by L A Cotton
“Sensed your torment…”
“Yeah.” Rafe dipped his head, brushing his lips over mine. “I was thinking about the future, about us. Thinking about how I don’t know if I’m ready to share you with the world.” His mouth curved. “A world tour, Starshine. Are you ready for that?”
“With you by my side, I’m ready for anythin’.”
“God, I love you.” Rafe kissed me again. But I still wanted to know one thing.
“So, what happened then, with you and Levi?”
“We talked a little, and then he asked me to sing with him. I think that’s his way of saying we’re going to be okay.” Relief washed over his expression as he tightened his arms around me.
“Of course you’re goin’ to be okay.” I hugged him back. “You’re brothers, Rafe. Family. That doesn’t just go away.”
“I’m so fucking relieved.” Rafe buried his face into the crook of my neck, kissing the soft skin there. “I thought… I thought I’d lost him. I thought—” His voice cracked.
“Ssh.” I tightened my hold on him. “It’s goin’ to be okay. Everythin’s goin’ to be okay.”
He lifted his face to mine, kissing me tenderly. “I know it is, because I’ve finally realized something.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“I’m not alone anymore, I have you.”
“You do, you know. Have me.”
“I was so fucking worried about hurting him, about making an impossible choice between you and my brother, but I realize now, I can have both. You’re my person, Starshine. You’ll pick me up when I fall and hold me when things get too much.”
“I will.” My smile grew, his words taking root deep in my soul. “And know what else? I’ll help you pick Levi up when he falls, and I’ll hold him with you when things get too much. I am your person, Rafe, and together we can be Levi’s people. Although,”—my eyes slid to where Levi and Phoebe were talking—“I’m not sure he’s goin’ to need us much longer.”
Rafe trailed his fingers up the side of my neck, drawing my face to his. “If my brother finds someone to love him even half as much as you love me, he’ll be a lucky guy.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck, closing the distance between us and letting my lips hover over his. “You’re right,” I whispered against his mouth. “He will.”
Rafe’s laughter vibrated between us. Pure unadulterated laughter. “I’m never going to let you go, I hope you know that. Wherever this crazy ride takes us, whatever happens with the band, I need you, Eva. I want you, always.”
“It’s good thing I have no plan on leavin’ you then.”
“What’s going on?” Hudson strolled up to us, pushing his face into ours.
“Just making sure Eva is clear that she can never leave.”
“Damn right, she can’t.”
“Can’t what?” Damon appeared, a goofy smile plastered on his face. I frowned.
“Are you drunk?”
“It’s my birthday, getting wasted is the number one rule of birthdays. What’s all this?” He motioned to the three of us.
“I was just telling Eva she can never leave us.” Hudson puffed out his chest.
“You were telling me?” I smirked. “What happened to me being, ‘the worst thing ever to happen to the band’?” My brow rose sardonically.
Guilt flashed in his eyes. “I was hurting. I say dumb shit when I’m upset.”
“It’s true.” Levi barged into our crude circle. “Although you say a lot of dumb shit when you’re not upset too.”
“Fuck you, man.”
“What’s happening?” Levi asked Rafe.
“We were just discussing Eva never leaving the band.”
“Fuck no, she can’t leave. Who’s going to keep us all from killing each other?”
“So, it’s decided then.” Hudson thrust his bottle forward. “Eva’s staying.”
“Guys, I never said I was leavin’.”
“True, she didn’t.” Damon swayed on his feet. “But even if you wanted to, we wouldn’t let you.”
“Okay, birthday boy.” I snagged the drink off him. “No more liquor for you.”
“But it’s my party.” He lunged for me, but Levi and Hudson caught him, just before he went down, their howls of laughter like music to my ears.
“I think the party’s almost over,” I said.
“Oh, hell no, the power is already going to her head.” Hudson rolled his eyes.
“Keeping talkin’, Ryker and I’ll have security remove you.”
“Good luck with that, man.” He gave Rafe a knowing look.
“Like Molly hasn’t got you tied up in—”
We all fell silent as my best friend approached. “Why are you all lookin’ at me like that?”
“We’ll let you handle this one, bro.” Levi clapped Hudson on the back before dragging Damon away.
“I, uh…” Hudson looked at us for help, but I pressed my lips together, fighting a smirk.
“We’ll leave you two to… talk.” Rafe grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the bedroom.
“Rafe,” I giggled. “We can’t just leave. The party is still—”
“Party’s over,” he yelled. “See yourselves out.”
This time I didn’t protest.
Because the truth was, I needed Rafe the way he needed me.
Unequivocally.
Unconditionally.
Always.
Rafe
* * *
I relished times like this. The quiet. The stillness. The beautiful angel sprawled out beside me, the sheet gathered around her body, giving me a hint of what lay underneath. Rolling onto my side, I slid my hand over the curve of Eva’s hip, taking my time to trace the lines of her body.
After I’d announced the party was over, and dragged her back to our room, I’d loved her until the early hours of the morning. But it wasn’t enough.
It would never be enough.
I knew a therapist would probably tell me my attachment to Eva was unhealthy. And there had been a time or two, where I’d questioned it myself. But that was before last night.
Before I realized that I wasn’t alone.
Eva was here. She’d been here for a while now. But I was so consumed with guilt, with trying to find a way to protect everyone, to keep the band—my family—together while allowing myself to love Eva, I’d failed to see the truth.
Eva was all in.
She wasn’t going to run again when things got too tough, and she wasn’t going to make me choose. Because there wasn’t a choice.
Levi was my brother, my family.
And Eva... well, she was my whole fucking world.
The two weren’t mutually exclusive, our family was just growing.
“I can feelin’ you watchin’ me, you know.” Eva peeked over at me.
“Can you feel me do this?” I let my hand drift down her stomach and between her legs.
“Mmm,” it was a soft moan. “Good mornin’.”
Leaning in, I captured Eva’s lips, tasting her as I pressed a finger inside her. Her body quivered. “That feels...” She swallowed another moan as I added a second finger, curling them deep inside her.
Eva grasped the sheets, lifting her hips and riding my hand. She looked so fucking good like this. “Rafe, don’t stop...”
“Never.” I kissed the corner of her mouth, licking and nipping at her lips. Dragging my thumb across her clit, I kept my rhythm slow and steady, watching as she began to unravel around me.
“God, it’s...” Eva gasped, her legs trembling, fighting against my touch.
“Let go, Starshine,” I murmured against her lips. “Just let go.”
“Rafe,” Eva cried out, burying her face into my neck.
Waking up like this, being able to touch her this way, to make her lose control, it would never grow old.
“Good morning.” I cupped the back of her head, gently coaxing her face to mine.
“That was... you know exactly how to play my body.�
�
I brushed my lips over the shell of her ear. “I’m not ranked one of the best breakout guitar players of the decade for nothing.”
“I guess I should count myself lucky then.”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong, Starshine. I’m the lucky one.”
“I don’t think it’s possible to love you any more than I already do... and then you go and land a line like that.”
A loud knock on the door shattered our bubble. “Rise and shine, fuckers,” Hudson yelled. “Breakfast is served.”
“Do you think he and Molly...?”
“Do I really need to answer that question?” My brow rose. Hudson talked a good talk, but one look at Molly in her tight-fitting sweater dress last night and he’d been chomping at the bit.
“I would bet my Zemaitis on it.”
Eva sat up. “You wouldn’t bet the Zemaitis. You love that thing more than life.”
“I’ve had a little talk with her and let her know there’s a new lady in my life.”
“If you ever want to get out of this bed, you really should stop bein’ so swoony.”
“You’re totally right.” I clambered out. “I wouldn’t want to give the guys the wrong impression.” Grabbing my jeans, I pulled them on. Pausing when I reached the door, I said, “You might want to take a cold shower and keep your hands to yourself today.”
Eva’s brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“You’re not the only one pulling surprises.”
“Rafe, what did you do?”
“Well I figured since we’re in Louisville...”
“Yes?”
“And Kentucky is only a stone’s throw from Tennessee...”
“They’re comin’?” Her whole face lit up as she leaped off the end of the bed and ran at me. I caught her, the two of us crashing against the wall. “But how? I spoke to my dad and he told me they were goin’ to wait for the Nashville show.”
“They were. But I knew Alistair was probably going to bring up the world tour and I knew we’d be celebrating, and they’re your parents, they should be here.”
“Thank you.” She planted a big kiss on my lips. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. But wait...” The color drained from her face. “They’re comin’ here, now?”
“And this is exactly why I didn’t tell you yesterday. I knew you’d spend the day worrying.”
Eva curled her fingers in the hair at the nape of my neck, staring into my eyes. “Have I told you lately how much I love you?”
“Maybe you should say it again.” I fixed my mouth over hers and whispered, “Just to be sure.”
Mr. and Mrs. Walker had looked like fish out of water, waiting backstage for the show to start. But the second Eva strummed her guitar, they were both spellbound.
“She’s really something; you should both be very proud.”
“I can’t believe that’s my baby.” Eva’s mom clutched my arm as we watched her daughter sing one of her original tracks. “Look at her, Gavin, just look.”
“I never thought we’d get to see this day.” His voice shook.
“She has a bright future ahead of her.” Alistair breezed up beside us.
After Eva’s parents had joined us for breakfast, Alistair had arranged for them to have a tour of the city. Molly tagged along, while the rest of us hung out at the hotel. They’d asked me to go but I'd declined, wanting Eva to have space to discuss the future with the people closest to her. She was an adult now. She didn’t need their permission to come on tour with us, but I knew she’d want their blessing.
Of course, she'd got it.
“Mr. Portman, thank you, for everythin’, truly.” Gavin grabbed his hand, shaking it.
“You can be rest assured, we’ll all take good care of her.” Their eyes all found me.
“Rafe’s still got a little way to prove himself yet, Mr. Portman.” Gavin smothered a grin.
But I wasn’t worried.
After what I planned later, there was no way they could doubt my intentions where Eva was concerned.
I only hoped she liked it.
Eva ended her set and the whole place went wild, the noise deafening. “Listen to that, Jesse,” Mr. Portman hugged his wife, “that’s all for our sweet girl.”
Eva bounded off stage, her smile so wide it had to hurt. “I don’t think I’ll ever tire of hearin’ that.”
Her parents swamped her, the three of them crying and hugging. The lump in my throat doubled.
“Hey, you good?” Levi clapped me on the back. “Are they okay?” His expression turned hard as he watched Eva with her parents.
“I think it just hit them, you know?” I lifted my eyes to his.
“Yeah, I know. Listen, I’ve been meaning to ask you... are we good?”
“We’re good.”
His whole demeanor changed, as if a weight had been lifted. And I knew I was probably reflecting the same expression back at him.
“Are you ready for this?” he asked me.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Let’s do it then.”
“Give me a second.” I cut past him, hovering near Eva and her parents. Mrs. Walker noticed me first, her smile full of so much acceptance I felt a little winded.
Eva glanced back, beaming at me. “Hi.” We both moved, gravitating like magnets. I reached for her, pulling her into my arms.
“Before I go out there, I just want you to know one thing.” Her parents backed off, giving us some space, but I felt Gavin’s sharp gaze drilling holes in the side of my face.
“One day, in the future, I’m going to make you mine in every way possible. But until then, I hope you know that I love you with all that I am, and I hope it’s enough, Starshine. I hope I’m enough.” Pressing a quick kiss to her lips, I left her standing there, rosy-cheeked and breathless, and wondering what the hell I was up to.
* * *
Eva
* * *
My mom and dad were glued to my side as we watched the guys do their thing. I hadn’t expected my parents to enjoy it so much, but both of them were tapping their feet and nodding their heads.
“Ooh, I like this one,” Mom yelled over the heavy beat.
I rose a brow at Dad, and he chuckled. “She made a point of downloadin’ their album.” My eyes widened, and his chuckle turned into full on laughter. “She’s become quite the fan.”
“There’s somethin’ super sexy about them, don’t you think, Gavin?”
“Okay, Mom. That’s enough wine for you.” I peeled the cup out of her hand and passed it off to a roadie.
“You should break out your old guitars, Gavin, and serenade me.”
“Oh, dear lord,” I mumbled under my breath.
Having my parents show up at the suite this morning, after I’d spent the night tangled in the sheets with my rock star boyfriend, was mortifying enough, but watching my mom lust after my rock star boyfriend and his bandmates was a whole other level.
“Behave, Jesse. You’re embarrassin’ Eva.” He switched sides with me, wrapping his arm around Mom.
“Okay, Louisville, we’re going to switch things up a little. This is where I’d usually bring Eva back out on stage and create a little magic. But tonight, my brother Rafe...” Twenty-thousand screams filled the arena. “He wanted to let you in on a little secret.”
My heart sped up.
No one had told me about this.
Letty, Molly, and Phoebe appeared, surrounding me as if they thought I might pass out at any second.
“What is goin’ on?” I asked.
“You’re guess is as good as mine.” Letty shrugged.
A couple of roadies ran on stage, moving around some of the equipment.
“Give it up for my little brother, Rafe, everyone.”
“Oh my god,” I breathed, reaching out for something to steady me.
“We’ve got you, babe,” Molly said, wrapping her arm around me.
“Good evening, Louisville. You’re looking pretty fine
tonight,” Rafe was a natural on the mic. He sat on a high stool, one foot on the floor, an acoustic guitar cradled in his hands. “Some of you might know this isn’t my usual style. I let my brother have the spotlight because no one I know does it better than him. But you see, there’s this girl...”
Blood roared in my ears as I tried to process what was happening.
“Evangeline Star Walker is one of the best people I know, and I don’t know what I ever did to deserve her, but she’s mine.”
“Oh, sweet baby Jesus,” Molly shrieked. “He wrote you a song.”
Rafe cleared his throat. “People always say actions speak louder than words, but I didn’t want to take any chances.” His eyes flicked to mine. “Starshine, this one’s for you.”
* * *
She’s just a lost girl, drowning in space.
Nowhere to run, nowhere to go.
All she needs is an anchor, someone to reach out and pull.
Take my hand, I’ll be the one,
* * *
You saved me, but now it’s my turn
To lift you up whenever you fall
Together we’re stronger, I’m not letting go
Just give me your hand, and let me show you
* * *
I’ll be your anchor, let me be your anchor.
* * *
She’s just a lost girl, fighting through the dark.
Nowhere to run, nowhere to go.
All she needs is an anchor, someone to reach out and pull
* * *
I’ll be your anchor, let me be your anchor.
* * *
I had no words.
None.
Rafe’s song was so pure and honest, our love story woven into every lyric, every carefully thought out note.
“Wow, I think my ovaries just exploded.” Phoebe smiled.
“Gosh, sweetheart.” My parents made a beeline for me. “We knew that boy loved you, but we didn’t realize it was quite so serious.” She swiped away the tears staining her cheeks.