"Yeah, I'd like to go to that."
"Also, I know your media guy has been evaluating a proposal we put in a few months ago. I'm not going to waste your time with the details. I just want you to know that it would be great if we could do business together sometime." That was it. That was Ken's five-minute sales pitch. It was 98 percent value-add for me, 2 percent sales pitch by him.
I called our media guy after Ken left my office. "Go to Newsweek," I told him. "Quote them a fair price relative to the other magazines we were considering, and give them our business in this segment. Make it work." And you know that when Ken went to another magazine, so did my business.
My point? Always respect the gatekeeper's power. Treat them with the dignity they deserve. If you do, doors will open for you to even the most powerful decision makers. What does it mean to treat them with dignity? Acknowledge their help. Thank them by phone, flowers, a note.
And yes, there are times, of course, where the situation calls for more than niceties and pleasant gifts. At times, you'll need to use street smarts to get a meeting.
Last summer, I met a former Disney executive on a flight to New York. In the course of our conversation, I mentioned that I was a fairly new transplant to Los Angeles and I was always looking to meet good, smart people. She suggested that I might like to get to know an up-and-coming executive by the name of Michael Johnson, the president of Walt Disney International.
There wasn't anything obvious that Johnson could do for my company or me at that point, but I felt he was someone I should meet. I was running a computer games company, and who could say whether Disney might someday be interested in the video games space. The only problem was getting through Johnson's gatekeeper; at a huge company like Disney, that's often a big problem.
I called Michael Johnson when I got home from my travels and, unsurprisingly, got a neutral to cold reception.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Johnson is traveling, and he'll be gone all month," his administrative assistant told me.
"That's okay," I replied. "Why don't you tell him a friend of Jane Pemberton's called. Please tell him to call me back when he gets a chance."
With a first call you don't want to come off as aggressive. Remember, you never, ever want to anger the gatekeeper.
My second call was more of the same: establishing my presence and making it known I wouldn't go away.
"Hi, this is Keith Ferrazzi. I'm just calling back because I haven't heard from Michael." Here, again, without being too pushy, you begin to create the presumption that his return call is imminent and expected. Johnson's gatekeeper politely took down my message and thanked me for calling. I asked for his e-mail address, but she wouldn't give it to me, stating privacy concerns.
On the third attempt, she was less polite. "Listen," she told me with a little edge in her voice, "Mr. Johnson is very busy and I don't know who you are." Now, I could either match her tone and this would spiral downward, or . . .
"Oh, I'm really sorry, I'm a personal friend of a friend of his. I just moved into the city, and Jane suggested that I should meet Michael, and honestly, I don't even know why besides the fact that Jane is a good friend of Michael's. Maybe you're right. Maybe it's all wrong. Maybe Michael doesn't know Jane well and he wouldn't want to meet me. I apologize if this is the case."
By being so candid and even vulnerable, I put the assistant on alert. She now fears that perhaps she's been too gruff, perhaps inappropriate, to a friend of a friend of her boss. After all, I'm just a guy following a friend's advice. Most likely she'll back off, worried that she's closed the gate too tight. Then I made a suggestion: "Why don't I just send Michael an e-mail?" And at this point, she's thinking, "I want to be out of the middle of this thing." So, finally, I got his e-mail address.
The e-mail I sent was simple: "Dear Michael, I'm a friend of Jane's, and she suggested I talk with you . . . Jane thinks we should know each other." If I had had something specific to discuss, I would have put it right up front, but the best value proposition I had was the mutual friend who felt this would be a win-win.
It's sometimes effective to utilize several forms of communication when trying to reach an important new contact. An e-mail, letter, fax, or postcard often has a better chance of landing directly in the hands of the person you're trying to reach.
Johnson's reply was cordial and short. "When convenient, I'd be happy to meet."
So I went back to his assistant with the information that Michael said he'd be happy to meet and that I was now calling to find out when. And finally, we did in fact meet.
Situations that call for this amount of maneuvering are, unfortunately, not rare. It's real work and it takes a finesse that only practice, practice, practice can master. But once you recognize the importance of gatekeepers, and turn them into allies with respect, humor, and compassion, there will be few gates that aren't open to you.
11. Never Eat Alone
The dynamics of a network are similar to those of a would-be celebrity in Hollywood: Invisibility is a fate far worse than failure. It means that you should always be reaching out to others, over breakfast, lunch, whatever. It means that if one meeting happens to go sour, you have six other engagements lined up just like it the rest of the week.
In building a network, remember: Above all, never, ever disappear.
Keep your social and conference and event calendar full. As an up-and-comer, you must work hard to remain visible and active among your ever-budding network of friends and contacts.
Let me give you an example of what I mean. A few years back, I got the opportunity to travel with then First Lady Hillary Clinton on a C130 troop carrier, crisscrossing the Southwest from one political event to another. She was up at 5 in the morning for breakfast and phone calls back to the East Coast. She gave at least four or five speeches, attended a few cocktail parties where she constantly reached out to scores of individuals, and visited several people's homes. She must have touched 2,000 hands that day alone. At the end of the night, when most of our entourage struggled to get back on Air Force One, she huddled her staff, sat up cross-legged, and began to joke and chitchat with them about all that happened that day. An hour or so of frivolity, and Mrs. Clinton moved on to scheduling the next day. No matter what your politics, you have to respect that kind of determination and sheer work ethic. I was shocked by the number of individuals she remembered by name along the trip. I was having a tough enough time with remembering everyone's name in our group.
I see examples of this kind of persistence and determination everywhere. My particular heroes, because of my background, are those people who came from humble origins. A fellow CEO friend came from a blue-collar family in the Midwest—his father, like mine, was a laborer for forty-odd years. He'll tell you he isn't the smartest guy in the room, he doesn't have the Ivy League pedigree of his colleagues, and he hasn't climbed the greasy pole by getting a boost from his family. But today, he is one of the most respected CEOs in his industry.
His formula is not complicated, but it is rigorous. He talks to at least fifty people each day. He spends hours a week walking his company plant talking to employees up and down the ladder. If you send an e-mail to him or his assistant, you can be sure there will be a response within hours. He attributes his success to the blue-collar work ethic and sensibilities he was raised with by his father. About his more starched white-collar colleagues, he once told me that while he had learned what these people know, they would never have an opportunity to learn what he knew.
Now, you have to work hard to be successful at reaching out to others, but that doesn't mean you have to work long. There is a difference. Some people think building a network requires eighteen-hour days slogging through meetings and phone calls. If I'm slogging, or even if it feels like slogging, I'm not doing my job—at least not well. Or perhaps I'm in the wrong job. Building a network of friends and colleagues is about building relationships and friendships. It should be fun, not time-consuming. When your network is set, your goals writt
en down, you'll find plenty of hours during the day to do what needs to be done.
How do I meet everyone I want to meet during the course of a week? Someone once remarked cynically, "I'd have to clone myself to take all the meetings you take."
"Ah, you're onto something," I responded. "I don't clone myself. I clone the event."
Here's what I mean. A few months ago, I flew into New York for a two-day business stint. There were a number of people I wanted to see: an old client and friend of mine who was the former president of Lego and was now trying to figure out what he wanted to do with the rest of his life, the COO of Broadway Video, with whom I wanted to discuss a new branded entertainment TV show for one of my clients, and a close friend that I hadn't seen in too long.
I had two days, three people I wanted to see, and only one available time slot to see them all. How do you manage a situation like this?
I "cloned" the dinner and invited all of them to join me. Each would benefit from knowing the others, and I'd be able to catch up with all of them and perhaps even get some creative input about the new TV show. My friend, who has a fantastic sense of humor, would enjoy the group and add a little levity to what might have been just a stodgy business meeting.
I asked my friend to join me a half hour in advance at the hotel I was staying at for a little one-on-one time. And if the details of the project I was discussing with the COO were private, I might schedule a little one-on-one time with him after dinner.
The point is I'm constantly looking to include others in whatever I'm doing. It's good for them, good for me, and good for everyone to broaden their circle of friends. Sometimes I'll take potential employees for a workout and conduct the interview over a run. As a makeshift staff meeting, I'll occasionally ask a few employees to share a car ride with me to the airport. I figure out ways to as much as triple my active working day through such multitasking. And, in the process, I'm connecting people from different parts of my "community."
The more new connections you establish, the more opportunities you'll have to make even more new connections. As Robert Metcalfe, the inventor of Ethernet, says: The value of a network grows proportional to the square of the number of its users. In the case of the Internet, every new computer, every new server, and every new user added expands the possibilities for everyone else who's already there. The same principle holds true in growing your web of relationships. The bigger it gets, the more attractive it becomes, and the faster it grows. That's why I say that a network is like a muscle—the more you work it, the bigger it gets.
Such cloning is also a good way to ensure that a meeting or gettogether is worthwhile. If I'm meeting someone whom I don't know that well, I might invite someone I do know just to make sure the meeting does not become a waste of time. Mentees, for instance, get a special kick out of sitting in on such meetings— and it can be a great learning opportunity. It gets them face time with me, they get a chance to see business in action, and I make sure our reason for the meeting gets accomplished. In most cases, they end up contributing something to the meeting as well. Don't underestimate young people's ability to find creative new insight.
When you try this sort of thing, pay special attention to the chemistry between people. Do you have a sense of who will get on well with each other? It doesn't mean that everyone has to have the same background and sensibility. In fact, a nice mix of different professions and personalities can be the perfect recipe for a terrific gathering. Trust your instincts. One litmus test I often use is to ask myself if I think I'll have fun. If the answer is yes, that is usually a good sign that the dynamic will work.
Have you taken a colleague to lunch lately? Why not invite him or her out today—and include a few other people from different parts of your company or business network.
Soon, you'll have an ever-expanding web of friends and contacts.
Learn from Your Setbacks
For all his legendary success and greatness as a president, Abraham Lincoln lost all the time. Lincoln experienced numerous business, political, and personal setbacks over his life. But he never let any of his failures discourage him from pursuing his goals.
Lincoln failed in business. He failed as a farmer. He lost running for state legislature. He had a nervous breakdown. He was rejected for a job as a land officer. W h e n he was finally elected to the legislature, he lost the vote to be speaker. He ran for Congress and lost. He ran for and lost a U.S. Senate seat. He ran for vice president and lost. He ran for the Senate and lost a g a i n . A n d , when he was finally elected president, the nation he was elected to lead broke apart. But by this time, all the activities, experiences, and people he came to know in the process helped him set a direction for that country that will stand as one of America's great legacies.
My point is, behind any successful person stands a long string of failures. But toughness and tenacity like Lincoln's can overcome these setbacks. Lincoln knew the only w a y to gain ground, to move f o r w a r d , to turn his goals into reality, was to learn from his setbacks, to stay engaged, and press on!
12. Share Your Passions
I have a confession to make. I've never been to a so-called "networking event" in my life.
If properly organized, these get-togethers in theory could work. Most, however, are for the desperate and uninformed. The average attendees are often unemployed and too quick to pass on their resumes to anyone with a free hand—usually the hand of someone else who is unemployed looking to pass on his resume. Imagine a congregation of people with nothing in common except joblessness. That's not exactly a recipe for facilitating close bonds.
When it comes to meeting people, it's not only whom you get to know but also how and where you get to know them.
For example, take the first-class section on an airplane. Flying first class is not something most people can afford, but there's an interesting camaraderie among those front seats that you won't find back in coach. To begin with, there are always a number of movers and shakers up front, in close quarters, for hours at a time. Because they've slapped down an absurd premium for the luxury of getting off the plane a few seconds earlier than the rest of the passengers, fellow first-classers assume you, too, are important, and they often seek to quench their curiosity about who you are and why you're as dumb as they are to pay such an inflated price. I can't tell you how many valuable clients and contacts I've met during a conversation struck up during an in-flight meal. (By the way, this is the only acceptable time to bother your seat mate.)
At a so-called "networking event," the dynamics are just the opposite. People assume you're in the same boat they are—desperate. Credibility is hard to gain. If you're jobless, doesn't it make more sense to hang with the job-givers than fellow job-seekers?
There are better ways, and better places, to spend your time. Shared interests are the basic building blocks of any relation-
ship. Race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, or busi-
ness, professional, and personal interests are relational glue. It makes sense, then, that events and activities where you'll thrive are those built around interests you're most passionate about.
Friendship is created out of the quality of time spent between two people, not the quantity. There is a misconception that to build a bond, two people need to spend a great deal of time together. This is not the case. Outside your family and work, you probably can count the people you see a great deal of in the course of a month on two hands. Yet, surely, you have more than ten friends. It is what you do together that matters, not how often you meet. That's why you have to pay special attention to where you're most comfortable and what activities you most enjoy.
Usually it's the events and activities you excel at that you're most passionate about. So it makes sense to make these the focus of your efforts. For me, my love of food and exercise has led to the most amazing get-togethers. For others, it maybe stamps, baseball cards, politics, or skydiving that brings you together.
The power of shared
passion in bringing people together can be seen today in the rising trend of blogs, or Web logs. Blogs are online journals, usually dedicated to an individual's interests, containing commentary and links to relevant news and information.
Popular blogs attract like-minded legions to their sites. The blogosphere (the community of active bloggers writing on topics that range from spirituality to sports) has grown from a dozen or so Web logs in 1999 to an estimated five million today.
When they write the history of the 2004 presidential campaign, an entire chapter could be dedicated to blogs. No other innovation in the last twenty years has influenced electoral politics quite like these impassioned online communities. They've galvanized an unprecedented number of voters into action, raised millions, and given people an outlet to participate in the political process. It's amazing to think that one person, writing about what or whom they love, could have so much influence or create a community of people so quickly.
When we are truly passionate about something, it's contagious. Our passion draws other people to who we are and what we care about. Others respond by letting their guard down. Which is why sharing your passion is important in business.
I can tell more about how someone is likely to react in a business situation from my experience with them at an intimate dinner, or after just one strenuous workout, than I can from any number of in-office meetings. We just naturally loosen up outside the office. Or perhaps it's the venue itself—not to mention the wine over dinner. It's astonishing how much more you can learn about someone when you are both doing something you enjoy.
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