by Dee J. Stone
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Cruiser
“Jared’s brother got tickets to this awesome recital,” Rey says on our drive home from school. “Jared’s trying to trade them. It would be sweet to go.”
Hearing those words are music to my ears. Rey hasn’t been to a recital since he last performed in one and landed that scholarship to Kelman’s. I don’t know if it’s Melody’s doing or if he’s finally on his way back to the old Rey. But whatever the reason, I’m as glad as hell.
He sat with Melody, Jared, and Derek at lunch today. I can’t believe he and Melody are hitting it off. They’re always laughing and teasing each other, and I swear I see hearts in his eyes. I can’t be any happier for him.
“So, you cool with Jared and Derek?” I ask.
Though I only have a view of his profile because his focus is on the road, I see the way his whole face lights up. Like he’s got firecrackers buried in his skull. “It’s like I never left,” he says. “Like I never…”
“Was a dick?”
“Shut up, Cruiser.”
I clap him on the shoulder. “I’m glad you guys are tight again. And I’m glad you and Melody are hitting it off.”
The tips of his ears get red. Hell, his whole face is turning red by the second.
“She’s good for you.”
“How can you tell? We’ve only been going out for a few days.”
“Still.” I lean back. “When something is right, it’s right.”
He snorts. “Not everyone’s fate is written in the stars like you and Lex.”
“You never know.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not getting my hopes up.” His lips form a straight line. Then he says. “I need to be realistic.”
“What’re you getting at?”
He shrugs.
“Rey, you got a good thing going on with Melody. Don’t blow it because you think you’re not worthy or whatever.”
“Never said I’m not worthy. I just think it’s safer to be cautious.”
I watch him for thirty seven seconds—yeah, I counted—until I realize what he’s trying to say. “Mom filled you up with confidence so that you’d work hard to be a great violinist. So you cracked. It doesn’t mean every part of your life is gonna be like that. If you’re always gonna be walking on eggshells your whole life, how are you gonna live?”
He doesn’t say anything.
“Do you think Melody would want a guy who is only putting fifty percent into her?”
“I’m not putting only fifty percent,” he mutters.
“Doesn’t matter. Either you give her one hundred percent, or you don’t give anything.”
Rey’s lips form a straight line again.
“I’m not saying you gotta bare your soul to her right away. Take things slow or whatever pace you need. Just give her the attention she deserves. She’s a great person.”
“Yeah. Thanks, Cruise.”
“No problem.”
We continue driving in silence. The ride home isn’t long, but for some reason, it’s taking as long as hell to get there.
“Hey, Cruise?”
“Whatup?”
A big swallow makes its way down his throat. “I think…” His chest puffs up as he takes in a large gulp of air. It contracts as he lets it out through his nose. “I think I’m ready to talk to Mom. Tell her about…everything.”
I feel my eyes shoot out of my face.
He laughs. “Don’t look so surprised.”
“Why the sudden change?”
He shrugs, his eyes on the road. “Dunno. I guess…I guess for the first time since I dropped out of Kelman’s, things are starting to look brighter.”
I slap his arm playfully. “‘Cuz you got a girl now.”
“No. I just feel good about myself again.” He shrugs another time. “I don’t know.”
Even though he’s driving, I make a dive for him and hug him with my good arm. It’s not so easy because I got to stretch my arm, but I manage. It causes him to swerve to the left. “Geez, Cruise!” He takes control of the car. “You want to kill us or something? Maybe you’ve experienced love, but some of us are only just starting down that path.”
I hold out my hand. “My bad.”
I want to do a happy dance right here in the car. But I don’t want Rey to feel embarrassed. I know opening his heart to Mom won’t be easy for him. He’s never had a need to do it in the past because he’s always done what my parents expected of him. He never had to tell them how he felt.
“Cruise? Do you think…do you think you can be with me when I talk to her? You know, for moral support in case she jumps on me or something.”
“Why would she jump on you?”
He shrugs.
“I’ll be there, Rey.”
He gives me a thankful smile.
Mom’s still at work when we get home. I spend the next few hours doing homework. I hear Rey pacing in his room. A couple of times, I want to stick my head in his room and tell him to quit it because these math problems are as hard as hell, but I get that he’s nervous. When Mom’s car pulls up, I can practically feel his heart start to speed. Twin telepathy.
“Boys?” Mom calls from downstairs. “Are you home? What would you like for dinner?”
I peek my head into Rey’s room. “Ready?”
He’s still pacing. Squeezes his stress ball. “Maybe we should wait until she’s done with dinner.”
“There’s no point in avoiding the inevitable. You should do it before you chicken out.”
He’s squeezing the ball so hard his knuckles grow white. “Yeah. You’re right.”
I take the ball out of his hand—got to pry the thing out of him—and put my arm around him, leading him downstairs. Mom’s looking through the cabinets. She smiles when she sees us. “Do you guys have any requests? I’ve had such a hard day and feel like I’ve lost my mind.”
That makes two of them. Rey looks like his mind’s been sucked out and thrown into another dimension.
“Hey, Mom?” I say. “Can Rey and I talk to you for a bit?”
She looks suspicious. Confused. It’s not every day we have a talk with her. Especially Rey. While their relationship has improved these past few weeks, they still don’t talk. “Sure,” she says. “Maybe we’ll just order out.”
“Good idea,” I say.
I practically need to carry Rey over to the table. The guy is so nervous he’s hardly breathing. I squeeze his shoulder. “Relax, Rey,” I whisper. “You’ll do fine. Just be honest.”
He swallows hard.
Mom sits down across from Rey, her puzzled and worried eyes locked on him. “Are you okay, Reagan?” she asks. She’s got no clue what’s eating away at him, but she knows it’s something big.
Rey’s as still as a statue.
I give him a kick from underneath the table.
He blinks. Rubs the back of his head. “I need to talk to you, Mom.”
She looks relieved, but wary. And still worried. “Okay.”
Rey’s eyes move to mine. I nod. He clears his throat. “So…I never told you the reason why I left Kelman’s.”
Mom’s eyebrows furrow. “You were unhappy there.”
“Yeah. But I never told you why. I, um…” He rubs the back his head again. Then he starts to tell her everything. How pumped he was to go there, to be in a school with other kids who talked, breathed, lived music. Just like he did. Mom looks proud. Pleased. But when Rey starts to tell her the rest, how inadequate he felt, how he felt like a total loser and was miserable, her face falls.
“That’s ridiculous, Reagan. You are an amazing violinist. Kelman’s would never have accepted you if you weren’t.”
Rey throws up his hands. “That’s the thing, Mom! You made me feel like I was on top of the world. You made me feel invincible. Untouchable. But when…” His lower lip trembles. “When I was out there in the real world, I realized I wasn’t the king. I was just a pawn.” Rey buries his face in his hands and falls f
orward on the table.
Mom’s alarmed eyes move to mine.
“He was under a lot of pressure,” I say, wanting to help my bro out. “He couldn’t handle it. He’s not used to failure.”
“You always said failure isn’t an option,” Rey’s muffled voice says.
“It isn’t,” Mom says. “You need to be the best. Always.”
Rey’s head shoots up. “It’s okay to stumble a few times, Mom! No one’s perfect.”
I put my hand on Rey’s shoulder. “There’s no use in blowing up. The past is the past. Move on, okay?”
Rey takes a deep breath. Nods. “So I left. Cruiser’s right. I—I couldn’t handle it.”
Mom’s eyes are still filled with confusion and a hint of anger and disappointment, but I see another emotion creep in. Sympathy.
“I was messed up when I got back. The violin was my life. I felt like I let it down. That it let me down. I didn’t know what to do with myself.” He lowers his eyes to his knees. “I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I didn’t know who I was, what I was becoming. I started hanging out with the wrong crowd. That guy Cruiser punched? He was a drug dealer and I owed him lots of money. Cruiser was just looking out for me. It’s my fault he got suspended.”
Mom’s eyes are bigger than the dishes in the kitchen cabinet. “Reagan,” she gasps.
“But I’m not like that anymore,” he quickly says. “I’m…I’m fixing myself.”
Mom sighs in relief. “I’m glad to hear that.”
“I’m the reason Cruiser got beat up,” he says. “He was just protecting me. Just like he’s been doing his whole life.” His lower lip trembles. “You’ve always been hard on him, always thought I was the perfect son while he was the screw up. But the truth is that I’m the screw up. Cruiser’s not perfect, but he’s a far better person than I am.”
I’m not one to blush, but I feel myself getting all hot. I shift in my seat as Mom’s eyes bore into mine. I want to bolt. Need to. But I keep my ass planted in my seat.
“If you were to just get to know him the way I do, Mom,” Rey says. “You’ll see what a great guy he is.”
“Rey,” I say. I don’t need or want this.
Rey holds out his hand. “She needs to know, Cruise.”
“I already do,” Mom says in a soft voice.
Both Rey and I stare at her.
“What?” he asks.
“Why do you think I was much harder on you than your brother, Elvis?” Mom asks, eyes pinned on me. “Because I expected more from you. Rey’s always been a great kid, but you were something else.”
Every fiber in my being begs for me to bolt. But I can’t.
“After the accident, I knew I lost you, Elvis,” Mom continues. “I didn’t know how to handle you. That’s why I sent you to my parents, because I knew it would be good for you there.”
All my life, I thought I was nothing but a disappointment to my parents. That they compared me to Rey and wanted me to be like him. But now I see it’s not how it was. Mom pushed me harder than Rey because she wanted more from me. I thought she dumped me with Gran and Gramps because she didn’t want to deal with me. But all along, she knew that was the best place for me. She was right.
I don’t know what to say. So I just sit here like a moron.
Rey blinks. “So you’ve always favored Cruiser over me? That’s awesome.” He falls back on his chair and crosses his arms over his chest.
Mom reaches for him, but he’s too far. “It wasn’t like that, Reagan. You were easier, that’s all.”
Rey frowns.
“It took me a long time to realize what Elvis needed from me. He didn’t need me to turn him into an amazing person. Because he already was. Both of you are.” She gets up to sit near Rey. Puts her arms around him. “I’m sorry I put so much pressure on you. I wanted you to reach your full potential. I wanted that from the both of you.”
Despite the frown on Rey’s face, he lowers his arms from his chest and wraps them around Mom. “Sorry I disappointed you.”
She rubs his back. “You haven’t. I just want you to be happy.”
“I’m joining the Navy.” The words leave my mouth before I can stop them.
Mom frees herself from Rey’s hold. Blinks at me with a shocked expression. “You are.” Not a question.
I nod.
She purses her lips.
“It’s what I want to do, Mom. I know it was hard growing up with Gramps in the Navy, but it’s what I want. It’s what Lex and I want. I don’t need you to approve. Don’t need you to bless me. I just want you to accept it. Because I’m gonna be away from home a lot and I when I get to come home, I want to have the chance to come here, too.”
Mom’s eyes fill with tears. They spill over faster than a leak in the sink. She leaps to her feet, rushes over to me, and wraps her arms around me. Holds me so tight I can’t breathe. “When did you grow up, Cruiser?”
Holy shit. She just called me Cruiser.
She’s kissing me all over the face. The old me might have pushed her away. But the new me, the real me, lets her do it. Because it benefits her more than it benefits me.
“I’m proud of you.” She reaches for Rey’s hand. “Both of you.” She sits back down in her seat. “So what do you want to do with your life, Reagan?”
“For starters, I want to rejoin my old clubs, especially orchestra.” He looks at me. “You’re on your own with theater.”
I shrug.
He looks at Mom. “Can I have violin lessons again?”
Mom looks like he told her she’s gonna be a grandmother. “Of course you can!”
“I want to get into a music academy and be a great violinist one day. Wait here.” He runs up the steps. Returns a few minutes later with his violin.
“’Bout time you’re holding that thing again,” I say.
“Shut up,” he says as he tucks it under his chin. “You want to hear me play or what?”
And we do. He should be rusty. Should somewhat suck. But he doesn’t. It’s like he and his violin are two parts of a heart that are coming together again. The result is the most amazing music I’ve ever heard in my life.
Mom’s eyes shine with tears. I feel mine start to well up, too. Rey’s back. He’s finally back.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Lex
As soon as I walk through the doors of Juice Me, I expect to see the familiar, loving face of Cruiser Dalton, just as I’ve always seen when I dropped by. But of course he’s not here. I turn to Dani. “The whole place looks different without Cruiser. It’s like it’s not the same shop anymore.”
Dani follows me to the counter, where we wait on line. “Yeah, it does.”
I scan around. It’s not just that the place looks different, it feels different, almost like we’ve entered a parallel universe. When Cruiser worked here, the place felt more alive. He always wore a smile on his face and made the whole experience of buying a smoothie more enjoyable.
“Maybe that’s why Jackie promised Cruiser he’d get his old job back as soon as his arm heals,” I say to Dani. “Because she knows how much of an asset he is to this place.”
Dani orders pineapple and I order banana mocha. We settle down at a table in the back and slurp our smoothies. “So how’s everything going?” I ask. “It feels like forever since we’ve hung out.”
“Yeah. I blame our boyfriends.”
“I know. They need to understand that we need Girl Time,” I say, then laugh.
“How’s Cruiser doing?”
“He’s great. He and I met with Ms. Carter the other day. I think we learned a lot about ourselves and what we want, both for ourselves and for each other.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Oh? I found Cruiser in the halls the other day, moaning about Carter being a moron.”
I can’t help but laugh. “You know how private Cruiser is. But once he started opening up to me in her office, we actually made good progress. He admitted to me some of the fears he had, about the attack
and how he was worried about losing me. And he also admitted that he wants to join the Navy, but that he felt like he was betraying his love for me.”
Her eyes widen. “Wow. Pretty heavy stuff. So what was the conclusion?”
I feel a smile tug my lips. “He’s going to join the Navy!”
She smiles, too. “That’s amazing! I know he’ll be one hell of a sailor. I mean, as long as he takes orders and does what he’s told.”
We both laugh. “I know he will be a great sailor,” I tell her. “And a great captain one day. He has it in him to be whatever he wants to be.” When I finish talking, I realize Dani’s looking at me in a funny way. “What?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “Nothing. I’m just happy for you. You seem to be really happy with where you are in life. I know you didn’t always feel that way.”
My eyes drop to the table as memories start to play in my head. Beginning with the accident and ending with the double date I had with Cruiser, Rey, and Melody. “It’s been a long journey, hasn’t it? With all the hurt I had from the accident and the pain I’ve been through with Cruiser, all the doubts I had…I feel like I’m a much stronger person than I was. That’s why I’m so sure Cruiser and I can have the Navy life. I know we can.”
She gnaws on her straw. “Are you sure?”
“Do you think we can’t?”
She shakes her head. “Not at all. I know how determined you can be. I just want you to make sure you can handle it and are not just trying to convince yourself. You need to be honest with yourself. If you feel you can’t, you need to tell Cruiser. Because if you don’t…”
“I know. I’ll ruin everything we have.”
She nods.
I play with my straw. “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. I know it’ll be really hard. I’ve been reading some forums where military spouses and parents talk about how hard it is. I admit that a lot of it scares me and makes me worried about the future of our relationship. But then I think about Cruiser and how his whole face lights up at the mention of the Navy. I imagine him dressed in his grandfather’s uniform. And I know deep in my heart that that’s where Cruiser belongs. It’s his destiny to be a sailor. Just like it’s my destiny to be a dancer. No matter where we are or what we’re doing, our hearts will always be in the same place.” I laugh sheepishly. “Okay, that was really sappy and lame.”