by Dee J. Stone
Cruiser wraps his arm around me and hugs me tight. “I love it. I love you.”
“Thanks. I wanted to do something special for you.”
“You don’t have to, darlin’. You’re special enough.”
My knees grow weak. “Watch it or I might melt into a puddle at your feet.”
His chest vibrates as he laughs.
“Come.” I pull him to the blanket, and we sit down. I open the basket and start taking out the food. I wish I had time to cook it myself, but the whole plan was last minute. I hope everything tastes good.
“Mmm, cold cut sandwiches,” Cruiser says.
“And yummy salads.”
“And awesome-looking dessert.”
“And don’t forget the drinks,” I say.
“Of course.”
I hand him a plate, a cup, and utensils. We bite into our sandwiches. Not the greatest out there, but decent enough. “Sorry about the quality,” I say.
“Are you kidding? I’m so starving I can eat a horse.”
“Are they not feeding you at your new school?” I tease.
“Didn’t go to school.”
“Oh.”
He gestures to his arm that’s in the sling. “Been acting up. Dad advised me not to go. I was bored out of my mind.”
“Sorry about the pain. Should I kiss it?”
“Hell yeah. Your lips are magic.”
We both laugh.
“Lame,” Cruiser says. “Let’s blame it on the pain.”
I hold my hair back behind my neck as I lean forward so it doesn’t get in the food. I take my time as I move closer to his sling, wanting to build up the anticipation, and to drive Cruiser a little crazy. I hear him intake a sharp breath. When I’m only a few inches away, I position my lips a little higher, to the area above his sling. To his exposed skin, the part not in the cast. I kiss it. Then I sit up and smile to him. “Not exactly on the wound, but I wanted some skin.”
“My skin gives you a very big thank you.” He lowers his sandwich, then raises his index finger, motioning for me to move closer to him. He taps his lips. We both get on our knees and bend over the food, our lips reaching for one another. I give Cruiser a quick peck because I’m worried he’ll lose his balance. He frowns, then pouts.
“You’ll fall,” I tell him.
“Will not.”
“You might.”
“Will not.”
I laugh.
“Come sit next to me,” he says.
I shuffle over until I’m at his side. Cruiser shifts so he’s even closer to me, our bodies touching. He puts some salad into his plate and lifts a forkful toward his mouth. But he doesn’t eat it. He holds it out before my lips. I close my mouth over the spoon. The dressing drips down my chin, and I quickly grab a napkin to wipe it away. “Pretty crappy,” I say. “Sorry.” So much for the perfect picnic.
Cruiser takes a bite out of the salad. “Not bad. But then again, I can eat a horse.”
“Hey.” I take his fork, gather some salad, and bring it to his mouth. This reminds me of our one-month anniversary, when we fed each other in the same manner. And just like the last time, Cruiser manages to sneak in kisses on my fingers as he eats the food. “Cruiser.”
He kisses the bridge of my nose. “You taste much better than the salad.”
I giggle as I slap his shoulder.
We continue eating. The dessert is devil’s food cake, which actually tastes pretty good. When we’re done, we stash the garbage in the basket to throw out later.
“So I have news,” Cruiser says. “Looks like Rey and I are moving back in with my Mom.”
It takes every ounce of me to hold myself back from shrieking in excitement.
He chuckles. “Don’t look so glum.”
“I’m so excited!”
“Me, too.”
Now I won’t feel like there’s a huge wall between us.
“So, T. Rex. Whatup?”
“What do you mean?”
He shrugs. “Anything happening in your life? How’s Rosie?”
The memory of what happened this morning flits through my mind. I feel myself frown.
“What’s wrong?” Cruiser asks.
I tell him how Rosie threw a fit this morning because she didn’t want to take the school bus without Jamie. “It’s stressing my mom out,” I say. “I wish…I wish I wasn’t such a baby and learned to drive.”
Cruiser tucks his hand under my chin and lifts my face. “Don’t feel that way. You’ll learn to drive when you’re ready. Ain’t no use in rushing. If I were able to drive, I’d take her every morning. Though, I guess I’d need to get a car…”
“Thanks, Cruiser. Rosie learned to depend on Jamie, and it’s hard for her now that he’s not here.” I puff out some air. “I don’t know what to do. I tried talking to her, but I don’t think I got through.”
“We’ve got to be there for her. Spend more time with her.”
I nod as tears choke my throat.
Cruiser kisses my temple. “She’ll be okay. She’s strong.”
“My mom thinks she needs to get thicker skin, that’s why she wants to force Rosie to take the bus. I could never do that.”
“Me, either.”
“I want to make her life as easy as possible.” A tear slips out of my eye. “I wish I could switch places with her. Whenever I think I’m okay with everything, something happens that undoes all the progress I made.” I wipe my eyes, but tears continue to fall. “Maybe this is just something I’ll live with for the rest of my life.”
Cruiser puts his arm around me and holds me close. “I feel the same. But we gotta get over it. It’s not healthy for us or for Rosie.”
“I just wish things would be a little easier for her.”
Cruiser wipes my tears away with his thumb, then presses a lingering kiss on my forehead. “You’re a great sister, Lex. Just continue doing what you’re doing.”
I don’t know how long he holds me. It might be only a few minutes or half an hour. When my tears are dried up and I feel a little better, I untangle myself from Cruiser’s hold and open my purse. “I have something for you.”
His eyebrows rise. “Another surprise? Lex, I don’t need—”
I place my finger over his lips. “Shut up, Cruiser.” Once my fingers close over the envelope, I pull it out and quickly hide it behind my back. I gaze into his face. “You’re one of the most important people in my life. I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but I’m positive deep in my heart that you’re the right guy for me. I don’t want anyone else, just you.”
“I feel the same—”
I shake my head. “Please let me finish.”
He nods.
“I know I apologized for what happened between us a few times and you told me that it’s in the past and that we should forget about it. But I don’t want to forget about it. I don’t want to ever hurt you the way I did. You told me it’s okay if I hurt you because it shows I care, but I don’t want to ever cause you any pain. I’m sure we’ll get into arguments and will say things we don’t mean, but I hope we’ll be able to forgive one another and have a healthy and happy relationship.”
Cruiser nods again. His eyes are bursting with emotion.
“So.” I pull out the envelope from behind my back. “I want you to have this.”
Cruiser eyes it suspiciously.
“Take it,” I urge.
He reaches for it and carefully opens it. He plucks out a card and reads the front of it. “I love you just because.” When he opens it, a small piece of paper lands on his lap. He sweeps it off, and his eyes widen to the size of the largest sandcastle on the beach. He gaze flits to mine. “What is this?”
“Money to pay for the repairs on your bike.”
“Lex—”
“Read the inside of the card.”
“Lex—”
“Read it.”
He reluctantly looks down at the card. I bought one that has no message inside so I could write my own.
“There doesn’t always have to be an occasion for me to tell you how much I love you. You mean the world to me, Cruiser Dalton, and even though I’m too young to say this, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So I love you just because you’re you. Never change anything about yourself because you are awesome just the way you are and I love everything about you. Forever.”
When Cruiser raises his head, his eyes brim with tears. He yanks me to his chest and hugs me so tight it’s as though are bodies are fused into one. He kisses me all over my face, and I feel his tears splatter over my cheeks. “I love you,” he says, over and over as he continues to shower me with kisses.
“I love you, too.”
“But I can’t accept the gift.”
“Yes, you can.”
“Lex—”
“I want to do this for you.”
“But it’s a crapload of money.”
“It’s not just from me. Your grandparents chipped in, too.”
He looks at me. “My grandparents?”
I nod. “The ones from New York. I called your mother during school today and asked her if it was okay that I pay for the repairs. She told me your grandparents wanted to pay for it, too. So I asked her to ask them if it was okay that I help out, too.”
He rests his forehead against mine. “You’re so amazing, T. Rex.”
“I know how much your bike means to you. I just want you to be happy.”
His arm wraps tighter around me. “I’m happy whenever I see your beautiful face.”
“Thanks. I feel the same. But I wanted to do this for you.” I brush some hair out of his eyes. “In just a few weeks, your bike might be running again.” I poke his chest. “And I want to ride with you the first time.”
“Hell yeah.” He presses his lips to mine, and they move urgently, like he’s trying to take in as much of me as possible. A soft moan escapes me. That seems to fuel Cruiser. His lips move even more urgently With our lips still latched to each other’s, he lowers me on the blanket, and while his movements are jerky due to his one arm, I hardly feel it when my back hits the ground a little harder than it should. My hands roam all over Cruiser’s body as we continue to kiss as though the world is coming to an end and the only way we can keep it alive is if our lips are attached.
When we come apart, Cruiser stares down at me with nothing but love shining in his eyes. He strokes my cheek. “T. Rex, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, too.”
Chapter Fifteen
Cruiser
Rey wrenches me off Lex. I shove him aside and take Lex back in my arms. I don’t want to let go of her.
Dani picked us up from the beach and stopped before my dad’s apartment building. After Lex and I had a make out session that must have lasted hours. I didn’t think I could love this girl any more than I do, but she manages to find ways to surprise me. I’m not sure about a lot of things in my life, but I’m sure about Lex. She is the one for me. There’s no one else. Never will be.
After I got out of Dani’s convertible, I pushed Lex against it and kissed her. Kissed her and kissed her and kissed her. Until I was so drunk from her that I didn’t know my ABCs or 123s. I think Dani honked to get us to pry apart, but I blocked her out. Then I felt Rey’s arms on me, trying to pull me off her. These past few days of not working out, and my useless arm, have made me as soft as putty. Didn’t take long for Rey to wrench me off my girl.
“Geez, you guys will see each other tomorrow at school,” Rey says.
That seems so far away. I wish I could spend the night with Lex. With her in my arms. I wouldn’t do anything she doesn’t want. I’d just hold her and tell her how much I love her. Watch her sleep and wake up to her beautiful face.
Lex touches her hand to her lips before pressing them on mine. “See you tomorrow?”
I lean forward to give her another kiss. “Yeah. Tomorrow morning.”
She gives me a sweet smile before getting in the car. Waves as Dani drives away. I feel empty, like I lost a vital organ. Yeah, my heart. I guess all that crap they say about soulmates having half a heart is true. When we’re together, I feel whole. Complete.
“I don’t know if I should feel sorry for you or be jealous,” Rey says as he pushes me through the door. “It’s like you’re a slave to love.”
Jealous, not sorry. Because this is the best damn feeling in the world.
Rey continues pushing me until we’re inside the apartment. “Got most of the packing done.”
“What did Dad say?”
Rey shrugs. “Nothing, really. I guess he figured we’d eventually move back.”
I go to our room and inspect the place. It’s bare. Looks like Rey did a good job. I walk over to the closet and pull it open. Like I expected, the box is still here. The box that holds all that junk we don’t need. And Rey’s violin.
“Rey,” I call. He walks inside. I tilt my head toward the box. “You plan on abandoning this here?”
He moves further inside. Looks down at the violin. He gets that same weird look—like a parent who hasn’t seen his kid in years. Mixed in with disgust. “Well, look at that,” he says. “I totally forgot about it.”
“Yeah, right.”
He shrugs. “It can stay here. Maybe Dad will teach himself how to play.”
I whack him in the back of his head.
“What the hell!”
“We’re taking your damn violin home. Take it out.”
He juts out his chin. “What’s the matter? Can’t you do it? Too handicapped?”
I make a move to whack him again, but he dodges. Item number three added to the Payback List.
His whole face changes like he just realized what he said. His eyes move to my injured arm, all guilty. He clears his throat before bending down and heaving the box off the floor and toward the front door.
I meet Dad on my way to the living room. He gives me a small smile. “All ready to leave?”
I study him closely, trying to see how he feels about us leaving. But I don’t get anything. “Yeah,” I say.
He nods.
We stand there like two morons.
“I told Rey I can drive you guys,” he says.
“There’s no point.” Rey strides back inside and picks a suitcase off the floor. “I’ll drive us.”
Dad nods again.
I get back to our room to make sure we packed everything we need. Looks like we’re good. I return to the living room. Dad’s still standing there. “You can move back,” I find myself saying.
Dad looks at me like I told him to get into bed with a lion.
“You and Mom, you’re not divorced yet.” If I was able to, I’d fold my arms over my chest. This is as awkward as hell.
“Cruiser, your mother and I are not getting back together.”
“You can make things work. If you both want it to.”
“I don’t think either of us wants it to work.”
“Speak for yourself,” Rey says, marching into the living room and standing before Dad. He’s got his arms crossed. “Mom’s been a mess since you left.”
“Maybe you never loved her, but she sure as hell loved you,” I say.
Guilt washes over Dad’s face. Makes me feel guilty for making him feel that way. But it only lasts a few seconds. Dad recovers and says, “I’m sure your mother is just worried about her image.”
“Bullshit,” Rey mutters.
“Boys—”
“Only losers give up on their marriages before giving it another shot,” I say, then walk off.
Rey stashed all our stuff in the trunk. I stand next to the car and look at the apartment building. I only lived there a few days. Can’t say I’ll miss it.
Dad comes out and heads over to us. Stands there for a few seconds before putting his arms around me. Then he does the same to Rey. “I hope you’ll visit often,” he says.
“We will,” I promise.
Rey opens the door. “Maybe think things over. It doesn’t have to be this way.” He gets in
the car.
“Bye, Dad.” I climb into the passenger seat.
Rey waits until I buckle up before driving off. I look out the window, at Dad standing there all alone. My gut squeezes together. Makes me feel real guilty for leaving him like this. But all this could have been prevented if he never left Mom. I get that he doesn’t love her or whatever, but maybe if the two of them worked on their relationship, they could come to an understanding. Then we’d be a family again.
I tear my eyes from the window.
“Sucks, doesn’t it?” Rey says. His hands squeeze the steering wheel so tight his knuckles are white. “Life sucks.”
“Some of it does.”
He rolls his eyes. “You can’t just spend all your time making out with Lex and live in bliss, you know. You gotta get back to the real world.”
“You think I don’t know that?” If it was up to me, I would kiss her twenty-four-seven. Be in our own Crex Land where we’re always happy and don’t have to face any of the shit in our lives. But I know I got to face the music. Face the future and what it holds.
Rey says, “Okay, just pointing it out.”
“Same way you gotta get back to the real world and play your violin.”
His hands tighten on the wheel again. “Enough with the violin, okay? Stop pushing me.”
He’s right. The more I push, the more I could drive him away. He’s got to go back to it on his own terms. “Sorry,” I tell him.
He shrugs. Then, “You should have heard how excited Mom was when I told her we were coming back home. I swear she hit the roof.”
The image makes me smile. “I hope she enrolled us back in South Beach High.”
Rey gasps. “Am I hearing correctly? My loser brother actually cares about being enrolled in school?”
“I missed enough class as it is. Don’t need to miss any more.”
He shakes his head like he can’t believe what he’s hearing.
“People change, Rey. When they know they’re not acting the way they should. When they want to be a better person. When they tell themselves they can succeed if they try.”
He slams his head against the back of his seat. “Another lecture from my older, wiser brother.”
I hold out my hand. “I don’t mean to sound like I’m giving you a lecture. Just some brotherly advice.”