by Ryli Jordan
“I know you are, darling,” I said with a grin.
“This might really happen, Ken. I…I don’t know what to do!”
“Do your best. You’re going to get the promotion and you’re going to kick ass. That’s the least of what you deserve for all your hard work.”
“Oh wow, this is all so sudden.”
“Not really…you’ve been there forever. Overdue if you ask me!”
“Will you be okay? I mean if…”
“Of course, Staci,” I said, taking her into my arms and hugging her tightly. “I’m always happy for you. Don’t worry about me. Focus on the future ahead. Exciting times!”
“Knox, I have you to thank for all this.”
“Nonsense.”
“No, really. After the TV appearance business just boomed and…”
“You earned it yourself. Sometimes luck pushes us…but our talent gets us noticed. Believe me, I know.” I winked at her.
“I want to take the promotion. Just to warn you though, I might have to work longer hours sometimes.”
“Not a problem. I’ll just have to never leave your arms on the weekend.”
“And weekends.”
“Oh,” I said, a bit startled.
“I’m sorry.”
“Well…”
“It’s my dream job. It’s the Director position.”
“Oh wow,” I said, honestly impressed. “Any higher up and you co-own the company. I’m very proud of you.” This time my smile was only half-way. I was promptly losing it. Suddenly the very real threat of losing her to her job set in.
“I know it’s crazy!” said Staci.
“I thought it was just head of accounts or in marketing. But this is truly a big step up.”
“Yeah…do you think I should bow out?”
“Hell no!”
“I don’t want to lose you…” she said sadly.
“You’re not going to. I have faith in you and your company. If this is your dream job, you have to go for it. When we combine our fortunes we will do twice as many good things for people.”
“Of course…you’re the only stable thing in my life, Knox.”
“And you too.” I hugged her again.
I was genuinely happy for Staci’s opportunity. Deep down I wanted her to win—to go all the way and eclipse me, in fact. I had no more goals to realize, no ambition. I had ambition before I met her and I reached the natural end of it. Staci showing me the value of resources was the best thing that happened to me. It was about time her dedication was rewarded.
At the same time, the idea of seeing less and less of her was disconcerting. I didn’t mind the weekdays since I scarcely had time myself. But the idea of losing her on weekends did strike me right in the heart. My weekends with her meant everything to me. They were the time I really felt alive—when I was with her. I was living MY dream with her.
Losing her to “clients”, to organizations, to her fucking company that only thinks in dollars and cents…of course that was a sour note.
By the end of the season, I was literally competing with her job for the smallest windows of time.
We went out to eat at my restaurant. This time, I didn’t even secretly have something cooked in advance for her. I was just hungry. And just distressed about the inevitable future.
“They’re going to announce the promotion next week. I’m so nervous about it…some part of me hopes I lose. But…maybe that’s just because I fear success. Tell me…tell me that’s what it is!”
“Of course, Staci-Belle. Calm down. You’re going to get it. I know firsthand no one at that agency works as hard as you do.”
“Hell yeah!” she laughed. “I just don’t want this to come between us.”
“It won’t. And if you should meet someone else on your way to the top…I won’t stop you. Follow your heart.”
I don’t know why I said that. Maybe it was a mistake, or passive aggressive pouting. All I knew is, the minute she accepted that position she would probably see less and less of me.
And eventually our great memories together would fade into the distance. It would be easier to make excuses not to come by. Easier to break plans and meet new people. It’s no one’s fault, no one’s weakness. Just the reality of two people living different lives and opposite careers.
“You know that’s not true,” she said with a serious stare.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep. At least I gave you that courtesy. Didn’t I?”
She shook her head. She almost spoke up, almost defended herself or attacked me…almost did something. But instead, she just lost the thought and looked away. It was a dreadful feeling, one of despair. I was fighting a losing battle. And I had to do the one thing I swore I would never do. Let her go. Let her walk away because I loved her enough to do that.
***
By the next week, just two days before the big revelation, our argument had returned. This time by phone, since Staci saw fit to cancel our entire weekend so she could mentally prepare for the job alone.
“It’s fine, just do whatever you want,” I grumbled.
“Oh for god’s sakes! Can’t you let me go for one weekend without moping around like a child?” Staci’s tone was stern.
“Just do what you want!” I said, raising my voice. “I don’t give a damn what you do. I’m tired of pretending like this is going to work anyway.”
“It IS going to work! But you sound as if you want me to turn down the job offer. You know it is the most important thing in my life…”
“Believe me, I know.”
“I didn’t mean it that way.”
“I haven’t seen you for two weeks. And you don’t even have the fucking job yet.”
“It’ll get better Knox.”
“No. It won’t. If it’s not better now, it’s not getting any better, Staci.”
“Dammit, Knox! Don’t you know me by now? All I am is my job! You knew that about me the second we met! You want me to fucking quit my job and live off your fortune? Yeah I’d bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
“Oh absolutely. You can do all the cooking too, because you’re just so fucking talented.” Shit, that came out wrong.
“Do you ever stop to ask yourself why we are the way we are?”
“No. Because my past doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I care about you.”
“I care about you too, but the reason I am my job is because my job saved me, Knox. Before you waltzed into my life and showed me all these wonderful things, my job is all I had in the world. When I lost Blake, I had nothing. I focused on my career to survive. You weren’t there!”
She choked up but quickly stopped from crying. She was and always will be a professional when it comes to that sort of thing.
“I made a choice a long time ago, never to depend on a man ever again. Never to put his delusions over my career. Because between the two things…men who promise they love me and my job that has saved me, and helped people all over the world with real goddamn problems, only one has been a disappointment.”
“You’re right,” I said calmly.
She sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just really stressed out right now…”
“Don’t be stressed. You don’t even have the job yet. Just try to relax. Go over it in your mind. Rehearse. Visualize what you’re going to say. Get the fucking job first. Then we’ll talk it all out later. All right?”
“Okay…I’m sorry. I really wanted to come over this weekend.”
“This is your time to shine. You’re right, Staci-Belle. I wasn’t around all those years ago. And I never disappointed you. Did I?”
“No, you didn’t.”
“But you owe this to yourself. Follow your dream. If anyone deserves to succeed…it’s you.”
While I wasn’t exactly thrilled with my girlfriend Staci Abrahams, if I could ever call her that, I knew that this week had to be about her. I could gripe all day long about my problems, but the truth
was, I was the billionaire who had nothing to lose. And this was about the woman who worked so hard for so long to achieve something she set out to do.
I did feel justified picking a fight with her and I did feel entitled to my grievances. But damned if I was going to make the most important day of her life all about me. She needed my support. She needed to believe in herself and the fairness of the world around her. I owed her that…and so much more.
***
I buried myself in work for the next few days, spending more time talking to accountants and marketing directors, chefs, cooks and researchers. And yes, for the first time, I truly felt what Staci was saying about work “saving you” from the darkest periods in one’s life. Sometimes a good distraction is what mattered, when all hope seemed lost. You work through the end of the day and then it’s time for a fresh new start in the morning. A new day filled with sunshine and hope.
I worked straight through, occasionally crashing on my office bed, and then getting back up right to work. I worked a bit manically, channeling the spirit of Staci herself as I indulged in work like it were alcohol.
I returned to the restaurant the next morning after an office sleepover—a bit late because I crashed so hard the night before, numbers and campaigns still floating around in my head. I was opening multiple restaurants in international cities over the next year and had to envision the future…
I hardly noticed that someone had been waiting for me in the waiting area.
“Send her in,” I said to my secretary, a bit distracted.
“Hey,” Staci said to me, making do a double take and drop my mouth open in surprise.
“Oh my. I didn’t expect to see you. Sorry. Just caught me off guard.” I got up from my desk to embrace her in a long kiss. It’s been too fucking long since my Staci-Belle was in my presence.
“Sorry about that,” she said with a weak smile. Something about her demeanor seemed wistful.
“Oh no. You didn’t get it?”
She shook her head. “I…got it! I ‘so’ got it…they didn’t even interview the other two guys for the last round.” She smiled bigger. “I was promoted, Ken!”
I smiled wide and happy as can be. Of course she got it. She is the most qualified person for any position I had ever met—the only woman smart enough to challenge and thoroughly defeat me!
“Baby, that’s wonderful!” I hugged her hard. She laughed so heartily she started weeping in my arms. I scooped her up and twirled her around celebrating her moment—hers and no one else’s. “Let’s celebrate! I demand it. We’re going out for dinner. I’m just going to bask in your glory. Let someone else impress the queen.”
She laughed. But the smile didn’t last long. The poor girl looked so tired, so on edge.
I took her into my arms and planted a kiss on her lips, then her chin, then her cheeks. I gazed into her eyes and smiled again.
“You did it, Staci. You won. This is your day. It’s time to relax…for once.”
She smiled back…her heart was heavy. Her smile almost insincere. She really was exhausted by now, wasn’t she?
Chapter 15
Staci
The moment passed by so fast…I hardly had time to react, let alone process what happened. I sat down opposite the president of the company and gulped down my nerves. Now was not the time to shrink back and pretend I was a trainee. I worked my ass off for this position and I owed to everybody to represent myself as a qualified candidate.
Mr. Hufferton, the president of the investment firm that owned Waylon Financial, wasn’t very friendly when I first met him. He was not impressed in the slightest of my charms, my beauty or even my friendly smile. He glowered at notes most of the time, and then stared into my eyes as soullessly as death itself.
“The director position…” he grumbled. “Your colleagues certainly have a vote of confidence in you.”
“I’m glad they’ve expressed that. It’s been a pleasure working with them. And may I say, Bob and Jacob are just as qualified for the position as I am.”
Damn, false modesty. Why am I failing now? Get it together, Abrahams! I want this job…I deserve this job. Show him who you are and why you’re sitting here.
“Don’t worry about them,” he said, finally giving me a half smile. “They’re…not up for this task, I’m afraid.”
“Oh?!” I sounded a bit too excited with that response.
“The thing is, Staci, a director has to be very versatile. It’s a tough job. A thankless one. It requires travel. Speaking to multiple departments, numerous personalities…it requires someone with poise and international level experience.”
“Well I am definitely up for the task. As I matter of fact…”
“But hiring a director with no contract is a high-risk move in my opinion. You’re going to be slaving for this company. That kind of responsibility takes its toll. On family…on marriage, everything.”
“I’m not married…”
“You’re married to the company, Miss Abrahams,” he said with another friendly glower. “I just don’t see much competition at all for this role. Or much incentive for you to keep pushing yourself so hard as you have been with no significant change…”
He looked into my eyes and nodded. “I want you to become head of the firm. Mark is leaving us for CFAA this summer. And I want you to head the firm as CEO, answering to me. We’ll bring in another director, working for several of our firms. Congratulations, Miss Abrahams.”
My jaw dropped! I didn’t know what to say and hardly how to react. I think, I hope, I smiled and shook the man’s hand but who the hell remembers?!
I went in for a Creative Director job and left the office CEO of Waylon Financial, answering directly to the president of FKL International. It should have been the happiest day of my life and a triumph for women everywhere...if only…
“Oh one more thing,” he added. “When you said you would be willing to travel. We’re taking you up on that. We want you to run the company in Madrid. We have a team there already assembled.”
“What?”
“Is that a problem?”
“No,” I said quickly, recovering with a smile. Not for me.
“Beautiful location. Like working in a resort, I tell you. You’ll have your packet from travel and lodging in a few weeks.
***
And so my day of victory was tainted with grief. How could I ever tell Knox that I had to leave him? How could I ever leave him, knowing that he was the man closest to my heart—and may well be the only one I have ever trusted and not been disappointed?
He couldn’t—he wouldn’t—ask me to give up this opportunity. But his entire life was in the big city. Of course, he was going to let me go.
Oh God, just like he said. He said he would let me go.
I stared at Knox in disbelief, still watching him celebrate my success. There was no way to tell him. Not on a night of celebration. I had to give him this day…he had begged me for my time, just a weekend with him. And I owed him that much. I owed him a night of celebration. One free of worry and all about him for a change.
Because tomorrow would bring its own woes.
The new job as CEO would start in three months. And there was no way I could turn it down…even if I wanted to, the company would slap me with vats of money until I accepted. But how could I leave the most important man in my life?
It would be cruel to him to make him wait. Cruel to make him choose me over his wealth, over his career—his love of cooking! Letting go was the right thing…the moral thing…the humanitarian thing to do, wasn’t it.
Before the hour was up, he could surely tell something was wrong. Every look I gave him begged his apology. Every smile seemed painted on. Thank God, he was finally the one to say it.
“CEO, that’s spectacular! I knew you could do it. I told you!”
“You did. I have you to thank.”
“Nonsense. This is the top of the mountain, Staci-Belle. You earned it.”
“Yeah
…I sure brought it all on myself didn’t I?”
“…So when are you going to tell me the bad news?”
“What?”
“I’m not a fool. I know how business works. At least the selfish side of it.” He smiled and winked. “They don’t promote you without slapping you with a huge BUT.”
“Madrid, it’s located in Madrid.” I said weakly.
He laughed hard. What else could he do in the face of tragedy? His laugh seemed prolonged, almost a sound of weeping behind his merriment. His eyes looked relieved…so happy for me. Selfless to a fault. He had to know what this meant. He had to be breaking inside.
“Then you’re going,” he said with a strong smile. “You didn’t come all this way to quit now.”
I wept softly and couldn’t even answer him. I couldn’t even talk about it; I was so torn. To make me choose between the love of my life and my entire reason for being was a cruel fate—one I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.
“Hey,” he said, sensing that I was at my lowest ebb. The greatest day of my life, and cut to the heart at what I would have to leave behind. “Don’t regret anything. Move forward. Make the world a better place. That’s what you told me to do. That’s what Henry taught us both, didn’t he?”
“Yeah, he did,” I said, wiping my eyes. Of all the things he had to be right about…why this? Why did he have to predict this unhappy ending down to the tee? Too damn smart for his own good. And look at him trying to guide me through it. Showing me the easiest way to break his heart and still survive.
“Staci…” he said, taking my hands in his and looking me in the eye, past the tears. “Remember what I said about holding onto the moments. This is your life. Each moment is just a part of your wonderful life. And this is another one you can hold onto. A peak. Because years from now you can look back on this moment and say this was when I found love.”
I flinched my way through his speech, no words coming out.
“Because I love you. I’m not afraid to say it. I will love you now and forever, regardless of where we are, no matter what paths our lives take.” He laughed a little haughtily. “I don’t even care if you love me less than I love you. Because I am IN love with you. And I always will be.”