We finished our dinner and the waiter pulled the plates from our table while he offered dessert. “Are the two of you celebrating something special?” he asked, clearly noticing the excitement between us.
Brian’s face lit with joy, “Yes, we are celebrating someone special. We are having a baby girl.”
The waiter’s eyes quickly shot to my stomach and I followed his gaze with a small smile knowing that my body would never be altered from the joys of motherhood. I looked back up to his puzzled face and debated explaining, but instead I reached over and took Brian’s hand. “We are very excited,” I smiled. The waiter left the table and Brian sat back in his chair, intently watching me.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he said and my stomach tightened from the bedroom eyes he was unknowingly giving me. He dropped his head quickly and scooted away from the table, “Excuse me.”
A row of surprisingly attractive women turned in their barstools to watch Brian walking passed. I could hear their giggling and generous use of the term, eye candy which let me know that Brian could hear it as well. But he paid them no attention.
“Well hello...”
I looked over the brim of my wine glass to see a man arrogantly perching himself on the back of Brian’s chair. His skin was leathery from his obvious hobby of ultraviolet exposure and his waxed chest was shining between his black shirt that had conveniently not been buttoned past his naval. Needless to say, his bleached blonde hair and cheap cologne that was causing my eyes to water was not impressing me at all.
“Yes?”
“Can I buy you another glass?” he asked.
I did my best to politely decline but he persisted. He was either not used to being rejected, or he simply did not care. I assume the ladder because I just cannot imagine this facade would win many women over. “I think you could use another,” he said. His tone was drowning in a pathetic attempt of smoothness and I was relieved to see Brian walking out of the restroom.
“Can I help you with something?” Brian asked.
“Is this your woman?”
I took great insult to the way he made me seem like a possession. Brian also did not like the tone and he protectively put his hand on my shoulder as he held the man’s stare. “This woman is with me, yes. Now you can either excuse yourself from our table or I can assist you.”
I had never heard Brian speak this way to anyone before. He was aggressive and he was territorial, of me. The man took heed to the warning and walked away without saying anything more. My face blushed when Brian sat down across from me and I fought letting my admiration of him show. Brian was jealous that the man was hitting on me and he wasn’t even concerned with hiding it. And me, well I was incredibly turned on.
“Thank you,” I said as casually as I could muster, “You have some options at the bar too, you know.”
“I am not interested in them, Chloe.” His eyes were lit with that same innocent seduction I always caught in them and I knew there was a hidden meaning behind what he had said.
For all the time that Brian and I had spent together, this was the first time that it came close to bordering the line of a date. I just wasn’t sure how either of us really felt about that.
Chapter Thirteen
I could see myself, five years ago, in her. She was young and untouched by the hardships life would inevitably throw at her. The light from the entrance chandelier caught in her hazel eyes just right, creating a sparkle in them as she smiled to her husband. This couple will make this house their home. But looking at this woman, and her naïve appreciation for a life that is nothing but cruel and unfair, I wanted to warn her. I wanted to tell her to be ready for her heart to be ripped from her chest for no good reason at all. And I wanted to tell her that as much as she thinks that man standing next to her loves her, he probably loves five other women just the same. I wanted to explain to her that him buying her this house didn’t mean he was trying to give her the world, it only meant he was trying to keep her satisfied enough that he could get away with being a deceitful piece of shit husband. But instead, I smiled at her and stood stiffly while she hugged me goodbye.
Their offer came in within two hours and I accepted it. The bid was two hundred thousand dollars less than the asking price, still plenty of money to split the new home and send the baby to any ivy league school, and that is exactly why I accepted it. The low-ball bid was actually impressive to me and it gave me hope that I was wrong about modern day Marilyn Monroe and her marriage. When Carson and I bought this house, he offered two hundred and fifty thousand dollars above the asking price. Ridiculous, I know. But that was Carson. So maybe I had unjustly judged their marriage, if not, at least her husband wasn’t a showboat like the man I had married.
Homes should have things that make the home. Small knickknacks that represent a piece of the lives for the people who live in it. There should be personal things, things close to someone’s heart. But not this house. Not really. Nothing in here really seemed important. Everything that decorated this house was only doing so because of its hefty price tag, keeping up an appearance. The living room was decorated in black and white, a perfect similarity to the life being lived there. White leather sofas with black throw pillows. Tall black vases with silk white roses sat next to the fireplace. The pictures I had thrown away were the only things that gave any sign to someone actually living here. But those are gone. At least in my den, I had shelves of my favorite novels. Each bind worn from the excessive page turning. But in those books, on cream colored paper in a times new roman font, I was able to get away. I could slip into another world much sweeter than my own. The furniture and décor could all stay. I didn’t want any of it. Besides, the new couple was ecstatic to hear that I was including it in the sale. My wardrobe and books were the only things I was taking with me.
I was sitting in the floor, attempting to box away all of my books when I was drawn back into my favorite romance. The book would open to my favorite part every time from the frequent reading of that one page and I was smiling down to read about the undying love I had never known when Brian peaked in. “I brought coffee,” he said smiling, and I gasped reaching for it.
“You are amazing.”
“Yeah, that is what I have been told. So, what do I need to help with?” he asked.
My mind started to trail off with which attributes earned him the title of amazing and I hurried to close the book in my hands, blaming it for my lovesick daydreaming. “Actually, just Carson’s closet.”
I couldn’t bring myself to just throw his things into a box. I don’t know why I felt wrong for doing it, but I did. I planned to donate them, more specifically, I planned on asking Brian to donate them because I knew handing away his belongings would be too hard for me. But that donation will make someone very, very happy.
I closed the last box slowly and looked around again at the house that I was leaving. I couldn’t help but feel relieved from it. I felt like I was leaving this burden behind. Like all of the hurt and betrayal was just going to stay tucked away within these walls.
Brian walked down the hallway carrying two large boxes and rolled his eyes before he went to grab the rest. I think he thought the excessive amount of clothing was just as ridiculous as I did.
“This is going to work, right?” I asked him nervously when we loaded the last boxes into the moving truck.
He smiled at me and gently took my hand. “Chloe, I cannot think of a better woman to raise a child with,” he said genuinely, wrapping his arm around me.
I took in a deep breath, “Let’s go.”
“We only have two months to get her nursery ready,” I told him with a mixture of excitement and nervousness.
“Let’s start tonight,” he smiled over to me as we drove.
“Really?”
He just kept smiling and pulled into the Lowes parking lot. He ran to my side of the car and opened my door to quickly pull me out. We all but ran into the store together and I couldn’t remember the last
time I had felt this happy. I had never felt as young as I did with Brian. It was like we had an entire lifetime ahead of us to do and be whatever we wanted with no pressures of living up to each other’s expectations. It was exhilarating.
Brian and Carson were the same age, but there was something so free about Brian’s spirit. Something so fresh.
“Pink?” I asked, staring at the wall of paint choices.
“What about lavender?” he suggested.
He pulled a sample card from the display. It was such a soothing color and I wanted that for her. I wanted her to always feel peaceful and calm. I wanted the absolute best for her, even if that meant starting with the paint choices.
“It is beautiful.”
We settled on gray and lavender and filled his Mercedes with décor. We had both picked out furniture online for her and it was going to be delivered in the next couple weeks. We agreed on a beautiful white sleigh style crib with matching dressers and a changing table with a rocking chair to sit next to her picture window. Now that we had everything else for her room, I wish that we had gone to a store to buy the furniture so we didn’t have to wait to have the nursery finished.
These past months with Brian had been the best I had ever had. Things were so easy with him. Life didn’t seem so cruel when he was around and he effortlessly overshadowed the harshness of life’s battles. Most people wouldn’t understand how our connection was strong enough that it didn’t need to be anything more. I do love Brian, but I love him enough that I do not feel like I have to be in love with him.
We pulled into our driveway and I looked at how perfectly peaceful it looked. This was our first night living and sleeping here. This was the beginning of our lives together, a milestone in the rest of our lives. Brian walked me to the door and his face was brilliantly pleased as he held it open for me. The house didn’t feel like a staged scene like my last one did, this house felt like a home. The movers had done an excellent job and everything looked perfect. The furniture was all new, picked out by Brian and me in an attempt to leave all of our bad memories behind. This home had color, it had warmth. I turned and hugged him tightly.
“Chloe…”
“Yeah?”
“I want you to know how excited I am to build a life here with you,” he started and I smiled up at him as I knew there was more coming. “In all the craziness, I never thought anything good would come out of it. But I don’t think anything better could have happened to me.”
I let my head fall back onto his chest. “Me too, Brian.”
He had kept his promise about the security system. There were motion detectors and video footage of every inch of the property. Once that alarm was set, anyone who came on our property would be lit up with spotlights and sirens loud enough to wake the entire neighborhood. I would say it was too much, excessive even, but I couldn’t. It did make me feel safe. And after he had the security company install cameras at my old house for the thirty-day closing period before we could move into this one, there weren’t any more incidents. No roses. No broken patio doors. No big bad wolf sleeping in my bed.
Our bedroom doors were across from each other in the hallway. We could see each other from our beds and it gave me a warm comfort knowing that he was so close to me.
“I hope you don’t sleep naked,” I laughed while he playfully posed on his bed for me.
“Why do you?” he asked as he sat up attentively.
“You wish.”
He shrugged his shoulders and fell back. “What do you think Mila thinks about us adopting her baby?” he asked.
I pressed my forehead and fell back on my own bed looking up to the ceiling. “I don’t know,” I admitted. I had never really put much energy into considering her feelings. But I am sure it is probably hard for her to accept. I would like to think that she would be relieved that it was me and Brian raising her though, but again, I don’t really care one way or the other how she feels.
“What will we tell the baby?” he asked and I could hear him sitting up on his bed.
I sat up then and watched him walking into my room. He sat down beside me and looked around at my boxes piled in the closet and corners of the room.
“Do we have to tell her anything?” I asked, thinking of how hard the truth would be for her to hear.
“No, I guess we don’t.”
“What do you think will happen with Mila?”
He shrugged lightly at the question. “I think Mila will spend the rest of her life in prison. And even if she doesn’t, you and I are that baby girl’s legal parents. Mila wouldn’t be able to take that from us even if she did get out.”
“Have you ever thought about confronting her, asking her why she did it?” I asked.
“Yeah, I think about it all the time. But I doubt that I ever will. What is the point?”
“I think about it a lot too,” I sighed. That was really an understatement. There are many nights where I cannot sleep, dwelling on what must have been going through her mind. Trying to make sense of her actions. Hearing her explanation is something that I not only need, it is something I desperately want. I want to know why.
“And would you?” he asked.
“I feel obligated to at least demand an explanation. I feel like I owe that to Carson. Does that make sense?”
He rubbed my knee and nodded. “Well, if you ever decide you want to, I will be there with you.”
“Thank you.” I rested my head on his shoulder. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“Hey, you know what we haven’t done for a while?” he asked chipperly.
I sat back up and cautiously studied his eyes.
“Let’s go,” he smiled and pulled me up with him.
I followed him down to the kitchen and watched him grab the box that was marked ‘DO NOT LOSE’ in bold black letters. He smiled while he ripped the tape away and I laughed when he handed me a bottle of scotch. We had been doing very good to keep our drinking light lately, but this did seem like a good cause for celebration.
“Hey, Chloe...”
I pressed my face from the burn of the scotch. “Yeah?” I coughed out, realizing how long it had actually been since I had drank liquor.
“Do you miss Carson?”
I studied his eyes then and my shoulders fell when I couldn’t force myself to lie, “No.”
He nodded slowly and I could tell it was because he felt the same about Mila.
“I didn’t realize how unhappy I was,” he said. “Mila and I were not close,” and I watched him drinking to his own silent toast. “Not like me and you.”
His eyes held mine and this time, there was a deep passion in them. He quickly looked away from me and I could almost see the confliction he was feeling. I felt those same conflictions as I sat there watching him.
“I am sorry,” he said, looking back at me and I took in his eyes as they now were filled with a sadness, almost a longing.
“Why?”
He looked at me for a long time then and finally said, “I love you, Chloe. And I know that may complicate things, but I do love you.”
He said it so confidently and matter-of-factly that I felt my face blush even though I didn’t know exactly what he meant by loving me. But I didn’t have to consider how to respond to him. “I love you too, Brian.” And I did love him. Saying it wasn’t a weighted confession, it was just natural and heartfelt.
His lips gave a slight hint at a smile and he sat back in his chair. Our lack of drinking showed and we laughed harder with each drink. The room was spinning around me and I could feel myself swaying in the chair before the bottle was even half empty.
“I think we should call it a night,” he laughed as he stood to help me up.
He walked me up the stairs and we both stumbled to make our way up them. When we made it to the top, we collapsed into a drunken laughing fit and laid in the floor looking up together.
“Brian,” I said, struggling to not slur. “I think you are the most amazing man I ha
ve ever met.”
He laughed again and I shoved at him. “I mean it though.” I sat up to look down at him.
He reached up and softly brushed my cheek. “You, Chloe, are definitely the most amazing woman I have ever met.”
I rested my hand on top of his as he held my face and I closed my eyes, smiling.
“Okay, let’s get to bed,” he said.
He kissed my cheek before he left me standing at my doorway. I stumbled into my room and fell onto the bed and rolled over to watch him collapse into his. I could see him fighting to get the blankets around him and I laughed as I stood up to walk to him. I leaned against his door frame and his eyes locked with mine.
He didn’t say anything and even in the dark, I could see the desire in his eyes. I smiled and walked over to crawl into bed beside him. He took me in his arms and held me, his lips resting against my forehead, and we fell asleep together.
I felt him slowly moving and I opened my eyes enough to see the sun shining. He was careful as he moved his arms away from me and I watched him walk into his bathroom. I smiled when the door closed and listened to the shower turn on. I rolled over to his side of the bed and grabbed his glass of water. His nightstand drawer was partially open and I saw a travel size tube of tooth paste. I covered my mouth with his pillow and laughed quietly. This must be a bachelor trick, and a pretty good one. I helped myself to some and laid back onto the bed. It was an amazing bed. Black silk sheets with a velour black duvet, and the pillow top felt like a cloud. I should have gotten the same kind when we picked out our new furniture. This was way better than my memory foam.
We had slept on the couch many times together so waking up in the same bed didn’t seem awkward. But as I laid there listening to the water run, I thought of how he had kissed my cheek. He was always so respectful with me, even when we had too much to drink. He never even made a pass at me and I appreciated that. He really was the perfect gentleman and I meant it when I told him last night that he was the most amazing man. He really was. Even when I crawled into his bed with him, he never crossed a line with me. He didn’t look at me the way most men did, he looked at me with an adoration when most men’s eyes were filled with lust. But not Brian, he was different. And that made me love him even more.
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