Without taking a drink, I drop onto a barstool and cradle the can in both my hands. “Isabella.”
She sighs. “I can’t help thinking you’re making a mistake with her.”
I rub the heels of my hands over my eyes. “You’re wrong, Mom.” I should have suspected she felt this way. I’m beginning to realize Isabella would have picked up on this.
“The first time I talked to Isa, Mom, I felt things I hadn’t felt since I was seventeen.” She eyes me even more skeptically than before, chastising without saying a word.
“Yes that, but you want to know what else I felt when I talked to her?” Mom shakes her head. “Hope, Mom. If you can believe that. I started to believe I just might be able to be happy again.”
Her gaze softens a little at this.
“Everybody else was inside the hotel bar drinking and dancing. Everyone except for Isabella,” I can’t help remembering that night. “When I saw her wading barefoot on the beach, nothing could have stopped me from going to her, getting to know her. And you want to know what she said to me?”
My mom’s brows rise.
“She said ‘what took you so long?’”
“What do you mean?” Except inside I know exactly what she means. This moment. It’s like both of us have waited for it our entire lives.
She jerks her head toward the hotel bar. “The bar’s not really your scene.” But she’s smiling. I’m mesmerized by the moonlight shining in her hair. Her dress is short, revealing long, toned legs and more than a hint of thigh. Gentle waves lap at her ankles and calves.
“What makes you say that?”
She shrugs. “You looked a little trapped. I figured you’d find your way out here eventually.”
Our gazes lock. Ever since being introduced earlier today, I’ve kept her in my sights. And I’ve been in hers.
“Where are you from, Tucker James?” She skims her toes along the surface of the water.
“Colorado.” I slip my feet out of my own shoes and roll up the bottoms of my trousers. I already know she’s from San Francisco. She’s the maid of honor at our friend’s wedding. I’ve made a few inquiries. She’s a successful author.
She’s not married or in a serious relationship. I join her in the water and her eyes sparkle with mischief as she wades farther from the sandy beach. The water doesn’t get much deeper. It’s warm, like a bath.
“What’s in Colorado?” she asks.
I follow her, not caring that the bottoms of my pants are getting wet. “My sons. My family. A ranch that’s been there longer than all of us combined.”
“I’m sorry about your wife.”
She’s obviously asked about me too. I suppose that’s the sort of thing friends share about you. I’m a widower.
“Thank you.” I don’t want to talk about Lenora. I’m within a few feet of Isabella.
And then…
“She tackled me.” I laugh at the memory. “Said I needed to get wet.”
My mom’s chuckling now too.
“Mom, I need your help. I need her to be happy here. Not just with me. Not even just with the boys. But she needs to feel like one of us. She’s never been part of a big family. It’s always just been Isa and her mom. She’s trying, Mom, but nobody’s making it easy for her.”
“Except your grandmother,” she acknowledges.
“Except Grandma.”
“Cassidy–”
“Is a problem.” I don’t even allow her to complete her thought.
“But Jessamine–”
“If Jess wants to see her, they’ll have to meet up somewhere else. I can’t have Cassidy undermining my wife at every turn.”
“She loves you.”
“Mom.” I rub the back of my neck. “She can’t stay. I feel bad about disappointing her, but it’s just not gonna work. She wants more than I ever would have imagined. I need her to leave. I just don’t know how to tell her.”
“That is a problem.” My mom takes a swig of her beer. “You need to be more careful in the future. Who you allow into L.T. and Leeland’s lives. I imagine she thought the two of you had a future together.”
I nod in agreement. “I had no idea.”
“Well, Tuck.” My mom pats my hands. “It’ll break her heart, but you can’t allow her to stay on thinking things will work themselves out.”
“I hate this.” Why hadn’t I considered all of this before Isa got here?
“You’ve never been one to wear your feelings on your sleeve, Tuck honey. But you’re gonna have to tell Jessamine how you feel. Your brothers and sister only want you to be happy. They think they’re protecting you. Do you think they don’t know how much you been hurting these past few years?” Mom takes a swig of her beer. “Not knowing anything about Isabella hasn’t helped matters.”
“I’ll talk to them tomorrow.” After I apologize again to Isa.
“It’ll take some work but they love you. Once they know how you feel, they’ll start coming around.”
“And Cassidy?”
Mom frowns. “As much help as Cassidy has been, If I were Isabella, I wouldn’t want her around. She’s been angling for you since Lenora’s passing.” She pats my hand again. “I’ll talk to Jessamine tomorrow. She’ll just have to understand.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Isabella
Levi drops me off. He’s heading to a friend’s tonight. He winks at me.
After Cassidy took off without me earlier, I was tempted to hide out in Tucker’s room and pout. Literally, I easily could have stayed in bed with my laptop. I’m a writer. Writers do that sometimes.
But then Levi showed up, and I decided not to let Cassidy’s behavior ruin my day. In San Francisco, I get over the blahs with a good shopping trip.
Tucker’s youngest brother said he’d be happy to take me to a nearby town. I really need some good boots.
Apparently, a town called Buena Vista’s is only about twenty-five minutes away. Plenty of stores. Levi had some errands to run, so it worked out for both of us.
When we finally get back, I see Tucker’s truck first thing. But I want to surprise him. I want to change into my new outfit. Levi tells me to slip around through the back door. He says there’s a staircase I can use to sneak upstairs and change.
I bought me a pair of boots. And a hat. I’m excited to see Tucker’s eyes when he sees me in them. He never fails to make me feel sexy.
I’m looking forward to another night in his bed.
So many nights. I’m the luckiest girl alive. I’m Tucker James’ girl.
As quiet as can be, I slip through the back, climb upstairs to our room and unpack my purchases.
Boots. Tight jeans. Fitted button up shirt. I fluff my hair and put on my sexy new hat.
And bright red lipstick. Because even cowgirls need a little color.
Oh, my God. He’s gonna love this. One last glimpse in the mirror, and then I head downstairs. As I descend the main staircase, voices float upstairs.
By their tone, it sounds like Tucker’s having a heart to heart with his mom. I don’t want to interrupt them, but I hate to eavesdrop. Halted with indecision, I pause on the bottom step.
“She loves you.” Maggie’s voice sounds regretful.
“Mom.” I feel the tension in Tucker’s voice all the way in here. “She can’t stay. I feel bad about disappointing her, but it’s just not gonna work. She wants more than I ever would have imagined. I need her to leave. I just don’t know how to tell her.”
My heart.
Stops.
Beating.
“That is a problem.”
I can hardly breathe. How have I been so wrong?
“You need to be more careful in the future. Who you allow into L.T. and Leeland’s lives. I imagine she thought the two of you had a future together.”
But he asked me here. We’d planned it together. All those conversations. All those texts.
Last night.
His touch.
My heart beats so loudly i
n my own ears that I miss Tucker’s response.
I don’t know where to go. I’m trapped. What’s happening? Am I that naïve?
“Well, Tuck.” His mom sounds resigned. “It’ll break her heart, but you can’t allow her to stay on thinking things will work themselves out.”
“I hate this.” I hear anguish in his voice. He hates that he has to break things off with me?
Oh, my God. He doesn’t want me here. That’s why he didn’t want me to go with him this morning. He realized he doesn’t love me. I can’t breathe. I don’t want to breathe.
I can’t sit here and listen anymore.
I spin on my heel and run right into Jessamine.
The pity on her face is like a second punch to the gut. I see no spite in her face. This woman has shown me nothing but antagonism since the day I arrived, and her sympathetic expression only serves to make the words I just overheard all too real.
She winces. “Shit.” And then she shakes her head.
“I need to go…” I don’t know where I need to go. But I can’t bear to see Tucker’s face right now.
He wants to send me away.
He doesn’t love me.
None of this is real for him.
I push past Jessamine, but she follows me right into Tucker’s room. I’m barely aware of her company. In fact, I don’t see anything but memories streaming through my mind. Memories of the seven nights in St. Thomas.
And here on his ranch.
He made love to me. Why? Was that all this was to him? Physical?
Shadows loom everywhere. How could I have been so wrong?
I’ve been so sure of his love.
I collapse onto the bed and bury my face in my hands. I can’t even cry right now. My nerves aren’t functioning. My blood freezes. How is my heart still pumping? Is this what it feels like to die?
God, I know I’m being dramatic, even in my own mind… But this.
It hurts so bad!
It doesn’t make sense. I open my eyes and gaze down at the new boots I purchased today.
How innocent I’d been this afternoon. Excited to show him something so silly, so whimsical. When all the while he’d been thinking…
I choke on a sob, and Jessamine drops onto the bed beside me.
“Shit.” She actually puts an arm around me. “I’m sorry. I know this is gonna sound hard to believe, but I really am. That sucks. Nobody deserves to hear something like that.”
I try to nod. Try to say anything, but my throat won’t work. Except… “I need to leave. I don’t want to wait. I don’t want for him to have to tell me to leave. It’s bad enough as it is.”
She squeezes me a little. “Maybe you should talk to him?”
But I’m shaking my head. “I can’t bear…” The thought of my Tucker staring me in the eyes and telling me it’s over. I can’t bear it. I just want the good memories.
Suddenly I feel so alone. I don’t know how long we sit without saying a word.
“What do you want to do?” Jessamine can afford to be kind to me now. I’m no longer a threat.
I don’t want to think such bitter thoughts.
I want to go home. Tonight?
I hate him right now, but my heart hasn’t quite caught up. I can’t bear to leave him yet. “Can you take me to the airport tomorrow morning?” She’s the last person I want to ask.
She pats my hand. “Of course.” And then she just sits, unmoving. “What are you gonna say to him?”
I just shake my head. I don’t know. My emotions are numb. All my feelings have been slashed apart by what I just heard.
“Do you want me to say anything?”
“No!” I’m already too exposed. Devastated.
Eventually, I’ll feel humiliated.
“I… Please don’t say anything to anybody?”
She nods solemnly. “Let me know when you book a flight so that we can plan around that.”
I can’t even think of that right now. I guess I’ll need to get online. And pack. I need to pack.
At least my luggage is dry now.
“Thank you, Jessamine.” She could have been cruel, even enjoyed this. “I appreciate… everything.”
She squeezes my shoulders, pauses a few seconds, and then hesitantly leaves, closing the door behind her.
I close my eyes and fall back onto the bed. His words tumble around in my mind, like leaves on a windy autumn day. I try to make sense of them. I don’t want to believe what I just overheard. I want to believe the words he said last month.
Hell, the words he said last night. Had it all just been a lie? It must have been. Why else would he have had such a conversation with his mom.
She can’t stay.
Marry me Isabella.
It’s not gonna work.
Make me happy again.
I need her to leave.
I need to breathe the same air as you.
I hate this.
Shocking me out of my thoughts, rough hands tug my thighs to the edge of the bed.
I don’t open my eyes when his lips land on mine. He coaxes me. His hands reacquaint themselves with my body. And God help me, I can’t help but respond.
“I like the boots,” his voice growls into my mouth.
I’m torn between crying and wrapping my legs around his waist. What kind of a person am I if I want to have one more magical night with him?
Only it won’t be magical, knowing how he really feels.
I push against his chest and turn my head. When he realizes I’m not with him, he pulls away and looks down at me.
His fathomless emerald eyes are inches from mine, and yet I don’t want to meet his gaze.
“I have a headache.” I drop my lashes and stare at his chin. With the top of his shirt unbuttoned, it’s easy to see his sun-burnished throat and chest. His cologne mingles enticingly with hard work and man. His skin would taste salty right now, but I resist pressing my mouth against his pulse.
Gentle fingers brush across my forehead. He plays with my hair and then massages my temples. I lose any resistance when he presses his lips on my eyelids.
How can this not be love?
Of their own volition, my hands are in his hair, tugging him into me. Holding on to him. Afraid to let him go.
I can’t halt the tears.
“Hey, sugar. Isa.” His voice. I’ve lived to hear this voice. “Did you take some Tylenol? Aspirin?”
I don’t know what to say to him, so I just nod.
And then he’s removing my new boots. He believes I’m in pain. Only he thinks it’s my head when it’s really my heart.
He returns with my soft nightshirt, helps me out of my jeans and unbuttons my shirt. I hide my breasts from him when he unstraps my bra. I’ve never felt the need to hide myself from him, but everything is different now.
I keep my eyes closed. I wish I understood how he could be this way.
He turns on a soft lamp and pulls down the cover.
All the while he’s whispering soothing words to me. He’s concerned.
Of course, he’s concerned. How can he break up with me when I’m such an obvious mess? Why can’t I hate him?
If this isn’t love I’m feeling from him then what the hell is it?
CHAPTER NINE
Tucker
I hold Isa until she falls asleep. This has been harder on her than I thought it would be. My heart cracks. I need to do something to ease the tension for her. I love my family, but they can be so damn complicated.
I don’t want to let go of her. I want to lie here until she tells me all about her day. Had she been that upset about Cassidy driving off without waiting for her? Something else must have happened, but I don’t want to push if she doesn’t feel well. I touch my mouth to her temple.
Her scent intoxicates me. I love how her hair feels when delicate tendrils caress my throat and face. I miss her smile tonight.
My heart nearly bursts.
She bought boots today.
They lo
ok even better on her than they did in my imagination. Jesus, I’m whipped.
Responsibilities nag me. I need to deal with Jessamine and Cassidy. I have a few equipment orders to track. Need to Check on my boys.
I bury my face in her hair a moment longer and then ease off the bed.
Downstairs, Mom and Grandma are cooking something up in the kitchen. Leeland’s awake now and crawling around the floor with a car. L.T.’s crayons are spread out on their kids’ table in the corner.
“Where is everybody?” I lift Leeland into the air and chuck his chin. He needs a bath. Smells like boys do after playing in the sunshine.
“Jessamine took Cassidy home.” Grandma finishes adding some chopped vegetables to a salad. “As for the rest of ’em, your guess is as good as mine.”
So, a quiet supper. “Isabella has a migraine. I’ll take something up for her later.” I meet my mom’s eyes, but nothing gets past my grandmother. She’s sharp as a tack, that one.
“That girl didn’t get a proper welcome.” She clamps her lips together.
“We’re fixin’ to change that up,” my mom informs her as she holds out a small stack of plates. “L.T.! Help me set the table, honey.”
I watch my oldest set his Crayola down and then drag himself to do my mom’s bidding. Leeland is playing with my hat.
These boys of mine. They’re good boys. They deserve the world. They deserve a happy family.
Maybe after we move the herd down, I should take Isa and the boys on a vacation of our own. Someplace where they can get to know her without the confusion brought on by the rest of the James clan. The more I think on this, the better it sounds. Maybe Disneyland…
Or maybe somewhere less distracting. The boys have never seen the ocean. I could take them all to the beach. That would be perfect. They’d love it.
I’ll cut my day short tomorrow so Isabella and I can have a long talk. Things we need to discuss that I ought to have realized ahead of time.
Sometimes I’m a clueless ass.
After supper, my mom waves me and the boys away from the cleanup so I can run their baths. I haven’t been doing this lately. I’d left it off to Jessamine and Cassidy.
The Mile High Madness Page 40