by Lissa Kasey
“I can’t keep waiting around for people to save me.” Not even the people I loved. “I love you,” I whispered, meaning it more than I had with anyone in my life. “But I need to stand on my own. You can’t help me with this. Not this time.”
“Why, Ollie? Why can’t we just sit down and have an adult conversation about this?”
“Would you really talk to me? Share your past with me? Answer my questions?”
Another long silence stretched between us. “What if I’m not ready for that?”
“Then maybe you’re not ready for me.” The words were out of my mouth before I completely thought them through and could stop the blow from landing.
He hung up.
I stared at the phone in my hand in stunned silence, not sure what to do. Call him back? Cry? Run screaming? I put the phone down and pulled a pillow over my head. This was the path I’d chosen, the bed I’d made. Nathan would have told me I’d have to use it now that I’d created it. What if the secrets I found were horrible? What if Kade turned out to be some sort of monster and I’d really taken him from the sort of help he needed?
No. I didn’t believe that for a minute. He was hiding from painful memories, but his family was hiding something worse. My gut told me they could rise up at any time like some sort of mythical leviathan and rip him from my life with their lies. I wouldn’t let that happen. Not again. But since Kade wasn’t sharing his past so I could pick apart their case, I would need to do it myself, without him if need be, to keep him safe this time.
Chapter Fifteen
THE NEXT morning I made my way to the car, wishing for tea but finding nothing within a short distance. In a world of Starbucks on every street corner, how was that possible? I sighed. It was going to be a long day. My head ached, and my eyes felt like they had grit in them from all the crying I’d done. It was crazy how fast someone you loved could break your heart. I should have gone home. Apologized. Or even called him. Something to extend the olive branch. I hated when we fought. But I needed to know. Even if it was just to slow my hamsters down, as Kade liked to say. And then there was gut-churning fear that his family was just lying in wait for their next chance to take him from me. That was not going to happen again.
I stepped up to my car, unlocked it, and narrowed my eyes. There was a tan Malibu parked three spots over, dirt covering the license plate. The windows were heavily tinted, but not so much so that I could miss the fact that the car was empty. I glanced around the lot, looking for anyone, and even scanning the windows to the rooms for a sign of movement in the curtains. It was early. The place seemed still and unmoving.
I tiptoed toward the car. Maybe I could get a VIN number or make out some of the plate. There was no mistaking the eerie sense that this was the same car I’d seen following me on several occasions up in San Francisco. Funny how it was now here down in Carlsbad.
Carefully, while watching the surrounding area, I crouched behind the car to feel the plate with my fingers. Most plates were raised, this one was sadly printed. I was just about to attempt a very disgusting spit shine when the door to the room beside mine opened and a large man stepped out.
I fumbled, dropping my keys and my phone, then scrambling for them.
He stood over me a second later. “You okay?”
“Sorry, sorry.” I popped up like I was on a spring. “Just dropped my keys, and then my phone. It’s one of those days….” I turned to face the man who was frowning at me. He was African American and large, not as big as Ty, especially not through the shoulders, but certainly bigger than me. His hair was left in a long enough spring to be shaped into little nubs on top of his head, which were bleached, leaving the roots black, but the tips sort of a yellow. He wore mirrored wraparound sunglasses that were huge, covering most of his upper cheeks, eyes, and part of his forehead. He was a handsome man, with thick lips and a chiseled jaw. But he stood with tension in his shoulders and a tightness in his jaw that had me wary.
“Find everything?” he asked, his tone a little tight, like he was implying I was somewhere I shouldn’t be.
I held up my phone and my keys. “Yes. Sorry.”
He folded his arms across his chest, the bulges of his muscles straining the shoulders of his T-shirt. The morning was chilly enough for me to wish for a sweater, but he didn’t seem at all bothered. His posture clearly said “don’t fuck with me, I’m willing to start something.”
I held my hands up and backed away, giving him my best smile. “Thanks for your concern.” I got into my Bug and closed the door, locking it, my hands shaking. The man stood there a moment longer before getting into the Malibu. Crap.
I waited, pretending to search through my phone while he backed up and pulled out of the lot, heading off down the street. I let out a long sigh. Of course I’d been stupid enough to not pack a Taser for this trip. Hell, I hadn’t opened the box the company had sent me after replacing the ones Levi had used to hurt Kade. They’d been sent a week after the incident and still sat in the box on the counter beside the patio door. Jacob had mentioned them to me, asking if I wanted him to leave one for me upstairs. I’d refused. Memories of Kade bleeding, the smell of burning flesh, and the black char of his pants leg still haunted me. No, I hadn’t done those things to him. The burn from the Taser had been some sort of malfunction. I’d even taken a call from someone at the company shortly after I’d been released from the hospital, apologizing and promising to research the issue. Since Kade had been missing at the time, nothing else really mattered, and I’d tuned them out.
Now I was wishing I had something. One of Nathan’s guns maybe. But what would that solve? If someone was going to harass me, they were going to harass me. I wasn’t about to start shooting people for calling me names or trying to intimidate me. Those were regular occurrences. Something about me brought an irritation out of a lot of alpha males. A strong need for them to pound their chests and threaten. I never understood it. Kade said it was a lack in self-confidence on their part. Either way, it didn’t mean great things for me. I couldn’t square my shoulders and give them the “I’m a soldier, don’t fuck with me” look. I was tall, but that’s about all I was.
After another minute of deep breathing, I put on my seat belt and made my way to my first stop of the day. I had a list of people to question, and if I could find them all fast, I’d be back home to apologize to Kade in no time.
Chapter Sixteen
THE FIRST stop of the day began with me sitting outside the house of a woman named Sophia Bosovic. She was gorgeous. And like me she’d lived here all her life with little to no family. She’d been orphaned young, lived in a group home during her teen years, and birthed a child at just seventeen. Her name on my list had bothered me the most. She was the girl supposedly raped by Kade.
No police report. I’d checked. Rape was a pretty brutal charge without a report to back it up. But I knew a lot of women didn’t report their attacks. She could have a thousand reasons why she hadn’t.
The child she’d raised was supposedly Kade’s. His family was reportedly paying them child support, though I couldn’t find a legal record of it. If there was any sort of paper trail linking his son to his family, I had yet to find it. No monetary records of deposits, no legal requests for visitation, none of the standard child welfare stuff. The child’s birth certificate listed Kade’s name as father, but there were no orders against him. Nothing other than that slip of paper to indicate he was at all involved in the boy’s life. If their names hadn’t been on the list Ashlyn had sent me, I’d have never known they existed.
When the door of the house opened and a young man stepped out, I sucked in a breath.
It was like being punched in the gut. The resemblance was uncanny. While the kid was skinny and lanky compared to Kade, his blond curls and pale face sprinkled with freckles were almost an exact match. He smiled broadly at the woman who held the door for him. She wished him a good day, and he made his way to a beat-up Toyota with a backpack in hand. Since it was a
school day, that made sense. While I knew Sophia had a child, I hadn’t expected him to be almost a man. The date on the birth certificate would make him seventeen.
God. Kade had a child. A grown child. Did he know? How could he not?
I discreetly took a couple pictures of the kid with my phone and sat there as the teen pulled out of the driveway and headed down the street. The house was tiny, but the outside was well maintained. I should have walked away. What if it was true? What if Kade had raped her? What if I was going to stir up horrible memories for her? I almost trembled with indecision, but I had to know.
Before I’d even realized I’d left the car and crossed the lawn, I was standing at the door with my finger to the bell. Another small blackout? I glanced around the tiny yard and clenched my fists at my side. Sparkles began swirling at the edge of my vision again. I cursed them and the time the headaches were stealing from me, but refused to leave.
The door opened. Once again I was shocked at how beautiful Sophia was. Her dark hair was pulled into a stylish upsweep to her face and flawlessly applied makeup. She was wearing a waitress uniform for the diner I’d passed on my way to her house. It emphasized her tiny waist, long legs, and ample bosom. She was almost a half foot shorter than me, but something about her was fierce. She stood like she could take on the world and would if she needed to. Her eyes widened as she looked me over.
“Ms. Bosovic?” I asked.
“You’re Oliver Petroskovic,” she said. “The model.” Then she gasped, and her hand flew to her mouth. “Is Kade all right?” Her eyes darted past me. Was she looking for Kade?
“He’s fine. I was just hoping for a few minutes of your time.”
She looked around, this time stepping around me and examining the street, then held the door open and followed me inside. She closed it behind us but didn’t move away from the door. “They don’t know you’re here, do they?”
“They?”
“His family.”
Oh. “No. I don’t believe so.”
She nodded then, like answering some unspoken question. “Coffee? Tea? I have to be to work in a half an hour, but as you can see it’s only a few minutes away.”
“Tea would be great, thanks.” I followed her through the tiny living room and into the kitchen, having to duck through the very low doorways. She gestured for me to sit down at the two-seater table, which sat pushed against the wall in the kitchen.
I’d expected the inside of the house to be as immaculate as the outside, but I’d been wrong. Everything was dated. Not even twenty years dated. More like the house would have been pristine in the fifties, now it was peeling varnished cabinets, stained and torn linoleum, and ugly yellow appliances that whirred so loudly I wondered how anyone slept with all the noise. The kitchen was clean, counters clear of clutter, but the white-tiled countertops and grout had long since gone gray and yellow. The walls were covered in a flowered wallpaper that could have been white at one time. Now it was peeling, bubbled, and stained. The single window sat open with a tray of potted greens sitting in it and overlooked a back fence that appeared to be rotten and forgotten by whoever took care of the front.
The chair creaked ominously as I settled my weight into it, a whine of old metal that made me cringe, but it seemed to hold.
“Sorry. I know it’s not much,” Sophia said, looking around the kitchen. “But it’s home. Better than the apartment we used to have. At least here Micah has his own room, even if it is only large enough to fit a double bed.”
“Micah is Kade’s?” I blurted the question. Seeing him had been proof enough, but somehow I still needed affirmation from her. Kade had brothers, but he was the only one of them who could pass for Caucasian. In reality, Kade didn’t look at all like his siblings. It was a small thing that had struck me as odd. But seeing Micah, who looked just like a younger version of Kade, it was hard to entertain other possibilities.
She blinked at me as she set a cup of microwaved hot water and a small dish of tea bags in front of me. “Of course.”
I had so many questions and not one clue where to begin. She sat down beside me and put her hands over mine around the teacup I was griping.
“How is he? I heard on the news a while back that the two of you are together. Couldn’t resist looking into the story, even when I’m not supposed to. He looked so happy.” There was no anger or bitterness in her voice or on her face. In fact, a smile tugged her lips, and she seemed genuinely concerned for him.
“He’s okay. Recovering from an injury.” What did she mean she wasn’t supposed to? Wasn’t supposed to what? “You don’t hate him?”
Sophia looked confused. “Why would I hate him? I miss him so much. Wish Micah had the chance to know him.”
“He didn’t rape you?” Again I blurted what I was thinking when I should have stopped and thought first. Dammit. “Sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to just say that.”
“Kade never raped me. He was my best friend. My only friend for years.”
“But Micah? And Kade’s family? I’m so confused.”
Several expressions flitted across her face before she finally nodded. “I see.”
“I don’t.”
She patted my hands. “His family is saying he raped me? That certainly explains a lot of things.”
It was on the list Ashlyn had given me. One of the things that bothered me the most, since there was a child. Hell, there was even a DNA test proving the child was Kade’s in the information Ashlyn had sent me. I had tried to downplay the test, thinking his family could manipulate it, maybe even change the results. But why? What would be the point? They were supposedly paying child support, but the inside of the house said it wasn’t much.
“Yes,” I finally said.
“Figures. I’ve wondered for a long time what they’ve told him. The Kade I remember would have broken down walls to see Micah at least. Even if he was mad at me for something. I know he was in the Marine Corps for a while. I’d hoped he’d finally escaped his family. At least then one of us would be free.”
“Wait. Can you start over? I’m so confused. Kade doesn’t know about Micah?”
“I would think you’d know that better than me. I haven’t seen him since the night Micah was conceived.” She got up and microwaved another cup of hot water to make herself tea as she continued. “I should have known something was wrong that night. We were best friends and I knew he was gay. He had a crush on a guy on the football team. I think they even had a thing going.” She shrugged. “I can’t tell you the number of times I covered for him when he was late getting home from school or wanted to sneak out. The one and only time Kade and I ever had sex was at a party. It was a college party neither of us had any right to be at. But there was alcohol and lots of people.”
“But you were willing,” I clarified because I’d never been able to see Kade as the sort who forced himself on anyone.
“Yes. He was attractive, and I fancied myself in love with him, even though I knew he’d never love me that way. The whole reason we were even at the party was because the guy he liked was,” she said. “Then two of his brothers and one of his sisters showed up.”
“Before or after?”
“Before.” She shrugged. “He was so afraid of them, tried to talk me into leaving, though both of us were well beyond drunk and there was no way he could con a ride out of someone that early in the evening.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing. They didn’t even acknowledge him. It was odd. But something I drank didn’t agree with me, so Kade helped me to one of the spare rooms. I slept for a while and woke to him kissing me.” Sophia gave me a sad look. “I was young but not a virgin. It’s hard living in group homes and not giving yourself for something. Food, clothing, protection. I don’t know what I thought when I woke to him in my arms. Just that he was my friend, good-looking, and that I wanted him.”
Kade had sex with a woman. The fact surprised me. He was very adamant about the fact he’d always kno
wn he was gay. “How old were you?”
“I was almost seventeen. Kade was fifteen. Pretty sure I was his first. Maybe his only girl.” She flushed. “He didn’t last long. Neither of us was coherent enough to think to use a condom. We were kids, and pregnancy didn’t happen with one encounter.” She shivered. “I remember waking up in his arms a little while later, the party still raging around us, and seeing one of his siblings standing over us.”
“Creepy.”
“Yeah.”
“Who? Do you remember?”
“No. I just remember thinking it was one of Kade’s siblings, one of the brothers, I think, they sort of look alike, and then I fell back to sleep. When I got up the next morning, Kade was gone. From everything really. My life, school, the neighborhood, everything. He seemed to vanish overnight. Everyone became really tight-lipped about him. No one would answer questions, even at school.”
I pulled out my tablet and opened it to the notations of his hospital stay. “Do you remember the date?”
“Of course. Hard to forget, as less than a month later I knew I was pregnant.” She gave me the date, and sure enough, it coincided with one of his hospital stays. In fact, it was his last admission to the reprogramming ward. “His father wanted me to abort. I spent a lot of time thinking about that. But I was young and stupidly thought having the baby would bring him back to me. Even if it was just to get my friend back.” Sophia let out a long sigh, got up, and left the kitchen for a minute to return with an album filled with pictures of her son.
“He’s beautiful,” I told her honestly as I flipped through the book and watched Micah grow from image to image. It was almost like seeing Kade grow up, except everything in these pictures said Micah had had a very happy childhood despite not having much in the way of material things. “How did his family know?”