‘Then what is it? What do you want, Rob? What do you ache for in the middle of the night?’
He chuckled and shook his head and tried to shuffle off the chair but Lottie tightened her grip on his hand and held fast.
‘Please, talk to me. Tell me. I really do want to know.’
He hesitated and his gaze hit the floorboards for a few seconds longer than she expected, which acted like a dagger to her heart. Just when she believed that she had made a connection, the real Rob was pulling away from her and going back into that shell he had made.
‘Forget it. I’m sorry. It really is none of my business,’ she whispered.
‘No, don’t do that. Don’t knock yourself down. The only reason I am reluctant to talk about it is that it had been so long since...’ he exhaled slowly ‘...since anyone got close enough to see that there was another side to me than just the flash exterior with the drama and the shouting. It’s taking a bit of getting used to.’
‘I know, same here. It works both ways, remember?’
‘Yeah. I remember.’ He smiled and his reply came out in a hoarse whisper that she had never heard him use before.
But for once, Lottie did not say anything, just held on to his hand and smiled.
Waiting.
And he was smart enough to know precisely what she was doing and still gave her an answer.
‘What do you crave, Lottie? What would give you pleasure?’
‘Right now?’ She wriggled down onto the soft feather duvet. ‘Right now I would like to be reminded what your body feels like on my naked skin.’
His reply was a low, rough growl. ‘Hold that thought, gorgeous girl.’ But then his voice changed. It was serious, low, and intense. ‘But I’m curious. Who do you want in your life going forwards?’
Lottie blinked, a little more awake, and shuffled higher onto the bedhead. ‘Seriously, you want to talk about this now? Oh, okay.’ She covered her mouth as a huge yawn swept over her, then swallowed before trying to clear her head. ‘Well, I could lie to you and tell you that after last night’s crash course I want more flings. More weekends of pure selfish pleasure to make up for what I’ve been missing. But that would be fluff and you would see through it in a moment.’
Rob nodded, then tipped his head in a salute. ‘Then tell me the truth. I can take it. What do you crave in your life? What have you always longed to have and not yet found?’
Lottie looked at his handsome face for a moment. ‘What I want in my life is an ordinary man who can love me and be the last face I see every night and the first face I see every morning when I wake up. A man who will give me children and love being a father, and is prepared to woo me with such delights as a courting cake if that is what it takes. Sorry if it sounds suburban and boring and a little bit average, but there it is. That’s what I truly want.’
Rob nodded twice, then exhaled slowly. ‘Thank you for that. I don’t often get to hear the truth. And for the record, you could never be average, no matter how much you tried. He would be a lucky man. And what the hell is a courting cake?’
‘A northern tradition.’ Lottie laughed. ‘It used to be that the girl had to prove her skills in baking by making the man she wanted a special show-stopper of a cake, but it seems only fair to let the boys have a chance, as well.’
Lottie propped herself up on an elbow and pushed Rob’s hair back over one ear with her fingertip, delighting in the pleasure it gave her that she had the right to do that.
‘But what about you, Rob? What are you doing next week, next month or next year? What do you long to do with your life? You have already achieved so much.’
He inhaled through his nose and raised both arms to cup his hands beneath his head, totally relaxed, but Lottie could see that telltale crease of anxiety in his brow.
‘I need to get back to my real work in the kitchens. These past few years have been a crazy roller-coaster ride, what with the TV work and helping my mum get over her issues. Spending time in London with Sean has brought it home to me just how much I miss cooking.’
Then he chuckled and gave her a wink and a grin. ‘And baking. How could I forget the baking? That cake I made for Lily was fun and I meant what I said about the pastry students. Yeah, back to the kitchens I go. Grease and fish guts will be flying in all directions.’
‘Ah, charming! I’ll stick to my bakery, thank you.’
Then she tilted her head and smiled at him. ‘You haven’t answered my question, have you?’
His reply was a deep, warm laugh that reached inside her heart and found a home.
‘Touché. It’s actually quite simple. I want to stop feeling so guilty. I want my mother to be happy and safe and well. And most of all? Most of all I want my life back so that I can take a risk on love. And that makes me the worst and most ungrateful son in the world. But that’s probably hard for you to understand—you never had to face those sorts of problems with your parents.’
ELEVEN
Lottie blinked at him in complete disbelief and then tugged his hand until he was sitting on the bed next to her.
‘Oh, Rob. I had no clue how unhappy my parents were until I started going to visit friends and their parents smiled and laughed and touched one another. Apparently that was what real families did. They hug and cuddle and talk to their children. My parents never did any of those things. Oh, Rob, they were so cold.’
She exhaled slowly.
‘So I set out to make my parents happy the only way I could: By being the perfect daughter, the girl who was always top of the class, captain of the netball team, and destined for a stellar career. I killed myself working so hard night after night to get a first-class degree then the scholarship to the top management school. All so that I could take my place at my dad’s investment bank and make them proud of me.
‘So that was what I did, Rob. I looked the part. The right clothes and hours spent on personal grooming. All geared up to make me fit into the well-oiled machine as the newest cog in the family investment company. I felt that if I stopped being perfect, stopped working day and night for my father’s approval, even for a second, then he would reject me and stop caring for me and my life would collapse in on itself.’
‘What was your life like?’
‘It wasn’t a life. Every morning I would travel in with my dad with a smile on my face while he ignored me and read the paper, and then literally throw up in the ladies’ because I hated the work so much. But ten minutes later there I would be, sitting around the boardroom table with my father watching in stony silence while I gave a faultless presentation to the bored, listless people who were earning huge sums of money to make more money. I was dying inside every second and none of them knew.’
‘What happened? Why aren’t you there now?’
‘Two things happened in the space of twenty-four hours that changed my life. One day I was an investment banker on a clear path to being the first female CEO of the company, and the next morning—I was unemployed and alone.
‘Because, you see, it turned out that I was not so perfect after all. I wasn’t even who I thought I was. There was a very good reason why my dad was never satisfied with my results. Most of my life had been one long lie.’
Rob took a sharp intake of breath but stayed silent, waiting for her to finish.
‘My dad had his first mini-stroke at the age of fifty-eight. He went to the company doctor that morning, complaining of really bad headaches and leg pain. He had always insisted that we ate breakfast together in deadly silence before we left the house, so he was always wolfing it down. His normal meals were stress and caffeine and the occasional cigar. He had a flight booked for a big new client in Rome a few hours later and there was always a mountain of work to do. The doctor took one look at him and wanted to call an ambulance but he said no, he was fine. Just a headache. Stubborn, you se
e.’
Lottie smiled and released one hand to stroke Rob’s face.
‘I remember begging him to go and have a check-up and he just looked at me and said, “No. This is who I am. This is what we do. Hospitals are for wimps.”’
Then she shrugged.
‘Two hours later he collapsed at the airport waiting for his flight. I remember rushing to the hospital, terrified. But when I got there the first thing I saw was a lovely-looking woman who I had never seen before sobbing and distraught with her arms around him. And he was grinning and kissing and hugging her and trying to reassure her. Kissing and hugging this woman. When the last time he had touched me was to shake my hand at graduation. I didn’t even know that he could smile.’
There was just enough shock in Rob’s eyes for her to nod in reply.
‘Oh, yes. My mother arrived a few minutes later and all became clear. This woman was his mistress. And had been for the past thirty years. She was his real love, the woman who had been there all the time when he met my mother, who had the money and family connections to get him to the top. Two hours later my world was turned upside down.’
Lottie dropped her gaze onto the tattoo on Rob’s arm and her fingers traced the curving blade design up and down his skin.
‘My dad and his mistress were in the hospital. And my mum and I were in a taxi. We must have sat in the back of that black cab in silence for ten minutes, totally shell-shocked and frozen, trying to deal with what had just happened, I suppose. And then she started talking, really talking. And that was when she told me—for the first time—that Charles Rosemount is not my birth father.’
‘What? You mean that you had no idea?’
She shook her head. ‘Not a clue. Apparently my mother had spent six months studying in Paris a couple of years after she married and fell totally in love with another student who was already married. Love at first sight, the full thing. As far as she was concerned he was the love of her life and they had a passionate affair, which lasted three months.’
‘What happened? I mean, they were both married.’
‘They talked about divorcing on both sides but they cared about the people who loved them and the pain the divorce would cause was just too enormous and shocking. They couldn’t do it so they parted.’
‘But he was the love of her life. How does that work?’
‘I don’t know. She only found out that she was pregnant with me a few months later and my dad was delighted. Thrilled. I was going to be the glue that held their rocky marriage together. It didn’t. He hated the disruption of having a new baby in the house and his glamorous, pretty wife suddenly could not fly out to entertain business guests at a moment’s notice like she had before.’
‘So they stayed married, knowing that they weren’t in love.’
‘They stayed together because my father absolutely refused to give my mother a divorce and made it quite clear that if she even tried to leave he would be awarded custody of me and she would never see me again.’
A hard expletive exploded from Rob’s mouth. ‘Why? Was he so power crazed that he would use a child like that? As a pawn in some game?’
‘Totally. But it was more than that. He needed the perfect family for the perfect corporate image. It looked so good on his résumé. The immaculate house, the pretty, obedient wife and clever daughter. I was always just a piece in the fake home that he built around his ego.’
‘What about your real father? What do you know about him?’
‘I don’t know anything. She was forbidden to speak to him again so he never knew that he had a daughter. And believe me that was a long night, talking and talking. I think I did a lot of shouting, too. I don’t think either of us slept much.’
Lottie’s face faded. ‘But the next morning, my alarm clock went off at five a.m. and I leapt out of bed the same as always so I could be ready for a six a.m. breakfast meeting. Then suddenly I sat back down again on the bed because I was dizzy and light-headed. And as I sat there with my dizzy head this wonderful feeling came over me. Because I had the craziest idea.’
She looked up into Rob’s face and took his hands in hers. ‘It was over. I was not going back to work in the job I hated. My dad was going to take early retirement and move to France with his lover to the house they had lived in for years. And I didn’t have to impress him in exchange for a token kind word any longer. For the first time in my life, ever, I felt free. And it was as though this huge weight had been lifted away from my shoulders and I could float up in the air like a miraculous dream.’
Lottie dropped her head and when she lifted it, she could feel the tears running down her cheeks. ‘I was so happy I was laughing so loudly that my mother came in to check on me. She was worried that I had totally lost it in the shock of everything that had happened. But I hadn’t. It had been years since either of us had laughed and felt happy and free and joyous. I felt as though the whole world had been opened up for me. I was finally free to do what I wanted.’
‘And the first person you thought of was Lily, wasn’t it?’ Rob replied as he wiped the tear from her cheek with his finger.
Lottie nodded. ‘Yes, yes, it was. The only time that I had been truly happy was when I spent time learning to bake. That was my joy; that was my delight. Not banking.’
She knelt on the bed and squeezed his hands. ‘You know the rest. I reclaimed my life and I have never been happier. Never. But here is the totally odd thing. My mother is happy, too. Happy that I have finally found something I love.’
‘It isn’t the same. My mother has a lot of health problems.’
‘I know. But things are different now.’
Rob raised his head and those amazing blue eyes focused on her with such intensity, and burnt with an unspoken question.
‘You have me. From now on we are going to look after her together. If she wants us to. But in the meantime I think it’s important that I should try to catch up with my sleep before I have to start baking. If only there was some way of getting warm fast. Can you think of any ideas? Oh, yes, that will definitely do the trick. Rob!’
* * *
Rob Beresford strolled down the high street with a spring in his step. He had walked back to the Beresford Richmond for a long hot shower, shave, and a change of clothes.
But for the first time in years, the driving urge to get back to work bright and early on a Monday morning was simply not there. When he popped into Sean’s office and told his PA that he was taking the day off as vacation he didn’t know which of them was more shocked.
The PA or himself.
And he knew exactly who to blame for this remarkable change of heart.
The girl he had kissed goodbye that morning as she lay half asleep and as desirable as ever in a loft studio above a bakery.
The girl he had every intention of spending the day with. If he had the stamina.
What a woman!
She had matched him in every way possible and the sex was amazing.
He might just have found his match in Lottie Rosemount. But there was one area where he knew that he had the edge: in the kitchen. Back in the hotel his chefs knew his secrets only too well. It was time to put the B back in the Beresford pastry chefs and he knew the perfect place to practise some cunning recipes that would put them right back at the top.
Lottie’s cake shop might not be an award-winning kitchen, but it had everything he needed to have some serious fun. Starting with the girl he was going to wow with his five-star baking. She deserved the best and that was precisely what he intended to give her. Followed by a very nice dinner at a wonderful restaurant and coffee in the penthouse. And this time she would definitely be staying the night.
Rob was still chuckling along when his mobile phone rang and he absent-mindedly broke the habit of a lifetime and flicked it open without checking the caller identity.
‘Rob Beresford.’
‘Oh, good morning, Mr Beresford. I do hope that I have not disturbed you. This is Rupert from the Hardcastle gallery. I believe we met the other evening when Adele introduced us at the opening event for her exhibition.’
‘Of course. What can I do for you?’
‘Actually I was hoping to speak to Adele. She’s not answering her phone and we’ve had a very interesting offer from a buyer for several of her pieces. Perhaps you could ask her to get in touch.’
Rob’s steps slowed. ‘What do you mean, get in touch? It’s almost noon. I thought that she would be there with you by now.’
‘Oh, no, Mr Beresford. That’s just the problem. No one has seen Adele all morning and we cannot find anyone who knows where she is. Mr Beresford?’
Too late. Rob had already cut him off and was ringing his mother’s number. Which rang and rang. Same with the number for her hotel room.
Cursing, he cancelled the call and rang the numbers she had given him for her friends, who answered on the second ring.
Adele? They had not seen Adele since dinner the previous evening when they had dropped her at the hotel. They had no idea where she might be.
He stopped in the middle of the pavement, not caring that the other pedestrians had to squeeze past him.
Dread slithered through his veins.
No messages on his phone. No message for him at the hotel.
He had taken his eye off the ball and his mother had gone missing.
He had been too busy falling for Lottie that he had broken his promise to his mother to take care of her.
The worst kind of scenarios cursed through his mind and he ran one hand over his face.
Think positive. She was always forgetting to charge her phone. He knew that. But she would never just take off and not let him know.
Something was wrong. Badly wrong. And he knew just who to blame.
And he was looking at that person in his own reflection in the shop window.
The Secret Ingredient Page 15