by Ava D. Dohn
* * *
Darla was hunched forward, staring at the crackling fire, her elbows resting on bent knees, cradling her head in cupped hands. Only moments before, her companion and guide had tossed the remaining logs on the fire, which was eagerly consuming its final feast of the night.
Shifting her gaze from the dancing flames, Darla scrutinized the creature seated on a fallen tree across the fire from where she sat. Finally the curiosity of the moment overcame her and she asked, “So, please, Phulakee, will you tell me the answers to the questions my heart has sought from you since the beginning of this journey?”
For the longest time, Phulakee remained silent. He sat back, puffing on a long-stemmed tube with a bowl at its end, releasing aromatic clouds of cherry-almond-smelling smoke into the late night sky. Finally, sitting forward, the Cherub pulled the pipe from his mouth and smiled. “Your friend, Jebbson, would often light up such a device with his special blend of this weed. It seemed to have such a calming effect on you. Does it do that now?”
Darla thought a moment before replying. “Yes, but I believe it’s because I think of him when I smell the sweet aroma. He always makes me feel at ease.” She shook her head. “Funny about these off-worlders... Maybe it’s them or possibly their strange ways…whatever… Mr. Garlock knows how to comfort my heart.” A wistful smile crossed her face. “I can hear his voice even now, singing gentle tunes in my ears.”
Phulakee shook the stem of his pipe toward Darla. “That’s because he is singing gentle tunes to you. You see, my child, you are nearing the moment when your mind will rejoin the conscious world of the living.”
Darla’s face mirrored the growing excitement in her eyes. She started to speak, but Phulakee waved for her to remain silent. “You have asked me many questions. Do you want answers?”
Darla grinned, nodding.
“That is what I shall do in our remaining time together.” Phulakee casually eyed the fire as if gauging its life and then turned his attention back to Darla. “Now be still and patient. Do not interrupt me, for I have my own style of storytelling. I know what is in your heart and I will seek to satisfy it best I can.”
“You know me as ‘Phulakee, the watcher’, but that is not my name from long ago. For I come from a time beyond measure, a time before words, or shapes, or sounds. Let me tell you of the waking days.”
“Before the waking days, the one you call ‘Mother’, ‘Yehowah’, ‘Lowenah’, and the many, many, other names that One is called - this Maker of worlds drifted in a void of nothingness, unaware of her surroundings. She spent those ages inventing an inner kingdom of living, thinking creatures. Gradually, Lowenah created the framework or blueprint of what would become all known life.”
“She devised a way to make living machines…’creatures’ is the most common definition, but still machines of sorts…that had the ability to develop thinking processes similar to hers. She continued to refine her inventions until they attained mental abilities and powers close to her own. These creatures came to be known as ‘Cherubs’. As your mother grew in knowledge, her Cherubs did also, enabling them to remain on a mental plane with her.”
“Of course, this was all done within her mind, a world of energy that is unknown to any mortals.” He shrugged. “Yet it is the mind of Lowenah that is the true reality, for it is the birthplace of all life, the same as your true reality is not your body, but your mind.”
Phulakee returned to his story. “I was created in what you might call the ‘early age of the pre-waking days’. The Cherub you know as ‘RosMismar’, the head watcher, is little older than I. In fact, he and I have shared many of what you might call ‘adventures’ together. Your mother gains much joy in inventing, especially in making living things and in great variety. Soon there were millions upon millions of us Cherubs, maybe billions upon billions, each of us different but still somewhat alike.”
Shaking his pipe, Phulakee warned, “Please pay close attention to me, for time doesn’t permit me to repeat my tales. If I do not fully explain certain things to you, it is because it’s not time for such matters to be revealed. For you it has been granted to see the face of God. This is only the beginning of your journey. Much more you will learn in future days.”
Darla promised to pay close attention and not interrupt.
“Good!” Phulakee continued. “There were no words or mental pictures in the pre-waking days. Communication was done by transmitting what you would call ‘feelings of thought’. Not the feelings that come from your heart, called emotions. No. They were feelings similar to what you call ‘senses’, smell, taste, touch, and many that you relate to romantic or sensual, but are really stimuli oriented. We sensed who we were communicating with, their personalities, likes and dislikes, developing what you might call relationships. Even without definitive sight or speech, our world was a joyous place, filled with stimulating and rewarding activities. ‘Never a dull moment,’ as your friend, Jebbson, would say.”
“Lowenah eventually began projecting her senses outward, into the void surrounding her. She reached out with her fingers, so to speak, seeking to find something or someone to touch with mind and spirit. Stretching her powers to their furthest reaches, she was able to detect nothing, living or otherwise.”
“We now have come to what may be called the ‘waking days’. Something awoke in Lowenah, something so strange and different, she was unable to share it with us. You see, my child, Lowenah didn’t fully understand it, herself. A new sense came to us, a troubling one - one that ceased when the first of your kind came into existence.” Phulakee sadly shook his head and looked into the blaze. “And it has returned and lingered all these days since the Rebellion.” Catching the reflection of the fire in Darla’s eyes, the Cherub pointed a long finger at her. “You, though, know and understand this sense of which I speak all too well. You call it ‘loneliness’.”
Darla’s mouth dropped open in wonder, but she remained silent. She then lowered her head and frowned at the thought of how disappointing it must have been for her mother to find no other living person to share all her joys with. Sure, the creatures she had invented pleased and amused her… but to find no one like herself, no one at all for that matter? Darla sadly sighed at the thought.
Phulakee slapped his knee. “Well, Lowenah didn’t give up. She was determined. Now, time as you and I know it today didn’t exist back then. We had no reason to measure or divide periods or orders into what is called ‘time’, seeing no Cherub ever needed rest, never got bored, or impatient – no, never.” He raised an eyebrow and stared accusatively. “We learned all about that from your kind - always in a hurry, wanting everything now, never wanting to wait. Had to invent years and seasons… ages just lasted too long for you people.” He grinned. “Lowenah likes it that way, too. Keeps her busy.”
“Eventually Lowenah discovered a way to transfer her energy outside her body, making it independent from her life force. In time, most of us Cherubs received independent energy bodies… looked much the same as hers. Once in those bodies, what you might call ‘sight’, ‘movement’, and ‘distance’ joined our senses, for now there were shapes and points of location to add to our information gathering. I only mention this so you will understand that we also continue to grow in wisdom and abilities. As new stimuli come in touch with our senses, we learn to adjust to it. Eventually that’s how speech came into existence. But that’s another story for another day.”
“When we Cherubs attained sufficient skill at using our new bodies, many were sent to search the void. To this day, the search continues. Still, no evidence has been discovered to indicate that anything exists beyond Lowenah and what she has created.”
“Your mother waited. More ages passed…thousands more than that of your young universe. Cherubs traveling at speeds far faster than you can comprehend streaked across the endless void only to report back that they had found nothing.”
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nbsp; Phulakee interrupted his story, seeing the curious look growing on Darla’s face. “My child, a Cherub like myself can travel back and forth across this galaxy a hundred million times in less than one beat of your heart. I can appear to be in many places all at the same time because I can digitalize time. Time is like a river. I can take little slices out of it, repackage the slices in a way so that a slow-moving brain like yours will not think of me as having left.”
He put his hand to his chin as if in thought. “Let’s say I was talking to you and nine other people all at the same time. I would make a circuit of all ten of you, repeating that circuit every one thousandth of a second or less, much less. To me, I would be traveling very slow, and would remember every detail of what was happening. To you… well, you would think I had never moved from my spot.”
“Although I have been assigned to remain here with you - and let me assure you, I have been faithful to my task - I could easily be carrying on private conversations with ten thousand of your kind, stretched all across this universe, all at the same moment.” He shook his head. “And the best part is none of you would be the wiser.” He laughed. “Oh, how little you people understand the power and abilities of Lowenah’s Cherubs.”
Phulakee continued with his account. “The Maker of all things became what would you say, impassioned. She wanted a companion, someone like herself to share her life with…her feelings and emotions, you might say. Although we look like your mother, our minds could never process the new emotions she was experiencing.” He shrugged. “We’re too literal, I suppose. Emotion requires a person to think in an abstract way. To us, emotions just don’t make sense.”
Phulakee picked up a stick and stirred the diminishing blaze. Sparks wafted in swirls into the lightening sky. “Lowenah desired companions to exist outside her mind. She enjoyed seeing her Cherubs scurry to and fro across the vast empty surrounds. In time, she added other machines or creatures to this void, shaping them differently to add variety to the things seen. She also gave to us similar powers to make different things, allowing us to draw off her immense energy. It was through this great inventing process that Lowenah eventually designed the shape chosen for her future companions.”
“Lowenah wanted to create a world where all the inventions of her mind could be shared with others. By this time, she had come to understand that we, the Cherubs, were unable to feel emotions, at least in the way she was. Indeed, she was only beginning to understand many of them, herself. After trying to create minds that could also feel emotions as deeply, but failing, Lowenah concluded the only way she would be successful was to replicate the exact pattern of her own mind. Trust me, this was no small undertaking.”
“When Lowenah shared her desire with RosMismar and me, we both told her that she was seeking to do the impossible. Nothing we could say convinced her to desist. I must admit, if tears as you know them had existed then, she would have cried a river of them. Time after time her experiments failed, but she never stopped trying. Well, you know the rest of this story. She did succeed, first for her children in this realm. And now you know why your mother had to personally give birth to all your brothers and sisters.”
Darla shook her head. She had no real idea, but was afraid to answer Phulakee, he saying she was to remain silent.
“Very well, then, let me explain.” Phulakee set his pipe down. “Your mother learned how to personally weave a copy of her mind into each of her children. It was done during the time of their early growth, while still in her womb. It took many of your ages of time for her to gain the expertise so as to create a foolproof, automatic process in which the fabric of the mind could gather itself to the DNA in the dividing cells of the newly conceived infants.”
He pointed at Darla. “You, my child, are the last offspring of Lowenah to have been made in the ways of old. Your brother, Zadar, came into existence through the same process as the children in the Realms Beneath. But I don’t have time to speak of that this night. Let me go on.”
Phulakee pointed at Darla’s feet and slowly moved his finger in the direction up past her knees to her thighs, belly, breasts, and face, speaking as he did. “Your body is a most wonderful machine, a gift of greater worth than all other possessions other than your mind, which is who you really are. Without it - the mind, I mean - you would be nothing at all, just a beautiful machine. Let me tell you a little about your body.”
“As I said, Lowenah wanted to create a universe where she could share all the feelings of her mind with others. Every day she was learning more about herself, and by replicating her own mind and giving it to her children, they could grow along with her. But what of the learning curve? Your mother is well aware of just how lengthy a process it is to merely think your way through feelings, let alone emotions. After watching the Cherubs all those many ages, she realized the confusion of abstract interpretation, so she created your body and a material universe to solve that problem.”
“First, allow me to explain. Your body is comprised of two distinct parts, both of which are mortal and can perish. Don’t confuse them with that of the mind, which, although being destructible, needs only to remain in harmony with Web of the Minds to continue to exist.” Phulakee nodded his head. “I shall return to that subject momentarily, but for now will continue on.”
“The first part of your body is what you can see. It is the most beautiful of all of Lowenah’s creations, encompassing ages of painstaking work on her part to make it just right. Every strand of your hair, every nerve ending, every cell is carefully crafted just so. In the end, Lowenah has masterfully produced two bodies that equally reflect her various qualities - mental and emotional.”
“The body you call ‘woman’ reflects or symbolizes the very essence of Lowenah’s form and heart. The soft, spherical features a woman possesses are representative of your mother’s true form, its radiant beauty.” Phulakee then asked, “Have you noticed how men tend to draw themselves close to a woman when allowed to share her company?”
Darla nodded, having observed this with others, although she felt men had not treated her in the same manner.
Phulakee asked another question. “Have you also noticed that when a man touches a woman, his hands invariably seek the spherical curves of her body? Also that a man’s eyes will first look at his sister’s curving form and then travel to her breasts and finally to her face?”
“Yes.” Darla replied, breaking her promised silence. Phulakee smiled.
“I know you have puzzled over this, for I have been with you many years.” Phulakee bent down and picked up his pipe. As he placed it to his lips, Darla watched a glow grow in the bowl. Soon, the distinct aroma of roasted cherry and almonds filled the damp morning air.
Phulakee closed his eyes and opened his mouth in a satisfied smile as smoke slowly drifted, circling about his head. Finally he opened his eyes, staring at Darla. “Cherubs have no such feelings as you people do. We are an ancient race created long before emotions ruled the universe. Not that we lack understanding of them, it is just that we share the part of Lowenah’s mind the way it existed in the days before she woke to such knowledge. Still, we do love and care, have joy and hate, anger and happiness, only in ways you cannot understand. We are fully satisfied in our hearts and have no desire to be like you.”
“As for the things previously mentioned, let this suffice: What you people call ‘sex’ and ‘romance’ are but expressions of joy one attains when being with Lowenah. The ecstasy of the dream-share as you experienced with Euroaquilo when he was made father to you is but a glimpse of emotional joy that will be shared by those who finally become truly immortal.” He pointed his finger at Darla. “And that is your final destiny. I have seen it. And that is why I am telling you these things this night.”
Darla was shocked into near disbelief. Phulakee motioned her silent, pointing toward the growing glow over the distant mountains. “Already you have been preserved
for that day. Look and see. Your mind cannot leave your body. Your demon perished in its attempt to extract it from you. That is why I have traveled with you these many weeks, to keep your mind occupied while it waits for your body to mend, to keep you from becoming too lonely. Our love shared has been to keep your heart satisfied and reduce the pain over the loss of Euroaquilo. Now please allow me to return…”
“Your brother’s body was made in such a way so as to reflect Lowenah’s strength, power, and majesty. When you and your brother come together in your lovemaking dream-share, the two become one, reflecting the complete or total makeup of your mother.”
“Now, there is also a second part to the body Lowenah created for you - one you cannot see. It is like an aura that surrounds the material part of you. It is rich with emotional receptors, gathering stimuli for the heart, you might say. That’s another reason people are drawn close when they have feelings for each other, whether it be joyous companionship, such as between brothers, or the way you may desire the company of your sister or a lover. It is also the reason for the discomfort you sometimes have when in company of another. Few can mask the emotional signals dwelling within the spirit part of them.”
Phulakee sucked in another draft from his pipe, held it, then slowly let it escape, offering a satisfied sigh as he did. “Why have I told you all these things? One, to answer the nagging questions held long in your heart. The other because the hour of your testing has only begun. Your destiny lies beyond my vision, your mother’s vision. I have been sent to prepare you for that coming destiny.”
“You are the child of the darkness and the blood. Both are ominous and filled with sadness and despair. Before your journey is finished, much of what you love will have ceased to exist. Many lovers will be no more and your heart will break from secrets yet to be reveled. We cannot change your destiny or we risk the destruction of all life. Your demon is destroyed, but it has left its mark on you. Never will you be totally free of what it has done to your mind and heart. When Shiloh arrives, he will serve as a comfort and a cure. He will mend much of it for you. And he will return refreshment to your heart. Also in the Returning, when lost lovers and companions come back to you, there will be renewed happiness and joy beyond description.”
Phulakee again stirred the fire. “Still, it will not fully remove a great sadness that will live forever in your heart. It even dwells within Lowenah as I speak to you. When those secrets hidden in her heart are finally revealed, when you discover who you truly are, then you will understand what I speak. To your mother, peace of sorts will eventually come. It will be that knowledge that will bring consolation for the burden you must bear.”
Looking Darla in the face, Phulakee cautioned, “I must also warn you, the demon has left its mark upon your physical body. In its attempt to ensnare your mind, it redistributed its own matter – DNA, you might say - throughout your living organism. It failed, but left behind remnants of itself which have altered some of your own genes. Shiloh will have the power to produce a cure if that’s what you desire then.”
Darla’s face clouded with trepidation, remembering the grotesque appearance of the monster within. Phulakee reassured her, “Fear not, my child, your beauty still abounds, possibly even more so than before. The creator of that demon was and still is very handsome in appearance. Still, beauty can be terrifying to knowing victims, especially when being drawn to their demise by it. For now, such beauty will serve you in destiny’s quest. Those who love you will only love you more. Be at peace.”
“My child, everyone who survives this age or any who return from the Web of the Minds will carry a similar sadness. That is why some are already being called ‘Shadow-walkers’. Your satisfaction will come when you watch the innocence on your own children’s faces, when they sit, wide-eyed, as you tell them stories from days of yore, about yourself and other Dragonslayers. You will live life through them. You will see joy through them. You will see the wonder through their eyes and you will become fully satisfied with life.”
Phulakee’s final words suddenly sunk in. Darla’s eyes opened wide in question and excitement. She blurted out, “I will have babies?! Will I really have babies?!”
Phulakee said nothing, only smiling. At that instant, the sun broke over the crest of the distant mountains. But this day was different. The fire grew blinding until it pained the woman. She covered her eyes with her hand. The blinding heat surged through closed eyelids into her brain, overwhelming her senses, making her cry out in pain and bewilderment.
The agony quickly passed and a cool gray light filtered through Darla’s eyelids. The woman sensed she was no longer sitting on an old tree stump, but was lying against some sort of soft surface. Opening her eyes, she was shocked to see herself staring into the faces of two dear and excited companions.
Jebbson’s and Ilanit’s faces beamed with surprise and joy. Ilanit fell forward, wrapping her arms around Darla, crying, "Oh, my sister! My sister! I feared you forever gone. How long I have waited to see you live again.”
At long last, Ilanit released her embrace and backed away. Jebbson leaned forward, kissing Darla on the forehead. “Welcome back, star gazer. Did you find the answers you sought in the field of dreams?”
Darla was befuddled. Did Jebbson know of Phulakee and her journey across the lands of time with him? “How…how do you…did you…?”
Jebbson placed two fingers to her lips and whispered, “My cot has been at your side many days now. You have asked many questions. I assume your traveling companion provided many answers.”
Darla gave a weak smile. She had many more questions now that she had waked, but what little energy she had was quickly fleeing her. “Ardon? Is Ardon…”
“He will be here shortly.” Jebbson said reassuringly. “The good Captain Bedan is in search of him at this moment.”
Excitement grew in Darla’s voice, stealing away her remaining energy. “Bedan? Alive…? Al…”
Darla fell back into a dreamless sleep that lasted many more days. When she finally awoke, she remained weak and confused. Gradually her strength and senses returned.
It was near the end of her convalescing that Ardon took Darla from the Shikkeron to show her KruptoGinomai, meaning ‘land of secret, hidden birth’, the planet he had discovered in the Nebulan Cloud Bank. For hours the two strolled along ancient roads, past crystal fountains and wild gardens all built or delivered here by Ardon’s hands.
Darla suddenly interrupted Ardon as he explained something or other about one of his little gardens. In the new, raspy tone her voice had taken on, she asked, “Ardon, please tell me the truth. Am I ugly to your eyes?”
Ardon was surprised by the question, surprised to think that Darla feared she was ugly and also that she was concerned with what he thought. Haltingly, he replied, “Why, no. No! My Adaya, you are even more beautiful than I had remembered you to be.”
“Even with these...?” Darla pointed toward her face as she opened her mouth in a wide smile. Phulakee had warned the girl about subtle physical changes the demon had made in her, but the strangest and most pronounced were to her eyes and upper teeth. Darla’s upper teeth were slightly longer now, their ends more pointed than normal. Most noticeable of all were the girl’s canine teeth. They protruded out of her gums above and in front of her other teeth, sweeping down her jaw into two points extending just below her other teeth. “What of these tusks? I look like some wolf-monster!”
And the color of Darla’s once emerald-green eyes was now an iridescent, radiant, deep blue with the iris changed to an almost serpentine shape. The woman was only now becoming used to the new way in which she saw things. She had commented to Jebbson, “At least I can find my way in darkness as easily as in the light.”
Ardon squeezed Darla’s hand and smiled. “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever made acquaintance with.” He paused, thinking of Tashi. “Well, one of the two most beau
tiful women I have ever made acquaintance with.” With his other hand, he stroked Darla’s new golden-blonde, silky hair. “On the outside, I am enchanted with what I see. On the inside, who you are, who you have become…” He hesitated. “My heart can find no words to describe my feelings.”
Darla lowered her head in sadness. “My Euroaquilo said that you love me. Did he speak truth to my ears?”
Ardon was taken aback. For the first time in his life, the man was faced with a question he feared to answer. He had on so many occasions avoided a reply to Tashi’s queries. This time he must reply, and truthfully. He felt embarrassed. Finally, half stuttering, he answered, “I have always loved you but didn’t understand it. I was cruel to you because I cared little for the feelings of others and could not comprehend my own. Do I love you now? More so than ever before, but I feel unworthy of even your touch. I have done so much evil to you. Can you ever forgive me?” Tears filled his eyes.
Darla didn’t look up. “Will you hold me tonight and comfort me as we walk this hour? I feel cold inside. My body was reborn, but my heart languishes in death from the loss of the man I loved so. Will you attempt to start a fire within it?”
Ardon drew Darla in with his arms, tears running down his cheeks. “I will do for my sister whatever I can. Her soul is one with mine from this day forward.”
Hand in hand, they slowly advanced along a flagstone path that wound its way up a forested hill and into an opened glen some distance beyond the rise. Ardon chose not to continue along that route, thinking the journey’s end was better left for another day. He directed Darla down a narrow dirt trail leading to grassy fields and bubbling streams. Few words were spoken. Still, both lingered in the fields, not wishing to return to the Shikkeron.
As the couple sat on a granite boulder, soaking in the surroundings, other eyes were carefully observing them. Two people stared out from the underbrush some distance away. Finally, one turned to the other, eyes glazed over as though possessed. A crackling voice hissed, “It says the demon is dead…no more…but it lies I say, it lies!”
The other equally possessed person argued, “I heard it say the creature is dead. I heard it come from its mouth, I did, I did. And I called out to my Master’s child and heard no reply. We stood by the child on the ship that day, when our Master came for it. Remember? Master’s child cried out to us…we waited. Then we heard it cry out no more.”
“Shut up, fool!” The first person sputtered. “If the Master hears of your complaints, he will return us to the nothingness from which we came. Master’s child still lives… must live. We were promised our own bodies if we delivered Master’s child.” They spat, “Stupid creature! I’m tired of living in this absurdity of flesh and filth! It speaks drivel and thinks of love! I seek for the day when I can destroy it and receive a body of my own.”
The second hissed back a warning. “Do be careful now! If our creatures discover how we really hate them, they may resist us, leaving us forever trapped in these contemptible houses. If Master’s child still lives, we must find others who will help in the child’s escape.” The possessed person wagged a finger, placing it to its lips then pointed to themself. “But we must not let them know how much we despise them, or they may not help us.”
The first nodded its head. “Careful we shall be.” As the person looked out across the field toward Darla and Ardon, it commented, “Keep a close eye on it. The Master’s lady gave it a token that will lead others to it. Keep a close eye. We’ll bide our time.”