by Romancing the Crown Series (13-in-1 bundle) (v1. 0) (lit)
An image of Lucas from last night formed in her mind, of his eyes bright and fierce as he looked down at her, of the slight tremble in his hands as he touched her, of his husky cry of her name as he climaxed inside her. And suddenly she wasn't at all sure "clear-cut" was the right description.
When the taxi pulled up at the modern, mostly glass airport terminal, it took her several minutes to gather up her purse, the baby and the bag she'd packed for them both. Luke awoke, but made no fuss. Thankful that since the new trade agreement had been signed that Montebellan money was accepted here in Tamir, she got out the last she had for the driver. It constituted an outsize tip, but it was one more way to reinforce the finality of her decision. She knew it was merely symbolic, American dollars spent here just as well, but it was a gesture she needed to make.
Still, she hesitated before handing over the money and dismissing the man. Once she got on that plane, she had as much as declared her independence, and she could well bring down on her head all the might the wealth and power of the Sebastianis could buy.
"Here goes, little one," she whispered to Luke. He cooed back at her, which in her desperation she decided meant he was happy with her, even in the noise of a busy airport terminal. She steeled herself, handed the money to the driver, noted by his expression he was startled by the amount, picked up the bag and slung the strap over her shoulder.
Head up and jaw set, she strode into the terminal.
"She what?" Lucas asked incredulously, staring at the telephone as if it had somehow scrambled the words he was hearing into something impossible to comprehend.
"She was getting on a plane," his stubborn sister insisted. "She had a ticket to Rome, and a list of flights from there to the United States. She was going home, Lucas."
"There has to be a mistake."
"There's no mistake. We started to worry when we found she had slipped away from the palace. When we learned a taxi had been called from nearby for a fare to the airport, we called the company. The driver remembered her because she gave him a very large tip."
"Maybe it was just another blond woman."
"Give it up, Lucas. We have her back with us."
"What?"
"We called airport security, someone Rashid knows. He had already recognized Jessie in the terminal from photos he'd seen on Montebello when he'd been there with Rashid, and remembered which flight she'd checked in for because he thought it curious she would be leaving for America from here."
It was impossible. It made no sense at all. She couldn't have been leaving him, not after last night. They'd had the most passionate night of their lives, there was no way she could simply walk away. Could she?
"What has she told you?" he asked.
"Not much. She's not of a mind to talk at the moment, I'm afraid. She's not happy we stopped her."
"But we were.. .last night we.. .she couldn't have been leaving."
"She was," Julia said flatly. "And she was taking Luke with her."
Lucas swore, low and harsh.
"Indeed," his sister said. "So tell me, brother mine, what did you do to drive her away?"
"Me? Nothing! Last night, we worked it all out. I know we did. It was an incredible night, she was so—"
He stopped suddenly, realizing he'd been about to blurt out the details of the night he'd spent with Jessie to the girl who had once spied on his first date with a girl and then blabbed about it to anyone who would listen.
"Let me guess," Julia said dryly, "you had great sex and therefore you decided in a typically male fashion that all was resolved?"
"Well.. .yes," he said, feeling a bit foolish now that she put it in those terms.
"What is it with men? Rashid thought the same thing, that just because we had the hottest sex on the planet, that there were no obstacles to overcome."
Lucas grimaced. That was more about his sister's private life than he was comfortable knowing. "This is different. Jessie and I, we...she...."
His voice trailed off as he realized they had indeed done no more than have the hottest sex on the planet last night. They'd barely talked at all.
"She what, Lucas? Told you she'd decided to stay?"
"No."
"Then she told you that she no longer cared that her baby's future is cast in stone?"
"No."
Julia sighed. "When you said you loved her, did she say she no longer loved you?"
"Uh...no." His hesitation before he repeated the deadly word a third time betrayed him.
"Lord, Lucas, don't tell me you never told her. Not after I told you she didn't know."
"She didn't want any talk of the future!" he protested. "That was her condition for going out last night."
"And you decided that meant not saying you love her? Good heavens, Lucas, there's no time a woman doesn't want to hear that!"
"Well, how should I know that?" he demanded, feeling more than a little beleaguered. "I've never told a woman I love her before."
"Really? Never?" Julia sounded astonished, then curious. "Not even that little actress you were dating before you ran off to America?"
"No, I didn't, and I did not run off," Lucas said, wondering why it was that nobody could get under his skin like his sisters could. "And could we get back to the point?"
"What is your point?"
"Just let me talk to her."
"I don't think so. If you never told her that you—you Lucas, not the ranch hand she fell for—loved her, and still do, then you deserve what you got. No wonder she thinks you only want her because of Luke."
He blinked. "She what?"
"Lord, you don't even know that much?"
"How should I know that?"
"How can you not? You abandon her and only come back after you have Luke. Instead of proposing, you give her a job description. You never tell her you love her—what do you expect her to think?"
"But I don't understand," he said, knowing he was coming perilously close to whining. "Why would she leave without saying a word? After last night? It was so...extraordinary."
"Perhaps it was goodbye," Julia suggested.
And suddenly a cascade of images flooded his mind—the look of longing in her eyes last night, the undertone of sadness in her voice.
...it won'tmatter tomorrow.
God. Could it be? Was that what she'd meant, that it wouldn't matter tomorrow, because she knew even last night that she was going to leave, that it would be their last night together?
It was true. He knew it suddenly, with a gut-knotting certainty. She'd been leaving him.
And she'd been taking his son with her.
What she hadn't counted on, Jessie thought grimly, was how much a blond woman with a baby would stand out in Tamir. Nor had she been aware that the Sebastiani royal family was big news here, as well, in part because of the long-standing enmity that was only recently resolved, and the marriage of Lucas's sister to their own crown prince.
Of course, her own overtipping of the taxi driver hadn't helped. She should have realized that would have made him remember her.
She sat in the back of Julia's limo, cuddling Luke, trying not to fume. Not that she could fault Julia's behavior. Ever since Julia had arrived at the airport to pick Jessie up after she'd been spotted and stopped, she'd been unfailingly sympathetic. In fact, she'd insisted that Jessie listen in on her side of the conversation as she called her "idiot brother," as she had labeled Lucas.
So now, at the cost of having the intimacies of her most private life revealed, she at least knew how she'd been discovered. It seemed the royal family of Tamir had tentacles as long as the Sebastianis did. And her mouth twisted as she realized the unpleasantness of the metaphor she'd unconsciously chosen, and how well it fit her current mood.
Julia replaced the car phone in its cradle in the back seat of the limo. Julia probably never thought twice about it, Jessie mused, whereas she marveled each time she climbed into one of the elaborate vehicles.
After a moment Julia looked at Jessie,
shaking her head. "He's just so...male. He assumed because of last night, everything had been fixed between you."
Jessie's cheeks flamed as she recalled Julia's comment to her brother about "great sex." God, would the humiliation never end?
Julia patted her arm. "Don't be embarrassed, Jessie. We're practically related, after all."
The breezy assumption stiffened Jessie's spine. "No, we're not."
Julia studied her for a moment before looking at the baby and saying, "I meant, related through Luke. I am still his aunt, no matter what happens with you and Lucas. At least, I hope I am."
Feeling suddenly chagrined, Jessie apologized. "I'm sorry. Of course you are." Feeling the need for more of an explanation, she went on. "It'sjust that everyone seems to assume that it's a done deal."
"A...done deal?" Julia asked. "What a descriptive expression. So, what is it, Jessie, Lucas or the expectations of others that has you so determined you won't marry him?"
Jessie grimaced, not liking the sound of it when Julia said it. "My objections are real and valid," she insisted.
"If you mean Luke's future, in a way I can understand that, even if it is very American of you."
"I am American. And so is my son."
"But he is Montebellan, as well."
"And when he's old enough, he can decide for himself which heritage he prefers."
"What if he wants both?"
Jessie looked down at her tiny son, at his innocent, trusting face, and the thought of him ever being disappointed or denied something he badly wanted wrenched at her heart. "Then we'll have to find a way."
"Then why can't you find a way now?"
"Because," Jessie said flatly, "your brother doesn't have an ounce of compromise in him."
"It's not a Sebastiani trait, I'll admit."
"Nor a Chambers one," Jessie confessed.
"But my brother has never been in love before, either." Julia eyed Jessie narrowly. "He does love you, you know."
"So you said."
Julia grinned. "You stick with that, girl. Don't let him off the hook until he tells you himself, and to your satisfaction. He might as well learn now that the words are always necessary. Repeatedly."
Jessie felt herself tear up unexpectedly. "I wish that was all it would take."
"Rashid and I had over a century of feuding to overcome," Julia said. "When the love is true, barriers that seemed insurmountable once are not so difficult."
"How can I jeopardize my son's freedom?"
Julia sighed. "There are many kinds of freedom, Jessie. You and Lucas must find one that you can agree upon."
"And if we can't?"
Julia looked at her then, then shifted her gaze to the window. She sat in silence for a very long time, until Jessie became edgy, wondering if she should speak.
Finally, Julia said quietly, "I was once forced into a marriage I did not want. It was a hell I would not wish on anyone."
"I didn't know," Jessie said, finding it hard to believe the self-confident Julia could be forced into anything.
"I prefer to forget it myself. He thought he was doing what was best, but it was a very long time before I forgave my father."
"I'm sorry," Jessie said, meaning it. And realizing this was the reason behind that pointed exchange of glances between Julia and her father, the king.
Finally, Julia turned her head to look at her once more. "I could not countenance another woman being put in that position. If you will go back and talk to Lucas, if you will truly explore every avenue, and then still feel you must leave, I will help you."
Jessie blinked. "You will?"
"I will. I love my brother, and I love my country, but I know the pain you face, at least some form of it. I will help, if you become convinced there is no other way."
"You are indeed," Jessie said quietly, "your mother's daughter."
As she'd hoped, Julia's smile lit up her face. "Thank you. Now, please, you will stay with us tonight. Give that thickheaded brother of mine a night alone to realize what he's nearly done. Then you can go back and pound some sense into him, I believe you Americans say?"
"That's what we say," Jessie said with a smile. "Thank you, Julia. I can't tell you how much your understanding means to me. And for you, if nothing else, I will try."
Julia's warm smile was thanks enough. "It helps that I once walked in shoes nearly as tight as yours, does it not? If you wish, and if you trust me, you may leave Luke here, so you do not have him to worry about while you are trying to work things out."
"I—" Jessie hesitated, and Julia smiled.
"I understand, and I promise you my feelings will not be hurt if you say no. There are few I would trust with my baby, as well."
That decided her. "No. Please, yes, it will help if I do not have to worry about him. I'm not," she said frankly, "quite sure of myself in the role of mother."
"Jessie, my dear, I'm not sure any new mother is. If I couldn't turn to my own mother for advice, I don't know what I would do."
"That must be wonderful," Jessie said wistfully.
"You can turn to her, too, you know. There's nothing that would thrill her more. And of course, we could learn motherhood together, you and I."
Jessie knew her surprise must show in her face; she'd never thought of that side of things, that marrying Lucas would come with a built-in support system of sorts, a family that she didn't have on her own.
She quashed the familiar pang at the thought of the sister who had betrayed her, and concentrated on trying to decide what to do. Finally, she realized that if Julia and Rashid could set aside the enmity of a century or more, the least she could do was talk to the father of her son.
* * *
Lucas wondered that he hadn't worn a thin spot in the expensive rug in his retreat, as much pacing as he'd been doing. Since he'd hung up with Julia, he'd been a wreck. He'd awakened this morning to find Jessie gone, but knowing she'd planned to spend the day with Julia, he hadn't thought much about it. Until his sister had called with the news he still found so hard to believe.
Last night had been goodbye.
That knowledge colored every memory now. Every remembered touch, every lingering look took on a new significance. Looking back now, he could see them as if she'd been saving them up, storing them for a time when she would be gone.
He jammed a hand through his hair and turned to pace back the other way. But if she felt that way, why on earth would she leave?
.. .you never told her that you—you Lucas, not the ranch hand she fell for—loved her, and still do.. .No wonder she thinks you only want her because of Luke.
How could she think that? Luke hadn't even existed when they'd fallen in love. For that matter, Lucas Sebastiani hadn't even existed.
You abandon her and only come back after you have Luke. Instead of proposing, you give her a job description. You never tell her you love her—what do you expect her to think?
He didn't want to believe it. Didn't want to think he'd bungled it that badly. And then his own thoughts from last night came back to him, hauntingly. He'd gone so far in trying to convince her that he'd changed... he'd managed to convince her he wasn't the man she'd fallen in love with on her ranch, either.
"Damn," he muttered, spinning on his heel to start in the opposite direction. "Now what?"
Irony, he thought, had a very bitter taste. He'd always been more concerned with getting women to leave him alone, be it women with an eye on his future crown for themselves, or their mothers with a drive to matchmake for that crown. He'd been the one dancing to avoid the snare; never had he had to try to get a woman to want him.
Of course, he didn't just want Jessie to want him, he wanted her to love him, like she'd loved Joe.
Like she 'd loved Joe....
His pacing came to an abrupt halt. And after a moment, he nodded to himself and reached for the phone.
Chapter 18
Jessie didn't think she'd ever get used to traveling by helicopter. The noise alone gave
her a low-grade but persistent headache, and the way it rose and swooped and sometimes seemed to be pointing nose down made her faintly nauseous. She'd give anything for her tired old Ford pickup right about now.
But this was the easiest and quickest way to get from Tamir to Montebello, and it seemed churlish, after all Julia had done, to ask for some other mode of transport this morning. And it wasn't Julia's fault that her night on Tamir had been restless and nearly sleepless, making her less able to deal with flying in the royal family's sleek aircraft.
The helmeted pilot with mirrored sunglasses seemed quite proficient, however, lifting off and landing quite smoothly and neatly in the parking area between the wing of the palace that housed the throne room and the one that housed the picture gallery and map room. As she was clambering out the side door she caught the movement of the pilot from the corner of her eye as he pulled off the shiny sunglasses to give her a grin and a rather snappy salute.
"As they say in your country, I believe, give him hell, Jessie," he said. "And remember, I will come back for you any time, you have only to call."
She stopped in her tracks in shock, realizing that she had been delivered back to Montebello by none other than Rashid Kamal himself.
"You?" she asked.
"I have to take every chance I get to fly," he said. "And besides, last night Julia made me promise you'd get here safely. And back, if that was what you wished." His grin widened. "And last night, after an entire day away from her, I would have promised her anything."
Such pure love and joy glowed in his dark eyes that Jessie felt a strange hollowness inside her. For a moment she envied Julia. What she wouldn't give to have someone look at her like that....
But once, someone had. Joe had.
She yanked her mind out of that futile rut, and with a smile and a quick thank-you to Rashid, she continued carefully down the steps of the chopper. Her hands were free except for her purse; she'd made the decision to leave the bag she'd packed for herself and Luke inTamirJust in case. She supposed that was hedging her bets, when she'd promised Julia to give this an honest try, but she saw it as a small, subtle reminder of how much was at stake.