by Lissa Kasey
Kade jumped a half foot in the air when someone knocked on the door. He fumbled for his gun, cursing when he couldn’t hold it and grab his crutches at the same time. I waved him back and checked the door. Room service.
“Ollie,” Kade hissed.
“It’s fine.”
“No,” he insisted. “It could be a ruse….”
I sighed. “Can you leave the tray outside?” I asked through the call box rather than shouting through the door.
“Of course, sir,” the voice said.
I felt bad about not being able to give him a tip for the delivery, but I’d leave something with the tray when we were done to hopefully make up for it. I waited for the sound of footsteps to move away, standing beside the door just to be cautious, then checked the monitor again. All clear, at least as far as the camera could see—it scanned as far as the parking lot outside our gate, which was empty.
I unlocked the door, ignoring Kade’s curses behind me, peeked out, saw no one, and dragged the tray inside, then relocked the door before Kade could even stand.
“Dammit, Ollie.”
“It’s fine,” I placated. “All clear.”
“You don’t know that.”
“It’s a private courtyard. They need a key to get through the gate.” And the monitor showed both the gate and the entry area outside our room. The man had been in uniform, name badge and villa logo very clear on his chest.
“Ollie….” And I heard something odd in his voice. Panic. Usually I was the one freaking out, with him calming me. But he’d been through so much, it was only fair that he be allowed a breakdown or two. I planted the tray off to the side on the floor by the door and went to him, hugging him so hard I worried I’d break him somehow. His heart raced, and he was so tense I didn’t know if he was even there with me in the moment or maybe recalling some horrible war memory.
“I’m right here,” I whispered to him, over and over.
Slowly he began to relax, swaying slightly as he often did when there was a rhythm in his head. It was a little dance that almost brought tears to my eyes to experience again. “You ready to eat?” I whispered to him.
He sighed. “I gotta brush first. I still taste regurgitated coffee.”
I snorted, reached over, grabbed his crutches, and helped him steady himself. “You go brush. I’ll get breakfast ready.”
He hesitated another moment, watching me open the covered food, maybe looking for bombs, who knew, but he finally made his way to the bathroom, and the water turned on. I set the tray on the bed and began splitting the food onto two plates. Berries on both ours, melons on his, oranges on mine, grapes on his. Fresh avocado over my toast, almond butter on his. Then I dragged the recliner close enough that Kade could sit and use the bed as a table.
“If that skirt were any shorter we’d get stopped for indecent exposure.” Kade hobbled his way over to the chair before throwing himself down in it somewhat dramatically. My outfit had been very strategically chosen to distract Kade. Super short skirt, no hose, just bare legs, and a soft sweater top, bare feet. “I hate these crutches.”
“Necessary evil for now,” I reminded him. “You need time to heal. There’s no race.” He probably should have been in a wheelchair, but I knew that would be another fight so I left it alone.
“Except keeping you safe,” he grumbled.
I wasn’t going to touch that because it was more a psychological need for him than actual reality. I kept myself safe just fine. He had told James he brought my Tasers, so maybe it was time to return those to my bag and stop flinching when I saw them. Kade had been the one shocked and burned by one, and they didn’t bother him at all. I couldn’t let some stupid fear keep me from taking care of us both.
I pushed his plate toward him. “Eat.”
He narrowed his eyes at me, so I picked up a slice of my toast and began to eat too. He made no comment about how I wasn’t following my nutritionist’s vegan orders. It was just too much to worry about when we had so many bigger problems. Only after I took a bite did he reach for his plate. And while we ate, him in a brooding silence, I came up with a plan. “There’s a nice little bench out in the courtyard surrounded by flowers and a tiny koi pond.”
“Outside isn’t safe,” Kade said.
“We’re not in a war zone, Kade. It’s a private courtyard, protected by a key-access gate that is eight feet tall.”
“It sort of is a war zone. My family rules this town.”
I understood his worry but was determined to prove to him that we were safe and I wouldn’t let anything happen to him. We finished all the food in a tense silence. I had to fight to keep myself from getting frustrated with the way he kept closing himself off from me. Time I could give him. But maybe he needed something more, like a kick in the right direction.
Chapter Twenty-Four
WHILE I cleaned up the plates, I decided on the course of action needed. “Will you sit outside with me on the bench? Bring the Tasers, the gun, whatever, just sit with me by the pond in the sunshine and fresh air.”
He stared at me, like he was trying to puzzle out exactly what I was thinking.
“You were gone almost two months, Kade,” I told him. He opened his mouth to say something, but I held up my hand. “Cuddle time. Isn’t that what you always remind me? Sometimes we just need to cuddle? I need you.”
“But outside?”
“We used to sit on the patio at home all the time.” He had this huge lounge chair with a built-in umbrella that was the most amazing place to sit when the weather wasn’t too hot. The trees provided privacy and shade, and the chair could sway if the wind was strong enough, a gentle rocking that always lulled me to sleep in his arms. Like the chaise in my room, it was a special place for us. And while we weren’t home, I needed him to realize he was no longer that scared little kid running from his family. If he hadn’t been injured in the bus crash, they’d have never taken him. Even now, on crutches and trying to relearn how to move, he was fast to respond, dangerous, and very wary. I wanted to remind him of how capable I believed him to be.
“That was at home.”
I let out a long breath and began packing everything so we’d be ready to move when James arrived. Today we’d speak to Tony, hopefully, and maybe the owner of the white dog Kade remembered. Then we’d go home. I couldn’t in good conscience keep him here longer. Too many bad memories, and obviously he wasn’t going to go home until I did. I found the Tasers, put one in my bag and one in Kade’s. There was also a new one, smaller, no cartridges, but with metal prongs at the end. It was the sort of thing the police used, which required being uncomfortably close to your attacker. Technically the Tasers had the same function. If the tines missed, the nozzle of the weapon could deliver a sizable jolt, but the proximity needed was a little scary. I wasn’t sure I’d use the new weapon, but I stuck it in my bag anyway.
After another few minutes of silence, Kade got up and made his way to the door. I let him go, knowing he’d search the courtyard and check the gate for weaknesses before he’d relax at all. The monitor only showed the exterior of the door and the gate, so when he vanished, I gave him another few minutes to get to the bench I’d noticed last night when we’d come in.
When I finally made my way out of the room and toward him, my heart pounded and I gnawed on my lip with worry. Fear that he’d reject me. I knew he was battling demons in his head and had been taught that sharing his struggles made him weak. But he was amazing, strong, beautiful, and mine. He needed to be reminded that I was his too.
He sat in the middle of the bench, crutches leaning off to the side. His gun sat inches from his hip, but his head was tilted back, eyes closed, like he was enjoying the warmth of the early morning sun. He’d been locked up so long he must have been starved for it.
He opened his eyes, alert that I was there, and gave me a tight smile. Still tense, but trying. God, I loved him so much.
The bench had a deep seat and high back. The wood was smooth and staine
d cherry brown despite the endless sun bleaching it was probably exposed to. Behind the bench the trickle of the water and little clicks of the koi made me smile. It was soothing, but I didn’t think Kade even noticed it yet. It was a war zone for him, but only in his head. In reality it was just a place from his past that had no power over him anymore. And it was time to pull him out of the nightmare.
I climbed onto the bench, pushing the gun away and straddling his hips before sitting in his lap. “Hi.”
He settled his hands on my back as I pressed my hips to his stomach and leaned down to capture his lips, not letting him reply or reach for the gun to pull it closer. He didn’t return my kiss for a minute, didn’t part his lips so I could taste him, and barely held me. At that moment, I thought my world was going to implode from his rejection. Only then he shifted, wrapped his arms around me, and opened his mouth to invade mine.
Finally.
I breathed him deeply, savoring his lips on mine, his warm, strong body against me. Still he was stiff and tense, like he was waiting for someone to come screaming through the gate. We were secure unless James suddenly showed up. I was pretty sure if he did, he’d give us some privacy anyway.
I ground my hips against Kade’s stomach, rocking against him until I was hard and panting, sucking on his tongue, and Kade was beginning to loosen up. He was hard too. Not fully erect yet, but he also had the bite of jeans to worry about. I reached for his fly, but Kade pulled away from my kiss.
“Ollie.”
“Hmm?” I asked, teasing his lips with my own. I reached around to push his hands down, from my back to my ass. “You don’t want to play?”
“Anyone could come in.”
“Not likely. Private villa for the super rich and famous, remember?” There were even trees strategically placed to keep paparazzi from getting a decent shot. I kissed him again.
He sighed sweetly and cupped my ass, though the tension still didn’t ease. He ran his fingers over the edge of the cloth of the skirt, teasing the bare skin, before sliding beneath it. He choked and stuttered a moment later. “Ollie!”
I gave him a devious grin. “Yes, my love?” I ground my bare ass into his hands.
“You… there’s no… oh my God….” He’d been expecting sexy panties. Only I wore none.
I kissed him again, grinding my cock against his jean-clad one. He squeezed my ass, kneading and rubbing the globes with his thumbs. Again I reached for the button of his jeans. And while he tensed, he didn’t stop me from freeing his cock and lining it up with mine.
He hissed as I slid my hand over our heated flesh.
“Ollie….”
“Hmm,” I mumbled, not freeing his lips for more than a few seconds at a time. Together we moved, humping each other and pumping into my fist as his grip around me tightened. He was so strong. Even healing. Didn’t he realize that? “Fuck,” I said.
His eyes were huge, the brown gone molten with heat, pupils blown with desire, while I devoured his lips, savoring the taste of his toothpaste and the feel of his well-trimmed scruff against my skin. He trembled in my arms. He squeezed just shy of pain and teased the rim of my hole with his thumb. I tightened my grip on us, stroked faster, needed him so much.
He came first, which was unusual, but I continued to stroke him as he spurted between us, coating the front of his jeans and my skirt. He panted into my lips, eyes half-lidded while his hips twitched from my continued strokes. Then I came in a long sigh and a gush of heat that spilled up onto his shirt. He breathed out a long sigh, chest still rising and falling in quick rhythm with my own as I came down. A few more strokes and we were both too sensitive to continue, but I enjoyed the feeling of our mingling come coating my fingers.
He yanked me down against him, crushing the mess between us and holding me like if he had to let go he’d fall out of himself. I could feel air on my ass, and one of his hands still rested on it, pushing the skirt up in an obscene way so that if anyone was watching they’d get a pretty good peek of my exterior assets.
“You planned this,” he accused me. I nuzzled his cheek and nibbled on the skin of his neck.
“Oh yes,” I said, not the least bit ashamed.
“I think you have a kink for sex in public places.”
I wasn’t going to argue that we weren’t exactly in a public place and likely not the first to have sex on this bench. “I have a kink for you.”
He closed his eyes and relaxed in my arms, seeming to enjoy the feel of me and rubbing his chin in my hair. We sat like that for a minute or two, and I was pleased that he wasn’t scanning the area, nor did he reach for the gun now that we were finished. His breathing was deep and calming, much like it was when he meditated. And I was okay with that. He needed to find that Zen again.
“I’m a mess,” I whispered to him, though that had been the plan. His jeans and shirt were in dire need of a wash. There wouldn’t be a person alive who would look at him and not know what we’d just done.
He flushed. I smiled. “I guess we’ll have to clean up again, right?” I teased. “Have you seen how big the shower is here? A dozen showerheads, an extra-wide bench, and a towel warmer for when we’re finished.”
He didn’t respond. But he did run his only clean hand through my hair. “Do you understand how important you are to me?”
“Do you?” I threw back at him.
We stared at each other a moment longer. He reached for the gun, but I got there first, pushing it away. “That’s not why.”
He frowned.
“I need you, Kade. Not your gun or your muscles or your ‘don’t fuck with me’ glare.”
“I’m not strong right now, Ollie,” he whispered. “It’s all I have.”
“No. It’s not. You have me. And while I love you like crazy, I don’t need you to protect me from anything. I just need you to be you.”
“Even if I’m less of me than I was.”
“You’re not,” I said. He began to protest. “No,” I interrupted him. “Less a leg or an eye, a million memories, or whatever, you’re still you. You’re one of the strongest people I know. Not because you can fire a gun or pick me up and carry me across a room, but because of this.” I pressed my hand to his heart. “This makes you beautiful, resilient, invincible, but only if you believe in yourself.”
“Ollie….”
“You push me away because you think since you’re not strong enough to face all this, there’s no way I could be, right?”
“No,” he disagreed. “That’s not right.”
“That makes me feel weak, Kade.”
“No.”
“You think you’re weak because the pain and the memories are hard, but how many people avoid facing them at all? How many men would have followed me here, to a town that persecuted them every moment of their life? A place filled with horrible memories? That’s not weakness, Kade.”
“I had to keep you safe,” he whispered.
“And I have to keep you safe, but you won’t let me.”
He groaned. “We’re both so caveman.”
I rubbed my forehead against his. “So long as you realize neither of us is the damsel. We don’t need rescuing. We need a partnership. That’s what you promised me, right?”
“God, yes,” Kade said, fingers caressing my face. “Why am I so stupid?”
I winked at him. “Pretty sure it’s part of our genetic makeup.”
“Tell me when I’m being stupid and caveman.”
“I do. And I did,” I pointed out. He’d just been so lost in self-doubt that he hadn’t seen it.
“You can be too. I don’t need you to protect me from the memories.”
“But I still want to. You’ve spent your whole life being told how to live, who to love, and having your memories erased when it didn’t please your family. Maybe it’s better if some of those stay lost. Just don’t push me away because you think you might hurt me. That hurts me more than anything you can say.”
He nodded. “I’m so fucked up.”
“Which is why we’re perfect for each other.”
He sighed deeply. “There’s come in your hair.”
I laughed, tucked him back into his jeans, and carefully slid off his lap. He reached for his crutches, but I backed away. “I’m going to clean up. You probably should too.” With that I left him there, fumbling to put the gun away and balance on his crutches, covered in white ribbons of quickly drying come, with lips swollen from being kissed. Looking like a debauched angel, he was so fucking beautiful.
Chapter Twenty-Five
I LEFT my clothes lying across the room as I often did at home, stripping out of each piece and dropping it wherever while making my way to the shower. It was a clear invitation for Kade.
There was no waiting time for the water to warm or the flow to strengthen as at some hotels. And the huge shower area was probably a few feet larger than the new bath Kade had installed at home.
I scrubbed my hair and ran a cloth over my body, cleaning away the mess and hoping that Kade would join me. There were so many problems with that train of thought. It was hard for him to move without the crutches, and the hard surface wet, might be slippery, though it felt pretty solid beneath my feet. He’d also had more clothes to get out of, which without help would take him longer.
But he appeared in the entry to the shower faster than I would have expected. Naked, balanced on one of his metal crutches instead of two. He’d wrapped a towel around the handle and had it wedged solidly under his right arm.
I turned to face him, letting the water stream over me, glad he was relaxed and weaponless, unless he considered my conditioner a weapon, since it was gripped in his free left hand.
“Hi,” I told him.
He said nothing, just moved forward, sliding against the wall for better balance, placed the bottle on the shelf near my hip, and flipped the spray down to just the giant overhead waterfall. For a minute he let the water cascade over both of us, even closing his eyes to revel in the feel of the liquid heat on his skin. Then he wrapped his left arm around my hips and yanked us together before his lips captured mine. I loved kissing him. The battle of tongues and sweet nip of his lips were the stuff dreams were made of. None of my other lovers had enjoyed kissing as much as Kade. He’d once told me he hadn’t been given a lot of opportunities to enjoy kissing in his life, until I became a part of it. This kiss was desperate, devouring, and demanding, like he needed to crawl into me. And damn didn’t that make me hot.