JD gunned the engine and merged onto the freeway.
Lauren gripped the armrest and tried to think of something to say. One glance at the troubled expression on his face and she decided silence would be best.
During the rest of the ride home, JD was more distant than he’d ever been. It was as if a gate came down and closed him off from her. Just when Lauren thought she was pulling him from the gloom, he slipped even further away. She didn’t know exactly what brought on the brooding this time, but he shut down as soon as they passed NorCal Center. She’d give anything to know what was going on behind those haunted eyes of his.
“Thanks for driving,” Lauren said as he pulled into his driveway. Teal Manor was large and looming in the headlights.
JD blinked out of his quiet stupor. “I had fun tonight, Darla,” he replied. He blinked again and frowned. “I’m sorry, Lauren.” He reached out to touch her hand and she shrugged away.
“That’s okay. I had fun, too. Goodnight.” Lauren scrambled out of the SUV and dashed to her car. After fumbling with her keys, she finally got the Geo started and pulled out of the driveway. Her hands shook and she gripped the wheel.
Who was Darla? And why would he call her by her name? She must be the reason he kept pulling away. Whoever she was, she had a fierce grip on him.
Lauren pulled up to the cottage and parked. At the front door, she paused and listened. There weren’t any tires on gravel or footsteps. He hadn’t followed her to offer an explanation.
Lauren went inside and was instantly disappointed by how empty the cottage was. It wasn’t like she expected anyone to be there to greet her when she came home. Just Marsh, probably hiding under the bed. She was expecting things to go differently with JD tonight. She planned on maybe inviting him in for some coffee or some store-bought cookies. They could have sat and talked about Lavender Fields or shared another laugh about the Orange Cones…
But that was before he called her by another woman’s name.
Lauren tossed her keys on the coffee table and sighed. Why JD had stopped playing hockey was the least of her questions now.
Chapter Fifteen
Chasing Butterflies
Mel sure lived up to the title of man’s best friend. He was a heck of a companion and he was turning out to be one heck of a bird dog. He obeyed silent cues from Lauren and proved time and time again that he could sneak up on a bird without scaring it away. Lauren liked having him around and when he accompanied her on her daily walks to the creek, his presence counteracted the loneliness she sometimes felt. Her housemate, Marsh, wasn’t a companion as much as an independent mooch.
Lauren and Mel were in the clearing after returning from their morning walk and the sun was starting to heat up. When they neared Teal Manor, Mel cocked his head to the side and gave a yellow swallowtail butterfly a curious sniff. The swallowtail continued to flutter over the grass and Mel barked. Lauren laughed as Mel gave chase to the uncooperative insect and darted to and fro in the grass. The butterfly remained just out of reach, but Mel wouldn’t give up. The more he hopped, the more the oblivious butterfly remained untouchable. He looked silly bounding through the grass on his oversized paws and was the funniest thing Lauren had seen in a long time.
Lauren collapsed on the ground in a fit of giggles and held her sides. “You’re silly, you know that, Mellow dog?”
Mel bounded over to see what the commotion was and sniffed her face. His wet nose snorted and she threw her arm around his neck and laughed into his fur.
* * *
JD watched Lauren from the kitchen window. He’d never seen a grown woman skip, birdwatch and now roll on the ground with hysterical laughter. Although she was a mystery to him, he felt like he’d known her for years. He yearned to feel that type of joy and total abandonment. What would it be like to not have a care in the world? Just once? To be able to look at his surroundings and see only beauty? To laugh? To have a carefree approach to life? To love again?
Mel pounced on her and she squirmed away from the hairy, slobbery assault. Tears ran down her cheeks she was laughing so hard.
JD laughed while he watched and the sound was foreign to his own ears. Lauren had made him laugh last night, too, while she made funny faces and danced to that ridiculous music. And then he’d gone and screwed it all up when he’d been dragged back into the past by icy cold fingers.
* * *
Finally, Lauren got Mel to lie still for a minute, so she could catch her breath. It felt good to laugh. Lately, she’d been spending way too much time trying to figure out the mind of a man. Last night, JD had thrown her for so many loops that she felt like a Birmingham roller pigeon. She was growing more attracted to him and he had made it clear that she wasn’t the woman occupying his thoughts.
Before JD had come along, Lauren had spent the beginning of the year preoccupied with an entirely different man. Daniel. In her head, she’d had dozens of imaginary conversations with Daniel and they always ended the same. None of them ended with them resolving things and being together. Which was fine. That wasn’t what she wanted anymore anyways. She just wanted some answers. Didn’t she deserve that common courtesy after laying down so much groundwork with him?
Before long, another butterfly (or maybe even the same one) caught Mel’s attention and he took off again, following in hot pursuit.
The happy tears turned sad and Lauren started to cry for real. She couldn’t hear the birds anymore or Mel’s barking. Instead, she heard the sound of a church organ. Suddenly, she back inside the little church in South Oakdale. The one with the flower boxes out front that were stuffed full of purple and yellow flowers.
The memories of that day overwhelmed her. The looks of all those people in the church—pity, surprise—flashed in her mind. Out here in the field with Mel, Lauren had let her guard down and the past crashed in on her like a tidal wave. She closed her eyes and was instantly transported to that Saturday afternoon.
She tiptoed up to the swinging doors that led into the church and peered through the little window at the top. The white satin pumps she wore lifted her up a few inches above her regular height. The chiffon dress rustled around her and the garter belt felt foreign and scratchy on her thigh. It was the first time she’d worn a dress since college graduation and high school graduation before that. It seemed odd to get so dressed up to marry a boy she’d known since high school. But she did. Because that’s what girls did when they married the boy they were in love with. They dressed up, smiled for the camera and lived happily ever after.
Lauren looked out at her wedding party. Everyone was in their places, just like they’d practiced at the rehearsal. Because she didn’t have many close friends, her cousin and her acquaintance from college stood as her bridesmaids. On the other side of the altar, her brother, Scott, and Daniel’s older brother, Mark, served as best man and usher. They looked so serious and official in their crisp black tuxes.
Everything looked exactly as it should. The church was decorated with bouquets of roses, carnations and baby’s breath. They’d both agreed to keep things low-key. Even though it was a simple wedding there still had been a lot to plan. The reception, invitations, flowers, the vows… They’d planned for months and everything had turned out perfect.
Except there was one thing—or one someone rather—who was missing.
The groom.
Lauren had pictured this day for years and every scenario involved her walking down the aisle toward the groom. Where was he? Where was Daniel, her husband-to-be?
Lauren had made sure he picked up his tux and knew how to fasten the cummerbund. She’d even seen him the night before at the rehearsal dinner. He’d seemed extra nervous, but that was expected, wasn’t it? They were starting a new life together and joining themselves together with vows in front of their families. All of which would start just as soon as he arrived.
Lauren looked back over at her brother, Scott, and watched as he glanced nervously at his phone. It was the first time she’d seen hi
m look this nervous. A part of her wanted to think it was sweet and overly protective of him, but there was more than nervousness in his eyes. Something was wrong.
Scott left his place at the altar and walked toward the doors and Lauren. Their eyes met through the little window in the door. His lips were drawn tightly together and there was a wrinkle in between his eyebrows. What had him looking so worried?
It was strange how Lauren could remember specific little details so vividly. She remembered that little wrinkle between her brother’s eyebrows, yet she couldn’t remember how she got home that day.
As soon as Scott left his post at the altar, everyone inside the church began to swivel their heads and whisper. The pianist played a Beethoven song that was probably meant to soothe everyone’s nerves, but somehow only added to the anxiety of the situation. The wedding party glanced nervously at each other and bouquets and boutonnieres quivered anxiously.
Lauren’s mind automatically assumed the worst. Maybe Daniel had been in an accident. Maybe he was too injured to call. What if he was bleeding on the side of the road somewhere, hurt and broken, while she stood here in her uncomfortable white dress? She pushed the gruesome thoughts aside. Nothing would happen to Daniel today. Not on her wedding day, the most perfect and beautiful day of her life. Certainly not. Maybe he was just running late.
Lauren stepped aside so Scott could pass through the swinging doors.
“Lauren,” he said. His voice was more out of breath than it should have been from the short walk down the aisle.
“What’s going on?” she asked, trying to read the pained expression on his face.
He reached out and put his hands on her shoulders. She almost shrugged away—she didn’t want him wrinkling her dress—but the look in his eyes froze her in place.
“Where’s Daniel?” she asked. The weight of Scott’s hands on her shoulders was too heavy, but she didn’t dare move.
“He’s…Oh God.” Air wheezed in and out of his mouth and she willed him to spit the words out already. “He’s not coming, sweetheart.”
Lauren frowned. Scott didn’t call her things like sweetheart. He called her things like spazz and freak and what every other older brother called their younger sister. He never called her sweetheart.
“He just sent me a text.”
He’s not coming, sweetheart.
“What?” Lauren gasped. “What did it say?”
He’s not coming. It sounded so final.
“He said he can’t go through with it. I’m so sorry, Lauren.”
That’s when the buzzing in her head started. A low hum that blocked out everyone’s voices including her brothers and the one in her head that told her this wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be happening. His car probably just ran out of gas or something. It wasn’t unusual for Daniel to be a little—or a lot—scatterbrained.
She glanced back through the window and into the church. Guests whispered to each other and looked around expectantly. They were all waiting and whispering and speculating.
He’s not coming.
“Is the traffic bad or something?” Lauren asked, ignoring her brother’s ridiculous explanation.
It was Saturday afternoon so traffic wasn’t a likely scenario. It wasn’t like Daniel was stuck in rush hour traffic or anything, but her brain was grabbing at straws.
“He’s not coming at all, Laur.”
He’s not coming.
The words finally registered and Lauren understood. She wouldn’t be getting married today.
Mel bounded back to Lauren, the butterfly forgotten, and she was brought back to the present. The big dog licked at her cheek, hoping to catch a stray tear and Lauren sat up and wiped her face with her sleeve. Daniel wasn’t worth crying over—she knew that. Sometimes it just felt good to cry for the life they’d never have together. They’d spent so much time planning for the future that the present had gotten away from them. Lauren had been ready to be a wife and eventually a mother and she thought she’d found the perfect man to settle down with, but it turned out she’d been wrong.
Daniel burned a lot of bridges by not showing up that day. Scott had been best friends with Daniel, but Daniel’s stunt on his sister’s wedding day had torn their friendship apart. Scott couldn’t forgive him for humiliating his sister like that. Neither could Lauren.
There were so many questions she wanted to ask Daniel. Most of them began with why. Why did you leave me at the altar? (Obviously.) Why didn’t you talk to me if you were having doubts and cold feet? (We could have worked things out.) Why didn’t you call me instead of texting my brother Scott? (Do you know how much of a coward you are?)
Lauren would always be known as that girl who was jilted, stood up, left at the altar. And Daniel would always be known as the one who walked away.
Mel rested his face next to Lauren’s and she patted the top of his head. His nose sniffed her hair and breathed out a fine mist. Despite his bodily fluids, Mel was the best friend she’d had in a long time.
* * *
Liquid sparkled on Lauren’s cheeks and JD peered closer out the window. She was crying. One minute she’d been laughing hysterically with Mel and now she was crying. He couldn’t see the expression on her face because she was looking up at the sky, but he wanted to wipe her tears away. He wanted to tell her that everything was okay and that everything would be all right. Where did that thought come from? Who was he to reassure anyone that things were going to be okay? Would they really be? He’d like to think so. Eventually at least. He certainly didn’t want to see Lauren cry. He’d much rather see the carefree, happy woman who skipped through the grass and giggled at his dog.
It just went to show that everyone experienced sadness at some point in their life no matter what face they put on for the outside world.
* * *
Lauren dried her eyes and walked Mel up to the back patio to make sure he made it home safe. Mel said goodbye in his own doggie way and obediently trotted through the doggie door and disappeared inside the house.
When Lauren turned on her heel to head home, the sliding glass door slid open behind her. She spun around and JD stood there looking concerned.
He stepped outside and eyed her slouched posture and watery eyes. She always told him about the birds she saw out on the trail, but she wasn’t volunteering any information today. Whatever had upset her in the field had taken her joy away. From inside the house, Mel enthusiastically lapped water out of his water dish.
JD hooked his thumbs in his pockets to keep from reaching for her. “Everything okay?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she sighed. “I was just making sure Mel made it home.” She couldn’t look JD in the eye because she knew her eyes would be red from crying. Daniel didn’t deserve her tears and JD didn’t deserve the sadness they left behind.
Lauren turned to leave, then turned back around again and finally slid into a nearby patio chair. She scraped her hands over her eyes and sighed. “I was just having a woe is me moment.”
JD sat in the chair next to her and rested his palms on his thighs. He wanted to touch her, to reassure her, but he kept his hands to himself.
She swallowed, looked out at the clearing and took a deep breath. The late morning sun baked the earth, releasing the pungent smell of weeds and swamp grass. “You really do have an incredible view here,” she said on a sigh. She was stalling, hoping to find the right words. Everyone in South Oakdale already knew the story, so it was difficult to tell it to someone who hadn’t been there. This wasn’t some story to tell for JD’s entertainment. This was real life and it was still more than a little painful to relive it.
“The beauty of this place hits me out of nowhere sometimes,” she told him. “I couldn’t have come here at a better time.”
From the corner of her eye she could see JD nod.
JD knew his reason for agreeing with her, but he didn’t know hers for saying it in the first place.
“At the beginning of the year I was supposed to get marr
ied, but things sort of…fell through.” That was sugarcoating it and she didn’t want to tell her story to JD that way. She blew out a breath and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “My fiancé left me at the altar.” There it was. The harsh, blunt truth. No sugar, no sprinkles, no icing on top. “Well, I hadn’t technically walked down the aisle yet because there was no groom there, but…you get the picture.”
“I’m sorry.” The words were genuine and he reached over and touched the arm of her chair. His pinkie and ring finger brushed against her hand. The gentle touch caused her eyes to prick with fresh tears and she blinked them back.
“Thanks.” She offered him a weak smile. “I came out here to get some perspective, but I still have so many questions. You know, the “why me” type of questions you have when something shitty like that happens.”
“Didn’t you get to ask him?”
She blew out a breath. “No. This probably sounds really stupid, but I don’t know exactly where he is. It’s like he just vanished from the face of the earth. I guess the idea of marrying me was enough to send him into hiding. I left him a dozen messages, but he never returned any of them. A month later, when he finally called me, we talked for about two minutes before his cell phone died and I haven’t heard from him since. The last I heard, he was in Atlantic City, probably hustling old ladies out of their Bingo money. It wasn’t enough for him to skip out on me on our wedding day, but he had to get as far away as geographically possible afterwards.”
“What was his reason?”
“For what?”
“For skipping out on you.”
Lauren snorted a rather unladylike sound, but she was too amused by the question to hold it in. “He said he wanted to know what it was like to be with someone besides me. What a horrible concept,” she gasped, “To lock yourself down with only one person for the rest of your life. You wanna know who he ran off with?” She didn’t wait for JD to take a guess. “Ashley Mortimer. The girl everyone used to talk about because she cycled through all the sports teams in the school like the Tour de France. I guess it was better for me to find out before we got married. Now that would’ve been humiliating.”
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