by Diane Munier
So I took off first, no hankering for Ma to be staring back at me all the way to church.
“You gonna play that baseball game, Mr. Tom?” Johnny asked.
“Maybe so.”
“Mr. William says if they could of played baseball instead of having a war you’d of beat those rebs all by yourself.”
William had been coming for his lessons, and she had sat with him going over the primer. I had heard him once, tripping over the letters, but determined.
“Maybe,” I said, feeling a little braggeredly about myself. I was hellacious in that game, I admit. It brought out the devil in me.
I caught Addie’s eye a time or two. She had her hair done up in back, and a black bonnet on that made her eyes look like midnight. Her lips were so red and sweet. Seemed like her smile was quick for me, and I liked it so much, deep in myself something moved when she lit up for me like that.
I clicked at the horses and they picked it up and it jarred her too much and the baby cried. I didn’t know what got in to me to do such a thing. “Sorry, Missus,” I said.
She shushed the baby and spent most of the time looking at me. I had on my white shirt and black string tie, but my jacket was under the blanket in the boot. I had rolled my sleeves on my arms. My hands were strong and my arms burned so brown in the sun they looked dark as William against that shirt. I was a strong man and I didn’t mind her knowing. I had my black hat on, and my hair was long around it. But it was well brushed. I had shaved. I hoped I cut a fine enough figure to be worthy of her looking.
At the church house I pulled up in the spot my pa had used since I was in knickers. I was out first, around the boot where I grabbed my jacket, then to the side to help Missus. I put on my jacket quick and grabbed the baby, settled her on one arm, then held out my big eager hand and Addie put her small white one in it. My fingers closed on hers, and I had to mind myself not to press too tightly. She stepped easy to the ground, her midnight eyes on me.
“Thank you, Tom,” she said.
“Addie,” I whispered, like it was some kind of an incantation on my lips.
Then she turned to fuss over Johnny. I stood patiently holding Janey, staring at all who stared at me cause that’s how you handled it round these parts, you stared them down until shame took them over and they moved on.
Once she had licked her hand round Johnny she turned and readied to take the baby, but since the little lass was content, I gave Addie my arm and we got in line with folks as the church slowly filled.
My family already sat up front, nearly filling the pew, but this day was a big one for Seth, so we were all expected to fall in, and Missus was one of us now. I led her so she couldn’t balk, and I kept Janey to bait her along. But I was protecting her, plain and simple. So we walked that aisle together, and eyes were on us, and tongues did wag but none would have the courage to cross me, and Lord help them if they did.
We sat, a tight squeeze, Johnny next to Gaylin, Addie next holding Janey, then me on the end. She was pressed up against me and I put my arm along the back of her, on the pew, because there was barely room for my shoulder. Now I was satisfied, and even when the preaching stretched on, I was having my own sermon in my mind. If I stayed…I may never get a chance to go. But wouldn’t I be giving up one dream for another? She would be my dream come true, the one I never knew I had. If I let myself, I could love Johnny and Janey like my own. This big feeling of love had never happened to me before. But first I’d have to tell her my worst story so she’d know the real me. She needed a chance to say no.
We stood then and sang. I lost track of myself with the singing it just felt so good to let it out, I’d been holding so much in, more than I knew, all of my feeling for her, all of my hopes dashed, all of my hopes made new.
When it was Seth’s turn to preach he did a fine job, calling us to forgive one another and go on to build this country strong under one flag. One God. The old ones prayed over him, and about that time, before another round of singing, the baby started up, and so Missus moved to take her out, and I was right behind her. When Johnny made to come I sent him back. He kicked the floor and went to Gaylin.
So we met outside, her and me, the singing pouring from the building as we walked through the breeze and I went to the boot for her satchel and another blanket. We walked to the rock wall around the cemetery, and she laid the blanket down and put Janey there so she could change her.
I sat on that wall, my hands gripping the edges of it, thinking of times I ran along it, my pards with me, and life so full of possibilities.
She was my possibility now.
She made to nurse the baby under the blanket. I knew Janey liked it quiet while she suckled. So I sat there while Addie mothered. Some of the graves were new. Most I knew or knew of. Many had fallen in the war. Some were friends. And my family, my uncles, Ma’s folks, my grans. But here she was…among the ghosts…and this new life, her the source of it…for me.
Janey fell asleep and Addie held her there. She would smile at me, but there was no need to speak. We were twenty-hand apart, but never closer I don’t think.
So the service ended and out came the women and the men set up tables under the trees, and colorful quilts covered them, then so much food. And folks prayed and the menfolk ate first, then the children were served, then the women filled plates and finally sat while the children ran and went off to the ravine to wave sticks at one another or play hide-and-seek.
And Ma came, and took the baby to the chair Pa brought out of the church for her. And she sat there and held Janey, and the women came to have a look, and Addie and Lavinia and Allie got swallowed by the womenfolk. And Jimmy came, too late for the preaching, but I doubt anyone took note they were that glad to see him, our hero and defender, our good sheriff. Jimmy sat, center of the crowd as he fielded their questions about Boyle Monroe. I stayed away, not wishing to hear it. Jimmy was looking to gather the biggest posse in the history of our county, one hundred men, men who’d never got their chance to fight in the war, or men who did and wanted one last chance to ride the glory trail.
What a natural politician he was turning out to be. Nothing good ever came of trying to herd one hundred sodbusters looking to turn their hoes into spears, when four men who knew what they were about could bring that outlaw in with hard riding and hard tracking in one month’s time.
Jimmy knew this. Yet he fiddled to them and how they danced. The talk was big all “Yeahs, and huzzahs.” Just like before the war.
I looked in time to see Johnny and a group of boys hitting one another with long sticks. Johnny had taken off after a boy some bigger than him, and when he caught him Johnny took his stick in two hands, reared it over his head and brought it down on the bigger boy’s back. That boy howled like a coyote and Johnny took off running, but only for a short spell before he turned again ready to fight. When that big boy charged, Johnny blocked his attack by holding his stick level in front of his face. The big boy’s swing came to naught, and knocked him off balance. The big boy went face down, and Johnny took advantage and brought his stick down into the middle of that boy’s back like he was sticking him with a bayonet. I recognized the move as I’d seen it done too many times and had used it myself.
And this the one who sassed his ma. His ma didn’t know about her baby boy, and that’s how things started, and didn’t I know. I headed over there. That big boy was staggering on to his feet, angry tears on his red face, and him looking to murder Johnny. Johnny was on the run, and I had to walk a piece to catch him. I called him stern and he came to me, his eyes looking round me for the day of reckoning.
“Johnny you go sit by Granma,” I said stern.
“We’re playing rebs,” he said like that explained it.
“Well the war is over for you. Go sit by Granma until you can act like a big boy and not a back-stabbing renegade.”
I admit I didn’t know a thing about fathering, but I knew right from wrong, even though he might have been playing me. I was probably saving him from a whoo
ping cause that big kid was going to figure things out eventually, and get a good lick in or two.
I watched to make sure he did as he was told, and that’s when I saw Allie, walking carefully with a big plate of food. She had on the yellow dress she’d fought with Ma over. It had a fitted waist, and wasn’t the feedbag shape Ma favored on my sister. Allie had campaigned hard to make this dress. She had appealed to Addie to help her convince Ma. Addie had played peacemaker and discussed the dress thoroughly with Ma until she conceded that perhaps it was time Allie dress more like a young lady instead of a little girl. This little thing brought more joy to Allie. It was another generous act from Addie.
So I saw the yellow dress, and the yellow hair bows my sister wore. I didn’t like her looking so comely, but I figured she had a right to be grown. She worked hard and asked for little. And now she walked shyly toward that big group of men to feed Jimmy. I was nearly holding my breath. Then I noticed Susan Weathersby in her pink dress coming from the other side of the menfolk. She also carried a plate, piled just as high as the one Allie held. Allie and Susan had just noticed each other, and each hurried a little to cut through those men and reach Jimmy first.
Sad to say Susan was quick on her feet. Allie got blocked by Gaylin who had his back to her, and proved to be more of a wall than a door. That gave Susan the extra few ticks on the clock needed to reach Jimmy and present him with the feast. He stood, Jimmy style, swept his hat off and bowed a little, holding that girl rapt with whatever horseshit he was spewing. He set the plate on the table and took her hand and kissed it in front of everybody, and that meant he’d practically proposed, believe me, and that girl tripped away and went to where a couple of her friends waited, and they all jumped up and down together.
About then Allie seemed to be rousing from a trance. She walked quickly to where Susan stood and tapped her on the shoulder, balancing that full plate in her little hand. When Susan turned, her hands went to her hips as clearly she wasn’t overjoyed to see my sister.
My sister overturned that full plate smack down the front of Susan’s pink dress.
The girls collectively screamed causing the men to turn from Jimmy to see if the rebs had reconvened for a slaughter, but there were no rebs, just a crying Susan whose arms were held out from her body, and her two friends who were trying to comfort her while my little sis stormed off in the direction of home.
Addie went running after Allie. I looked over at Jimmy, and he hadn’t missed a bite, seeming not to know that an ambush had taken place in his honor. That no good son of a bitch was breaking my sister’s heart.
“Let’s play ball,” I called.
Tom Tanner
Chapter Twelve: Church, Part Two
Since we had been in the war and learned the game of baseball so thoroughly, Jimmy and I were chosen as the captains. That was fine. Course all the little fellows wanted to play, every size and stage. But they were told to be seen and not heard by their parents. They needed a lesson on how this game was played before they could take part. We had some skill after days of waiting in camps and many kinds of places. So watching their elders would serve these young-ins though they grumbled among themselves. Yet as boys do they shifted their disappointment to loyalties for their favorite teams. Johnny was soon rooting hard for me and Seth, though it must have pained him some to go against Gaylin. It did not, however, pain me at all.
I searched out the missus, and there she was, leading Allie into a circle of women who had rescued Susan from my sister’s judgment. I could scarce take in that my sister was apologizing, and more than one of the biddies seemed to have a say, but Addie’s arm was around her small yellow shoulders and I loved her all the more for standing by my sister.
I kept only a little of my attention on the women, for after a life of following Jimmy’s lead I’d no wish to do it now. He chose Gaylin, I took Seth. He chose Michael, I chose Harley. He took Jake, I took Lem. He chose strength, I went for wile.
And so it went. For every choice he made, I made a match or better.
Then we drew lots for blue or gray. I won the blue and it made Jimmy mad, but I had to turn to the field lest he see me smile and I had no wish to fall for my pride. I only regretted I didn’t have William, for if I did I would not have need of another. But Jimmy had left him in town to hold the fort, so he said.
Jimmy won the draw to bat first. Doc Tusaint, his backside so wide and soft from sitting at too many bedsides and tables piled with chicken, would call the plays. He had been sawbones in the war, and had judged many a game when he wasn’t piling limbs.
So I would pitch. I shouted orders to the troops. They listened hard as I did not choose to lead anyone, but when I did I was a tyrant. They scrambled to do as I said. The crowd grew so quiet you could hear Blackstone’s bull calling yonder. I took the ball Jimmy had brought along, and I made myself bring all my attention to the field of battle.
Jimmy had long arms and a wide swing. I would bring the ball in close to him. So close it could hit him. That’s a chance I was willing to take. I aimed my pitch and let loose underhand. The ball went straight, but it being too close it unbalanced him, a move he exaggerated. Now that was a ball. The crowd was speaking rapid, asking questions.
Well Tusaint got it right. And I’d be watching him. I checked to see each station manned pointing for Seth to move in closer to first base. He hadn’t had much practice, but I’d taught him the principles while we worked in the barn.
I took in the missus, noting she watched now, sharing a blanket on the grass with Allie and the baby. I saw this in a flash and it gave me more pluck than ever, not that I needed it.
Jimmy had his butt going in one direction and his arms extended in the other holding the bat at the ready. He never learned. I knew what he was doing, getting ready, countering my pitches, which he knew I’d keep close, so he could stumble around and end walking to first. I’d surprise him this time and make him work a little. That’s if he remembered how to do more than yammer that patch of beard he was so proud of.
So I let loose, and dropped it wide and low. He was so busy posing he forgot to swing. “Strike one,” Tusaint called.
I kept my face straight as the ball returned. I looked around, cast a stern eye at my men less they were distracted. Then I settled my boots and threw another, this one close. At the last Jimmy shortened his arms and whacked that ball and you’d of thought the Lord returned for all the shouting went on. The ball went far and Lem ran in search of it. Jimmy somersaulted on his way to first, swooped his hat off the ground and kept on running. The crowd went wild. I had to remember not to smile myself for it was not a smiling matter. But as he tagged that base, he doffed his hat to Addie or Allie. I could not tell as they shared that blanket. But I saw it alright.
Well, he got to third. When the ball was in my hand I looked around and glared at each. Though I blamed myself for a pitch that was so fair he got the hit, they did not need to know it.
Now it was Jake. All talk he was. Saw the end of the war and couldn’t get over himself. I bent forward and held the ball behind me, turning it in my hand, feeling for just the right place. I straightened, balanced my feet and let loose fast.
Jake swung late. Tusaint called strike. My next pitch strike two. My last pitch and Jake was flushed red and mad as he stalked off. He threw the bat, and the preacher scolded him, and I had to look at my shifting feet lest I laugh out loud.
I checked Jimmy on third, and Harley had him covered. Now Gaylin was up. He was watching me, and not the pitch. Too bad, for he swung hard and stumbled a bit. Oh this was fun. He thought that ball was me. I struck him out, too.
Now Jimmy was not smiling so much. He’d been dancing on that base, making the crowd cheer, even the preacher who did not believe in dancing unless the Spirit moved, and this was not the proper spirit, I could vouch. But it was Jimmy, so it made no matter, and they loved his jig. Even Allie was smiling again.
Michael came next. He’d also fought, and I knew all his corne
rs, I reckon. He was friendly on top, but beneath could be vicious if provoked. Folks didn’t know that about him. I let the ball hit him in the side of the head and he came running for me. The crowd was against him then for though they did not love me, they respected me, and any good man could make a mistake. Jake and Seth got ahold of him and dragged him off the field. I waited with patience and the preacher joined the ranks working to calm him down. Repentant of his foul response, he walked toward me and extended his hand. I graciously accepted his offer and he whispered, “Shit-ass,” and I said, “Watch your privates.”
So they were all pleased we made peace, and I guess he didn’t believe me cause I lambasted his privates next.
They were slower to take my side, but he was dragged off this time and he wouldn’t be coming back for a spell, so Gaylin was drafted to take his place. This was so perfect I could barely keep my dead calm pose. So I glared at the boys again, and Lem gestured at me like, “What are you doing fool? We ain’t here to play army ball. This is Sunday and the families are looking on!” But he didn’t say any of that aloud.
So I pitched gentle, to my brother, and he whacked it right to me, and I stopped it with my body, caught it against me. It hurt like being shot with a rock, but I ignored that, tossed it to my catcher who tagged Jimmy out at home.
The roaring crowd dropped into silence. You’d of thought there was a funeral. I turned toward them, and Addie had her hand over her mouth. Allie stood beside her with her hands all poised to clap but now they were struck into stillness.
It was Johnny broke it. He started to cheer and the little boys followed, throwing up their hats and shouting, “Huzzah.”
Then our admirers started in, and pretty soon it was high times because they dared to raise their voices, maybe for the first time, against their sweetheart Jimmy Leidner.
Well, I died and went to heaven for that brief moment. But that’s when I noticed the rented Greenup buggy pulling up. And out got a tall dandy fellow. The game was forgotten for a minute as we all stared cause this had never happened before. He was a stranger for sure.