“You done?” I asked, crossing my arms and trying not to let my anger get the best of me. When he didn’t answer I took that as a yes. “First off, I didn’t bail on training I was assigned a new trainer and second how about getting your facts straight before jumping to conclusions. And if you ever call me –” I froze midsentence when Roman caught my eye. I lowered my finger that I was pointing in Dean’s face. I lost all my strength when Roman walked in the room. The last thing I wanted was for him to catch me reaming out Dean. I knew it would just give him more ammunition to hate me.
Roman walked toward us and it was like the air was sucked right out of me. I couldn’t breathe. “Ella, are you okay?” Riley asked. I just sat there and stayed silent. I could feel his eyes on me. They felt like they were burning holes in my skin from the intense way he was staring. He slowed down as he approached the table. My stomach started to twist in knots and I felt sick all of sudden, worried he wasn’t finished yelling at me from yesterday.
“Ashby,” Dean nodded.
“McCallister, I wanted to give you your balls back. You left them out there on the field along with your dignity,” Roman said, laughing and making my insides flip flop at the sound of his voice. His laugh seemed to have a calming effect on me and I hoped maybe he lost some of his animosity towards me. My nausea slowly disintegrated at the sight of his beautiful smile.
“Shut up,” Dean said embarrassed, pushing Roman.
“What happened?” I stuttered.
Roman’s smile faded at the sound of my voice and he turned to glower at me. Well that answered that question. I shrunk under his scrutinizing stare then reminded myself that I was being ridiculous and shouldn’t let him get to me like that. I was strong, I was a good person, people make mistakes, I said to myself over and over again. Then I sat up straight and looked Roman straight in the eye, challenging him to say something to me.
He backed down, but kept his lips pulled into a tight line. “You have to ask Dean what happened,” he said, walking away.
I exhaled slowly and then went back to my breakfast. I knew today wouldn’t be any easier for the fact that I had classes with Roman, but we’d have to face each other eventually. Cameron joined us back at the table and looked at all our faces. “Okay, what did I miss?” she asked.
“Nothing,” Dean and I said together.
“So Dean, I see you managed to peel yourself off the field,” Cameron giggled.
“Whatever, I let you win,” he said, taking a seat and stealing my tray.
“Really?” I glared at him.
“You weren’t eating it.”
“I so was, dick.” I slid the tray back over to me and glared at him again.
“I guess this means you two made up?” Cameron said.
“Dean can’t stay mad at me for long. If he did he wouldn’t have anyone to torture then.”
“Whatever, you love it,” he winked and stole some more food from my tray before he left to go get his own.
It was true. No matter the situation Dean and I never stayed mad at each other for long. He was my brother so it was in our nature to fight. It wouldn’t be normal if we didn’t and anyone who tells you they don’t fight with their siblings they’re either lying or seriously weird. I didn’t even know why I was worried about Dean being mad at me in the first place.
“So, Roman,” Cameron said as she shoveled pancake in her mouth.
“Can we please talk about something else?” I groaned, not even wanting to touch the subject. My stomach was just starting to settle down.
“O-kay. What’s your new trainer like?”
“Not sure yet. All I know is he’s Gabe’s nephew and a transfer student.
“Wait, Gabe’s nephew?” Cameron asked, suddenly interested. “Is he as hot as Gabe?”
“Ew, you think Gabe is hot?” I asked, taken by surprise.
“Totally, don’t you?” I shook my head no. “Seriously? Okay, he’s like seven foot, muscular, short dark brown hair, teal eyes, seriously killer body, and I would imagine if he smiled it would be stunning. Not to mention the very strong, masculine features in his face, his golden bronze skin…”
“Okay Cam, we get the point,” I said, trying to keep my breakfast down.
“You really don’t think he’s attractive?”
“I guess I just never looked at him that way. To me he’s just always been Gabe my guard…ian,” I said, suddenly realizing what a fool I was. Of course that was why I never gave Gabe the respect he deserved. I only ever thought of him as my bodyguard and nothing else. And that wasn’t true. Gabe was so much more than that. I was just blinded by my own stupidity and immaturity to notice.
“I’m sorry guys. I have to go.” I got up abruptly and left, leaving them with question marks on their faces. I didn’t have to time to explain. I had to find Gabe and apologize. It might not change much, but I had to at least try. I had to do the right thing for once. No time like the present to start.
I found Gabe right outside his room. “Gabe,” I called out to him, running down the hall to catch him before he went inside.
He stopped and turned around. “Miss Ella, is there a problem?” he asked formally.
“Okay seriously, I told you, just Ella.”
“As your guardian it is my job to address you properly,” he said, putting emphasis on the word job.
I inwardly cringed. Then I reminded myself why I was there. “Yeah, about that. I’m sorry.” I looked up and saw the lines around his eyes faded a little. “I was an ass yesterday and I didn’t mean what I said.” He crossed his arms over his chest as he thought about my words. I noticed for the first time what Cameron was talking about. To an outsider Gabe would be the ideal catch. He was very handsome and carried himself very well. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. “What I’m trying to say is you’ve done so much for me and all I’ve done is treated you like shit. You are not just my guardian. I consider you a friend, too,” I smiled at him.
“Miss Ella,” he began to protest.
“Just Ella,” I snapped then quickly apologized.
I saw the slightest hint of a smile cross his face. “Ella,” he corrected. “I am partially to blame.”
“Huh?” I looked at him, totally thrown off by his words.
“I let the lines between personal involvement and professional go too far.”
“Wait, I’m confused. Are you apologizing to me?”
“Yes,” he said, letting his arms fall by his side.
His face softened and I turned my head slightly. “What would you need to apologize for?”
“I let my personal feelings interfere with my work and I should never have.”
It took me a second before I realized what he was referring to. “Oh, you mean when I left,” I said, no longer able to meet him in the eyes. “Gabe, I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid you’d try and stop me. I’m sorry I left without a word. It was nothing personal.”
“I wouldn’t have stopped you,” he said unexpected. “If I was in your position I would have done the same thing.”
I looked up. “Really?”
“I too know what it’s like to lose someone you love. If I heard they were alive I would stop at nothing to find them.”
When I looked into his eyes I could swear I saw a small tear form. That was another shocking revelation. Not that I didn’t think Gabe was incapable of love, it was just that Gabe to me was always so serious and having a significant other would be the last thing he worried about or so I thought. He always acted like his job was his life and left little time for other things.
“Then why were you mad at me for leaving?”
“I wasn’t mad. I was…” he broke off not wanting to admit it. He was afraid of blurring the lines between personal and professional again.
“You were worried about me?” He looked away. “Oh you big softie. You’re just an over grown teddy bear, aren’t you?” He glared down at me and I couldn’t help but laugh. “I really am sorry for being a bitch.�
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“I’m getting used to it,” he said, cracking a smile.
I gave a dramatic gasp, making him smile even wider. “Very funny. I would almost say you’ve been hanging around me too much. I think I might be rubbing off on you.” I playfully hit his arm and he coughed uncomfortably making me smile. “So I guess this means we’re okay?” He nodded. “Can I come back to training with you then?” I asked hopeful. I didn’t want to get up in the morning, but if it meant training with Gabe I would do what I had to.
“As much as I did enjoy our little sessions,” he said sarcastically. “I wasn’t wrong when I said you lack discipline.”
“I can work on that I promise,” I jumped in.
“I believe you will but you will do it with Zane.”
“But I –”
“Ella, Zane can work with you one on one and that’s what you need. It will also be good practice for him when he becomes a licensed trainer himself. I put you with Zane not to punish you, but to help you. I have faith that Zane can train you every bit as well as I can.”
“I understand.”
“Besides, I thought you’d be more than thrilled to get to sleep in. If not I can gladly give you someone else who –”
“No, no. I’m good,” I said swiftly, not wanting to push my luck. He smiled and turned to open his door. “Hey Gabe?” He looked over his shoulder at me. I slipped in front of him and wrapped my arms around him. He stiffened at first, but then relaxed and hugged me back. “Thanks for worrying about me.” He patted my back and I let go. I walked away with a smile, but not before turning back around to see Gabe wearing a smile of his own. He nodded his head respectfully and then retreated to his room. My heart warmed as I headed down the steps and to my first class.
I was making amends for my mistakes and it felt good. Next were the students I abandoned after the attacked. I had planned to stop by Aidan’s office to let him know my idea for the memorial. After my extensive research I had found the best way to honor them was to have a ceremony where we lit sky lanterns with the names of those we were honoring on them. Traditionally sky lanterns were used in celebrations, but I felt it was perfect for the fact that we should celebrate their lives instead of mourning them. I was hoping it would help to lift the spirits of those students who remained.
I swung by Aidan’s office on my way to class and told him my idea. He loved it and said he would get right on it to get the supplies we needed. Having a slight hop in my step, I skipped on my way to class. I was finally on the right path and undoing all my wrongs. Next on my ‘to do’ list was Roman. I saved Roman for last because I knew he would be the hardest. I tried not to think about it too much so it wouldn’t burst my feel good mood. Even when Mr. Grant reprimanded me for being late and Mackenzie tried to trip me, I was still in good spirits. That was until I saw there were no seats except for one next to Roman. My good mood suddenly swooshed out of me as I took the only seat left. The moment I sat down Roman shifted away from me.
Despite Roman being next on my list to make amends with, I wasn’t quite ready yet. I knew with Roman it would take time and a well thought out plan. Not wanting to let Roman fester with anger I decided to skip ahead and just jump right into it, but before I had the chance to say something Mr. Grant started his lecture. I took a deep breath and let it out. Okay, all I had to do was get through today and the next two days and then school was done for the year – well, for everyone else at least.
All throughout class I would try to look at Roman from the corner of my eye to see if I could get a feel for his mood. The only thing I saw was rage and irritation and it was growing. Every time he would try to relax he would shift uncomfortably. Because of his long body he had no choice, but to be closer to me which clearly he did not like.
I knew this wasn’t going to go well and I knew there was a possibility he might never forgive me, but we couldn’t continue to be this way around each other. Sometimes he looked as if I repulsed him and other times he just looked sad. Not wanting to spend the rest of the summer worrying about tiptoeing around Roman I thought I’d start with making an effort to keep the peace.
Knowing he wouldn’t speak to me, I slipped him a note.
We need to talk
He looked it over, scribbled something, and passed it back.
I have nothing to say to you
Then you don’t have to say anything. You can just listen. Meet me behind the library after dinner.
Mr. Grant dismissed the class before he had a chance to respond. I left for my next class before he could turn me down.
“Ella, how are you? You look well,” Ms. Kraft greeted me with a smile.
“I’ve been better,” I said honestly.
“Did you find what you were looking for?”
I looked at her curiously, wondering how she always knew. “I’m not sure,” I said, having no idea why I said that.
“Sometimes when you set out to search for something, what you find is not always what you truly intended to.” A part of me understood what she meant. “We seek for the truth to only find cracks in the foundation of what we once believed was the truth,” she spouted on. Okay now I was lost. She smiled gently grazing my cheek. “Trust me, soon enough you will understand.”
The class was piling in so I went to take my seat only to find someone was already sitting there. I turned back to Ms. Kraft questioningly. “Oh Ella, I’m sorry I forgot. While you were gone we had to give Roman a temporary partner since I wasn’t sure when you would be returning. There is a desk in the back if you wouldn’t mind sitting there for the time being,” she said kindly.
“No, that’s fine,” I said, walking back to the only single desk in the room. It was pushed up against the wall and I had to pull it out so I could sit. The desk was obviously not used very much and when I moved it, it shrieked across the floor making a noise like nails on a chalk board. Everyone turned to glare at me for making so much noise.
I slid into my sear wanting to just disappear for the time being. I couldn’t even pay attention because I couldn’t stop staring at Roman. Even though his back was to me, I knew he could feel me watching. His posture, the slight shifts in his body, the way he would run his fingers through his hair, all indications of tense nerves.
Throughout the rest of the day I couldn’t stop thinking about the meeting with Roman. I still didn’t know if he was even going to show. I thought about peeking into his head, but I promised myself I wouldn’t invade people’s privacy unless it was necessary. So I drove myself nuts all day wondering.
At training, Zane just had me show him what I already learned and said we’d do a refresher course and go from there. I was happy to have an easy session our first time around. Being as distracted as I was, a refresher course helped keep my mind busy and off the meeting with Roman.
After training I quickly showered – not bothering to dry my hair – and headed to dinner. I barely ate because I was so nervous. Dixon kept trying to get me to dish about Ireland and I just kept telling him I didn’t want to talk about it, but he wouldn’t leave it be. So I told him I found him and he dumped me, end of story. Thankfully he kept quiet for the rest of dinner.
I left before everyone else. I was too antsy to sit around and wait. I headed to the back of the library. Despite how hot it was earlier, it certainly did cool off and I was regretting not drying my hair. On the way over my stomach was grumbling uneasily and I couldn’t do anything to calm it down. I had to keep reminding myself not to throw up all the way to the library.
When I reached the back, to my disbelief, Roman was already there. I knew he sensed me because his back tensed the moment I stepped around the corner. “I wasn’t sure if you were going to show,” I said softly.
“I didn’t think I was going to either,” he said gruffly.
“What made you decide to come?” I asked, even though I was pretty sure I was pressing my luck.
He turned around to face me and his expression showed slight remorse. I didn’t know if it
was because he felt bad about what he said or because I looked pretty pathetic. I knew I had dark circles under my eyes for the lack of sleep and constant worry. I was wearing very unflattering clothes. I had on baggy sweats and one of Xander’s old high school t-shirts that I swiped before I left. With my hair still soaking wet it just made me look unkempt and malnourished. The darkness made my already pale skin glow white in the moonlight.
Roman’s face flinched slightly and then he went back to his normal scowl. “You wanted to talk so talk,” he growled. I took a deep breath knowing this wasn’t going to go easy. I had to do this right, but I didn’t even know where to begin. There was so much that had to be said and I didn’t exactly have time to work through what I wanted to say. “I don’t have all night,” Roman said impatiently.
“Okay, well, I wanted to talk to you because I…I apologized to Gabe.” That was the best thing I could start with.
“That’s just great. Is that all?” he asked. His body language indicated he wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible.
“No,” I fidgeted with my thumbs. “We need to talk about us.”
“There is no us.”
“I know, but we need to at least learn how to be civil with each other. We’re going to be stuck together the whole summer and I just thought maybe we could…I don’t know…I think neither of us wants to spend the summer miserable.”
“Ha,” he laughed. “I’m fine, better than fine actually. You did me a favor. So thank you,” he smiled cockily and pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. “The only one who’s going to miserable this summer is you and excuse me for saying you deserve to be.” He leaned up against the wall casually and lit up.
I bit my lip trying not to cry. Then I chastised myself for not being stronger. Roman stared at me while he took a puff of his cigarette. I crossed my arms over my chest feeling a cold chill run up and down my spine. I wasn’t sure if it was his cold stare or the chilly night that was making me feel like this, but either way I didn’t like it. “I can understand if you hate me and I’m not asking for your forgiveness,” I said, my teeth chattering. “But I need you to at least hear me out.”
The Wanderers Beginning: The Wanderers, Reborn, & Unforgiven Page 116