Chloe bit the inside of her cheek, trying to hide her nervousness as she wheeled her suitcase into the bright and airy living room, which let in a view of the restrained bustle of Greenwich Village.
Kai had been working. She had papers in a neat stack on the leather ottoman, a mug of tea sat near the papers, and her cell phone was discarded on the couch, where she must have been sitting when Chloe rang the doorbell. The apartment was warm, the heat making it seem like Atlanta in the middle of summer. Chloe shrugged off her jacket, and Kai quickly took it from her to put it on the coatrack by the door.
“I know it’s a bit of a surprise to see me here,” Chloe rattled off nervously, turning to Kai with a wide smile she was far from feeling. Her stomach jumped with her apprehension, but she was determined to see this through. “I had a couple of job interviews here and figured I’d come by your place while I’m in town.” She did have the interviews. Appointments she had arranged a few weeks prior but had moved up so she would have that as an excuse to see Kai in New York. “I hope you don’t mind.”
“I . . . I don’t mind. This is just a bit of a surprise, that’s all.” Kai ran a hand through her locks. “Does Noelle know you’re here?”
“I told her I had some job interviews, yes.”
Kai blew out a breath. “Okay.” Her gaze bounced around the perfectly neat apartment. “Excuse the mess.” She shoved her hands in the pockets of her pants, hovering across the room from Chloe. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“Red wine, if you have it.” It was barely two in the afternoon.
Kai hesitated for a moment before giving her a quick nod and heading toward the open French doors to the kitchen. Chloe bit her lip as she turned away, not quite believing she was doing this. After she had gotten Kai’s information from her mother, she’d made arrangements the next day to move up her two New York interviews. A couple of days later, she was on the flight, then in the office with the woman running the first studio. The interview had gone well. She felt she had impressed the woman enough with her skills and her knowledge of the industry, completely focused on being the best potential employee she could be. The second interview had gone just as well, if not better.
But once she left the interview, her mind had been focused completely on Kai.
So, here she was.
Kai’s apartment was a beautiful corner space with views of Greenwich Village. The wooden floors and white walls, decorated with original oil paintings of women, reminded her of Kai’s condo in Georgia. Most of the women in the paintings were posed seductively, but elegantly, showing only a hint of a breast or a suggestive look over a bare shoulder. Everything about the space was warm and inviting. She glanced down the hallways on either side of the living room. They had to lead to the bedrooms.
“Here you are.” Kai came back with a glass of wine. “Please sit.”
“I’d like to stand, if you don’t mind.” Chloe hated that they sounded so formal with each other, but she didn’t know how to change that.
“I don’t mind at all. As long as you don’t mind if I sit.” She dropped onto the couch, her thighs sprawled, her curled fingers tapping gently against her knee. Kai seemed uneasy, confused.
Chloe took a sip of her wine, her gaze flickering away from Kai’s sexy sprawl on the leaf-green couch. It was a full-bodied red, drier than what she’d normally choose for herself but still delicious. She licked droplets of wine from her lips before she turned to Kai.
“If it’s okay, can I stay here with you while I’m in the city?”
This time Kai’s pause was more obvious. There was a stillness to her body, though her fingers twitched on her thigh. Then she nodded slowly. “You can. The apartment is a bit on the small side, but you are welcome to everything here.” Kai glanced at her suitcase. “You can have my room, and I’ll sleep on the futon in my office.”
Chloe held the wineglass against her chest. “No, no. I don’t want to put you out.”
“You’re not. Just allow me to be a good host to my best friend’s baby girl.” Kai held up her hands. “I know. You’re no baby, but you know what I mean. In Noelle’s eyes, you will always be her baby.”
“What about in your eyes?”
She looked uneasy at the question. “Does it matter what my eyes see?”
“Yes.” Chloe crossed the room with the wineglass held carefully in her hands. “Yes, it does. Your opinion has always mattered to me, Kai.” She stopped in front of the couch, standing in the tight space between the coffee table and the other woman’s sprawled legs.
Kai held herself still for a long moment, saying nothing, simply watching Chloe’s face, her hands palms down on either side of her thighs.
“What’s going on here, Chloe?” she finally asked.
Chloe suddenly lost her nerve. She gulped down more wine and stepped away from Kai, feeling the other woman’s eyes on her the entire time. She thought she was ready to ask the important questions, to feel out what, if anything, Kai was feeling for her; but the other woman had gotten to the essential question before she was ready to broach it.
At the window, she looked down at the street, at the passing yellow cabs, at the people lining the sidewalks as they rushed toward their destinations. Chloe cleared her throat.
“It’s nothing.” She put the wineglass down on the windowsill. “It was a mistake to come here.” She turned and almost ran into Kai. She gasped and pulled back, hands flying up. She hadn’t heard her move. Her fingers brushed the wineglass, and it tumbled to the floor. Shattered.
“Shit!” Chloe exclaimed.
Wine rushed across the pale hardwood floor, creating a deep red stain.
“Be careful!” Kai said.
Although she was the one who was barefoot, Kai swept Chloe up in her arms and stepped quickly away from the broken glass and rapidly spreading stain. Kai’s arms were warm and firm around her, bringing her tight against a body that smelled of the familiar mixture of spices, a scent that made Chloe’s tongue ache to taste.
She clung to Kai’s neck, burying her face in the scented locks, holding on for dear life even as her insides throbbed with conflict. She didn’t want to want her. This wasn’t fair. Even though she had come all the way to New York to force the issue between her and Kai, she knew nothing good could come of it. Tears pricked her eyes.
All too soon, she felt Kai gently lowering her. Onto a bed, not onto the couch, as she had expected. Chloe drew back, tears falling.
“It’s fine, baby. It’s just a broken wineglass. Nothing important.” Kai sat on the bed beside her, smoothing her thumbs over Chloe’s cheeks.
“Fuck.” The tears came harder, rushing down her cheeks and, she just knew, ruining her makeup.
“It’s not the glass,” she cried, hands digging into Kai’s shoulders.
“Then what is it? Tell me,” Kai said. “You know you can talk to me about anything.”
Chloe abruptly pressed her lips to the other woman’s. Kai froze. Her entire body went stock-still against Chloe in the bed. It seemed that even her breathing stopped. Then her mouth softened under Chloe’s, and she kissed her back, hands curving around Chloe’s neck, stroking her skin with skilled fingertips. Chloe trembled at the caress, her body melting as it sang:
At last.
At last.
At last.
She whimpered with pleasure and slid her hands into Kai’s locks, pulling her closer. Then the other woman jerked back, her eyes wide with shock.
“What . . . what are you doing?”
“Shit!” Embarrassment flooded Chloe’s face. “Nothing. I’m sorry. This was such a bad idea.” She tried to scramble off the bed and go back to the living room, get her things, and leave.
But Kai held her captive on the bed, her hands firm on her shoulders. “Don’t move,” she said, eyes nearly black with emotion. “I need to clean up that glass.” She got off the bed, looking confused for a moment before she went to her closet and put on a pair of sandals. She was shaking her
head as she left the bedroom.
Chloe wiped at her cheeks with the palms of her hands. “What did you just do?” she asked herself furiously.
She sniffled, wiping at the tears, which refused to stop falling. She sat on Kai’s bed—Kai’s bed—with her stockinged legs stretched out across the burgundy and gold bedspread, her knee-high black boots stark against the soft sheets, and the already short skirt of her black dress riding up to her thighs.
Angry at herself, she slid off the bed and made her way to the bathroom. In the mirror, she was a mess. Mascara running, eyes red and swollen, lips chewed bare of color. Shit! No wonder she backed off when Chloe kissed her. Or was it because her best friend’s daughter had tried to make out with her? Shit!
She cleaned up her face as best she could, getting rid of all the makeup and just biting color into her lips. Then she left the bathroom to find Kai. She stopped in the threshold of the living room at the sight of Kai going into the kitchen with a dustpan and broom. The knees of her pants were stained red with wine. Chloe bit her lip and stepped back. It was not like Kai to be so careless. Not at all. She must really be discombobulated. Completely outside her element. She waited until the other woman came back from the kitchen. This time, Kai had a spray cleaner and a cloth in her hands.
“Kai. I’m so sorry about this.” She twisted her hands behind her back. “I didn’t mean to . . .” She couldn’t even say what she hadn’t meant to do. The evidence of her premeditation was there in the corner, her suitcase, and even in the outfit she’d changed into after she left her interview, low bodiced and tight, despite the New York chill.
Kai only glanced briefly at her before she crouched over the clean spot where Chloe had spilled the wine, and sprayed the cleaner, thoroughly wiping down the area with the cloth, although no hint of red appeared on the cloth. She stood up.
“We should talk,” Kai said.
Yes, they should. But Chloe didn’t want to. What she wanted to do was run away and pretend none of this had ever happened. Pretend that her feelings for this woman hadn’t been plaguing her for years and making her life one big avoidance. She took a breath.
“Okay.”
She waited until Kai put the cloth and cleaner back in the kitchen and sat on the couch before sitting beside her. Kai scooted back, putting more distance between them.
“Tell me what’s going on, Chloe.”
She felt chastised and didn’t like it. Immediately she went on the defensive. “You mean you don’t know? You kissed me too.”
Kai winced at her words, looking briefly ashamed. “I did, and I shouldn’t have.” She shook her head. “I could use my celibacy as an excuse, but there’s actually no excuse for what happened a few minutes ago.”
Chloe took a deep breath. “I’ve been in love with you since I was in high school, maybe even before.”
Kai jerked as if she’d been slapped. She closed her eyes tight. “Don’t say that. Please.”
Chloe crossed her arms over her chest. “Then what should I say? That you caught me in a moment of weakness and I was just horny?”
“Fuck!” Kai jumped up and prowled to the window farthest away from Chloe. She ran her hands through her locks, her back stiff and unyielding as she stared down into the street. “Noelle is going to kill me.”
“This isn’t about her.”
Kai turned around, her bright eyes haunted. “It damn well is. She’s my best friend. You . . . you came out of her body. You are young enough to be my daughter too.”
“But I’m not your daughter. I’m a woman, Kai. A woman who happens to want and love you very much.”
“No.” Kai shook her head, hair flying around her shoulders. “This can’t happen. It can’t.”
“It already did.” Chloe got up from the couch and started toward her.
“Stop!” Kai held out her hand. “Just stop right there.”
Used to obeying her commands, Chloe paused. Kai abruptly left for her bedroom. Moments later, she came back dressed in Timberland boots, jeans, and a thick sweater. At the door, she grabbed her jacket.
“I’m going out for a while.” She didn’t look at Chloe. “Make yourself at home and have whatever you need. I have my cell on me, but I’ll be back.”
Then she left without another word.
Chloe fell onto the couch. She squeezed her arms around her stomach, trying to quell its butterflies. But the more she thought of the look on Kai’s face as she left, the more regret burned at her and the faster the butterflies flew, until she felt like she had to throw up.
What am I doing here?
She didn’t know what else to do. She hadn’t thought beyond telling Kai her feelings. She hadn’t known how the other woman would react, but she had hoped for something more than this. More than her anger and the pain in those beloved eyes. Her stomach cramped, and a sob hiccuped from her lips.
Kai.
Chloe felt like she’d just killed something beautiful and precious. Nothing would ever be the same now. Kai hated her. Her mother would blame her, and rightly so, for trying to seduce her best friend, who hadn’t been with anyone in damn near two years. She cursed again. Then fumbled in her pocket for her cell phone.
Zahra picked up on the first ring. “How’d it go?”
“She hates me.” Then the tears came.
They flooded down her face as she told her friend everything that had happened. The devastated look on Kai’s face. Her anger. The way she hadn’t even wanted Chloe to come close to her.
“She thinks that I’m some sort of conscienceless nympho who doesn’t give a shit about family!” she cried. “I can’t believe I kissed her.”
It had been better when she had Kai’s unconditional love, when Kai saw her as just a little girl to spoil and indulge. Now she had nothing except the older woman’s contempt.
“Slow your roll, honey. You don’t know any of that.” Zahra made soothing noises through the phone. “Stop over-thinking these things. Maybe she just went out to get some cigarettes. You probably got her real hot and bothered when you laid that kiss on her.”
But Chloe wasn’t in the mood to laugh. She wanted to just cut her losses and leave the apartment. Pretend that she hadn’t said any of those things to Kai. Allow the other woman to get back to how her life was before Chloe confessed her dirty secret and tried to tongue her down in her own bed.
“I’m just going to leave,” she said finally.
“No, girl. What if she left without her key? Are you just going to leave her stranded outside her own place? That’s not cool.”
“Then what am I going to do?” She felt like an uncertain teenager again.
“Face things like a woman. If she doesn’t feel the same way, then clit up. Face the facts and move on. You’re not going to be in Atlanta for very much longer, anyway.” The sound of traffic came through the phone, like Zahra had stepped out onto the balcony of her office to talk. “You did a bold thing. It’s cool if it didn’t work out. A lot of us don’t bother to take those kinds of chances with our lives.”
“But I didn’t want it to turn out this way!” She went to the window where Kai had stood, and looked down onto the sunlit day. The brightness and the falling leaves mocked the way she felt, the agony and fear tearing her stomach to pieces.
“We don’t choose the way other people feel, girl. We can only take risks and hope they pay off.” Zahra sighed. “It’ll be okay. Just come home as soon as you can. I’ll make you a Hennessy and Coke, and you can cry all over my new Gucci suit.” She made another soothing sound. “It’ll be okay. It’s not the end of the world.”
Chloe sniffled and wiped the tears away with her fingers. “Okay.”
“Now, go wash your face and change into something more comfortable. I’m sure those fuck-me heels and that tight-ass outfit you have on aren’t the best to sleep in.”
Chloe looked down at her dress, which pushed her cleavage up to her neck, and the high-heeled boots, which seemed more suited for a horizontal positio
n. “You’re probably right about that.”
“Have some ice cream, or whatever it is you need to feel better. Then just apologize to her when she gets home. Tell her you made a mistake and ask her to forget about everything you said. Okay?”
Chloe winced at the thought of talking with Kai about the things she’d confessed. She dreaded facing her but knew she had to. Her mother didn’t raise a coward.
“Okay.” She pressed a palm to her hot cheek. “Thanks, Z.”
“Of course, girl. I got you. Don’t ever forget that.” The sound of a sliding-glass door opening or closing came through the phone. “And when you get back, I’ll hook you up with a fine-ass stud to fuck the shit out of you. After more nuts than you can count, you’ll be saying, ‘Kai who?’”
Chloe did laugh at that, a weak sound. “Thanks again for talking me down from the ledge.”
“Anytime.”
Chloe hung up the phone. Then she did what her friend had suggested, taking a shower and changing into her flannel pajamas. When she came out of the room and saw that Kai still hadn’t come back, she didn’t feel like eating anything, not even the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream in the freezer. Instead, she climbed into Kai’s bed and, exhausted by the weight of her own emotions, quickly fell asleep.
Chapter 6
Chloe woke up to the sound of quiet footsteps in the dark. Under the covers, she turned her head toward the doorway of the bedroom to see a tall feminine silhouette. She didn’t move. Only watched Kai come farther into the bedroom and sit on the bed, sinking into the mattress with her scented weight. She felt the torment in the other woman, her unease. Chloe turned to her.
“Kai—”
The other woman’s mouth quieted the rest of what she had to say. Chloe gasped at the feel of those warm lips and Kai’s cool cheeks, which had been exposed to the brisk fall wind outside. She tasted like alcohol, like something hot and potent. Whiskey.
One night years ago, her roommate had brought some absinthe from Amsterdam for Chloe to try. The drink had been potent and hot, a surprisingly bitter burn, and Stacia had insisted that Chloe have it with a honey chaser. The drink had slid hotly into her belly, settling in it like sparks that caused a thousand forest fires. Kai was like that now. She tasted of both the bitter and the sweet. The honey and the absinthe sliding together down Chloe’s throat, a heady concoction that made her open her mouth for more. More. More.
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