by Lissa Kasey
Ty didn’t want to drive my car—he muttered about tiny cars not fitting normal-sized people—and refused to let me drive, so we all piled into Duke’s SUV, with his guards driving my Bug. The rest of the SUVs were gone. I hoped they were all at the hospital, guarding Kade. Tomas and Jacob boxed me into the middle seat as we made our way to the hospital.
No one spoke, and the tension in the air hung tight and sharp enough to cut. I’d worried we were far away. But we arrived at the hospital in less than ten minutes. Jacob and Tomas had to grip my arms to keep me from jumping out as Ty found a place to park. My vision narrowed to just the building and my need to see Kade. I prayed to a God I’d never really worshiped for Kade to be okay. It wouldn’t take much for me to unravel. If he was too drugged to recognize me, or they’d done something that would make him reject me, I wasn’t sure I’d last the night.
We walked into the hospital, and Duke was immediately flagged down by one of the guards, who directed us to the elevator and the temporary room where we’d find Kade. Jacob had to hold me back to keep me from running. He hugged me from behind, strong arms wrapped around my waist and his face in my hair. “Breathe, O. Don’t freak. No matter what. He needs smiles and home. He needs you happy and whole. Be his rock right now.”
I silently cursed him again for being right. His touch didn’t stop me from being a ball of nervous energy as we rode the elevator up. When the doors opened, someone complained about Newt’s presence, but I barely heard them since Will stood waiting for us at the entrance to the hall.
Tomas coaxed Newt into his carrier as I made my way to Will, reaching for him, eyes all over him, searching for answers, hope, anything about Kade.
Will’s arm went around my shoulder, and he guided me down the hall. “He’s pretty out of it, but we’ve got a tox screen running to find out what he’s on. They are going to take him down for a full MRI in a few minutes. You and I will go with him. As soon as we know what’s in him and if we can move him, we’ll be taking him home. Either to St. Francis or your house, depending on his status.”
I nodded like a bobblehead doll at everything he said, bracing myself for another panic attack as we came to his door. Being a rock was Kade’s job. I didn’t know if I could do it even if I needed to. He’d spent the last six months taking down my emotional walls and facades, reminding me it was okay to feel and show emotion. He’d never been bothered if I cried or ranted, and only hated it when I went sullen and silent.
Then we were there. Jacob’s guards stood outside his open doorway, and Kade was in bed, hooked to a couple monitors. He looked thinner, his hair and beard overgrown, and his eyes were closed like he was sleeping. He seemed peaceful, which made me pause in the doorway. Maybe he didn’t need me.
Will ushered me inside, none too gently, and to the side of the bed. This close I could see the bright ink on Kade’s arms and the missing leg under the blankets. I couldn’t stop myself from reaching for his hand. His skin was cool under my palms, but I massaged his fingers and breathed in the relief of touching him again. I didn’t realize I’d closed my eyes until I opened them to stare into Kade’s.
His brown eyes were tired, pupils blown wide, likely from the drugs, but focused on me.
“Kade.” His name fell from my lips in a strangled sob.
His sigh was long and deep. “Alice.” He blinked a couple times. “I like this dream. Even if it always ends badly. Feel big today. Hate feeling big. It’s always followed by small….” His words came out gravelly, dry. But to hear his voice again after over a month without him was like the gates of heaven had just opened for me. I leaned over him and brushed my lips against his. His were dry and cracked, his scraggly beard rough on my face, but it was the most amazing feeling in the world.
“Not a dream,” I told him. “I’m right here.”
He lifted a hand as if to wave away the dream but stopped and stared at it, confusion furrowing his brow. Then he lifted the other, like testing his range of movement, wiggling his fingers, turning his wrists, and finally settling his right hand in my hair. He ran his fingers through it, awe on his face. “Like spun gold,” he muttered. He rested his other hand on my cheek, thumb trailing over my skin like he was trying to memorize it. “Really good dream. You feel real.”
“I am real,” I promised him, reaching forward to touch his face.
His eyes went watery. I bent and kissed him again, first his lips, then the smaller portion of his cheeks I could reach that was beardless, and finally his forehead. “Kade,” I begged him quietly, needing him to see me, believe I was real, recognize me.
He took my face in both of his hands and studied me. A tear slid down his left cheek. I brushed it away with my thumb. “Ollie?” he whispered, my name barely audible but sounding more like a contented sigh than an actual question.
“Yes, baby,” I told him. “I’m right here.”
He studied my face a minute longer before his crumpled, and he crushed me to his chest while he sobbed. I couldn’t hold back my own tears at having him back. He recognized me. Clung to me, and though his tears wrenched my heart, they felt cleansing.
“Don’t let this be a dream,” he cried. “Not again. Please.”
“No,” I said. I had Kade back, and no one was going to take him from me ever again. “Not a dream. Just you and me forever.”
Chapter Six
THE MRI had given good news. Kade had been physically cared for. They had taken his leg because the bottom half had been shattered by something from the bus crash, bone mashed to pulp and nerves all shot. There hadn’t been a way to save it. The gunshot to his knee had mostly severed it anyway. I hoped that meant he hadn’t felt the bone being crushed.
His leg was well on its way to healing, and he hadn’t been starved or tortured. He had not been actually physically harmed, other than the drugs pumped into his veins to keep him passive. I was more worried about that than the physical at this point. Psychological and emotional torture wouldn’t be something visible to the naked eye. Though his eyes looked haunted.
His left arm had been fractured but was now healed. The muscles were slightly atrophied, but with some rehab, he’d be back to his normal strength in no time. They’d replaced the pins in his hip with something that was higher end. The doctor said he was mostly healed from that surgery as well but would probably need to adjust to moving again. Rehab and more rehab, they told me. I was okay with that as long as he didn’t hurt anymore.
His tox screen said not-so-good things. He’d been on some mind-altering drugs that were going to take some time and medication to ease off of. Stuff that made him incoherent and highly suggestible. He’d asked me a thousand times if I was real, even though I refused to release his hand.
He’d doze for a few minutes, then jolt awake, eyes darting around as if searching for some horror. Once he was returned to a private room, Ty pulled Will into the hall to talk about transport back home. I let them go.
Tomas handed over Newt in his carrier. Jacob shut the door, leaning against it so if someone came in, he’d be the first to know. None of the hospital staff were allowed in without an escort. Duke and the guards were seeing to that. Kade’s father hid behind a wall of his own security, denying he’d ever had Kade and saying that Kade had been seeking treatment of his own free will. It was bullshit, but it sounded good to the law, or so Ty assured me. He also promised he’d be documenting everything and continue to push for an arrest, though it was unlikely to be granted. Money bought power. And Kade’s family had a lot of both.
I let Newt out, and he crept up on the bed, slow and as unsure as I’d ever seen the cat. He sniffed at Kade’s fingers, stomach, and chest. I was sure Kade probably smelled funny from the drugs and the distance or even the use of a different soap. He didn’t look dirty, but his hair was a mess, an afro of white-blond curls pressed into the shape of whatever pillow he’d been lying on.
Newt stopped. He squatted on Kade’s chest, his little paws tucked beneath him and his nose to Kad
e’s breastbone. For a minute I thought Newt was just trying to get a familiar smell, but then he seemed to be kneading Kade gently. Even over the quiet hum of the machines, I could hear the purr.
Kade opened his eyes and stared at Newt, blinking like he couldn’t quite see straight. I still rubbed his right hand with both of mine. He shivered. I glanced at Tomas, who immediately looked around. “We should get him another blanket. It’s chilly in here.”
He hit the call button and headed toward the door to let the guards outside know of our request. Jacob stood to the side but had fallen oddly quiet. Like before Levi’s death quiet. When he was in hiding quiet. I looked him over but didn’t know what to do, or even if I wanted to do anything. I was already torn, shattered, and so tired from the past month and a half. Maybe once we were home and I could once again sleep with Kade beside me, I’d feel normal again. Or at least as normal as I ever did.
Kade raised a hand toward Newt, careful, slow, almost scared. Newt sniffed his fingers, then bumped them with his head. Kade delivered the desired scratch, and Newt arched his ears and neck into his touch, purring all the while. “We’re all mad here,” Kade muttered. “Even the cat.”
Tomas returned with an armful of blankets and a bag. “Can we fix his hair?” Tomas asked anxiously as he laid two blankets carefully over Kade’s legs and adjusted them up to his waist.
Newt wouldn’t have cared if he were covered, but none of us wanted to restrict the movement of Kade’s arms. His wrists looked chafed, not bruised, per se, but Will had commented to Ty that Kade had been cuffed to the bed with medical restraints, which was why his movements were so wildly pronounced. He was getting used to having control of them for the first time in a month and a half.
I tried not to think about it.
“We can’t cut it with him lying down, but maybe tame it a little. His beard too.”
Tomas clutched the bag.
I took it from him and went to work on Kade’s hair, cleaning it first with dry shampoo, softening and hydrating it before finally combing the spongy curls into submission. It wasn’t a bad look for him. Though it did sort of overwhelm him. Or maybe it was the massive amount of facial hair. I knew he trimmed it every day, so it had almost six weeks to grow wild.
“He looks like half mountain man, half beach bum,” Jacob joked.
And he did.
“But the hair’s better. One of Duke’s guys has a beard. Might be able to trim that up for us.” He still lingered near the door, like he was afraid to approach. Did he think Kade would jump up and start screaming at him any second? “Can he breathe under all that hair?”
“Can you ask the guard if he’s willing to help?” Tomas asked Jacob. “Just trim it back a little. I’m so useless for this.” He gripped his fists at his side, fighting back a tremble.
I stayed beside Kade, rubbing his hand, my head resting on the bed beside him. Jacob stepped out, and Tomas gave me an odd look.
“Hmm?” I asked.
“He’s acting weird.”
“Not my problem right now.”
Tomas seemed to consider that, then nodded. “It’s a little surreal. Let me see if I can find some warm water and some sort of cloth. You can run it over Kade’s skin. I know that made me feel better when I first woke up in the hospital. Every nerve was jangling, but that little sponge bath was such a relief. I felt human again.” He rushed into the attached bathroom, and I heard him rattling things around. He disappeared for another minute, likely to ask for something larger than a plastic cup to put water into.
Kade turned his hand over, and I laced my fingers with his. His eyes were sleepy, still drugged, but coming down, maybe.
“I love you,” I told him.
“Love you, Ollie,” he whispered. “Please be here when I wake up.” His eyes shut, fluttered like he was trying to open them again, but he let out a long sigh. I knew he’d fallen asleep that fast. It’d been a long day for him. Long day for all of us. I just wanted to get him home to our bed and curl myself around him.
Tomas returned with a basin, a plastic-wrapped sponge, and an arm full of towels. “The guard is going down to the car to get his beard stuff. I didn’t know there was beard stuff? He said there’s lotion and several types of scissors and razors.”
“Kade’s stuff is packed somewhere in my suitcase.” I didn’t even know where my suitcase was. Back at the villa maybe? In one of the SUVs? “He has a little case full of stuff.”
Tomas filled the bowl halfway and unwrapped the sponge. “The nurse said to keep the bindings on his bad leg. They will clean and change it one more time before we leave.”
I wondered how bad it was. Did it still hurt? I had horrible visions of a gaping wound on the tiny stump that was left of his right leg. There was only a little over half of the upper part of his leg remaining. Would it hurt less with the pins and bolts gone, or more because now he had some sort of ghost limb? I closed my eyes and tried to breathe.
“Ollie.” Tomas ran his fingers over my forehead, brushing my hair away from my face. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know,” I told him honestly. Because he was right. This was all surreal. I feared I might be dreaming in much the same way Kade thought he was. Of each other, only to wake and find ourselves alone.
“Do you want to do this?” He motioned to the bowl.
“I don’t want to wake him.”
“It won’t,” he said. “There’s a lot of drugs in his system. The nurses said until most of them run their course, he’ll be in and out of sleep, and mostly incoherent.” He positioned a towel under Kade’s right arm, wetted the sponge, and wrung it out a few times before handing it to me. It was warm and soft. I ran it over Kade’s palm, each finger, and carefully turned his wrist. Touching him was grounding. I was awake. He was real. His skin was warm and smooth under my fingers.
I traced the tattoo of the Cheshire cat, which appeared mostly undamaged, and spent time bathing the inside of Kade’s elbow, all the way up to his shoulder. He didn’t stir. Tomas took his other arm with a very careful focus. It wasn’t sexual, but certainly caring.
“I never had a family,” Tomas whispered. “Not like you did.” He was quiet for a few more minutes.
“We’re all family now,” I told him. “You, me, Kade, Ty, Britney, Will. I think we’re sort of stuck with Jacob now too.” Kade had kind of adopted Tomas as a little brother, even going so far as to playfully tease him often. I’d just as easily fallen into the role of big brother, though we both approached it differently. I guided Tomas in fashion and schooling. Kade was all about self-defense, money management, and gentle ribbing.
We both let Ty have Tomas, but I knew Kade had given Ty a stern talking-to when he’d started dating Tomas. It had been mostly friendly, with a side of warning hell to come if hearts were trampled carelessly.
Tomas blinked back tears. “I wish I could help more. Could have helped more.”
“You were amazing, Tomas,” I assured him. “I’m sorry for abandoning you.”
“It’s okay. I got it. I really did. I wanted him back too. Jacob helped a lot. So the business is doing okay. But I was worried.” He sighed. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so afraid. I kept trying not to think of what would happen if we didn’t get him back. Of never seeing him again….”
I frowned at him. “Jacob helped how?” I let my sponge soak a bit before wringing it out and taking it to Kade’s neck, shoulders, and brow.
“Some of his guards took over doing the bodyguard stuff Kade normally did, so we wouldn’t lose their business.”
I gaped at him. “What?”
“We couldn’t take the other stuff ’cause they aren’t licensed PIs, but between your background check business and the bodyguard work, we’re doing okay. I’ve put off some cases, but all minor stuff that could wait. Insurance and spouse stuff.”
My head spun in confusion. It made sense of course. There was no way Tomas could have kept the business running by himself on just the background wor
k. I’d struggled for an entire year, going further and further into the red. The six months of Kade helping with the business had settled all Haven’s debt and brought in enough repeat business to keep us in the black. But a month and a half was more than just about any business could afford to be operating with only a third of the clientele.
That, of course, was my fault. I could have continued the investigation side of the business. I was licensed now. Hell, I could probably do the bodyguard work too since I was training in martial arts. Mostly bodyguard work was just keeping people away. Very rarely did anyone try to slip by a guard.
“I need to stop drowning in myself,” I muttered, hating myself for being too weak to actually function without Kade.
“You were hurting and afraid,” Tomas protested. “I’d be a wreck if Ty up and disappeared. Heck, I was crazy the first couple of days after we learned Kade was missing. It was impossible to focus, and my brain just kept going through all the scenarios. Ty helped. He talked me down.” Tomas ran his fingers through my hair again. “I know your anxiety is like a thousand times that.”
“It’s no excuse,” I mumbled. “I should have done something.”
“You were. You were looking for Kade. And healing. Don’t forget you were hurt too, Ollie. You’re still healing. Your doctor said your head might take years to fully heal.”
But it wasn’t an excuse. I sighed, focusing on Kade. Once he was semifunctioning again, maybe I could too. I had to stop relying so much on others that I fell apart when I was alone. “It’s a hard realization that you really need to grow the fuck up, right?” I said with more than a little self-disdain.
Tomas let out a long breath. “I could never deal with all you have and still be standing, Ollie. Your brother, Donovan’s attack, losing Kade….”
More excuses.
“And your depression has been bad.” He glanced my way. “Don’t think I didn’t notice. I know you’ve been trying to fight it. Have you been taking your meds?”
“For the little good they do, yes.”