by Nick Joaquin
BITOY: Candida, you must not blame yourself.
CANDIDA: Don’t you see, Bitoy? I lost faith, I lost valor. I turned cowardly. Father brought us up to be heroes—but I refused his heroism. I wanted only to be safe, to be secure. My crime is prudence.
BITOY: It is not a crime, Candida. Everybody wants to be safe and secure.
CANDIDA: And that is why we are all destroying each other—
BITOY: We have to kill—
CANDIDA: And being destroyed by each other.
BITOY: Or be killed.
CANDIDA: Will you go to Paula?
BITOY: What shall I tell her?
CANDIDA: Tell her . . . tell her that we are together again!
BITOY: Only that?
CANDIDA: She has been waiting and waiting to hear me say that!
BITOY: Very well, Candida.
[Exit Bitoy. Candida stands still a moment; then she turns away, toward table. The bells peal out again; she pauses & listens, gazing wistfully at the blowing curtains. Then she goes to table, intending to take out the untouched tray of drinks. She takes hold of the tray but does not lift it, remaining thus: stooped over the table, her back to the stairway. Tony Javier comes up the stairs and pauses on the landing. He is hatless, uncombed, unshaved, untidy, and unsteady. He sports a black-eye, and looks physically and—yes!—spiritually ravaged. He is still wearing the same clothes as in preceding scene; the clothes being very soiled & rumpled now, the loosening tie still dangling around the unbuttoned shirt-collar. From this point, Twilight starts and the stage dims very gradually.]
TONY [at stairway; curtly]: Where is she?
[Candida straightens up but does not look around nor reply. Tony raises his voice.]
Where is she?
CANDIDA [still not looking around]: She is not here.
[Tony has turned his face toward site of PORTRAIT; his eyes blaze.]
TONY: And where is it? Where is the picture?
CANDIDA [moving away; wearily]: I do not know.
[Tony grabs her by the arm and whirls her around.]
TONY: I said—WHERE IS THE PICTURE!
CANDIDA [moaning]: Go away . . . Please, please go away . . .
TONY: Oh, I’ll go away—don’t you worry. I’ll go as far away from here as I can get! But not till you give me that picture!
CANDIDA [with a toss of the head]: I will never give it to you!
TONY [sneering]: Well! You have changed your mind, haven’t you? Oh I could see you were willing enough to sell the last time, Candida!
CANDIDA: And you were right!
TONY [with a leer]: And you were willing to let me persuade your sister to sell too!
CANDIDA: Oh yes—yes indeed!
TONY: You were even willing to let me take her out and convince her! You didn’t care how I did it—as long as it was effective!
CANDIDA [mockingly]: And was it?
TONY: You bet it was! I chose the most effective way in the world to convince her!
CANDIDA [smiling contemptuously]: Ah—but did you?
TONY [flushing furiously and giving her a shake]: You know I did! You know I did!
CANDIDA: All I know is that she came back alone! All I know is that she got away from you!
TONY: Well, she can’t back out now! And you can’t either! I’ve got the both of you in my hands! Oh, don’t worry—I won’t doublecross you! You’ll get your ten grand; all I want is my commission.
CANDIDA [jerking her arm loose]: Your commission! And that is all you ever wanted, wasn’t it?
TONY: Sure! Why? Did you think I wanted you? Did you think I wanted your sister?
CANDIDA: How could you have the nerve to touch her!
TONY: Remember, Candida—I had your permission! When you walked out of this room that day, you left her completely in my hands!
CANDIDA [trembling; her fists clenched]: Please go! I beg you to go at once!
[Unnoticed, Paula has come up the stairs, carrying prayer-book, rosary, & umbrella; her church-veil draped around her shoulders. She pauses and glances toward the two people in the dim room. Paula, too, is wearing her best dress—an archaic blue frock—and her jewels; and she looks very young, happy, & tranquil. She has fought, she has conquered: now she comes back radiant—merciless as a child; ruthless as innocence; terrible as an army with banners.]
TONY: I’m waiting for that picture. The American is waiting for that picture. Give it to me and we’ll all get what we want. He gets his picture, you get your ten grand, I get my commission. Yes, Candida—that was all I ever really wanted! Just a little money to start me off—to get me away from here! But I wouldn’t take you or your sister with me if the both of you had a million dollars! What do you take me for—a nut? I can get younger women, Candida—women to my taste! Not a pair of skinny, screwy, dried-up old hags!
[Paula goes to set her umbrella in stand.]
CANDIDA: Will you go—or shall I call the police?
TONY: Will you give me that picture—or shall I go in and tell your father?
PAULA: My father knows, Tony.
TONY: [whirling around]: PAULA!
PAULA [moving calmly forward]: My father always knows.
TONY [hurrying to meet her; agonized]: Why did you run away, Paula? Why did you leave me?
PAULA [passing him by as she goes to table and lays down her prayer-book & rosary]:
Because there was something I had to do. Something very important.
TONY [in anguish]: Oh Paula, I could kill myself! I could kill myself for having touched you!
PAULA [smiling at him]: How vain you are!
TONY [approaching]: Do you know what I did when I found you gone? I went out and got drunk! I got roaring drunk! I wanted to kill myself! I wanted to kill everybody!
PAULA: Poor Tony! And all he wanted was his commission!
TONY: To hell with it! I don’t want it anymore! All I want is . . . that you forgive me!
PAULA: You will never forgive me, Tony, for what I have done to you.
TONY: Oh Paula, don’t hate me!
PAULA: Why should I?
TONY: Then listen to me! Believe me!
PAULA: I listened to you before, Tony, and I believed you—remember?
TONY: I was lying then, I was only fooling you! Oh, you know what kind of a beast I am! I’m always out for what I can get! You were there for the taking—so, I took you!
PAULA: And besides, you were thinking of your commission.
TONY: Yes, I was thinking of the money too! I needed the money!
PAULA: And you also wanted to hurt my father.
TONY: Yes, yes—that, also! I wanted to hurt him, to spite him, and to spite this house! I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time! Oh, I did it for spite, and I did it for the money, and I did it for a lot of other reasons you wouldn’t understand because you haven’t lived my kind of life! I’m all twisted inside, Paula! Paula, don’t hate me for what I did! Try to understand me! Oh, we started all wrong, you and I—but we could start all over again. We could make it right. I want to make it right, Paula; I want to make up for what I did to you. Oh, say you believe me!
PAULA: I believe you.
TONY: I deceived you that time, Paula, but now I speak to you from the heart! I’m on the level now—as I’ve never been in all my life!
PAULA: I believe you.
TONY: Then, where is the picture, Paula? Give it to me. It is not your salvation alone anymore: it is my salvation too. It is our salvation—yours and mine! We’ll go away, Paula—just like we said. We’ll go away together. Spain, France, Italy. We’ll start a new life. And I’ll make you happy, Paula—I promise! I will learn to be good, you will learn to be free!
PAULA [with a laugh]: To be free!
TONY [horrified]: Oh Paula, don’t laugh, don’t
laugh!
PAULA: You were laughing the last time, Tony. Now, it is my turn.
TONY [staring at her]: Don’t you believe me?
PAULA [gravely]: Do you . . . love me?
TONY: I will learn to love you, Paula—I promise! All we need is to get away from here. All we need is the money so we can run away and be free. Where is the picture, Paula? The American is waiting.
PAULA: Then, you must go and tell him to stop waiting.
[She turns her face toward the site of the PORTRAIT.] The picture is no more.
TONY [his eyes widening]: What have you done with it?
PAULA: I have destroyed it.
[A pause, while Tony & Candida stare at her. She is gazing down at her hands.]
TONY [stunned]: OH NO! OH NO, NO!
PAULA [turning toward Candida]: Did you hear what I said, Candida?
TONY [feverishly]: Say it’s not true, Paula! Say it’s not true!
PAULA: I have destroyed our picture, Candida.
TONY: No! No! It’s not true! It’s not true!
PAULA [exultant]: I slashed it up and I smashed it up and I tore it up and then I burned it! There is nothing left of it now! Nothing, nothing, nothing at all!
TONY [bursting into sobs]: Oh, you are mad, mad!
PAULA: Are you angry, Candida?
CANDIDA [approaching]: No, Paula.
[She embraces her sister. Tony has sunk, sobbing, to his knees.]
PAULA: Candida, are you crying?
CANDIDA: Oh no—look at me!
PAULA [looking round the dim room]: But someone is crying. I hear someone crying.
CANDIDA [indicating Tony]: Only Mr. Javier.
PAULA [approaching the sobbing Tony]: Oh yes . . . Poor Tony! He has found his tears. He has learned to cry.
TONY: Oh, why did you do it, Paula? Why did you do it!
PAULA: Because I do not want to run away, Tony, like you do.
TONY: I could have made you happy! I could have made you free!
PAULA [laughing]: But I am free! I am free again, Tony! Oh, there is no freedom in your world. Only nervous people huddled together, distrusting each other, trying to run away all the time. Only frightened slaves trying to buy their way out! But you cannot buy the freedom I have for a million dollars! Oh, I was mad—mad for a moment—infected with your fear, desiring your slavery! When I burned that picture I set myself free again!
TONY [rising savagely]: Yourself, yourself! And that was all you were thinking of, wasn’t it? Yourself! How about me? Do you know what you did to me when you burned that picture?
PAULA: Now you know who is the victim!
TONY [staring at her]: And you’ve got no pity! You don’t feel any pity!
PAULA: I told you, didn’t I, that you would never forgive me for what I had done to you.
TONY: You could have saved me—
PAULA: But I have saved you, Tony. Oh, you do not know now—
TONY: You could have saved me but you didn’t want to! Okay, now I’m going to the devil! [He begins to move backward, toward stairway.]
I’m through with struggling and trying to be good! I’m going back to where I came from—back to the gutter! back to the life you could have saved me from!
PAULA: You will not go back, Tony. You cannot go back anymore. You will never be the same again. It is the price you pay. And you will not go back.
TONY [sobbing again; moving backward]: Yes, I will! Yes, I will! I’m going back—back to the gutter! I’m through with fighting! I just want to rot! You could have saved me but you didn’t want to! And I could have saved you, Paula. Well, now you’re damned! And I’m glad—yes, I’m glad! Oh, I’ve done just what I wanted to do: I’ve damned you and I’ve damned your father and I’ve damned this house! Oh, you dug your own grave, Paula, when you burned that picture! You nailed your own coffin! I could have set you free! Well, now you’re going to rot here! You’re all going to rot in this house, the three of you, and be afraid to look in each other’s faces! You’re all going to sit here hating each other and rotting away till you die! That’s what I’ve done to you! And I’m glad, I’m glad, I’m glad!
[He is already at stairway and stops, overcome with sobs. He peevishly brushes his nose with his fist, fighting to control himself.]
Oh, I’ll be rotting myself—but I’ll be happy to rot! Yeah—happy! I want to rot, I want to go to the devil! I’ll enjoy it, I’ll have the time of my life, I’ll simply love—Oh, damn you, damn you!
[He stops again, choked by sobs. Furiously he draws himself up to his full height and makes a final attempt at bravado.]
So, you think I’ve got to pay, do you? So, you think I won’t ever be the same again, do you? You flatter yourself, Paula! Oh, you never touched me! Look at me! I’m still Tony! I’m still the same old Tony! And believe me, girls, I’m going to—
[It’s no use. He breaks down completely; he doubles over, sobbing hoarsely; his face in his hands.]
Oh, why did you do it, Paula? Why did you do it? Why did you do it!
[He staggers down the stairs.]
PAULA: The poor victim of our little sacrifice!
CANDIDA [approaching; timidly]: Was it . . . our sacrifice, Paula?
PAULA [turning around; gaily]: Oh Candida, I merely wielded the knife!
It was you who laid the wood on the altar, it was you lighted the fire!
CANDIDA [sinking down to her knees]: Oh Paula, forgive me!
PAULA [sinking down beside her]: Candida, tell me you have no regrets!
CANDIDA: About the picture?
PAULA: What would you have done?
CANDIDA [spiritedly]: Just what you did! I would have destroyed it!
PAULA: Be careful, Candida! Have you considered to what we commit ourselves?
CANDIDA: To the darkness and the bill-collectors and the wagging tongues!
PAULA: And now they will say we have lost our senses. Remember: we have destroyed a piece of property worth ten thousand dollars. That is something they will never understand. They will say we are mad, they will say we are dangerous! And Candida—they may be right after all—eventually . . .
CANDIDA: I am willing to take the risk.
PAULA: Listen! They are talking about us now . . . They are gathering, they are coming!
CANDIDA [with a smile]: Ours is a very special talent, Paula.
PAULA: Alas, yes! We can only catch rats and speak Babylonian. What place is there for us in the world?
CANDIDA: Why should we want a label or a number?
PAULA: And you are not afraid, Candida?
CANDIDA: Of being . . . a Babylonian?
PAULA: And of being exterminated.
CANDIDA: May God forgive me for ever having desired the safeness of mediocrity!
PAULA [rising & drawing her sister up]: Then stand up, Candida—stand up! We are free again! We are together again—you and I and father. Yes—and father too! Don’t you see, Candida? This is the sign he has been waiting for—ever since he gave us that picture, ever since he offered us our release—the sign that we had found our faith again, that we had found our courage again! Oh, he was waiting for us to take this step, to make this gesture—this final, absolute, magnificent, unmistakable gesture!
CANDIDA: And now we have done it!
PAULA: We have recognized our true vocation!
CANDIDA: We have taken our final vows!
PAULA: And we have placed ourselves irrevocably on his side!
CANDIDA: Does he know?
PAULA: Oh yes, yes!
CANDIDA: Have you told him?
PAULA: But what need is there to tell him?
CANDIDA [rapturously]: Oh Paula!
PAULA: He knows, he knows!
CANDIDA: And he has forgiven us at last! He has forgiven us, Paula!
PAULA: And we will stand with him?
CANDIDA: Contra mundum!
PAULA: Oh Candida, let us drink to it!
CANDIDA [as Paula pours the drinks]: But now we stand with him as persons; we stand with him of our own free will, knowing what we do and why we do it. Oh, we did not know before, Paula. We loved him only because he was our father and because we were his daughters. But now we are no longer his daughters—no . . . And how I shiver with terror! We cannot resume the past, Paula; we must work out a new relationship—the three of us. Something has happened to the three of us—and to father most of all. Paula, do you realize that we do not know him anymore? He is no longer the charming artist of our childhood; and he is no longer that bitter broken old man who jumped out of the window. Something has been happening to him all this year. He has come to terms with life; he has made his own peace; he has found a solution. We will be facing a man risen from the grave . . . Oh Paula, how I shiver! And yet I can hardly wait! I can hardly wait to face him, to show him these new creatures he has made of us! We are no longer his daughters; we are his friends, his disciples, his priestesses! We have been born again—not of his flesh but of his spirit!
PAULA [offering glass]: Then, come! Let us drink to our birthday!
CANDIDA [taking glass]: And nothing can divide us now! They can drive us away from this house and separate us—but we will still be together, you and I and father. And as long as we stand together, the world cannot be wholly lost or doomed or destroyed!
PAULA [raising her glass]: We stand against the world only to save it!
CANDIDA [raising her glass]: And to save it, we must stand against the world!
[They touch glasses.]
PAULA: Happy Birthday, Candida!
CANDIDA: Happy Birthday, Paula!
[They drink; then burst into laughter. The bells peal out again, and continue pealing to end of the Scene. From the distance comes a rumor of drums.]
PAULA: Candida, the procession!
CANDIDA: And why are we standing in darkness?
PAULA: Let us turn on the chandelier!
CANDIDA: Let us turn on all the lights!
PAULA: It is a Holiday!
CANDIDA: It is the birthday of our lives!