I’d barely finished placing the bags on the counter when Will, Beth, and Dick came charging into the kitchen looking expectantly at me. Jeez people, could you back the eff off? I gave them a look which said as much. Beth had the dignity to look slightly chagrined. Then she and Will both spoke at once.
“You went shopping?”
“I’m starving.” The second statement came from my brother. For once, Richard didn’t say anything to annoy me.
“Yeah. Clearly. Why are you all bombarding me as if you haven’t seen food before?” They looked at me like I was crazy and then just started going through the grocery bags. Awesome.
“You guys can put that stuff away.” Yeah, right. “Will, I thought you were getting pizza?”
“Yeah, I am, but a guy has to eat. Me Man. Me need food,”
I took a deep breath and retreated to my room, planning to return to the kitchen in 15 minutes. The food needed to be put away and those losers had proven that they did not comprehend the concept of refrigeration, or the germ theory.
When the time was up, I forced myself back downstairs and dreaded what I would find in the kitchen. I swear, sometimes I felt like I lived in a Frat house. When I got to the kitchen it was a mess, but less scary than I feared. The cutting board had breadcrumbs all over it and several knives slathered in peanut butter and jelly (yes, this is what they make for themselves when I haven’t already cooked). The bread bag remained open, and the PB & J jars lacked lids. I sighed for what felt like the millionth time this month and proceeded to clean up. Then I put away all of the other food, focusing first on what had to hit the fridge and freezer. Since I no longer tolerated ice cream requests, I wasn’t too worried that the extra few minutes made a difference. Had I tried to put away the groceries while the lemmings were in the kitchen, I would have blown a fuse. It struck me that as smoothly as that had gone, it was a little bit sad that I already had a system.
***
Later that evening, deciding that since they’d all gorged themselves on PB&J and Captain Crunch, I didn’t bother making a meal. I retreated to my room and did my homework and then just lay on my bed. I used to lie there and dream, imagining my life after high school. Would I meet a super hot guy in college? Would I follow in my dad’s footsteps and become a lawyer? What movie were we all seeing this weekend?
Now, it was more of a meditation. Could I make sure my family didn’t disintegrate any more than it had? Could I get to college? Would my obligations hold me back? Would I have a date to the Homecoming Dance? Ok, not all of my thoughts were deep. It was just hard to feel so much responsibility when no one ever expected anything. But that was the problem. If I didn’t do it, who would? About once a week I woke up and thought, screw it. I’m done. But then I’d go downstairs and realize that everyone was wearing the same clothes they’d been wearing for the last 3 days. When I had finally asked, they all admitted that they had no clean clothes.
What could I do?
Pulling myself up off the bed, I knew I had to eat something. Maybe I would just heat up a can of soup. Looking at myself in the mirror, I just stared.
Some days, I was shocked that despite my life turning upside down, I looked the same. I had the same wavy blondish hair. People always said it was blonde but I maintained it was light brown with sun touched blonde highlights. My sister had Blonde hair. Like, the surfer girl kind. Mine never got quite so light. I still had my same hazel eyes, but they tended to slightly change based on what I was wearing. I had the same heart shaped face and slightly arched brows. I was probably too curvy to be a track star, but I was lean. Short, but lean. Still, I needed an internet ordered sports bra. I stuck my tongue out at the image I saw.
Other days, I’d glance at my reflection and feel that I looked inherently different.
I pulled my hair into a pony and slowly made my way downstairs. I pulled up short on the landing, hearing male voices and remembering what Will had said about the guys and pizza. Shoot. Whatever, this is my house too. I kept going. Turning the corner into the living room, I hoped to flit past without too much harassment. I had almost made it when I heard, “Tara!”
I swiveled around and saw that not only were my bro’s 3 best friends here, but 3 others were as well. One was a new face. I inhaled sharply. The eyes were now familiar to me. I’d seen them behind my lids for the last few days.
The voice that had called my name belonged to my brother’s oldest friend, Zach. They’d known each other since kindergarten so it followed that I’d known him as long. He was a lanky guy with blond hair and twinkling blue eyes. My girlfriends always told me he was hot, but he was just like a brother to me. I couldn’t look at him and see ‘hot’. But that didn’t mean I didn’t care about him, and I certainly wasn’t going to ignore him.
I caught his eye and grinned. He returned it, double watt.
“Heyyyyyy,” I said as I walked over. The guys were all sitting on the couches. We had one of those L-shaped two unit couches that wrapped around the corner of the room. I got to him, smiled, and then sort or wiggled my butt. “Scooch over, let a girl in!” He smiled obligingly and let me squeeze in between him and Paul, another of Will’s besties. Paul slapped me on the back and then returned his attention to the game they were all watching.
“Dudes. We are here to watch, not to mess with my kid sister,” Will said, not tearing his eyes away from the screen. I could have killed him. Kid sister?! He was so dead. After I felt the blood leave my face, I suddenly had this insane urge to not be “me”. Or actually, to be the me I was 3 months ago. I pulled on my hot girl panties and started to make myself comfortable. I asked Zach for a slice and he graciously provided one. Then I complained that there was no red pepper flakes and how could they call themselves men if they ate pizza without red pepper? I cracked up when Paul said something hilarious, throwing my head back as I fully laughed. Finally, Will gave me a warning look and it flipped my switch.
Looking around, I knew 5 of the 6 guys here. Besides Zach and Paul, the other completion of the Will BFF Trifecta is a squirrelly dude named Mike. The other two guys who I recognized were more like acquaintances of mine. But the unfamiliar face was the one I was concerned with. Well not concerned, more like intrigued. I could hear Sarah’s voice in my head about the “new guy”. Was this him? I must have been on crack because I suddenly leaned forward, cradled my chin in my hands, and asked, “And who, pray tell, are you?” I felt my heart shriveling up and dying. Seriously? What the hell was wrong with me? Who says that?!
Realizing I was talking to him, he directed his attention, and those eyes, at me. He stared at me for a second during which all I could do was take in his beauty. Oh my…thank god thoughts were private! I don’t think I have ever referred to a guy as beautiful, but there is always time for a first. He had a gorgeous deep caramel complexion, cropped dark brown curly hair, a lovely straight nose, and lips I wouldn’t allow myself to look at. I felt like they were the stuff of Greek myths; if I looked directly at them, I would turn to stone…Or a pillar of salt. Ok, clearly mythology was not my strong suit.
But the Eyes. The eyes. Those I had to look at. They drew me in, exactly like the first time. I was just glad I wasn’t so sweaty this time around.
“Hi Will’s sister. I’m Calen.” I saw the corners of his eyes begin to crinkle as he started to smile when my brother abruptly turned and gave him a pointed look. And with that, Calen turned back to the TV and commenced his man duties. Burn.
“Seriously Tara, who even asked you to join us?” Will asked.
Oh for the love of…He was SO getting his ass left behind tomorrow morning. “Well boys, I guess that’s my cue. Always a pleasure.” I stood and, casting one last glance around, made eye contact once more with those Spring eyes. Despite there being no change in their expression, there was something open and friendly about them. Just before I left the room, though, I winked at Zach. Then I gave my brother the finger. With that, I turned and headed back upstairs. At least I’d gotten some pizza out
of it.
꧁4꧂
The next day, if it were even possible, Will appeared to have woken up on an even more wrong side of the bed than usual. Like, the wrongest.
“What the hell is your problem?” he snapped the second we got into the car. I barked a laugh and gave him a look.
“What the hell is my problem? Look Grumplestiltskin, I don’t know what crawled up your ass and died but I’m just trying to get to school.”
I realized a second too late that this may not have been the best approach.
“Sersiously Tara, what kind of game were you playing last night? You never hang out with us and suddenly when I have Calen around, you’re everyone’s favorite party girl?” Well, I used to be everyone’s favorite party girl, but I also knew things had changed. Maybe my brother wasn’t as oblivious as he pretended to be. Still, the idea that I was only there because of Calen sparked my anger. These days, it was always a little closer to the surface than it used to be.
“First of all, I had no idea you guys were down there and I was hungry. Second of all, I had never even heard of this Calen person until I was sitting in the living room eating pizza.” Uh oh. Guess I shouldn’t have reminded him that I’d had a slice, based on the look he got when I mentioned the pizza. Knowing me, I’d eaten his last piece. Moving on…“So don’t accuse me of having some premeditated plan to crash your little testosterone party because some guy I’ve never even seen, was there.” Hmph.
“Liar. You saw him after your run. And you freaking stared at him.”
Oh. Please god, please don’t let that be true. I didn’t think I’d stared at him. Where was that little hole I could crawl into when I needed it? “Whatever. I don’t know what you’re talking about and you need to relax because we’re almost to school.” Hopefully that sounded convincing, although it didn’t even convince me. Did I stare?
With that, we pulled into a spot. He just gave me a look as he got out of the car, slammed the door, and started walking away. Really, what was his problem? It’s not like he’s ever cared before when I’d been interested in guys or they’d been interested in me. Was it just that it was his friend? And who was interested? Maybe he just thought I was embarrassing and didn’t want to look uncool in front of the new guy. Regardless, the Twilight Zone marathon was over since I was about to be late to class.
***
That afternoon, we carpooled home again. Will turned to me and said, “Look Tar, sorry for how I acted earlier.” What? I was speechless. “It’s just that Calen is new and I’ve already seen how many girls have been throwing themselves at him,” he continued, “and I just don’t want you getting your hopes up and getting hurt. Not that I’m saying you wouldn’t have a chance or anything, I just know how hard its been for you since dad and I don’t want something else to add to it.” Wait. Did I pick up the wrong guy after school? This was my brother wasn’t it? “Anyway, just sorry for yelling at you.”
“Thanks,” I croaked. We rode home in silence.
***
Later in the day after I’d gotten home, my cell rang and the display read *Sarah ☺. She had programmed that in herself. It always made me smile. I answered and she was already talking as if picking up where we’d left off at school.
“So you’re gonna come, right?” she asked.
“Sorry, what? Come where? Earth to S-Dog, you so totally left out some crucial information.”
“Oh.” I could hear the frown in her voice. It was very endearing. “To dinner with me and the girls. We’re gonna go grab something to eat, but we cant decided between Mexican or The Café. Which would you prefer?”
“You know I would love to go, but I have too much stuff to do around here.” My heart felt sad. But this was the truth.
“Tara. Seriously. Cut the crap. We get the whole situation you’re dealing with, but for once, stop being the martyr and have a little fun. You are coming and you’d better be ready in 15 because I am picking you up.” With that, she hung up. I found myself smiling. I kind of liked this Tough Love Sarah.
I washed my face and gasp put a little make up on. If I was going out, I was doing it right. I grabbed some skinny jeans and a cute light blue top that had little cap sleeves, and slipped my feet into some ballet flats. Shaking my hair out, I looked in the mirror. Maybe there was hope for me yet. I quickly chastised myself for thinking that. Then I put on a little silver ID bracelet my dad had given me for my 16th birthday. It was bittersweet. Nice to have part of him with me, but also a reminder of the reality of the situation. Refusing to let that get me down on one of the first nights I’d been out in months, I grabbed my purse just as I heard the little Toot Toot of Sarah’s Jetta. Running down the stairs, I saw Beth, Dick, and Mom in the living room with the baby. As I dashed past them, I didn’t say where I was going or when I’d be back.
And none of them asked.
Hopping into Sarah’s car, she squealed and then squeezed me. I guess she wasn’t as confident in her ‘tough love’ approach as she had sounded on the phone. Then she gave me the once over and declared, “Well shoot. You look way too cute to hit up the Taqueria. I’m calling the girls. The Café it is.” She quickly dialed up our other three closest friends, Jenny, Lisa, and Sam, re-directed them, and we took off.
The town we lived in wasn’t all that big so it wasn’t like we had a long way to go. We arrived and right as we were getting out of the car, we saw lightning in the sky, immediately followed by a clap of thunder. Oh crap. There was no way I was getting my cute outfit rained on before I even made it into the restaurant. I grabbed Sarah’s hand and about pulled her arm out of the socket as I ran toward the back entrance. It was nicer to enter from the front, since you didn’t have to cut right past the bathroom and the kitchen, but like I said, tonight was Ladies Night. I was not going to start it off with my bangs stuck to my forehead and curling in a finger-in-the-socket kind of way. As I continued to drag Sarah through the restaurant, I stopped halfway when I saw that the girls had already been seated. We squeezed into the booth and everyone started talking at once. Well, everyone but me. I sat there kind of basking in the normalcy. Realizing that I was feeling nostalgic, I was suddenly depressed. I should not be feeling nostalgic about having fun with my girlfriends. That was just sad. That thought made me feel even more depressed.
“Girl, you had better turn that frown upside down. We did not come here to sulk. We came here to bask in our awesomeness.” Sam grabbed my hand and forced me to look at her.
“Yes! Because we are freaking awesome,” I replied, forcing a smile. Thankfully, the idea of what I was trying to fake kind of warmed my heart, and I threw myself into the swing of things. Since it was only the beginning of September and I had sort of been on the wrong side of socializing for a while now, this became an all out laugh fest. I hadn’t really talked too much with the other 3, just Sarah really, aside from when we were at school. It actually felt good to just let go and giggle. After our food came, we kept it up, the girls trying to outdo each other with their tales from the summer that I had somehow not heard. Somehow. Wonder why?
Twirling her long brown ponytail around her finger, Jenny dropped a bomb on me. Although, by the looks on the others’ faces, they were in the know. She’d probably texted them 5 minutes after it happened. She’d hooked up with a college dude over the summer, from the UC in the next town, and they had…wait for it…totally done it. Like It. I smiled and ooh’d as she regaled us with more details than I cared to hear, but it was just so fun. If I were correct, that left Sarah, Lisa, and me in the V-club. Sam was kind of the wild one and had been there done it, back in sophomore year. But, she was equally thrilled to hear Jenny’s tale. I sighed softly. This is what a 17 year old girl should be doing.
As we busted up again, something about boxers or briefs, I suddenly realized that the girls were all quieting down. I looked up, just as a pair of now all too familiar eyes was passing our table, landing squarely on me and holding my gaze. After Calen had passed, the girls all looked at
me pointedly.
“What?” Why were they staring at me?
Sam started in first. “Uh, hello?”
“Wow. That was hot,” Jenny said.
“How do you know the new guy?” Lisa asked.
Sarah just stared at me
“Calen? I don’t know him.”
“Ok, you’re on a first name basis?” Sarah practically shrieked.
I cut her a look that made her eyes get even larger and she put her hand over her mouth. Jeez. I must be scarier than I realized. “First of all, we are not on a first name basis, unless you think my first name is ‘Will’s sister’, since that’s what he called me. Secondly-”
“What he called you? Girly…spill.” Sam, of course.
“Sadly there is nothing to spill. Will had a bunch of the guys from the team over the other night and I crashed their pizza party because I saw Zach…and I was starving.”
“Zach?” Sarah squeaked. She harbored a deadly crush on Zach and could never quite understand why I had never pursued him, despite how many times I had tried to explain that he was like a brother to me. I knew deep down that even if I had been interested, Sarah would have been crushed.
“Anyway, in a bout of insanity, I asked Calen who he was and he introduced himself. Of course, Will was competing in the dick-tathalon and quickly shut me up and kicked me out of the room. Whatevs. I was just glad I’d swiped a slice and seen Zach.” After blabbering on, I realized that by the time I had finished, the girls were silent. Sarah’s eyes were huge and her eyebrows were trying to join forces with her hairline.
Reading Tara (Growing Up Ashton Book 1) Page 2