How oft do my thoughts in their fancy take flight
To the home of my childhood away
To the days when each patriot’s vision seemed bright
Ere I dreamed that those joys should decay
When my heart was as light as the wild winds that blow
Down the Mardyke through each elm tree
Where I sported and played ’neath the green leafy shade
On the Banks of my own lovely Lee
Ballyronan is in County Cork. Each county in Ireland has its own song. The Cork one is ‘The Banks of My Own Lovely Lee’. When the county team wins a big match everyone gets drunk and sings their county song. And other songs as well. We’ve a million songs. Most of them are about fighting off the English. Except the Dublin song, ‘Molly Malone’. That’s about a prostitute. They’d a red-light district in Dublin before red lights.
Dunno what the song of County Leitrim or County Louth is cos they’re shit at football. Maybe they’re good at chess or draughts or something and get drunk and sing their song after a big chess match. Or maybe they’re just shit at everything. Never heard of no one from Leitrim or Louth. I suppose they just don’t give a fuck. I’d say Leitrim was the easiest county of them all to get back off the English cos they were probably sorry to be stuck with it in the first place.
Anyhow. Sinéad told me stuff. She told me stuff she didn’t even tell James. Stuff I never told nobody cos she asked me not to. About when she was only small long ago.
But she calmed down anyhow watching the Lee like she learned something from the river just by looking at it. Cos the river didn’t give a fuck, far as we could see. The last little cry she had I didn’t know if it was for James gone away or for the troubled little girl she was long ago who inhaled some of a swimming pool instead of the air above it.
—You’d never let me down Charlie would you?
—No, I said. I would never do that, no.
We went upstairs in Merchant’s Quay shopping centre and had some coffee and scones in the café up there. She went up to the till and paid before we even got the second cup off the girl. Felt strange. I always had money cos I’d be doing jobs. But now she had money too. I kinda didn’t like it. Thought of her being a woman with a handbag. Saw her mother in her for the first time in my life. Wasn’t the Sinéad my dreams were made of and I hoped it wasn’t becoming hers. We sat across from each other over at the window. I was looking south down along Patrick Street, she was looking north across the river. Up over the hill of the northside where the sky was clear and blue and stretched up towards Dublin and beyond. James’ sky now isn’t it?
—You’d never lie to me Charlie would you?
—No, I said.
—Do you think he’ll forget about me?
—What do you mean?
—Do you think he could find someone else?
—No.
She bit her nails and stared at the few bubbles still whirling slowly in her coffee.
—Sometimes . . . it’s like. I dunno.
—He’d never, I said. He’d never.
—Ah no, I don’t . . . think like. It’s just . . .
—Yeah.
We spoke about what it would be like in Dublin then, when she did get to join him. I said she could still go up before too long and just work somewhere until her course started again the following October. She said,
—Yeah . . . yeah.
But I was starting to see she was starting to doubt it would happen. The doubt was in her voice and in her eyes. I pressed on.
—Ye could get a gig in the Ruby Sessions.
—Yeah.
—Go to it some night first though. Meant to be like, intimate like.
—Yeah.
—And like in the college as well. Music like, there’ll be loads going on for ye.
But she wasn’t listening to me any more.
—Yeah, she said. Yeah.
—What time are you working tonight?
—Eight. Eight to close.
Her eyes welled. I wanted to say something good like James would but I just said,
—He’ll be up around Limerick Junction now I suppose, or even further up maybe.
—Yeah, she said.
—Have you done anything since on that song?
‘Faraway’ was the name of the song.
—No. I think it might be kinda crap, she said.
It was.
—Still. Some of your lyrics were nice, I said.
—Thanks. I think James kind of likes it.
—He likes them all when they’re new. Does be thinking too much about them. Keys and chord sequences. Only hears the melody when he’s the thing learned.
She laughed and said,
—Yeah that’s true. Gets all caught up in the mechanics of it.
She laughed again and said,
—He’s just afraid that he’ll forget it.
—Yeah I said. When he’s the keys worked out he has a map to go back to. Some trail back to the tune.
—Yeah. Could you forget a melody?
—No, I said. Could you?
—No. Not a good one anyway.
She laughed again and said,
—He wouldn’t have room in that head of his. My brain is a fat lump of a couch potato in comparison to his. Sometimes I think his mind is like a miracle. That it can do all the stuff it does like. Like sometimes I just can’t believe he can do all the ordinary stuff like dressing himself and being able to write when there’s so much other stuff going on like the football and the music and the studying and the plans for us and everything. He can do so much like, can’t he? He’s a miracle. Isn’t he though?
—Yeah, I said.
—Like . . . sometimes I wonder like . . . and I know I’m terrified of it like but . . . if he did lose interest in me and found someone else . . . I’d still be like . . . I’d be heartbroken but I’d still have to be happy with God just for having him in my life for the time I did.
—Sinéad.
—I know. He loves me, I know, I’m just saying, that’s all.
—Your gift is a million times rarer, I said.
She looked at me and there was a moment when our eyes met that had never happened before. Then she looked at me in some kind of disbelief. Hint of disgust even.
—I must go to the loo, she said, already on her way.
Things were a bit funny then for a while when she came back and I thought she was gonna ask to go away by herself.
—What I said was the truth, I said. Your gift is a million times rarer than his. Your voice. Your melodies. He knows that himself. I said I’d never let you down. I’d never let him down either, I said.
—I know, Jeez I know Charlie, she said as if I was making a mountain out of a blah.
I was still glad I said it though.
—You’re the best friend we’ve ever had Charlie.
—Yeah.
When we got out of the bus we both knew that we were kind of saying goodbye in a bigger way than usual. That I couldn’t be hanging around with her without James there too cos it would look strange cos we weren’t kids any more and even if I was a gamal, gamals become men too isn’t it? Only place I’d see her now when James wasn’t around was in Roundy’s, same as everybody else. I watched her for a few secs when she was walking home to the council houses. Handbag on her shoulder. New high-heel boots on her. Small quick unsteady steps. Comical kind of. Didn’t find it one bit funny though. Looked like someone else to me.
Anyhow. Sinéad drew a crowd to Roundy’s.
Roundy was in well with Teesh and the lads on account of him being one of them. He was much younger than Snoozie’s father. I suppose he was about forty.
—He was some boyo in his day boy! the lackeys would say about Roundy.
—Remember the time he took the young one upstairs after closing hours one night and told us to watch the upstairs window from across the road.
—Oh Jesus Christ yeah.
—The light came on
boy and next thing we see your one’s bare ass on up on the windowsill and the bould Roundy giving her a service.
—He wasn’t married then was he?
—Ah Jaisis no. Christ he only about twenty-five that time.
—Didn’t stop him in The Groove one night though and she standing right beside him.
—Oh Christ yeah, I heard about that.
—One hand around the wife-to-be and she blind stocious and the other hand down another girl’s pants that he was talking to.
—Jesus Christ ha?
—Oh unbelievable in his day, that fella. Don’t say a word about that to anyone now, that’s all a million years ago.
—’Course, sure who would I be talking to?
—Oh he’s some beaut all right.
—Legend surely. The gamal won’t be talking, will he? Did he hear ya?
—And who would the gamal be talking to? Is it joking me you are? The lights are on but there’s nobody at home. Isn’t that right Gamal?
—Ha?
—That’s right.
—Ha?
—Nothing Charlie.
—Ha?
—Nothing strange Charlie?
—Ha? Not a bit. ’Tis wild windy out.
—Wild windy is right Charlie, good man you are.
Roundy still organised bus trips for the fellas who drank in his pub. Mostly the bachelors and the too young to be married. The bachelors loved him.
—Oh some pup he was.
—Pure laugh.
—Legend.
Roundy took all the midweek trade in the village now from The Snug. In Ballyronan the midweek trade was all men. Men who didn’t want a wife or didn’t like the one they had. They sat and hissed, something of the kicked cat about them isn’t it?
15
After James’ first week in Dublin the plan was that his father would give Sinéad a lift to the train station in Cork on Friday so that she could go up to James for the weekend. Between the jigs and the reels she couldn’t go. Her father was after hitting the bottle hard and was vomiting mad on account of the cancer and her mother was working on the Saturday and was going to a hen party in Kilkenny on the Saturday night. James understood. James came down instead. He called over to her house Friday night. Sinéad’s father answered the door.
—She’s not here.
—What?
—She’s not here. I don’t know where she is but she’s not here anyhow.
Her father was drunk. The eyes were bloodshot in his head and he didn’t have nothing to say to his daughter’s boyfriend. He went back in and closed the door in his face. James called to my house. He had tears in his eyes telling how Sinéad’s father was to him at her house.
—Where is she?
—Dunno.
—She said she’d be there like. To call. Do you think he was lying?
—Dunno.
—He wouldn’t be after hurting her would he?
—No. Dunno. No.
—Charlie will you do me a favour?
—Yeah. I will.
—Come down with me and call to see if Sinéad is there.
—Yeah.
—I’ll wait around the corner. Just in case she’s there. See what he says to you anyway.
He opened the door to me eventually.
—Hello.
—What?
—Hello. Is Sinéad there?
—Who wants to know?
—Ha?
—Ha? Ha!
He closed the door in my face. I waited a few seconds and knocked again.
—Have you some kind of a problem have you? She’s not here and if she was she’d be having fuck-all to do with the like of you anyhow you fucking simpleton. Fuck off and leave my daughter alone.
He slammed the door shut. Then it opened again.
—And tell Prince William to do the same, if he knows what’s good for him, ye two stupid cunts. He shut the door again.
—Take no notice of him, he’s only drunk Charlie. I’m going to have a word with him now.
I grabbed James by the arm to stop him. We headed back up to my house. James’ father was after ringing my house. Sinéad was after ringing the castle. She was in Roundy’s, my mother said. James was relieved first and uneasy second.
—Cool. She’s probably just having a drink with Racey and co.
—Yeah.
—You coming down Charlie?
—Yeah.
When we went in Sinéad was behind the bar. Teesh and Snoozie were sitting at the bar. Teesh goes,
—Oho, look here. A knight in shining armour coming to rescue a damsel in distress.
That got a few laughs. Then Teesh again goes,
—And James is with him.
That got more laughs, and a few of them looked over at me and shook their heads. Then Teesh goes to James,
—The wanderer returns. How are you kid?
He stuck out his hand for James to shake. James obliged.
—So how’s the big smoke treating you?
James was looking with a kind smile at Sinéad as he spoke,
—Grand. It’ll take a bit of getting used to but I’d say I’ll like it. Any sca here?
—Yera same shit different day, you know yourself, I was only saying to Sinéad there before you came in that . . .
Teesh found himself talking to the air that took James’ place cos James was after going over to Sinéad’s embrace. She closed her eyes and squeezed him tight. Teesh nodded and smirked to himself in his stupid silence like he knew something no one else did. He took a long draught of his pint, squinting his eyes to two slits that looked up to the ceiling for clues.
—I missed you so much, Sinéad said. So so so much.
—Me too.
—Two more when you’re ready Sinéad, Teesh said.
—Yera keep the knickers on there Teesh, Sinéad said back, and the lads laughed.
Teesh smiled and shook his head and finished his pint, having another look at the ceiling with his eyes near closed again.
—I better let you give the lads their medicine. Will you pull me a pint too babe and a Lucozade for Charlie please.
—Lucozade Charlie?
—Yeah.
—I’m here ’til closing. Roundy rang the house and Dad answered and said I’d work. Something came up and Roundy had to go to Newport with Eileen.
—Not to worry. Do you still have to work tomorrow night?
—Yeah. Roundy and Eileen have a wedding up the country.
—Not to worry, James said.
He was worried. He put a fiver on the counter for the drinks, sat on a bar stool and massaged his forehead with his eyes closed. He pulled another stool to the bar between himself and Teesh and motioned me to sit down. Sinéad was looking at him the whole time. She could see he was uneasy. She was uneasy too.
I went talking the greatest gibberish you ever heard then about my new job with the landscape gardener to let Sinéad and James have a chance to catch up.
—Any news anyhow Teesh?
He didn’t answer me so I went on.
—I’m after getting a job for a few weeks with Jim Murphy from the Four Crosses.
—The landscape gardener is it? Snoozie asked.
—Yeah. Fierce equipment altogether. Fierce equipment. I was in charge of the shredder. Throw sticks and branches into it and it comes out the other end in bits and pieces. Do the same to your hand if you’re not careful. Hand would be in bits and pieces. That’s what Jim said to me. Bits and pieces. And where would you be then? Up in the hospital and I wouldn’t have no time to take you to the hospital cos this job has to be done today. Whether your arms are in the shredder or not. Ha? Gas man Jim, ha? What do you think of that Teesh?
—Fascinating. Would your head fit in it?
—’Twould.
—Fuck sake Teesh, Snoozie said.
—Doing well for himself now boy, Jim is, Teesh said.
—Heard that all right, said one of the old fellas.
—Got
the gardens of the four Fitsimmons hotels he was telling me. And fuck all to do, only a bit of weeding and trimming shrubs.
—Is that a fact?
—’Tis yeah, cushy number. Fucking thousands he’s getting for it. Cute fucking whore him, ha?
—Cleverest cunt of ’em all. Did you see the house he’s building?
—No. Nice?
—Six bedrooms. Two en suite.
—Jaysus, up in the home place?
—Yeah. The lower field.
—What did he put it down in that hole for?
—I’d say herself don’t want to be too close to that mother of his.
—Who’d blame her for that?
—No sane man, that’s who.
They went on talking then about some brother of Jim’s wife who went to the States long ago. James and Sinéad were able to talk away themselves with Sinéad going over to pull pints every now and again.
—Couldn’t really say no, seeing as I’m only here a week.
—I know babe. Do you think you’ll hang on here for a while or will you look for something else?
—Dunno. There’s isn’t a whole lot around like, you know?
—Yeah . . . God I wish you were with me.
—Me too. Every minute of every day.
They kissed for a bit.
—It feels so wrong being away from you. I’m so so lonesome.
—I know. I know, I’m the same, James said.
She suddenly turned her back on James and walked into the back room to wipe away her tears. Teesh was getting stuck in Snoozie about some soccer player.
—I still make off he was a more intelligent player than Cantona.
—You brainless cunt! You’ve just confirmed how stupid you are.
The Gamal Page 18