“Mom.” Noelle dropped a wicker basket of linens on the kitchen floor. “Do you want these set out now?”
She tossed the dish towel on the counter, grateful for some conversation. Sometimes she got so deep into her thoughts that she lost track of time. “You’ve been doing so much. Why don’t you take a break?”
“Agnes offered to set up the tables. I just want to know if you want it done now.”
“But she’s a…oh, never mind. Let her do it if she wants to. She’ll just get in the way if you don’t let her.”
“Yep, that’s what I thought.” Noelle pulled out a chair.
“I might have to put her on the payroll.” She smiled at her attempt to provide some levity to her mood. She picked up the basket and put it on the kitchen table. “These can be put out later today. No sense having them in the way and get dirty. There’s too many people in and out of the room.”
“Mom, you’re babbling.” Noelle took a seat at the table and grabbed a banana. “You know, Mom…” She waved the fruit to drive home her point. “You and Dad babble when things are bothering you. Well, you babble. He uses more words than necessary but doesn’t say much.”
“And you don’t talk like a normal twelve-year-old. You spend too much time around adults.” She peeled a banana and joined her daughter. She loved spending time with her and this summer had been extra special. Noelle spent more time around the house, which Nikki enjoyed, but she also worried that her sweet little girl was becoming a hermit and missing out on developing her own age-appropriate support system. Noelle never spoke of friends or brought any home.
“Blame the Internet. I’m simply exposed to too much.”
“I’ll have to ground you from the computer.”
“Sure, once I show you how to use it.” Noelle rolled her eyes.
She sat back with arms folded and looked closely at her daughter. She’d been so caught up in her own head that she didn’t even consider how a divorce would affect the child they created. Was she really done with her marriage or reacting to the financial stress?
Damn. Why had she quit smoking? She could go for a cigarette right now.
She glanced at the clock over the sink. It was too early for a brandy—plus, she liked to think that her daughter didn’t know that she had an occasional drink. Did Noelle know about Nate’s job? No, she couldn’t. He wouldn’t be that careless to say something about a major life change to their daughter without her being there.
“Dad’s been weird lately.” She ran her hands down her ponytail, something she did when she needed to confide in her mother.
“How so?” She had to play dumb to find out what Noelle suspected.
“I mean weirder than when we first moved here. At first he was a little excited about being here. Now, he never smiles. I see him walking around like he’s confused. What’s his problem? He hardly speaks to me anymore.” Noelle picked at the seedless grapes in the ceramic strainer that had unintentionally become the table centerpiece. Nikki had developed a penchant for scouring local yard sales as a means of social interaction and bought the chipped colander to be nice, never intending it to take up permanent residency and become the focal point of her kitchen.
She walked behind Noelle and hugged her. “I know, sweetie, it’s been tough for him. He thought he would retire from the police force. Getting shot changed our lives in ways that we couldn’t imagine.”
“I know. The shooting didn’t only affect him.” Noelle tightened the grip on her hair as she finger-combed her tresses.
The pit of her stomach ached—her innocent child was more aware of the issues than she’d thought. She wanted to scoop up her daughter and make everything better. If they could get through this weekend and deal with each crisis after the wedding was over… That’s all she needed—time.
“Do you know where your dad is now?”
“He was still with Todd.”
“Elevator’s not done?”
“They seemed to be finishing up.”
Nikki held Noelle’s chin in her hand. “Answer me honestly. I know we kind of jumped into this adventure. You know, leaving the wilds of the city for the tame wilderness of country life. What’s your feelings about living here?”
“Mom, there are bears here.”
“Little ones. My question is, do you like it here?”
Nikki patiently waited for the response.
“I do like it here. I mean, it’s not the city. I can’t do very much on my own, but the city doesn’t have trees. I like hearing the birds in the morning. So I do like that part of being here. I miss the city, too.”
“You’re rambling and being evasive like your father.” She grinned.
“Sorry, I got the worst traits of both of you. Not my fault.” Noelle blew Nikki a kiss.
“Okay, maybe if I put it this way: If you had a choice, would you stay here or go back to the city?”
Noelle stood up and whisked the basket off the table. “I would choose whatever place kept you and Dad together.” She left the kitchen as Nikki stood in awe, as if she’d been kicked in the stomach. Damn kid is too smart for me.
She went to the sink and slammed the faucet on full blast. How could she have been so stupid to think Noelle wouldn’t figure out something was wrong? Grown-ups acting like kids. The kid acting like the grown-up.
A male scarlet tanager flew up to the window and hovered for a few seconds. Unusual for one of them to come so close to the house. All the summers she’d spent in the Maine woods, she’d never seen the elusive bird—only heard the stories that if you were lucky enough to see one, make a wish real fast. She crunched her eyes and wrinkled her nose. Her hope was unleashed into the universe. But she couldn’t tell anyone what she wished because it might not come true if she did. A tingle ran down her spine. She took that as a sign and hummed as she relaxed, washed the last dish, and wiped her hands thoroughly, as if wiping away her troubles.
* * *
The kitchen tasks were behind her. Maybe she had been too hard on Nate. She went in search of him and wandered down the hall. Music flowed into the open air. Pretty. It brought her back to her time in college as a music major when she was going to write at least five award-winning songs. That dream was squashed when she fell in love with Nate. It was her own fault—like with everything else, she put herself last. He was in the police academy and they’d needed to pay the rent. So she packed away her notebook. The memory of selling her piano—sure she’d be able to buy a newer and better one—brought tears to her eyes. Her plans rarely worked out and this dream was no exception. The universe always seemed to have a different path for her to take.
Stop it. Pull yourself together. She willed herself to purge the thought of failure from her mind, opting to follow the music instead.
She came upon Tara sitting on the bench, her shoulders hunched over the keys as she played the piano, immersed in her song. It was a posture she herself held many times as she struggled to find the right key for the melody forming in her head.
Not wanting to break the creation in progress, she waited in the doorway until Tara raised her head and stopped playing.
“That’s very pretty. Are you playing it for the wedding?” She pulled up a chair next to Tara at the piano bench.
“Possibly. I’ve been tossing around a few bars in my head and wanted to test out the melody. Thought I’d take advantage of the room being empty. The acoustics are terrific in here.” Tara gave her full attention to Nikki. “Do you play?”
“A little. I know that’s not the best piano but it came with the inn and it seemed to fit the room, so we kept it.” Occasionally, she’d tap the keys when dusting but never sat down to play because she didn’t want to know if her talent had faded. “Would you play some more?”
“Sure, but please take a seat next to me.” Tara patted the space next to her on the bench.
She was happy to be seated at the piano for the first time in years.
“Show me what you got.” Tara sat up strai
ght and away from the keyboard. She folded her arms casually across her chest.
Nikki froze. I can’t do this. It was as if Tara silently dared her to play. Nikki’s hands wavered over the keyboard. The black and white keys were tempting, but what if she sucked? She flexed her fingers and paused. She closed her eyes and drew in a soft breath, hoping that Tara didn’t notice her hesitance. She lowered her left hand and tapped a key with her thumb. The rest of her hand followed suit and she was committed. Excitement surged through her fingertips, up her arms, and into her heart. She struck a chord and it sounded right, it was where she wanted it to be. She opened her eyes and struck the next chord and winced from the awful sound. She adjusted her hands and closed her eyes again, letting her fingers go where they wanted to.
But will you dance with me under the cloud from love long ago?
She hummed softly as her fingers glided over the keys, her confidence getting stronger with each correct tap of the key.
“That’s beautiful,” Tara assured her.
Nikki froze and pulled back her hands. “I’m very rusty. It’s nothing.” She slid her hands down her thighs. A twinge of bravado let her know she was a fool for letting her dream fall by the wayside. She couldn’t blame Nate for this—it was all her. He never would have told her to quit; she did it to herself.
“I’ve never heard that piece. Where did you get it from?”
She hesitated. This was her chance to introduce her music to someone who mattered. After all, she was sitting with an award-winning musician who wanted to know about her. Would she come across as a wannabe songwriter who would never be better than a teenager plinking at the piano keys, who wrote songs about her boyfriend leaving her for her best friend? She could be embarrassed, suck it up, and move on. Or be honest and maybe find a way to permanently reconnect to her passion.
“Seriously, I think it’s good. I’d like to hear more.”
Her stomach fluttered and she felt herself blushing. “There isn’t any more. I wanted to be a songwriter but my life took a different direction.” Nikki sat back and crossed her legs, ensuring she wouldn’t continue to play.
“What happened?”
“Life.” She rolled her eyes. It was easy to blame her procrastinating on something else.
“I realize that, but if you’re meant to write then it’s there. The great thing about being a writer and musician is you can do it anywhere. I know.” Tara tilted her head back and laughed. “One of my best songs was written in a ladies’ room stall while I was snowed in at an airport.”
“Some of what I felt were my best melodies came to me while I was in the shower.” Nikki smiled. Her stomach was doing flip-flops and her mood lifted talking about music to someone who got it.
“See what I mean? No one has to know where your inspiration came from. But you do have to put it out there. Be it words, music, or both, you have to get it out there, otherwise you’ll strangle yourself from the inside.” Tara made a twisting motion with her fist.
It was like a lightning bolt surged through her. Tara was right. That was exactly how Nikki felt. She wanted to get back to her notebook. Words swirled around her head and she needed to write them down before she forgot them. But she had to get back to work—at least for now until the weekend was over. Well, maybe she could steal a few minutes.
“I’ll let you get back to what you need to do. Thank you for letting me sit with you.” She stood to leave.
“Anytime. It was nice to watch you play your piece. Maybe you can finish it while I’m here and I’ll get to listen to all of it.” Tara winked at Nikki.
She left the room, closed the door behind her, and let out a huge smile as she ran upstairs to her bedroom.
* * *
Nikki flung open the door, ready to grab her paper and pen. She wanted to write—get the melody out of her head and onto something tangible. She yanked open the nightstand drawer and the contents sprung out like a jack-in-the-box. Her hands rummaged through old tissue, erasers, marbles, and outdated pocket calendars. “Ah.” A half-filled steno pad was at the bottom of the drawer with a pen clipped to the cover. “Hello, my old friend.”
She climbed onto the bed and fluffed the pillows to support her back. Curling up on her bed had been her favorite writing position; maybe it would still work for her. With her legs folded under her thighs, pillows in position, and creative desire unleashed, she whipped open the notebook and clicked the pen—and stared at the blank page. “Agh!”
The dreaded white sheet of terror.
She tapped the pen on the page. Her excitement was waning. No…no. She steadied herself and promised she’d get serious about her rekindled passion.
This wasn’t going to work no matter how badly she wanted to get going. She lay back with her head on the pillows and plopped the notebook over her face. With her eyes closed and the scent of paper filling her nostrils, she hummed the melody wreaking havoc in her head. Come on. I need it on paper.
“Oh, sorry. Didn’t know you were here.”
Her body lurched when Nate entered the room.
“I’ll leave you be.” His voice was kinder than it was the last time they spoke.
“No, that’s okay.” She pulled the notebook off her face, thinking it would be nicer to talk to him without it blocking her vision. “Just taking a break.”
He walked toward her. “I came up here to hide myself. I checked in a few people.”
She shot up. “Crap. I should be down there.”
“Relax. Noelle is taking care of the desk.”
“I really should be available in case someone needs something.” She stood up and stuffed the shuffled contents back into the drawer but held on to her notebook.
“Everything’s fine. Noelle knows where to find you. Plus, Todd is talking to people about his nature walks.” He walked closer to her.
She stiffened her back and the excitement she felt about her song slipped away as the realization of her life crept into focus.
“Can we talk?” He sat on the bed.
“I can’t.” She started to walk past him. Why did he always want to talk when she wasn’t in the mood or couldn’t?
He grabbed her arm. “Please. You haven’t said a word since I told you about the job.”
“What is there to discuss? You’ve made up your mind and without talking to me first. It never used to be like that.” She pulled her arm from his grasp.
“You’re right, and we also never had money issues,” he sniped back at her. He took a breath and relaxed his stance. He stared at her. “I hate what’s happened to us.”
She hung her head. “I know,” she whispered. “That’s not true about the money issues. Remember when you where in the academy? I quit everything to get us through that financially.” He hated when she threw that in his face but it was true.
“Why does that still eat away at you? I begged you how many times to get back to your music once I got out of the academy. You can’t hold that against me.” He stepped closer. “I never once asked you to give up anything. Never.”
Her lips tightened. She clenched the notebook. “You didn’t have to ask. What were we going to do? Your career, then Noelle came—I didn’t have any support system.”
He reached out to her.
She stood back. “Just so you know, I’m not happy with the way things turned out. I honestly thought taking on this business would put us in a better place. I mean, do you know how hard it is to deal with you? Ever since your accident, I’ve done everything I could to make our life better. Do you think I don’t know what it’s like for your career to have ended prematurely? That I don’t know what it’s like to have your dreams squashed through no fault of your own?”
She wanted to cry. She wanted to run out of the room and have a total meltdown. She needed to have a meltdown. That was the only way she was able to regain her footing when things got bad. But she’d become so hardened that she wouldn’t allow herself to fall apart even to rebuild, no matter how necessary it was.
“And that, sweetheart, is where I think you’re wrong. I didn’t see the bullet coming. I didn’t have any control over the damage it did to my body—that it forced me to leave the department. You, on the other hand, have always had the power to sit at a piano and pick up your career that you so conveniently abandoned, though you blame me.” His eyes seared into her. “Do you think that I don’t hear you humming that same tune over and over? Whatever it is, finish it and stop blaming me. I may have caused other issues in our marriage, but not that one.”
The pen dug into her wrist as she clenched her fists. She could see the frustration in his eyes. The hurt in his heart. “I have to go.” She walked past him and he grabbed her from behind and spun her around.
“Knock it off with this martyr crap. When did this become who you are?” He yanked the notebook from her clutches. “Is this what it’s all about?”
She didn’t answer him. She pulled on her arm to get away.
“I’m not leaving before I know if it’s me or your discarded dreams that are making you miserable.” He tightened his grip on her upper arms and pulled her into him. His lips came to her with a force she’d never experienced. Her shoulders softened and the pen she held so tightly fell to the floor.
She couldn’t fight him—she didn’t want to.
His lips made her feel like she was being carried away on a cloud. She slid her arm around his neck and pulled him in closer. His musky scent awakened her desire for him and the vise she had encased her heart in began to weaken.
He loosened his hold on her. “Think about what’s really bothering you.” He placed the notebook back in her hand and left the room.
* * *
The powerful touch of his hands on her arms lingered for hours. His kiss still on her lips. She couldn’t focus the rest of the day. Fortunately, the event was running smoothly. She hadn’t expected Viv and Gabe to bring a wedding planner, who really wasn’t but turned out to be a family member who liked to coordinate weddings.
Timeless Vows: Five Tales of Love (Timeless Tales Book 4) Page 7