by Leah Holden
“Jeez, you need to get you a man,” said Shellie.
“Oh, please,” I said, “I’ve had a couple, remember? I think I can do without the drama right now.”
“Whatever! I’m kind of tired of looking at your depressed face. I miss you smiling. At least when you’d had those couple of dates with Jared you had a smile on your face for a few days afterwards.”
“I did not!”
“Sure you did. Shaniah and Jared sitting in a tree…” She started to laugh.
“Oh, that’s so mature.”
“Whatever! You probably weren’t even aware that you were positively high after you’d met him.”
“Well, now you just have to get used to the miserable face.”
Shellie rolled her eyes, “Spoken like a true grouch.”
“Maybe,” I said, “But I have no intention of going on another date with that guy. He’s even beginning to make Todd look good.”
“Er—no he isn’t.”
“You’re just the anti-Todd,” I said.
“You might be right about that. Anyway, enough about you and your drama-rama; aren’t you going to ask me how things are going with Bruno and me?”
“Who’s Bruno?”
“You know, Shaniah, considering I know all about your lame men, and I mean every last one of them, you could try to remember the guy I’ve been dating for the last couple of weeks.”
“Oh, sorry,” I said. “I haven’t forgotten, I just thought you’d moved on to someone new. I distinctly remember you telling me that he wasn’t your type.”
“So, I changed my mind.”
“When’s the wedding?”
“I don’t know about a wedding, but we’re going to Niagara Falls for a weekend away.”
“Oh, nice.”
Secretly I was thinking that this guy sounded even less inspired than Todd.
“If you insist on being a grouch, then I’ll leave you to wallow in your misery,” said Shellie.
“I’m sorry Shellie,” I said. “I’m a real screw-up, a horrible friend, and total failure who can’t even have a proper one-night stand like normal girls. My only hope of a one-night stand keeps coming and going like a boomerang!”
Shellie laughed, “What nonsense you’re talking. Maybe he wasn’t meant to be for one night only. He’s got to be at least a two or three-night stand, and if he’s delivering the goods, it’s not so bad if he has the boomerang mentality.”
“Yeah, well, I’m done with waiting around for guys to enter and leave my life as they please. I’m not running a bed and breakfast.”
“Don’t be so melodramatic,” said Shellie. “Swallow your pride, call him over and get laid. It might improve your mood. Besides, I thought you were on the hunt for a baby daddy?”
“Okay,” I said because I didn’t want to detain her if she couldn’t be bothered to listen to me moan about my rather protracted mid-life crisis.
“Does that mean, okay he’ll make a good baby-daddy or okay, you’re going to call him up?”
“No, it means okay, I’m done listening to your penny psychology and you can leave now. Get back to Bruno and your own life.”
“Come on,” she said, “I’ll take you for a coffee; you need a change of scenery. I can’t leave you to wallow in this misery after all. Besides, I’ve decided to forgive you so you can spend the next hour or so listening to me rave about Bruno, whether you like it or not.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Jared did call me again later that day, but I was adamant. I needed to move on. I needed to go with my gut instincts and stick to my decisions. No wonder my family and friends had such lack of respect for my ideas—I was always changing my mind. Well, not this time.
Later that afternoon, a huge bunch of flowers arrived from Jared and I was impressed that he could remember my address from having brought me home from our last date.
The flowers were totally gorgeous and I almost relented and dialed his number. Then I remembered the long days of waiting for the phone to ring. He could just go to hell. Nice flowers though—so I put them in a vase of water.
He called a couple of hours after that and I ignored that call. After the third attempt, I snatched up the phone and snapped into the phone, “Stop harassing me, will you?”
“Jesus, Shaniah, what’s going on?”
“Oh, Ria, I didn’t recognize your number. Have you changed phones?”
“Yeah, I dropped mine in some water, so it’s being repaired. Why are you sounding so aggressive?”
“Sorry, I thought you were Jared.”
“Who’s Jared?”
“I swear you have dementia. I told you about him—the guy I met online, remember? You even baby-sat for me.”
“Sure I remember him, but you have met more than one guy and I’m not exactly keeping track of your dating life.”
“I take it you called for something specific.”
I’m popping over to see Nicole’s parents as I can’t make the memorial next week. Do you want to come with me?”
“Sorry, Ria. I’m going to pass; Josh has an appointment after school but I’m sure they’ll appreciate your visit though.”
“I know, but I hate the thought of going alone.”
“You could take Mom with you.”
“On second thoughts, I can hack it on my own for a short while.”
“I thought you’d say that.”
Jared called back about ten minutes later and I sighed deeply. I decided to take the call. After that, I made up my mind to just block his number. It would perhaps be the best way to save a lot of heartache.
“You have got to be one of the most stubborn women I’ve ever met.”
“Well, if I’m so terrible, why are you harassing me?”
I could hear him breathe in deeply, trying to be patient.
“I’m not trying to harass you. I merely want to meet with you, so I can tell you what’s been going on. I think we have something between us and I’d like to explore it.”
“There’s only one thing we’ve ever had between us and I’m totally over that.”
“Okay,” He sounded as if he were talking to a recalcitrant child. “But you do know you’re over-reacting?”
“Whatever,” I said. “I’m not interested.”
“Come on, Shaniah, just meet me for coffee.”
“No!”
“For wine then.”
“No. Definitely not.”
“I can bring along a chaperone if you’re worried you won’t be able to keep your hands off me.”
“Don’t flatter yourself; I am so over you.”
“Ah, see right there you’re admitting that we have something together that you now need to get over.”
“What do you want from me, Jared?”
“Oh, hell, Shaniah, I’m not sure, but I’d sure like to find out. You know, get to know you properly.”
I took another deep breath because I could feel myself wavering again.
What if this guy was serious and there was really a chance of something special between us? Was I being too harsh? Should I give him another chance? Did the fact that I was so tempted each time I was with him mean that he could be the one, or was he just some professional gigolo who could make any woman feel good?
“Shaniah?”
“I’m still here.”
“Please, I’ll explain everything.”
“Look, thanks for the flowers and for the good time but I don’t like instability. I need people around me that I can rely on.”
“Just this last time—I swear things will get better.”
I looked at the gorgeous flowers. Maybe if I met him, told him to his face that I wasn’t interested he would cut out the calls. It was either that, or I could just block his number like I’d been thinking of doing for some time.
“Ten minutes of my time; that’s one coffee and after that, I’m done.”
“Ten minutes is not long enough.”
“Okay then, goodbye, Jared.”
>
“No, wait. Ten minutes is great. Where shall we meet?”
In the end, I agreed for him to pick me up the following evening. I figured if he wanted to see me that badly, he could make the drive out to the East end to get me, and he should be grateful for the privilege.
When Jared arrived, I was waiting by the door as I didn’t want to excite Josh or the babysitter. On a personal level, I was already getting excited enough at the sight of him.
In typical fashion, Jared kissed me full on the lips. Because he always looked so good and because tonight he smelt even more divine than usual, I didn’t resist. I just prayed that Josh wasn’t looking through the window.
Courage, I need to have the courage to resist this terrible temptation. This guy is the spawn of Satan and he will drag me down into the abyss with all this sexual energy that he exudes. I must resist!
We drove to a local Victorian-styled pub and eatery and I ordered a vodka and orange which I sipped delicately as we faced off against each other.
“You’re looking great,” he said. He was leaning forward in his chair and looking quite earnest.
“Thank you,” I said politely.
He smiled and sat back in the chair, suddenly looking more comfortable than before.
“I can’t believe we’re going to spend our time making small talk,” he said.
“Ah, well, when you only meet up with someone once every three months, you make small talk.”
He narrowed his eyes and peered at me through slits that looked more dangerous than the full-on laser beam.
“Stop exaggerating. It’s been a couple of weeks. Are you sure you don’t want something to eat?”
“No thanks,” I said, “I’ve got to watch my weight.”
“You’re not anorexic are you?” he said looking intently at my figure.
I laughed. “I hardly think so. Besides, you said meet for coffee or wine.”
“You want to come back to my place?”
“No, I do not!”
“Seriously, Shaniah, I need to explain to you why I’ve been so difficult to get hold of. I’m sorry I keep disappearing, but I have some major stuff going on.”
“You could call once in a while,” I said before I could stop myself.
“You could call me too,” he said.
“I did, several times in fact. I kept getting your voicemail so I decided that, as you seemed so busy, I didn’t want to risk disturbing you.”
“Yeah,” he leaned towards me again and I suddenly noticed how tired he looked. Gorgeous but tired. “I am very busy, but don’t let that put you off trying. I was back in Europe last week and in Florida the week before that. I’ll admit that I’m beginning to feel burnt out. I have got to find a way to slow things down.”
Suddenly I felt bad for him. I’d been so preoccupied with my own stuff I hadn’t really thought about what he could be going through. Then I reminded myself that it was time to get tough. Being soft had got me involved with Todd. Being desperate had made me raise my hopes with Jared too soon. I needed to take control of my life which felt like it was spiraling out of control.
“So, your work is stressing you out?” I asked the question even though I hoped he’d hold back on the details. I just didn’t want to get too involved.
“That, and a major custody battle for my daughter,” he said.
I stared at him in horror. This was worse than I’d thought.
“You’re married! You have a child?”
Suddenly I realized that I knew next to nothing about this guy that I could barely get out of my mind.
“Whoa, slow down, no, I don’t have a wife…”
He was interrupted by the ringing of his phone.
“I’m sorry, I have to take this,” he said looking down at the number and pulling a face. He spoke sharply into the phone before looking up at me, “Sorry, Shaniah, I have a bit of an emergency with my family that I have to go and deal with.”
I took that as a sign from the gods that things were too difficult between us. I’d never had so much difficulty pinning anyone down before.
“Look, Jared. You’re a very nice man, but it’s obvious that you’re not at a stage to handle a relationship right now.”
What was I saying? Maybe I was being a bit presumptuous here—we’d barely spent any time together. What relationship was I talking about?
Jared didn’t seem to think my statement was amiss.
“You can come with me if you want.” He said and if I hadn’t known his type better, I would have said that his voice had a slight hint of pleading to it. But I knew better than to think that.
“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” I said.
I didn’t tell him that I wasn’t good at waiting around for phones to ring and for a date every few weeks. I didn’t think I would mind so much, but it was just too stressful. I just liked to know where I was with whomever I was getting involved with. It was perhaps not worth even mentioning to him that I had trust issues.
“Shaniah, please, I need to explain a few things to you. I can’t believe they’re calling me now, of all the luck. But I can assure you that all this will be over in a few weeks.”
“Then call me in a few weeks,” I said. “That’s what you’ve been doing anyway.”
“I don’t want to call you every few weeks. That’s why I wanted to meet you today, to tell you what’s been going on, you know, to sort things out with you.”
“You’d better deal with your phone call. I’ll get a taxi home—it’s not that far.”
“The hell you will,” he said sounding suddenly annoyed. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”
“Your phone call.”
“Oh, shit,” he said and then spoke into the phone again, “I’ll call you back in one minute.”
“Really, I’ll get a taxi home; there’s a whole string of them outside. It sounds like you have urgent business to take care of.”
“I do, unfortunately,” he said. “But just remember, Shaniah, I usually get what I want.”
I caught my breath, because I was, after all, a liberated woman who didn’t like to be bossed about.
“Yes, well right now, I’m not sure you know what you want,” I said.
He pulled me possessively towards him and kissed me firmly on the lips before letting go.
“You need to follow your heart, Shaniah,” he said. “Stop making excuses. Yes, I have a few problems right now. I do know exactly what I want but you aren’t making this easy either.”
I was outraged. Stupid, stupid man—how was I making things difficult? I wasn’t the one who kept disappearing!
I breezed out of the building and he followed me. He opened the door of the nearest cab and I got in.
“I’ll be seeing you,” he said confidently.
Yeah, not if I see you first!
I shook off the thought and just stared at him. Maybe I was getting too old to be turned on by this macho crap. I just wanted a reliable guy.
“Bye Jared,” I said solemnly as the cab drove off.
I’d let him figure out that I really meant this to be a final good-bye.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
It was time.
I had been extremely disappointed with the outcome of my interactions with Jared. Since yesterday’s decision to dump him, or at least the potential of what we could have had together, I was now officially man-less.
It was time to be proactive—again!
The cure for one man was another man, or so I’d been told by Ria.
Perhaps she was right. I couldn’t afford to have a dinosaur mentality—everyone who was anyone was doing online dating. I had to face facts that, apart from hanging out at local bars like a high-class hooker, my best alternative was to give the dating site another try. My least preferred alternative was to sit around moping; bemoaning my losses because I was fed up with being fed up. I needed to launch the new me.
I was working on the assumption that people who were in a relationship and o
n the receiving end of good sex regularly were totally chilled out human beings with zero stress-related depression. They would surely not have any of the more challenging issues I seemed to have, would they?
The very next day, I re-activated my online profile.
I hadn’t been hopeful about starting up the online dating thing and I’d even considered trying a different site. But now, I was more educated in the ways of the world—no more getting carried away with good looking men. I was strictly looking to get to know someone who could perhaps eventually help me in my motherhood quest. I couldn’t afford to base my decisions on looks and lust alone. This time I would base my search on principles that were important to me: reliability and honesty.
Having set my parameters, I was very fortunate to quickly snag a date with a guy named David. His profile picture looked pretty interesting and not fuzzy in the least. That was good enough for me.
David sounded like a nice normal individual when we eventually got around to swapping numbers. No deep seductive voice here to lead me astray—just a pleasant honest sounding man.
We decided to meet at yet another popular coffee shop. I had no idea there were so many of these around. Anyway, from experience, they were a safe place to meet any would-be mad axe murderers, kidnappers, or smooth guys trying to get into my pants on the first date.
David was waiting for me when I arrived.
Online, David’s interesting features had intrigued me. In person, his doe-like eyes were apparently two eyes located very close together towards the center of his face. Not much wrong with that I guess, except that this guy’s eyes looked like they were, in fact, one unit. I was on a date with a real live Cyclops.
David was wearing very thick socks that might have been lovingly knitted by an elderly relative. He had paired them with open-toed sandals and pants that were cut high enough to survive a flood. I was totally freaked out.
I was also extremely self-conscious and terrified that someone I knew—even vaguely, would see me.
He’d told me his name was David and I’d believed him. Now, meeting him in person, I felt sure it really had to be something like Zebulon or Jebediah or some such ‘Deliverance’ name. But I was being prejudiced here, and that was never an attractive characteristic in anyone, so, David it was.