by Susan Stoker
“So I can walk you to your car?” she teased.
“No,” Brain said with a shake of his head.
Aspen laughed. “I was kidding.” She leaned in, kissed him, then took his hand and towed him toward her door. Brain followed docilely, sneaking a peek at her ass as she walked.
She stopped and turned. “Were you checking out my butt?”
“Yeah,” Brain admitted immediately. “It’s pretty damn nice.”
She grinned. “Turnabout’s fair play. You can’t complain in the future when I check you out.”
“Deal.” Then he ran his thumb over her cheekbone. “Thanks for letting me come by.”
“Anytime. And I mean that,” she told him.
Brain backed through the open door, knowing if he kissed her one more time, he might not be able to stop. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Drive safe.”
“I will.”
“Text me when you get home?”
Brain tilted his head. “I’m sure I won’t have any issues getting home.”
“Humor me.”
“Fine. See you tomorrow.”
“Bye, Kane.”
“Bye.”
Brain forced himself to turn and walk down the hall and away from Aspen. It was almost scary how much he cared about her. He was going to do everything in his power not to fuck this up…even if he had no idea how.
Chapter Eleven
Aspen was waiting when Kane knocked on her door the next afternoon. The morning had been…stressful. She’d gone to PT with her team, but everyone was subdued and didn’t really talk to her much. They’d never been chatty-Kathys with her, but this morning they were even more reticent. They’d gotten a new platoon sergeant, and Aspen liked him well enough. At least he didn’t talk down to her like some Rangers did. And Holman’s replacement was also there for his first workout with his new team.
Then later that morning, she’d met with the major. Aspen had thought he wanted to discuss her return to full-time duties, but instead, he’d asked a million questions about the op in Afghanistan. He wanted to know everything about how Vandine and Derek had handled various situations, including a second-by-second accounting of when everything had gone to shit that last day.
Aspen had been uncomfortable saying anything derogatory about anyone, even if they’d fucked up. But in the end, it was obvious the major already knew most of what had occurred. So she’d done her best to recount what happened with as little emotion as possible. She just told him the facts.
When she was done, the major sat back in his chair with his fingers steepled under his chin and stared at her.
Aspen refused to fidget. She hadn’t done anything wrong.
“Do you like your job, Sergeant Mesmer?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Do you love your job?”
At that, she paused. She loved being a medic. Craved the adrenaline rush she got when she had to make life-or-death decisions. She especially loved being able to make a difference in someone’s life…like with Vandine and Holman. But she definitely didn’t love all the other shit that came with the job. Being looked down on because of her gender, being shot at, being treated like a second-class citizen.
“That’s what I thought,” the major said before she had a chance to respond to his second question. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his desk. “You’re a damn good medic, Mesmer. I’ve taken a look at your service record, and it’s impeccable. You’re coming up on eight years in, right?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“You’ll need to decide on whether or not you’ll be reenlisting soon.”
“Yes, Sir,” Aspen said again.
“I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want the Army to lose you. But you’re not happy.”
Aspen blinked, surprised the man would come right out and say it.
“I could sit here and promise you all sorts of things to try to get you to stay. I could tell you that Sergeant Spence will be reassigned, that I could move you to a new Ranger unit. Give you your choice of duty station, reenlistment bonuses…but I don’t think any of those things will make you happy.”
He was right. She’d never been the kind of woman to need a huge salary, or to live in a gigantic house. She wanted to belong. And the bottom line was that she wasn’t sure she’d ever really belong in the Army. Especially in the special forces teams.
She frowned at the man in front of her.
“I’m confusing you, and I’m sorry. I want what’s best for all my soldiers, and if that’s getting out and finding what they need to be happy outside the Army, so be it. I don’t know what your plans are. I don’t know anything about your social life or your family. But after hearing how well you conducted yourself in that shit-show in Afghanistan, despite all the factors against you, I feel as if I need to impart some advice.
“Before you reenlist, think about what you want. What you really want. And if that isn’t another four years doing what you’re doing now…walk away.”
Aspen had been shocked at the major’s words. But she couldn’t deny that having a superior officer come right out and say what she’d been thinking, and validating it, felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.
Despite that, she’d left the meeting without any decisions being made, and fairly stressed out about what might happen if she did decide to get out of the Army. But knowing that she’d be seeing Kane that afternoon made it easier to push everything to the back of her mind—all the heavy decisions she’d have to make in the near future, and the strain of her reunion with her Ranger team.
When Kane finally knocked on her door, Aspen practically skipped to answer it.
“Hey. I thought you’d never get—”
Her words were cut off by Kane’s lips. He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulled her into him, and kissed her…hard. And Aspen couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm.
When he pulled back, she tried again. “Hi.”
“Hi,” he echoed. “Ready to go?” He took a step back but kept hold of her hand.
She loved that kissing was no longer a huge step in their relationship. It already seemed natural. “Yeah. Let me just grab my purse.”
He squeezed her hand once before dropping it, and even that made Aspen feel all giddy inside. She ran back into the small apartment and grabbed her purse, which she’d left on the counter in the kitchen. She was back in front of Kane in seconds. “Ready,” she told him.
She locked the door behind them, and once she’d dropped her keys in her purse, Kane took hold of her hand again. It had been a long time since Aspen had held hands with someone, and she couldn’t remember it ever making her feel as happy as it did right now.
When they were settled in his Challenger and headed toward Austin, he asked about her day. “How’d your morning go? Your leg holding out all right?”
“My leg’s fine,” she told him, not admitting that all the activity from the day had it throbbing a bit. She’d taken an over-the-counter painkiller before he’d picked her up, and she knew it would help. “And my morning was weird.” She proceeded to tell him about the strain between her and the Ranger team, and about her meeting with the major.
“What do you think?” she asked him when she finished.
“About what?”
“About me getting out of the Army? I have no idea what I’d even do.”
Kane glanced over at her. “Be an EMT. Or get your paramedic license. You told me once that it was a paramedic who made you want to join the Army, after you’d seen them in action when you were on that ride-along with the police department. You already have your national license for EMT. You could get your state certification and find a job with an ambulance company.”
Aspen blinked. Kane sounded so sure. So positive she’d find a job easily, and that she’d pass the tests to get her licensure. The more she thought about it, the more excited she got. For some reason, she’d never even thought about working on an ambulance. She’d been so worked
up about the thought of leaving the military, she’d had a hard time thinking about anything else.
“And I’m sorry your team can’t get their heads out of their asses. For what it’s worth, most are probably embarrassed as hell at their actions. They never should’ve left you, Holman, and Vandine.”
“They were ordered to by someone who had a higher rank,” Aspen defended.
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I don’t care if the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the highest-ranking officer in the Army, ordered me to leave anyone on my team behind. I wouldn’t do it.”
Aspen reached out and put her hand on Kane’s thigh. He immediately wrapped his hand around hers.
Several miles passed in silence before Aspen said, “I don’t blame them.”
“You should,” Kane said, with no ire in his tone. “A team is sacred. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, and you work with each other to accomplish your missions. My team needs me to translate. To listen and report and to talk our way out of situations when they arise. I don’t know what I’d do without them, and I’d like to think they feel the same way about me.”
“They do,” Aspen told him immediately. She hadn’t hung out with Kane’s friends all that much, but even the little time she’d known them had shown her what she was missing out on.
“I can’t sit here and tell you what to do with the rest of your life. But I do know that I want to keep seeing you. I want to be involved with whatever it is you choose to do. If you stay in the Army, I’ll do whatever I can to make things between us work. It won’t be easy, as either of us could be moved tomorrow, but I’m not the kind of man who’ll insist on you giving up your career to follow me in mine.”
Aspen stared at him. “Are you saying you’d get out of the Army if I didn’t want to?”
Kane shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, we just started dating and things might not work out between us. But I do know I’ve never felt the connection to another woman that I do with you, and I’ll only be in the military for another ten or so years…I’d like to think I’ll be with the woman I marry for way longer than that. Put in perspective, it’s a no-brainer.”
Aspen felt like crying. She knew Kane wasn’t proposing marriage, but for him to sit there and basically tell her that he’d put her above his own career, a job he loved, was startling and humbling. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“And that’s fine. You have time to think about it. All I’m sayin’ is that I’ll support your decision. I honestly think you’ll find the team atmosphere you’ve been looking for in the medical field. It might take a while to find someone you click with in the ambulance service, but you’d be an amazing addition to any company, and your patients would be lucky as hell.”
“You need to stop talking,” Aspen told him, doing her best to blink back tears.
He looked over at her in alarm. “Why?”
“Nothing. I just can’t handle you being so damn sweet.”
Kane’s face smoothed out when he realized nothing was wrong. “Sorry, no can do. That shit just seems to pop out when I’m around you.”
She felt him squeeze her hand, and she closed her eyes and rested her head on the back of the seat.
As if knowing how tired she was, Kane didn’t say anything else. He turned up the music a bit, and between that and the smooth ride, Aspen was soon dozing off.
She woke up when Kane squeezed her hand. “We’re here, kallis.”
Aspen raised a brow in the now-familiar silent question.
“Estonian,” he told her.
Smiling, Aspen nodded and climbed out of the car. As soon as he came around to her side, Kane took her hand again. He was always reaching for her. Holding on to her. Touching her. She’d never dated anyone who was so touchy, and she had to admit she loved it.
They went into the VA hospital where Holman was being treated and found out which room he was in from the lady at the reception desk. They took the elevator up in silence, and it gave Aspen time to stress about what she was going to say to her teammate.
“Stop worrying,” Kane ordered.
Aspen shook her head. “How’d you know that’s what I was doing?”
“You have a worry line right here,” he said, running a finger between her eyes.
“Great, now I’m worrying about wrinkles,” Aspen muttered, but she smiled when Kane merely laughed.
When they got to Holman’s door, she knocked, and when he bade them to enter, Aspen pushed the door open.
She stopped in her tracks upon seeing the number of people in the room.
A pretty woman maybe a few years older than Aspen was sitting in a chair next to Holman’s bed. A young teenage girl was leaning against a wall, fiddling with a cell phone, and a boy—probably around six or seven—sat cross-legged at the end of the bed.
“I’m sorry to interrupt,” Aspen said quickly.
“Mesmer!” Holman exclaimed. “Come in!”
She stepped into the room, the feel of Kane’s hand on her back giving her more confidence than she might’ve had if she’d arrived by herself.
“What a surprise! This is my wife, Lynn, my daughter, Laurie, and my son, Max.”
Aspen greeted each person with a smile and a nod.
“And this is Sergeant Mesmer. Aspen. She’s the one who saved my life.”
With those last seven words, everyone in the room stared at Aspen.
She did her best to shrug off his statement. “I’m not sure I’d say that. All I did was wrap some gauze around your hand.”
“Max, hands over your ears,” Holman ordered, and Aspen smiled at how the little boy immediately did as his father ordered.
The second his son couldn’t hear him, Holman said, “Bullshit. I’m not an idiot, Mesmer. You were as calm as a cucumber. You gave me your rifle, dealt with Vandine, all while keeping the enemy from entering that alley. Then you threw the sergeant over your shoulder like he weighed nothing more than a sack of potatoes and got us all the hell out of there.”
“Daddy, can I listen again now?” Max asked a little too loudly.
Holman smiled at his son and nodded. Then he turned his attention back to Aspen. He held out his good hand and gestured with his fingers for her to come closer.
Surprised, Aspen shuffled forward and took her teammate’s hand. He’d never touched her before, not like this. They’d had to touch each other in training, but this was way different.
“They shouldn’t have left us,” he said quietly, and Aspen knew he was referring to their teammates. “But what sucks the most is knowing that if it had been Buckland, or Hamilton, or anyone else who’d been injured instead of me…I would’ve done exactly what they did. I didn’t realize, Mesmer.”
“Realize what?” she asked quietly.
“How vital you were to our team. That you were actually the most valuable person there.”
Aspen felt her throat close up and she was literally speechless.
“I’ve done a lot of thinking while I’ve been laid up,” Holman went on. “None of us were happy when you were assigned to our team. We thought you’d slow us down. That we wouldn’t be able to do our job as effectively. We were so pissed about what you didn’t have between your legs that we didn’t consider what you had between your ears was so much more important. I know I’m a day late and a hell of a lot of dollars short, but I’m asking for your forgiveness.”
“Done,” Aspen said immediately.
Holman nodded at her in relief.
“How’re you really doing?” she asked.
He shrugged. “I’m okay. Losing my hand is gonna take some getting used to though.”
Aspen winced.
“Nothing could’ve been done, Mesmer. I knew from the moment I looked down and saw there wasn’t much left, I’d lose it. You couldn’t have saved it, so don’t even go there.”
Aspen nodded.
“Thanks to you, I’m here,” Holman said. He glanced over at his wife, and the
look of love that passed between them was so intense, Aspen was almost embarrassed to be witnessing it. “I get to see my beautiful Lynn’s face every day, hear my daughter sass me, and listen to my son tell me all about the frogs and snakes he’s found out in the yard.”
Aspen glanced at Holman’s family again, and it occurred to her that she hadn’t even known they existed until right this second. She had no idea if the others on the team were married or if they had kids. They’d never talked about them. But then again, she hadn’t asked. She’d been so concerned with trying to fit in as part of the team that she hadn’t attempted to connect with her teammates on a personal level. She realized some of the distance between them was her own fault. Not all of it, not by any stretch, but she’d made plenty of mistakes too.
Holman’s gaze moved from her to Kane, still standing in the doorway. “I know you, right?”
Aspen dropped Holman’s hand to gesture to Kane. “This is Sergeant Temple. He helped us get to the truck, remember?”
Holman gave Kane a chin lift. “I do. Thank you.”
Kane shrugged. “We didn’t do much. I’m sure if we hadn’t shown up, Mesmer would’ve hot-wired a truck, thrown both you and Vandine inside, and run over anyone who dared get between her and the hospital.”
Holman chuckled. “I have no doubt, but thank you all the same.”
Kane nodded.
“So…what’s next?” Aspen asked Holman.
“I’ll be medically retired, then spend the rest of my life playing the role of a pirate with a hook hand.” He said it in jest, but she could hear the pain behind his words.
“Why did the one-handed man cross the street?” Max asked.
Aspen looked at the little boy in surprise, but Holman smiled huge and said, “I don’t know, son, why?”
“To get to the second-hand shop.”
Everyone laughed, but Laurie rolled her eyes. “That’s rude,” she told her brother.
“You laughed,” he shot back.
“Whatever.”
When Aspen glanced back at Holman, she saw he was looking at his kids with love in his eyes. He met her gaze and said quietly, “I don’t know what I’m going to do. All I’ve known is the Army. Joined right out of high school after Lynn and I got married. But I’ll figure it out. I’m alive, and I have a family who loves me. Everything else is secondary.”