by Susan Stoker
“Come here,” Trigger said, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into him. It was an awkward embrace, since they were both sitting on separate chairs, but Aspen put her head on his shoulder and relaxed. She didn’t close her eyes; she kept her gaze on Kane, willing him to wake up and tell everyone he was perfectly fine and start bitching about getting the hell out of the hospital.
Time went by. Trigger left and Oz took his place. Then Grover came in. But Aspen didn’t move. She didn’t leave to eat something, as the guys encouraged, and she didn’t leave to take a shower. She was going to sit right where she was until Kane opened his eyes and she knew for certain he was going to be all right.
It was a couple hours later when Aspen first saw his eyelids twitching.
Lucky was sitting with her, and she scared him to death when she leaped up and rushed to Kane’s side.
She hovered over him, putting a hand on Kane’s cheek and brushing her thumb back and forth. “Kane? That’s it, open your eyes. I’m here. You’re safe. We’re okay. You’re in the hospital, and I know it smells funny, but you need to open your eyes for me.”
She watched as his lids lifted but then slammed shut.
“Lucky, turn off the lights,” Aspen ordered, not taking her hands from the man she loved. “Try again, that’s it.”
Slowly, ever so slowly, Kane’s eyes opened…and she was staring into his beautiful eyes. “Hi,” she whispered.
Kane’s brows furrowed. “Aspen?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“My head hurts,” he said in a low, scratchy voice.
“I know, and I’m sorry.”
“Please move aside,” the nurse said brusquely, putting a hand on Aspen’s shoulder, gently pushing her away from Kane.
Aspen was reluctant to move, but when Lucky took her arm, she let him steer her to the edge of the room. A doctor rushed in next and asked everyone to leave while he looked over Kane.
Outside the room, Aspen paced impatiently with the rest of Kane’s team.
“How can you all look so calm?” she asked with irritation.
“Because he’s gonna be fine,” Doc told her.
“You don’t know that,” she grumbled.
“He knew who you were,” Lucky said with a smile. “He’ll be fine.”
That was true, and Aspen relaxed. She’d previously worried that he might’ve gotten his brain so scrambled, he’d experience amnesia. It happened all the time, but she was glad that didn’t seem to be the case.
After ten minutes, the doctor stuck his head out the door. “Is one of you Trigger?”
“That’s me,” Trigger told him.
“Can you please come in?”
Aspen took a step forward. She wanted to see Kane.
“Just a little bit longer, Aspen. Trust me,” Trigger told her.
She huffed out a breath, but nodded.
Ten more long minutes passed, and just when Aspen didn’t think she’d be able to wait another second, the doctor, nurse, and Trigger reappeared. The staff headed down the hall, but Trigger remained in front of the door to Kane’s room.
“Well? What’d they say?” Lefty asked.
Trigger sighed. “Brain’s gonna be okay. He has a concussion, and the beginnings of pneumonia. The doc thinks it’s because not all of the water got out of his lungs after he started breathing again. But the infection should clear up soon enough because they’re pumping him full of antibiotics.”
“Can we go in?” Aspen asked impatiently. She couldn’t wait to hear Kane’s voice again. To see for herself that he really was all right.
“He doesn’t want to see anyone,” Trigger said quietly.
Aspen stared at him in confusion. “He doesn’t want to see you guys? Why not?”
“He doesn’t want to see any of us,” Trigger clarified. “Not even you, sweetheart.”
Her adrenaline spiked even as her stomach bottomed out. “Why not? What’s wrong?”
“He’s got some memory loss, and he isn’t feeling very steady about it.”
Aspen froze. “What? What does that mean? He said my name. He remembers me!”
“He does,” Trigger agreed. “And he knows the rest of us too. He knows that he’s Delta, and can recall most of his childhood. But he hasn’t been able to recall one word of the languages he’s learned over the years.”
Aspen blinked. “And?”
“And what?”
“And what else can’t he remember?”
“That’s it, so far. He knows everything that happened out there, but he’s taking the fact that he’s lost the ability to speak all those languages pretty hard.”
Aspen didn’t understand. “I don’t care how many languages he speaks,” she said. “I’m going in.” She tried to push Trigger to the side and slip by him, but the other man stood firm.
“No. He needs time, Aspen,” Trigger said.
“He needs me,” she countered.
“Let her in,” Grover said quietly from behind her.
“Grover—” Trigger started, but Lucky took his arm and pulled him aside, letting Aspen push past him and into the room.
“This is a mistake,” Trigger told his team. “He’s not in a good frame of mind.”
Aspen heard the guys crowd into the room behind her, but she only had eyes for Kane. He was sitting up in bed with a few pillows behind him, staring out the window.
“Hey,” she said lightly. “You look a lot better than you did a few hours ago,” she teased.
But when Kane turned to look at her…she saw none of the man she’d grown to love in his eyes. They were cold and hard, and it was all she could do not to take a step back.
“I told Trigger I didn’t want to see you.”
Aspen winced. That hurt. Trigger had claimed he didn’t want to see anyone, not her specifically. “I needed to make sure you were all right.”
“I’m fine,” he said in a monotone. “You’ve seen, now you can go.”
Aspen frowned. “Kane, what’s wrong?”
He was silent for a beat. Then, “I think it’s best if we gave each other some space.”
The ache his words caused was so painful, Aspen brought a hand up to her chest to make sure she didn’t have a knife sticking out of her heart. “What?” she whispered.
“Things have moved really fast between us. I think we need to slow down.”
Her mind was spinning, and she couldn’t figure out why he was saying these things. She knew sometimes people with head wounds had personality changes, but most of the time the change was temporary. “Okay, I’ll head back to the tent city and visit tomorrow.”
Kane slowly shook his head. “Don’t. The last thing I need is another ex-boyfriend of yours getting the wrong idea and deciding if he can’t have you, no one can. I need some space, Aspen.”
His words were intentionally upsetting. While she was still reeling from the abrupt change of heart on his side, she was also a little pissed. “You know I don’t have any other exes.”
“Do I?” he asked.
Okay, that was ridiculous. “So…what? This is it?”
Kane shrugged.
Fighting tears, refusing to let him see how much he’d wounded her, Aspen nodded. “I’m glad you’re all right,” she said, her throat tight. “I guess I’ll see you around.”
She waited a breathless moment for him to say he’d been wrong, that he needed her, and for him to thank her for saving his life. But he just sat on the bed like a statue and stared at her with blank eyes. She might as well have been a stranger to him at that moment.
Aspen wanted to believe it was because he didn’t remember the last week they’d spent together. How they’d made slow, sweet love…but that wasn’t it.
He remembered. He just didn’t care.
Derek trying to kill him had changed things. Maybe for good.
Feeling as if she’d lost something precious that she’d never find again, Aspen nodded once again and blindly turned for the door. The ot
her guys stepped back, clearing the way for her, but no one tried to stop her.
She walked into the hallway and hesitated, not sure which way to go. She had no idea which direction the waiting room was, or how to get out of the building. And she had to get out of there. Get back to the staging area and stay busy. Anything to not think about what had just happened.
Brain sat on his bed and stared straight ahead. He tried to think of the word for water in Kurdish, but it wouldn’t come to him. He tried Italian. Then French.
Nothing. The foreign words that had lived inside his brain for so long had disappeared. They’d been his constant companion for almost his entire life. And now they were gone.
“What the fuck did you just do?” Trigger growled.
Not surprised by the venom in his friend’s voice, Brain turned to look at him. “It was for the best,” he said quietly.
“For who?” Trigger asked.
“Her,” Brain said immediately.
“That’s such bullshit, and you know it,” Lefty added. “Aspen saved your life.”
“And I’m thankful. But then again, she was the reason I was lying facedown in floodwater unconscious in the first place, wasn’t she?” The words spilled out without thought, and Brain regretted them the moment they were out.
“What the fuck?” Oz exclaimed.
“Are you seriously that stupid?” Lucky asked.
“The doc was wrong. He’s obviously got brain damage,” Grover said with a shake of his head.
“The second she realized what happened, Aspen threw herself overboard after you,” Lefty seethed. “Into the fucking floodwaters that were full of sewage and live electrical wires. You weren’t breathing, and she gave you rescue breaths until you started breathing on your own again! Then she hauled you who the hell knows how far to the closest available flat surface. Then she sat in those same floodwaters looking after your ass for hours until we found you.
“She was willing to fight the nurses for the right to stay by your side, but we convinced her to get looked over first. She fell asleep the second she lay down, her body just shutting down, but when she woke up, she barely tolerated anyone checking on her wellbeing before she was in here, waiting for you to wake up. She hasn’t eaten. She hasn’t slept again. She hasn’t showered. Her first concern was you. Then you have the nerve to tell her you need some fucking space? What the hell’s wrong with you?”
Brain’s heart hurt at hearing everything that Aspen had been through. He’d known she was strong before, but hearing about all she’d done—for him—made him realize he hadn’t really had a clue before. He remembered her saying that she loved him, and the pain in his heart increased tenfold. “I’m not the man she used to know.”
“God, you’re a dumbass!” Oz railed.
“I know, that’s why I’m freeing her!” Brain shouted.
The room was silent after his outburst.
Then Grover bit out, “Explain.”
He sighed, suddenly exhausted. “I’m the brain. The guy the team relies on to talk to locals when we’re on a mission. I can’t do that anymore.”
“Seriously?” Doc asked when he stopped talking. “You’re being ridiculous!”
Brain pressed his lips together. How could he explain how he was feeling? He loved these guys like they were his brothers, but they would never understand. He felt as if a part of his brain was missing. He felt like half the man he used to be, and he didn’t want to bring Aspen down into the depths of despair he was currently feeling.
“First, that makes no fucking sense,” Lucky bit out. “Yes, you’re smart. And I’m not saying that you knowing all those languages didn’t come in handy, but it’s not as if we’re helpless without you. Basically, you’re telling us the only reason our missions succeeded was because you were able to chat with the locals.”
Brain shrugged.
“Conceited asshole,” Oz muttered.
“Everyone calm the fuck down,” Trigger said, holding his hands up. “Shit, we’re gonna get in so much trouble. The doctor said not to agitate him, and we’ve certainly fucking failed in that regard.” He turned to Brain. “First of all, did you not hear the doctor when he said there’s a chance the loss of those languages isn’t permanent? Your brain took a hell of a hit. It’s bruised and swollen. When you have time to rest, there’s a chance the languages will come back.”
Brain shrugged. “I’m a skeptic. What can I say?”
“You’re an asshole,” Lefty said under his breath.
“Second,” Trigger went on, ignoring his teammate’s snarky comment, “Aspen would never pity you or love you less if you could only speak English for the rest of your life. You’re doing her a disservice by even thinking she’d be that much of a bitch.”
Brain knew his friend was right, but he kept his mouth shut.
“And third, throwing Derek in her face wasn’t cool,” Trigger said quietly. “And you know it. You were desperate to get her to leave, and you said the one thing you knew would accomplish that by bringing up her ex. You weren’t conscious, man; you didn’t see her. Lefty was right. She was frantic, fighting anyone who dared get between her and the man she loved.”
Brain closed his eyes. He thought about how Aspen looked when he’d first opened his eyes. She was exhausted. She had dark circles under her eyes and her hair was in tangles around her head. She was wearing a pair of scrubs that were too big, and he could still see the horror of their ordeal in every line of her face. As well as the worry for him.
And what had he done? Had he taken her in his arms and told her everything would be all right? No. He’d pushed her away.
He hadn’t lain a hand on her, but he might as well have punched her in the face.
“He’s finally getting it,” Grover said.
Brain wanted to call out for Aspen. Tell her to come back, that he hadn’t meant anything he’d said…but he knew it was too late. She was long gone. Probably already on her way back to the staging area.
He felt a hand on his shoulder, and Brain opened his eyes.
“She loves you. She’ll forgive you,” Trigger said.
“She’s stubborn,” Brain whispered.
“So are you,” Lefty said from next to Trigger.
“I’m scared,” Brain said softly. He wouldn’t admit that to anyone but the six men standing around his hospital bed. “I don’t know how to be anyone but the brain.”
“How about you just be Kane for a while?” Oz said quietly.
“Aspen doesn’t love you because you can speak two dozen languages,” Grover said. “She loves you because you’re you.”
“Just like we do,” Lucky added. “You’re not on this team because you can speak Farsi. You’re on this team because you’ve earned it. Because you’re the best of the best. I don’t care how many languages you can swear in when we’re on patrol. I only care about how accurate your aim is and that you have my back.”
“Thinking your only contribution to this team is your brain is shortsighted and ridiculous,” Trigger added. “You’re Kane Temple, and you’re a fucking Delta Force soldier. Period. Got it?”
“Got it,” Brain said, his voice wavering a bit.
“Now, while you’re lying there and relaxing your noggin so you can get out of this hospital, you’d better be thinking of ways to apologize to Aspen,” Lefty said.
Brain nodded. He still wasn’t one hundred percent positive Aspen wasn’t better off without him, but he had a knot in his stomach that told him he’d fucked up. Huge. He felt hollow inside, knowing she wasn’t waiting nearby. Knowing he couldn’t just pick up the phone and call her to hear her voice.
“Get better, man,” Oz said, squeezing his calf before he turned and headed for the door.
“See you soon,” Grover said as he followed Oz.
The other guys each said their goodbyes, and when Trigger turned to leave as well, Brain stopped him. “Trigger?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you keep an eye on her? You kn
ow how unruly those tent cities can get.”
“Of course. We all will. Can I give you some more advice?”
Brain nodded.
“Don’t wait too long to get your head together. Aspen doesn’t give a flying fuck about how smart you are or aren’t. She’s going to be getting out of the Army soon, and she could get a job in any city in the country. She’s gonna need a damn good reason to stick around the Killeen area.”
The thought of Aspen leaving made the knot in his belly grow exponentially. Brain actually felt nauseous as a result. Or maybe it was because of the pounding in his head. He wasn’t sure. “Maybe Gillian can check on her too?”
“That’s a given. And you’re going to have to put up with her and Kinley, and probably Devyn too, coming over and telling you what an idiot you are.”
That made Brain smile. “They like Aspen that much?”
“You know they do. She’s one of the crew now,” Trigger said. “She and Gillian text each other all the time.”
Brain loved that for Aspen.
“I’m going now. I’ll come back tomorrow morning to check on you.”
“Thanks. Trigger?”
“Yeah?”
“What happened to Derek?”
Trigger was silent for a moment. Then he said, “Karma. That’s what happened. He ran over a live wire and blew himself up.”
“Seriously?”
“Yup.”
“Good riddance.”
“Exactly. Get some sleep, your head will feel better when you wake up later.”
“How’d you know my head was hurting?” Brain asked.
“Because I know you,” Trigger said simply, then he turned and left the room, shutting off the light closest to the door on his way out.
The sudden darkness felt heavenly, and Brain lowered the bed until he was lying down once again. He felt like shit, his head hurt like hell, and the damn emptiness in his brain was driving him crazy.
But underneath it all was the knowledge that he’d hurt the one person in the world who he knew without a doubt would do anything for him.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered before falling into a deep healing sleep.
Chapter Eighteen