by Lissa Kasey
“Kade,” I whined, not wanting to cause him one second of pain, even if they were only memories.
“The football field was a test. If I’d gotten nothing from it, we wouldn’t be doing this.”
This being going to the place the white Yorkie had died. I really didn’t want Kade to clarify that memory. It only took a minute or two to reach the overgrowth of woods, not far from the school and just down the road from a development of typical suburban housing. James pulled the car over to the side but didn’t turn it off. I wanted to tell him to just drive away, but instead clung to Kade’s hand, praying the memory didn’t unravel the new calm confidence he’d found.
For a minute he just breathed, almost like he was sorting through images in his head. Finally, he opened his door and made his way out to stand in the grass, staring into the dark growth of trees beyond. “We used to walk the dogs.” He snorted a laugh. “The Yorkie’s name was Peaches, but we called him Dozer because he was so badass, barking at everything and baring his teeth, acting all fierce, barreling ahead like a bulldozer. He was all of, like, ten pounds or something. I remember picking him up and he’d lick me until I was almost falling over laughing, and then he’d go back to growling and snarling at anyone who came close.”
“We?” I inquired softly.
“Me, Madi, Sky, and Peyton. The dog was just one of a dozen we walked after school. It was Dad’s way of teaching us responsibility.” He gazed into the distance for a minute. “That stopped soon after. The pet-care thing. Instead we had to do work at school. Take out garbage, clean the rooms, stock the teacher’s desks.”
“It stopped because someone was hurting the dogs?”
“I don’t remember. I just remember therapy, occasional school, doing chores at school for one of my siblings so they could go mess around, and then more therapy,” he said. “They all held the therapy over me. Threatened to have Dad send me back if I didn’t do what they asked. Eventually I just stopped arguing.” He began to move toward the woods.
I reached for him. “Kade, don’t.”
He paused. “I have to know, Ollie. There are horrible things from the time I served that would make your stomach turn, and I’ve learned to cope with them. Things I’ve seen that no human should witness. That no human should do to another human. I’ve worked with Jolanda to deal with those things, to detach myself from the memories so they don’t drag me down. And for me, facing them head-on is the only way to do that. I have to know. Did I do it? What exactly happened? Only then can I put it aside and move forward. Does that make sense?”
Yes. Unfortunately, yes. I nodded and followed him as he moved slowly, picking his way around rocks and fallen branches so he could carefully steer his crutches. It felt like forever before he stopped. But the area looked the same as all the rest, to me at least. Trees in every direction, a few small bushes, dirt, and mostly ground-up leaves.
He put his hand on the trunk of a tree, and it was then I noticed some scratches in the bark. Not a name or even initials. I didn’t know what it was, but knew it had to have been made by a person, as the gouges were dug deep.
Kade closed his eyes.
I took a step toward him, and he must have heard my footfalls because he shook his head. I stopped and waited, praying whatever he was seeing wasn’t the nightmare we both knew it would be. Finally, he let his hand fall away from the tree. Thick, fat tears slid down his cheeks.
I rushed to wrap my arms around him. He let me hold and rock him for a while, neither of us speaking. He didn’t share, though it was clear he’d remembered something.
“Kade,” I whispered. Not wanting to know, but if he needed to share it to release some of the pain, I’d be there.
“No,” he said. “You don’t need that memory.”
I bit my lower lip to keep from saying anything, not really knowing how to respond anyway. I didn’t want to know, but I didn’t want the memory hurting him either. “How involved were you?” I asked instead, trying to keep the question neutral.
“Not at all.” He led me back toward the SUV. I wished the crutches weren’t in the way so I could actually hold him while we walked. We got in the vehicle and just sat there a minute. James glanced my way in the mirror, and I just shrugged. We were both waiting on Kade, and he was unraveling a puzzle only he could see.
“Let’s go to the hospital,” he finally said. “Talk to Tony.”
“What about the Richardsons?” I asked. They had been the owners of the Yorkie.
“No need to rehash old memories for them. Let them have their peace.”
I sucked in a deep breath, and had to grip the seat to keep from coming apart at the idea of what Kade must have in his head right now. He reached for me and rubbed at my closed fist while James drove us toward the hospital. I opened my hand, and he wove his fingers between mine.
“Don’t shut down on me, Ollie.”
“You did it first,” I reminded him.
“Not sharing a bad memory is not shutting down on you. You don’t need that in your head. Hell, I don’t want it in my head. But I know the truth now. That’s what matters.”
“And the truth is?” I had to ask.
“I’m not the monster they’re looking for.”
I snorted at the nerdy half Star Wars reference. “I know. But how do we prove it?”
“We don’t need to.”
I wanted to protest again, but he shook his head. “Baby, this is all the past. I don’t need to fix it to keep going.”
“Then why are we going to see Tony?”
“Because I want to know how he fits into this puzzle.”
“You still don’t remember him?”
“Nope.”
“Maybe he and Madison were lovers. If Madison is gay and suppressing it, it makes sense.”
“Maybe.”
“But then why would Madison beat him up all the time? There are more than a dozen reports from the school. If I’d been him I would have changed schools or something, or moved when I got older.” I set my head on Kade’s shoulder, wishing it didn’t throb so badly. The Tylenol was not working.
Kade was scrolling through his phone. “Just more of the same questions I have, baby.” He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me as closely against him as the seat belt would allow. I couldn’t wait to get this hospital visit over and go home.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
THE HOSPITAL brought back memories of Kade’s rescue and how much of a fog I’d been in that day. It was hard to believe it had been less than a week ago. He was still thin and tired looking, but he moved like nothing could weigh him down. James refused to let us out at the curb and meet us upstairs. Instead he insisted we wait for him. I was inclined to do so because I liked his willingness to protect Kade. Kade wasn’t so thrilled with the idea but was overruled.
We stood outside the door and waited. There was a sign on the door that said they banned all guns from the premises. I glanced at Kade.
“It’s packed in the suitcase,” he said without me having to ask. “I can’t use it anyway. Not like this. By the time I reached for it, I’d already be dead. But I figure if someone comes at me, these make pretty good weapons.” He held up the leg of one metal crutch. “One well-placed hit and I’m pretty sure I can break bones to slow someone down if necessary.”
I kissed him and said nothing about the fact that the stun gun was in my salvaged bag, which rested on my hip.
He sighed into my lips. “What was that for?”
“Being amazing,” I told him.
James finally arrived. He too had put away his weapon. “I go first,” he told Kade. “If anyone tries shit, I shut them down.”
Kade squinted but nodded. “I get the whole irritation with being a damsel thing.”
I snorted. “Let us protect you, my handsome prince.”
He smiled for the first time I could recall since he’d got back. Not a tense smile, but a huge one that reached his eyes. Hopefully that smile meant he was on the mend
more than just physically.
Tony had been moved to a regular room, fairly close to the nurse’s station. The nurse on duty informed us that Tony was recovering, and we could speak to him, so long as he didn’t protest or become agitated.
I was surprised that he seemed to have already had visitors, because his space was a wash of color with flowers and balloons. Tony himself was small and looked very little like his old pictures. The bruising had his face swelled to twice the normal size and dotted in purple and black. He had a leg and an arm in a cast and some bandages that probably covered stitches, but he was awake.
I almost expected him to flinch or feign outrage when he saw Kade, but he just blinked at us. In fact, he barely glanced at Kade or James. His eyes fell to me. “You’re the model…,” he said, his words garbled by a split lip and apparently missing teeth. “So beautiful.”
“Thank you,” I said automatically, as Nathan had always ingrained in me to accept a compliment graciously. “Are you feeling okay? I just wanted to ask a few things about yesterday.”
“You saved me.”
Technically that had been Micah. “Sort of.” I’d saved his dog and hoped the little sucker was safe somewhere now. “Do you remember what happened?”
He let out a long sigh and shook his head. “Sorry. Doctor says I took a pretty hard hit to the head. Yesterday’s a wash. The past week sort of sliced up into broken memories.”
I looked to Kade for help.
He hobbled up beside the bed. “Hi, Tony.” He looked down at him, studying him, like he could make a memory appear that wasn’t there. “I’m Kade Alme. Do… I know you? Do you know me?” His question was odd.
Tony let out a strained laugh. “You’re asking me? I have a minor concussion. You could be Jesus and I probably wouldn’t know you.”
“So we didn’t go to school together?”
Tony blinked at him. One eye was mostly swollen shut and black, but he seemed to be functioning okay with the other. “I don’t think so?”
“I’m Madison and Skyler’s little brother.”
Tony’s one good eye widened. “The Marine? Madi loves to talk about you. He told me adventures of how you’re an investigator now, chasing down perps and saving babes.” His good eye flicked to me. “The babe part must be true. But, nah, I didn’t go to school with you guys. You were all in private school. I was a public kid. Madi and I met when I was working at a record shop that no longer exists. God, that was ages ago.”
“Madi?” I mouthed to James, who was squinting at Tony now in question.
“Yeah? You know Madi pretty well?” Kade prodded.
I just knew this all led to Madison.
Tony let out a soft sigh like he was admiring the memory of some movie star. “Yeah, I know Madi.” He held his good hand out toward the giant bloom of flowers.
“Did Madison give these to you?” I stepped toward the gifts and picked up the first card. Sure enough, it was signed Madison.
“Yes.”
“You been together long?” I had to ask.
“Years.”
“Isn’t he married?”
Tony shrugged. “His dad arranged that. Madi doesn’t care about her at all. They don’t even live in the same house. He spends most of his time with me when he’s not traveling for work. He keeps up pretenses for his dad and any press function that comes up, but he’s mine, not hers.” He gave Kade an awkward grin. “He’s got scrapbooks of your cases, tons of information about you. I think he based a lot of his heroes on you.”
Heroes? “And where was he when you were almost blown up yesterday?” I asked.
“Working.”
I squinted at Kade. “Didn’t you say he just manages his dad’s companies or something?”
“No idea. I haven’t spoken to him in over fifteen years.”
“Not his dad’s stuff. His writing. He writes crime fiction. Has a couple dozen books published,” Tony said. “He’s a brilliant writer. Recently released the first in a new series about a model and her hot military boyfriend who fight crime.” Tony gave us a lopsided smile. “Real-life stories, right? I feel like I’m meeting Miranda and Kent. It’s exciting, or maybe it’s the drugs, but either way, wow.”
“Um….” I didn’t really know how to react to that.
“He’s been following us around to gather content for books?” Kade asked incredulously.
“Following?” Tony was confused again. “You’re way too much work right now, man, sorry. Maybe come back in a few days? When my head doesn’t feel so much like scrambled eggs?” The door to the room opened again, and in walked a man who looked a lot like Skyler, only without the dyed hair tips and not as wide through the shoulders.
“Madi!” Tony cried gleefully.
Madison froze in the doorway, spotting us, seeing Tony and apparently deciding to run. He turned, trying to catch the door before it closed. James began to move, but I was only two feet away. Close enough to flip the stun gun out of my bag and press it into his jean-clad thigh, hoping it worked through fabric.
He went down. Tony screamed at me. James caught Madison before he could hit the floor and gently laid him down. “I think you are way too trigger-happy with this thing.”
“He’s the bad guy,” I said. “Blaming you for everything and beating up Tony….”
“Would Tony really be happy to see him if he was beating him up all the time? I get the domestic abuse mindset, and how messed up it is, but this would be way over the top for that,” Kade said. The nurses were starting to appear, looking concerned. James was making excuses about how Madison must have tripped or something, and thankfully Tony was too shocked to make much more than garbled protests.
James helped Madison to a chair, and Kade took the stun gun from me. “Someone needed to be armed,” I insisted.
“And good thing it wasn’t a gun or near any of the medical equipment.”
I frowned at the wall of beeping monitors. No oxygen tank in the mix, but I hadn’t known that before I pulled the trigger. Dammit. I should have thought of that. I rubbed my temple again, headache intensifying. Stress, it had to just be a stress headache this time. Though I couldn’t remember it ever throbbing this badly.
“What the fuck,” Madison said, glaring at me when he began to recover. His face doubled in my vision, and for a minute I was dizzy and disoriented.
James stood over him, a wall of muscle, daring him to move.
“Sorry about Ollie,” Kade said. “He’s been a little trigger happy lately since we’ve learned we have stalkers.”
Madison flushed. The pink tinged his dark skin and softened the lines of his face a little. He was a good-looking man. Skyler was too. My dislike for them was tainted by stories, and I knew that was unfair, but they hurt Kade. Maybe? My head hurt.
“Yeah…,” Kade said. “How about you tell me about the stalking bullshit.”
“It’s not stalking. I’m just gathering information for my writing. I didn’t know any other PIs, and the few books I released before didn’t do well. I’ve done two books since, and sales have skyrocketed. I’ve tried to stay out of your way.”
“And sending Skyler after us?”
Madison let out a long sigh. “I got bored, wanted company.”
“So you knew he didn’t do that stuff as a kid?” I accused and lunged at him. My stomach protested like I was going to throw up. What the hell?
Kade held me back and we both almost toppled over when one of his crutches fell. James picked it up and handed it back.
Madison said nothing. Tony looked back and forth between us. Madison knew something. Maybe who’d done it or why, or what the whole story was. I really wanted to strangle the answers out of him.
“And who’s beating him up?” I waved at Tony.
“I’m dealing with that,” Madison said. “It’s not your problem.”
“Someone beats the shit out of your boyfriend regularly and you’re dealing with it? How about making it stop?” I glanced at Tony. “And
you stay with this loser, why?”
Tony glared. “I can take care of myself.”
Obviously not, but Kade shook his head at me. Apparently I wasn’t winning any points today.
“It hasn’t happened in ages,” Madison said.
“Except when someone tried to blow him up yesterday.”
“It’s not related. She’s not even in town.”
She? My head throbbed. Who was left? Peyton?
“Madison…,” Kade began, like he was trying to think of how to form the question. “Shit, Ollie, you’re bleeding.” He was looking at me now, and I felt wet heat on my upper lip.
I put my fingers to it, coming away with them stained in blood. “Oh…,” I began to say, and everything went black.
Chapter Thirty
I DREAMT of the Yorkie. For some reason I was carrying him through a dark tunnel. Instead of barking, he beeped, and it was kind of annoying. But I held on to him like he was a football and raced through changing scenery looking for… Kade. We had to get to Kade. He would know what to do. And I had to make sure he was safe. That he knew…. Knew what? I wasn’t sure. Just that the tunnel never seemed to end.
AS I opened my eyes, the room slowly came into groggy focus, vision blurry, eyes feeling like they’d been covered in sand, tongue thick and coated in cotton. I felt like my limbs were plastered in place with concrete. There was a mask on my face, air humid but sweetly fresh against my lips. A hospital. The beeping had to be machines. Not the dog.
I blinked away some of the grit. Jacob sat beside the bed, hunched over in a chair, eyes closed, head resting on his palm. My heart lurched. Had it all been a dream? Getting Kade back? The investigation into his family? Was I just waking up from the crash again?
There was an IV in my arm, and I couldn’t really feel my head, as it was sort of light and spacey. The hospital looked like St. Francis. Maybe? The room was the same sort of beige everyone thought popular and soothing nowadays.
I struggled to breathe, sucking in air through the mask and trying to will my body to move, voice to work, anything.