by Romancing the Crown Series (13-in-1 bundle) (v1. 0) (lit)
She was so warm and welcoming Jessie couldn't resist the invitation. She sat down and curled her legs up under her. She drew in a breath to steady herself before finally asking what she knew had to be a very personal question.
"Did you ever regret being.. .who you are? With your place in life determined probably even before you were born?"
Julia got very quiet. "You don't start with the easy ones, do you?"
Jessie lowered her gaze. "I started with what matters most to me just now."
"I see," Julia said.
And Jessie thought that perhaps she did. And she appreciated the fact that Julia didn't give her some quick, glib answer, but instead thought for a few moments before speaking.
"I can't deny," she said finally, "that there were times when I yearned for what I used to think of as a normal life. Times when I envied Christina for her independence and her life in America, free of the fuss and feathers of our lives here. But at the same time there was a sort of comfort in this life, in knowing no matter what, I would always have a place to be, a role to fill."
Jessie had never thought of it in quite that way. But now that Julia had said it, she could see where it made sense. It didn't change her mind, but she understood.
"Is that what your concern is, about Luke?" Julia asked softly, glancing at the baby in his crib.
"Yes." She met Julia's gaze levelly. "My country was founded on the idea that anyone can become anything they want. Any kid can become president, or a doctor, or a mechanic, if that's where his talents lie."
"It is the same here," Julia said.
"Unless your last name happens to be Sebastiani," Jessie retorted.
"Even if it is. My sister Christina is a brilliant scientist. Anna does as she pleases. And to a certain extent, so do I."
"So it's only Lucas—and Luke—who are...." She stopped herself when she realized she'd been about to say "doomed." No matter how understanding Julia was, Jessie doubted she was that understanding.
Julia gave her a long, intent look, as if she'd heard what she hadn't really said. "Their destiny is set more than ours, yes."
"And that is what I can't do to him. I can't give my son to a life where he has no choice."
Julia frowned. "But he will have many choices. And the freedom to do whatever he wishes."
"Except choose his own career."
"But he will be able to, for a good long time. Unless, God forbid, something else happens to Lucas, it will be many years before he is called upon to wear the crown."
Jessie hadn't really thought of that, either. But before she could ponder it, Julia was speaking again.
"But really, Jessie, does anything else really matter besides the fact that you love Lucas, and he loves you?"
Jessie laughed, a sad, almost bitter sound. "But he doesn't. Joe loved me. Lucas doesn't."
"Joe?" Julia asked. "Wait, that was the name he went by, after he was injured, wasn't it, when he didn't know who he really was?"
"Yes. It was Joe I fell in love with, and who fell in love with me. Lucas just needs the mother of his son."
Julia stared at her. "What?"
"It's a tidy package, isn't it?"
"But.. .he has proposed to you, has he not?"
"If you want to call it that. He outlined my duties in detail, and the advantages as he saw them, and then offered me the position."
Julia grimaced. "Men. They can be such fools. Believe me, I understand what you are saying."
Something in the other woman's expression caught Jessie's attention. "You do understand, don't you?" she asked quietly.
"Yes. Rashid was much like Lucas, although there was a time when such a comparison would have infuriated them both. But he had to be shown the error of his ways, before I finally said yes to him."
"Lucas hasn't made an error, really. It's not his fault he's not Joe anymore."
Julia eyed Jessie for a moment before asking, "And you do not love him, now that he is no longer this.. Joe?"
Jessie wished she could say yes and mean it. It would make things easier when she had to go. But she was very much afraid she did still love him, as Lucas. Still, she wondered if she would spend most of the time looking for traces of Joe in the man who would be king.
"I don't know," she said softly.
Chapter 15
Jessie headed down the stairs, wondering if she'd ever really learn her way around this place. And then she stopped dead mid-staircase, in shock that she'd even in passing thought she would have any need to learn this palace. She would not, of course. This was merely a strange interlude, a brief pause in her life.
Even as she thought the words she knew they weren't true. Knew this was no mere pause. Her life had changed forever, because of the baby she'd just finished bathing. He had brought such joy to her, but he'd also brought some incredible complications with him. But it was hardly his fault; he hadn't chosen his parents.
She'd had to change her clothes when she'd finished his bath, since Luke had enjoyed the small tub Eliya had provided so much that he'd splashed as much water on her as he had on himself. Just seeing the simple, honest cheerfulness of the child had done much to ease her mind, but now all the troubles she'd pushed aside had come rushing back as she admitted to herself, standing there on the grand staircase of a place she could never have imagined herself even visiting, that nothing had been resolved.
Lucas had been very careful about not pressuring her. But neither had he given any indication he'd changed his mind at all, about anything. In fact, she'd come to realize that he was right, you'd have to be born and groomed to this life, with all its ins and outs and protocol. She wondered if he expected Montebello and its beauty to cast a spell on her, to make her forget all her reservations and hand her son over to this life without a second thought.
She could almost see why. It was a beautiful place, and she found she loved being able to look at the sea from almost any vantage point, anytime she wished. She also found the weather pleasantly different, always warm, and she'd read in a book conveniently left on her nightstand that the winter low temperatures here were higher than the average highs she was used to in Colorado.
She'd been told she could take Ghost out any time she wished, and once she had learned her way around she had ridden whenever she could escape. It was the only thing that kept her sane, other than Luke. She missed her mountains. What passed for mountains here didn't hold a candle to her Rockies. Of course, she admitted, few mountains did. But she also missed that brisk hint of winter in the air, and the wonderful contradiction of a sunny fall day where she could stand still and feel the warmth of the sun and the chill of the breeze on her face at the same time. It was one of her favorite things about her home.
And Colorado was her home, in a way this place could never be.
She shook herself out of her reverie, wondering just how long she'd been on this stairway, and grateful no one had happened along to see her standing and staring into space. And she'd been here long enough now to realize how lucky she'd been; there were always people around the palace. There never seemed to be a quiet moment, or a spot that stayed quiet for long, and she knew that would drive her crazy after a while.
She could barely remember all the people she'd met—Eliya, the Sabinas, Josie and Rudy, who had been in King Marcus's service for decades stuck in her mind. As did Nathan Winters, the gardener, remembered as much for his obvious love and knowledge of the plants and flowers he tended as for the unexpected story of his daughter Serena and her marriage to the queen's nephew.
The Sebastianis were not, she had to admit as she finally continued down the stairs, an exclusionary bunch. Their family members married commoners without concern, it seemed. Which made the idea of royal blood a little more confusing. Except that none of the others were in the direct line of inheritance for the throne. And she couldn't help wondering how those commoners felt, once they were face-to-face with the reality they now had to live with.
The massive front doors began
to swing open just as she reached the bottom of the stairs, and she stopped abruptly for a second time, this time because she heard voices. Male voices, several of them. And lots of hearty laughter. She hadn't heard about any visitors, but also didn't want to stick around to see who they were. Or have them see her.
She dodged to her left, into the gold room she vaguely remembered, ready to run before she intruded on some high-level private meeting. This place, she reminded herself, was also where a lot of government business was done. And the last thing she wanted was to be the focus of a bunch of male eyes as she was introduced as.. .as what? Lucas's one-time lover? The mother of Lucas's son? Broodmare for the heir?
The drawing room was fortunately empty, and she drew a breath of relief. She could cut through the banquet room, she supposed, trying hard to remember the layout of this part of the palace. Then go through the—
She stopped for a third time, this time because the voice she heard next from the entry foyer next was unmistakably Lucas's.
"—rest assured. Montebello is as solid as ever. My father is, as you have seen, in excellent health, I have suffered no ill effects from my little adventure, and the succession to the Montebellan throne is assured through yet another generation with the birth of my son."
"Our investors will be glad to hear that," another voice said, but Jessie barely heard a word.
.. .my little adventure.
Was that what it had been to him? A "little adventure" that was over and done with, and now only something to be chuckled about with business acquaintances?
The rest of what he'd said rang in her head like some bell tolling for a funeral. ... the succession to the Montebellan throne is assured through yet another generation with the birth of my son.
As if her concerns were meaningless and already set aside by royal decree. As if it were all settled, and it was a given she would quietly and docilely hand her helpless baby over to the Sebastianis to raise in the manner they saw fit. While she had no doubt that he would be well taken care of, and in fact smothered in attention and caring, she also knew she could not take away her son's choices before he even knew they existed. She simply couldn't.
Nor could she stay here, knowing so little was thought of her rights when it came to Luke.
A shiver went through her. What were her rights, in Montebello?
She had to lean against the nearest wall to stay on her feet. What if this was one of those utterly patriarchal places where the father had all rights, the mother none? Or where she had no rights at all, simply because she was a woman? What if the Sebastianis were not exceptions to a harsher rule over women? Considering what part of the world they were in, she realized belatedly, she should have thought of that before.
She had to find out. But she didn't want to betray her hand, in case her worst fears proved true. The library, she thought. Surely there would be information there. Now if only she could manage to find it....
It was off the grand ballroom, she remembered that much. But the only route she remembered, that she was sure would get her there, was through the foyer. So she crept closer to the doorway and listened. The voices had faded, and continued to fade as she stood there. Wherever they were going, it was away from her, and toward the back of the palace. She waited until she'd heard nothing for several minutes, then risked a peek to make sure the coast was clear. Then she darted for the doors to the grand ballroom.
Thankfully, she found it was empty—amazingly, she thought, since she guessed maintaining it was a constant chore. She turned right and found the library doors standing open. She stepped inside, wondering if she dared close them to hide her presence here.
She had to, she decided. She couldn't risk being caught here reading about women's rights in Montebello, they would quickly guess she was getting ready to fight them. And who knew what they might do then—the Sebastianis were used to winning, she was certain.
"May I be of assistance?"
Jessie yelped and whirled. She'd been so focused on not being seen from outside it hadn't occurred to her that someone might already be inside the library. But here she was, face-to-face with an older gentleman—it was the only word that truly fit—looking at her imperturbably from behind wire-rimmed glasses.
"I'm Arthur," he said by way of introduction. "I'm the palace archivist."
"Oh." Still flustered, she decided she should introduce herself. "I'm Jessie Chambers."
"I know, miss. Welcome to the palace library and the Montebello archives."
She wasn't sure she wanted to know how he knew who she was. And was sure she didn't want to know who he'd been told she was. "Thank you," she said hastily.
"Is there something I could help you find?"
She thought quickly. "There must be a section on Montebello. You know, history, laws, geography, that kind of thing?" She hoped by dropping the one thing she really wanted into the middle he wouldn't fixate on it.
"Most certainly." He said it calmly, but there was a spark of appreciation in his eyes, and she wondered what kind of thing he was usually asked for. "Right over here, if you will please come with me?"
She followed him over to a rather alarmingly large corner of the room. The shelves were clearly labeled, however, so she supposed she would be able to find what she needed, given enough time.
Not, however, if he was hanging over her shoulder, making her nervous. "I think I'll just browse, if that's all right," she said.
"Of course, miss. Make yourself at home." He gestured toward the back of the large room. "I'll continue with my cataloging, so if you need anythingjust call."
She would have preferred to have been left alone, but realized it would hardly be productive to draw his attention by asking him to leave when he obviously had work to do. So instead she picked out a naturalist's book on the plant and animal life of the island, another on the history of the royal family, and after some searching, pulled out a very dry-looking book on civil law and slid it in between them.
She carried the books over to a large leather wing chair that was placed, conveniently, with its back to where the man named Arthur was working. She glanced through the naturalist's book first, spotting first the familiar eucalyptus and cedar trees, then the less familiar jacaranda and arbutus. When she was fairly certain Arthur was paying no attention to her, she slid the civil law book out and opened it.
She knew after scanning twenty pages of dense, small print that it was going to be difficult to get what she needed. She didn't have the background—or right now the time—to translate all this legalese into plain language.
What I need is some scandal rag or something, the kind that documents celebrity divorces and custody battles, she thought. And had to stifle an ironic, miserable laugh that she would ever be personally involved in anything like that, the kind of thing she shook her head over when in line at Shady Rock's single grocery store.
She went back to the book, but without much hope. She didn't find anything of help, and shut it with a sigh. She leaned back in the chair, wishing now she had never come to Montebello, but knowing she couldn't get away. She knew her face had already been splashed across the pages of the Montebello Messenger newspaper, a couple of its less-respected competitors, and more than one magazine. There was no way she could get quietly out of the country, even if she managed to get Luke away from the palace.
She heard a sound from the back of the room, and nearly jumped. And then the absurdity of it hit her, that she, Jessie Chambers, was sitting here thinking about sneaking out of a foreign country and smuggling her baby out with her. How on earth had her life gotten so out of control?
She got up, put the books back, and walked out thinking that her life had careened out of control the day Joe had ridden into it.
* * *
Lucas rubbed wearily at his neck, glad to see the last of that bunch. He'd once made the mistake of laughing at his father's lengthy preparations for his annual meetings with the international investors who poured a lot of money into the Monte
bellan economy. His father had promptly turned them over to him, saying it was time the heir to the throne learned what it took to keep his country among the wealthiest and most successful in the world.
What it took besides hours of reading and looking at spreadsheets and company reports, he'd discovered, was sweet talk, kowtowing, promises of endless stability and a lot of wining and dining. Ordinarily it was merely an annoyance, something he had to get through, hopefully without getting too irritated at the maneuvering and attempts at manipulation for better treatment or trade agreements.
But now, with Jessie and Luke here in the palace, every long, dreary minute was agony. However, it was his responsibility, and he'd learned a lot about responsibility in the last year or so.
"Problem, son?"
He turned to find his father grinning at him. "No more than you ever had with that group," he said. Then, wryly, he added, "But I wouldn't say no to your favorite way to unwind after these things."
King Marcus Sebastiani chuckled. "I'll pour," he said, and led the way to the small smoking room and bar off the gold drawing room.
A few minutes later, with a small glass of his father's best cognac in his hand, Lucas leaned against the polished cherrywood bar that had been brought here from London back when Montebello had been a British colony.
"I'm sure the meeting went well," his father said.
Lucas opened his mouth to give a full report, but his father didn't give him the chance. To his surprise, Marcus interrupted him, to speak not about the meetings, but about something far more personal.
"Tell me how everything between you and Jessie is progressing."
Startled, Lucas set his glass down on the bar untouched. "What?"
"Don't look so surprised. I do have a vested interest in the mother of my grandson the future king, don't I?" his father said, almost testily.
"Yes, sir," Lucas said very politely, subtly acknowledging his father's tone.
Marcus muttered something under his breath. "Gwen told me to stay out of it."