by Diane Munier
I thought of how it would be now, her so near, on the home-place. It wasn’t so long, six weeks. But it was long enough to make sure she understood Jimmy Leidner meant her no good. It was long enough to make things more interesting than they had been in a long time. I had to keep her at arm’s length for certain, but it would be mighty nice to have such a one as her to look at sometimes.
Tom Tanner
Chapter Seven
I put the mister in the ground morning after he was killed. I had spoken to the missus about it, and she said, “Yes.” So we never had us a service of any kind, but I did tell her that Seth had words over and she said thank you.
Seth claimed to have been given words from the Lord for Missus Addie and he wanted my mind on sharing such with her. I did not know the Lord had time to give folks ‘words’ but Seth claimed he did it regular if you asked, and now that I’d had that confab with Johnny concerning his pa, I was open that sometimes God might help a fella out that way, so I told him long as they were comforting I would not stand in his way.
Well, she seemed to like those words and he was her pet then, and she smiled at me, but she rained the sunshine on that brother of mine.
So the missus was settled in my sister’s room, and that one moved to the attic with little Johnny. Then that Monday morning when we menfolk worked in the barn, here came a parade.
It started as soon as the sun raised its big eye over the field. First one came was some old bachelor lived up the creek. He wished to speak to the Mrs. Varn, he said, and him holding some weeds he’d gathered from our own land.
“Concerning what?” said me.
He had on a suit, but he wasn’t a dandy man, not high-falutin’ is what I meant, or even very educated, so wearing a suit on a Monday morning, one that looked brand new to boot, even if it fit poorly, the pants over the tops of his shoes, was just silly.
“She not be taking visitors,” I said.
He looked perplexed, and kept swallowing.
“What is your business with the missus,” I said, even as I could see wagons coming on the horizon, a lone rider here and there, and a couple of folks walking.
“I wish to propose marriage,” he said, his eyes only briefly meeting mine before he looked off again.
I could feel my teeth grinding, hear them whittling down I was so mad. “Get on that horse and ride out of here,” I said.
His eyes got pretty big then. “Can’t I leave her a letter?” he reached into his coat and pulled out a fat envelope with his name scrawled in poorly writing.
“You can leave your dust as we watch the back of the silliest suit ever made licking out of here.” I was through with this fool. I stomped up onto the porch then, into the house where Ma and Allie looked out the window, Johnny between them.
“Look at them coming,” Ma said. “What is it they want, Tom?”
“What they want and what they’re going to get are two different beasts,” I said, going for my Enfield.
So I stood on the porch all that morning fending off the Philistines. They wanted a look at this missus who shot the old soldier, that vicious vagabond who threatened the good folk of our county. Least that’s what the paper said, the story given by none other than our good sheriff, Jimmy Leidner. Bold faced, it was, with a picture of the old one in his coffin, a bloody cloth over his face. The sheriff was quoted as saying it was the finest piece of shooting he had ever seen and if there was another war he wanted Mrs. Varn to ride his flank.
Ride his flank? I was going to beat him down to dust next time our paths crossed. The only thing that kept me halfway civil as I turned these nosey rabble away, and closed down Mrs. Varn’s two dozen hopeful suitors, was the gleeful thought of how good it would feel to pound my fist into Jimmy’s bony frame.
I did not see the missus all that long day. Next day was more of it, but this time we were ready as I set a perimeter down the road. This was the most sanguine thing to happen between Gaylin and me since I came home. I must admit, he made an excellent sentry, stopping folks well before they reached the road that led to our house, and sending them packing from where they hailed. We had a grand old time disappointing them from their wayward ambition of harassing the missus. It was a deeply satisfying ending to the greatest show on earth.
By Thursday events had died down considerable and we were working until late evening to get some work done. The missus came from her room and sat with us at dinner. I was glad I’d washed so thoroughly, even my ears, as I came in to eat.
Missus wore a blue gown, and her hair was gathered behind her head, like a dark waterfall of silk. Least that’s how it appeared. She smiled at me, her eyes so richly dark, like the coffee I drank and often stared into now to help clear the whiskey and bad dreams each morning.
She was seated in Garrett’s place. And it felt comforting somehow. That empty chair had bothered me some, and the plate Ma often put there for Sunday dinners. This missus was Garrett’s type of woman, the good kind. I’d thought of her breasts, I’ll admit, and what a man would have to do to be worthy of knowing her flesh that way. Her husband…she’d said he shamed her. Secretly, I wasn’t sorry he died. I was sorry it happened like it did, before Johnny, before her, but if he shamed her…even once…then there was some justice in this world the day he fell.
I knew that was harsh. But I was harsh, and that was the truth about me that my family didn’t know or understand. And before they could ever see it, I needed to be gone. They had suffered enough in losing the favored son, the best one they had next to Seth. And it’s me that didn’t protect him.
So with this missus here, and little Johnny, there was something new churning up in Ma and Pa and the boys, and Allie that I hadn’t seen since before we left for war.
When Pa said the meal prayer I bowed my head, and I meant it this time. I could forgive God a lot of things for bringing this family into the fold of my own and bringing them comfort. I could leave now with a new thing nearly close to happiness.
But during the prayer I looked up, and the missus was peeking back, her eyes clear and gentle. I smiled at her, and she smiled at me, the sweetest lips curled that way for me. It was a powerful thing.
As the days passed I saw her more. By Saturday she took all her meals with us. So we had just finished dinner when we heard riders approaching. I could scarce believe Jimmy and William would show. I went out to meet them. Jimmy had no sooner stopped his horse when I grabbed him by the back of his pants and yanked him off. He tried to kick me, I’ll give him that, but I wouldn’t have felt it het up as I was.
So we went at it, him and me, and I knew Gaylin was close, but he knew better than to try and stop me. It was ugly right off. This had been three years coming. And now, to ride up big as you please, blood flew from his mouth as I pounded his jaw. He landed on his butt, but he rolled and got on his feet and I went straight for his middle, hitting him like the big Number Nine.
He said, ‘Orff,’ as the air rushed out of him and his back slammed on the ground. I was straddling him and punching left and right.
“Fight back,” I yelled, blood pouring out of his nose and mouth, and even his hairline.
Gaylin and William pulled me off then, but only because I didn’t resist. I wasn’t out to kill Jimmy, least not if he was already nearly unconscious. Why hadn’t he fought harder?
I yanked myself away from Gaylin. William had let go right away, but Gaylin hung on. He favored Jimmy, and would take it hard to see me, the villain, beat him so soundly.
I dabbed at my own bloody lip with my knuckle, catching a curse just before I let it fly. I turned away from Jimmy, for they were all flocking him now, including Allie. I caught my breath. Ma, Pa, and the missus stood on the porch, Johnny too. They were looking at me like I had let the beast out and they could see it.
I turned away and walked around those pulling Jimmy to his feet. Allie said my name, “Tom,” as if I was to be scolded. I went in my room in the barn and started to slam things around. I’d go today. I’
d just ride out of this Godforsaken place. I’d been here too long. I hadn’t wanted to come here at all, if Pa wouldn’t have shown up at the brickyard…why couldn’t they leave me alone? What did they want from me?
“Tom.”
It was her. She stood in my doorway. It threw me, I’ll admit. I tried to think of something to do that would hide the way I felt. I was still so mad, but she dropped into that like a boulder in my path, one that nearly fell on me and killed me.
“What…you shouldn’t be this far from the house, Missus.”
She went to my washbasin and poured some water from the pitcher into the pan. She wet my cloth then, and walked toward me. She was moving slow, and sometimes touching what she could to keep herself anchored, but she moved better every day.
“Sit,” she told me, gesturing to the bed.
“No…I….”
“Sit,” she said again, and I backed to my bed and sat.
“Ain’t right you’re here….”
She put the rag against my lip, dabbing at the blood. I winced, just to let her know she got it wrong and shouldn’t be doing such a thing.
She dabbed at my head then, and I guessed I had a cut there, too. Then she put her fingers in my hair, and smoothed it back from my brow but I knew it wouldn’t stay, and it didn’t, but she wiped over it with the rag, and it stayed some. Such emotion went through me…lust…or want, if that’s what lust is, just the deepest wanting. I didn’t know it was in me so strong. I gripped the edge of my bed to keep my hands off her. I knew I was swollen like a bull ready to rut, but she didn’t know it, and I’d never tell. So I sat there hanging on cause I’d been through worse in the war, and I knew self-control.
But that face…my God. Was she fashioned just to torture me? If I ever was going to make my peace with God it would be because he had made her and let me put my eyes on her before I left this place.
So I sat there like Johnny would, but nothing like Johnny would of course, and I let her work me over with the rag and her hand, her fingers. She held my chin, cupped my jaw. And I had never in my life felt anything so sweet. I submitted. And she never stopped looking at me, until she swayed a little and I realized she’d been on her feet too long, and I took her little arms in my big dirty hands and I stood a bit hunched and turned her so she could sit beside me on my miserable bed.
And that’s how we were, side-by-side just looking at each other when she took one of my hands and used that rag to start cleaning them off, dabbing over my knuckles. My hands were hard and rough, with dirt tamped down and nails bitten off. They were me.
She cleaned one, and her touch there I could not describe for she had taken my weapons of war and turned them into submissive, limp puppies.
She was cleaning the other, her head bent over it like she was shining shoes she was so intent when Johnny came in, sent by my ma. So Johnny and I got on either side of the missus and slowly walked her back to the house. Jimmy was on the porch, and Allie was fussing over him, my pa and the boys sitting with him. William was on the steps, smoking that pipe he loved. Him and I looked at each other, and he hopped off to let us pass with the missus, and I took her in the house where my ma tended the baby.
We led her into Allie’s room, and I helped her sit on the bed, and Ma came in. She handed Missus the baby, and the woman looked up at me and said, “Tom…you should call me Addie.”
“I will,” I said. Then I looked at Ma, and she led me out, but truth be told, I didn’t want to go.
“Tom,” Ma said low. “I hope to never see such a thing as I witnessed in my yard today.” She was silent then as Johnny passed by, looking guilty at us.
I nodded. “I meant no disrespect, Ma. But I’m a man now, and….”
“Hold your tongue. Yes, you are a man. But what kind of man loses his temper that way? We have a young one watching. And Jimmy is as good as a brother to you. Have you seen him? Have you looked at your handiwork?” Her face had not shown such displeasure to me since I was a lad.
“He had it coming,” I said. “I’m sorry it happened where you could see it.”
“Did you not think of the violence that young one has already seen? Did you not think how that happened at his home, in his yard, just as this happened here? Jimmy should arrest you. That’s what I think.”
She turned from me then, her chin had been quivering. If she only knew the truth. If she only knew what I was really capable of, how far I could go, did go. “Ma,” I said, “if you want me to go, I will. I’m not the little lad you sent off to war. I’ve got my own ideas.”
She shook her head and kept her back to me as she tended her cook-pot.
I went on the porch then. Allie was the first to look at me, and her eyes held a new fear. I went to Jimmy then. I looked at my handiwork. He was busted up some. He’d been here before, though not so much by my hand. We’d had our tussles, but this was more.
He looked up at me. Allie pulled back and sat on the upturned bucket at his feet. I knew she fancied him, but he’d always behaved like a big brother. But I’d beaten him before the missus, and the family. I’d shamed him and taken the shine off his badge, and standing here I felt like shit.
But he got me good when my guard was down. “You’re in love with that woman,” he said to me around grounded lips, and with one big purple eye.
They were all looking at me. I knew my face flamed red.
I got stuck there in embarrassment, but also because I never heard such a thing. Love was something I knew from my family, and that was it. I never took it further, never wanted to, never knew how.
It wasn’t love. It was admiration, but I couldn’t voice such a private thing. And part of me wanted to pound him all over again for putting me in this trench of shame.
I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to push my luck, but if God could see fit to give me some more words, I could use them right now.
But she appeared in the doorway, and stepped out, even though she kept her hand on the frame for support. “Tom is a fine man,” she said. “If not for him, I wouldn’t have made it. He saved my life. It’s made a bond between us, and I know it is hard for him the way we’ve barged into his life. He’s just trying to protect us. I…I’ve never known such. I…,” she was looking at me, her eyes all shiny, something like a halo’s light on her beautiful face. “Please forgive him, Sheriff. You know what a fine man he is.” She nodded her head, and went in the house.
And I knew then. Jimmy had called it. I loved Addie Varn.
Tom Tanner
Chapter Eight
One week after the great beating of Sheriff Leidner:
“Go on then,” I said to the oxen pulling this machine. I was, “Hy-up,” and, “Gee haw,” but they weren’t listening, well Bully was, but that young one had a hornet in his ass or something.
The threshers were here, and Ma and the girls were cooking big. My baby sister had given me a tongue-whop after Jimmy limped to his horse and rode out the day I took him down in the yard. “I needed to consider myself and change my ways and hoorah, gobble, gobble, squawk,” for all I heard after she got going. I wondered how womenfolk learned all those words and got riled that way. Did it come natural?
I didn’t like the notion Allie was so taken with Jimmy. How had that happened? He’d been at war, and now with sheriffing, when had she even had time to pine for such a one?
I would speak to Pa about it. Would do no good to tell the boys for Gaylin would marry Jimmy himself and Seth would say some nonsense about forgiveness and Jimmy’s virtue. And I had no more hope that Pa would pay attention bleeding heart that he was.
What a helpless bunch they were. That evening, when the moon was high up, I was hanging tack and walking the barn to see if all was in readiness for the next day. The threshing machine was far afield, sitting there like the bones of a great beast. What a marvel, and to see it in my day. I was in these thoughts when he came out of the shadows, and only one I knew moved like that.
I said nothing to William. I’d
let him speak. He would not be here if he didn’t have something to say. For we did not seek one another’s company these days.
He stood other side of the doorway, looking out past the manure piles to the fields yonder. I knew many of his thoughts, even though he did not express them in words, but I knew them, read him easy, the way he read earth, and maybe me.
Like right now I was thinking, well if it isn’t Jimmy’s little lamb come from following its mama’s teat. Years of planning through the war, how we’d go, the world we’d see. Then he takes a job with Jimmy, a job where he’d have to ride behind like a good wife, not a proud free Chimakum man.
He spits, William does. “Need your help.”
I do look at him now, my arms folded. His hair is long, but he ties it in back, respectable. He is as tall as me almost. His shoulders are thick, but he’s wiry too.
“I ain’t talking to Mose,” I said, cause it’s a girl, with him, and the pa ain’t having it. “Didn’t live through the war to die at the end of Mose’s old turkey gun.”
“I done talked to him,” William said and he lifted his chin all proud.
“Then what?”
“It ain’t Mose. Lenora says I got to read. She says a man don’t read…he ain’t free.” His pipe burns away forgotten, and he’s looking off, and he’s mad.
“You ain’t free. But reading won’t change that.” We both know what I mean. Him following Jimmy when he should be going west with me. And then this little girl thinking he needs to improve himself.
Now I’m mad, and we are both looking off, smelling that manure a little more all the time.
“Cap says Missus was a teacher.”
I stand straight now. “Get it out of your mind. She ain’t got time to be trying to teach you your primer.”
“I already asked. She says yes.”
I’m so mad I can’t believe it. “You didn’t ask me first,” I said.
“Cause you says no.”