe, it is fine. Last night was exactly what I needed. You are actually a lot more fun than I would have ever guessed.”
I squinted my eyes, the reaction I always have when I am considering the context of someone’s statement, because I wasn’t really sure how to take that but I laughed anyway, “Like wise.”
We both stopped when someone knocked on the door. My stomach sank thinking of how this was going to look. Brian turned to me nervously and I knew he was thinking the same thing.
“What if that is the detective? This looks terrible!” I whispered to him and his face pressed with worry.
“Then she already seen my car outside,” he mouthed back to me and I watched him walk to the door.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, disgusted, to whoever was on the other side of the door.
I quickly walked over and stopped when I saw Mila staring back at me. On a normal day, Mila would be wearing a form fitting dress with a salon standard up do, looking like she had just left a photoshoot. Not today. For the first time in five years, I see what Mila looks like without her airbrushed face and I have to say, I am not impressed. I looked to Brian briefly and could see the noninterest in speaking with her all over his face.
“You are not welcome at my house,” I said, reaching in front of Brian to push the door shut.
“Please, wait!” she cried out with her hand pressed against the door. Like hell. I had no intention of listening to what she had to say right now.
I pushed it the rest of the way closed and with a loud slam of the door, she gave up her attempt of making amends. I was in complete shock that she would have the nerve to show up at my house. How could she even think about knocking on my door? I looked back at Brian and I could see the same stress filling the creases in his forehead that I saw last night.
“I am sorry, Brian.”
He smiled down at me and walked back over to pour us both a cup of coffee. “You know, I am not going to find a room tonight, she is,” he said casually and I smiled at how his stress had faded so quickly.
“Good idea, I’m sure she has a punch card or something she can get her a nice discount,” I smirked, although it wasn’t really in funny in a literal sense.
The phone rang and I stood up pressing my eyes as the sound of it rang loudly in my head. “Oh, hangovers are not fun,” I moaned and hurried to answer.
“Hello?”
“Mrs. Damichi?”
“Yes…”
“I am calling from Pegasus Funeral Home. I am deeply sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you,” I said hesitantly. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to respond. Am I supposed to say that it is okay, because it isn’t?
“Can you come by this morning and make arrangements for your husband’s service?”
“My mother in law is flying in this evening. Can we come by tomorrow?”
I listened while the man paused for several moments, “We really need at least an obituary for Mr. Damichi and the time of death was four days ago, we need to be proceeding with the services within the next couple of days. I understand the circumstances have played a role in the delay, but we need to get your husband laid to rest as quickly as possible, Mrs. Damichi.”
“Yes, of course. I will be in today.” Understandably, procrastinating funeral services is not an easy feat.
Brian watched me as I sat back down. “Did Carson ever talk to you about his wishes?” I asked, feeling embarrassed that I even had to ask.
“Only that he did not want to be cremated,” he said slowly and I felt tears building in my eyes again, feeling surprised that my tear ducts hadn’t dried up yet. I didn’t even know that much. He reached out and took my hand, “Chloe, I will come with you. You shouldn’t do this alone.”
“Thank you, Brian. I just don’t know what to do for him.” I didn’t want to say it out loud, but I didn’t feel right being the one to plan his funeral now. I know that Brian is angry with him too, but that anger is the only feeling I am holding onto.
“Here,” he said. I reached out my hand and he let three aspirin fall into it. I smiled and thanked him quickly before washing them down with my coffee.
“Do you want me to pick out a suit for him?”
“Can you just get the nicest one? I don’t know anything about suits.”
I watched him disappear into our room and I turned back to my coffee. I had never even spoken with Carson about this kind of thing. Would he want certain music played? Would he want the casket closed or open? Or would he even care at all? Were these things Mila would know? Should I have slammed the door in her face, or should I have been the bigger person and involved her in the planning?
Brian hung a black suit on the coat rack and sat down beside me. “I am sure whatever arrangements you make, Carson would appreciate them.”
I silently debated if that would be true or not before excusing myself to the shower. I didn’t want to put make up on but I felt obligated to look presentable for Carson, like the way I looked was a reflection on him. No one else would feel that way, but Carson would and always had. I rushed to make myself look half way decent when I realized they were probably used to family looking like hell.
When I walked back in the kitchen, Brian was staring down at his phone. “Everything okay?” I asked.
“Um, yeah. I think so. Mila said they are serving her the search warrant.”
“Well, that is good. The sooner they get it done, the sooner you are cleared from the investigation.”
He tucked his phone back into his pocket and smiled, “Yeah, thank God. Are you ready to go?”
I exhaled knowing that I wasn’t. But I forced a smile back at him and grabbed my coat.
“I will drive,” he said, opening the door for me. I was not going to argue that.
I watched the funeral home coming closer and I could feel my chest tightening with the anxiety for what needed to be done.
Brian opened my car door and I took in a deep breath before I stepped out. My heels hit the pavement heavily and the walk inside seemed never ending. The white pillars reflected brightly under the overcast of the clouds and my eyes studied the still water pooling in the landscape. If funeral parlors were meant to be beautiful, this one has certainly taken the extra steps to achieve that with their impressive ascetics.
A musty smell and slender man greeted me when Brian opened the door to an even higher level of strategic décor. I looked down at the man’s hand as he rapidly shook mine, causing my whole body to rock with the force. My mind should have been focused on so many other things, but all I could think about was how thin his skin looked over his protruding tendons and deep purple veins. My morbid curiosity of how many lifeless bodies those hands have touched left me feeling a strange tingle on my own hand when he finally let go.
He led us through two large wooden doors into a room with only a round table where we all sat. He gripped the pen in his fragile hand and scribbled down answers that I numbly gave. I felt like I should be crying but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The more I thought I should be looking like a mess, the more put together I seemed. But I couldn’t find tears for the situation when all I could think about was what if he had wanted Mila to be the one doing this for him. If he had been planning on divorcing me for her, then she should be here now. She should be the one arranging his funeral, not me.
We went down a hallway, dimly lit wit
h a strange chill, and my eye caught a door marked Mortuary. I stopped, knowing that my husband was on the other side of it. He was physically within my touch but realistically he was nowhere near me. He was gone. I wanted to go to him, but I knew that I couldn’t. Not really. I could see Brian waiting for me at the end of the hall and I turned to catch up to him.
Walking through the casket selection, I looked at the different types, some wooden and others metal. I didn’t know if one would be more desirable than the other. Then, I thought back on the painting in the guest room and calmly said, “Just give him the most expensive one you have.”
I turned to walk out, leaving the mortician and Brian unsure of how to react. The fresh air outside was a relief until I noticed the tree line bordering the parking lot. I stood facing them, thinking back to Carson’s body beneath that white sheet and I closed my eyes as the wind picked up, blowing heavily against my skin.
“Chloe…” Brian said and I turned quickly to face him. I hurried a quick smile back at him and walked to the car. We drove quietly and I noticed him taking a detour passed his house. I could see lights flashing as we got closer and I sat up in the seat, pressing my hands against the dash. “Brian…”
“What is all this?”
His suitcase hit the back of my seat with a loud thud when he slammed on the brakes. He jumped out of the car and I hurried to put the car in park before running behind him. There were officers swarming the house, yellow caution tape surrounded their drive and I watched a woman carrying out evidence bags. I couldn’t tell what was in them and two officers cut us off on the edge of the property line.
“This is my house,” Brian shouted to the officers. But his claim of ownership obviously meant nothing and the man kept his arms outstretched to block either of us from passing.
“What is going on?” I asked, but the officer didn’t even acknowledge me, instead he listened to his radio singing on his shoulder. Phrases crackled through that meant nothing to me but clearly were important. I looked over to Brian, wondering if he had been completely honest with me last night when he started pushing at the officer, trying to get passed.
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