by E G Bateman
“No. But I let Marcel pee on that nasty couch.”
“We shouldn’t teach Marcel bad habits but I think you’re heading for a bonus this year, Jesús.”
The man jumped up and down and clapped enthusiastically.
The vampire turned to Lexi and Scott. “Come and look at my new furniture. I can’t wait to see what Jesús went with. He’s so close to that bonus.”
Jesús looked sideways at him and led them in. “This way.” He sounded nervous.
The entrance hall now had a large brass gong hung vertically in a wooden frame with a mallet on a bracket at the top.
Dick looked at it. “Bold. Very bold.”
Scott’s gaze fell on it. “That’s perfect.”
“You think?” The vampire’s face brightened. “Onward, then.”
They moved into the living room. His eyes narrowed slightly as he looked around.
“I chose to go with mostly Florence Knoll Bassett,” Jesús explained hastily. “Her lines are clean and understated. The corner sofa is a statement piece. White would have been preferable, but this is a rental, after all, and you can’t always guarantee quality guests. This and the credenza work together beautifully. The Rennie Mackintosh Italian Ash dining table and chairs, while matching well with the colors, contrast playfully with the Knoll in style.” He took a deep breath.
Scott put his hands on his hips. “You’re very knowledgeable, Jesús.”
The man grinned with pride. “Mr. Levin has been paying for my college degree in design.”
“He can’t be a house boy forever, and he has a keen eye.” Dick nodded as he looked around the room.
“One thing, though.” Scott pointed at the gong. “Can I borrow that?”
The vampire looked both wary and confused. “Erm…sure.”
Scott picked the gong up in its frame and took it through the front door.
Dick and Jesús looked at Lexi.
“Don’t ask me.” She shrugged and followed. When she reached him in the kitchen, he’d put her weapons on the kitchen counter but there was no sign of the gong. “Where is it?”
“It’s in my dimensional pocket. I have some work to do on it.” He sat and closed his eyes.
She retrieved her weapons and trudged up the stairs. Standing in the doorway of their room, she looked at the two beds, hers closest to the door and window to protect Scott. She sneered and wondered if she could even protect him now or if he might have to risk his life to protect her. The thought made her cringe inwardly.
Lexi walked into the master bedroom and dropped onto the bed. Her mind revolved through everything she didn’t want to think about—all the unanswered questions. Seeing Mags and Zac had confused her. Bryan had confused her. Her stomach had done flips from the moment she knew he was alive, but it looked like he might have tried to turn Alicia into her? Now the possibility that he might want her existed, she realized she didn’t want him at all. Not that it mattered.
What use am I to anyone?
Irritated, she straightened and realized she needed to keep busy. She closed the door, took her jacket and vest off, and hunted for more places to hide weapons. After an hour or so, she dropped the blades she’d been unable to fit in the clothes onto the bed. She threw the garment onto the pile, stretched beside it, and drifted off.
Chapter Sixty-Five
Lexi woke to “Mr. Blue Sky” from Dick’s cell downstairs.
He answered in moments. “Hello, Dolores… Upstairs resting, I think. Would you like me to check? Tomorrow? Excellent.”
She listened to silence for a while.
“Good heavens, no,” he continued. “Don’t book me into cattle-class. Book me first-class and invoice my accountant. Oh, yes. I’d forgotten I need to choose a surname. I’ll mull on it for an hour or so. It’s an important decision, you know. I’ve had the same name for a hundred years… Yes, I’ll let you know tonight. Do the others need new identities? Let me choose Lexi’s, please. How about Mary-Beth, or Mary-Jane? Something with a hyphen… Oh, very well. I’ll update Scott.” After a moment he added, “Marcel, walkies.”
Just when she thought Dick was a decent guy, he’d start being a dick again. She rolled her eyes. He was mostly a nice guy and he would give you the monogrammed shirt off his back but sometimes, he could be utterly thoughtless. She turned over and lay quietly for a few minutes before she opened her eyes and sighed. Moping was pointless. She decided to get ready for dinner.
At that moment, the ruckus broke out.
The sound of a crashing cymbal echoed around her. The air shimmered in the room and Murder-Fae appeared with a nasty grin on his face. He held an evil-looking curved knife but didn’t approach her with it. Her gaze shifted from the knife to his face and she scowled belligerently. She’d fallen asleep without her vest on and the moron now stared at her breasts.
Scott teleported into the room. He raised his hands, no doubt to perform a spell, when he also noticed that she was bare-chested and froze momentarily. The fae tapped the mage’s forehead and he was suddenly nowhere to be seen.
Lexi looked at the intruder in horror. “What have you done?”
He glanced at the floor and moved his foot. She edged slowly onto her knees and looked over the end of the bed to where a tiny Scott waved at her from the floor.
The fae hovered his foot above him. “Give me the pouch or your boyfriend’s floor jello.”
She put her hands up, clasped them around the back of her head, and simultaneously arched her back a little. “Please don’t hurt him. I’ll do…anything.” She noted that the creep’s gaze darted between her face and breasts.
“Just…just give me the pouch.” He continued to look, though.
“It’s in my vest. Do you want me to take it out?”
“No! Pass the vest over slowly.” He seemed to sense that she was up to something.
“Fine, okay. Look, I won’t try anything.” She leaned sideways with her one hand still at her neck and the other stretched to reach the vest.
He sneered at her. “I know you won’t try anything. The word’s out that you’re a total dud—no abilities, no nothing.”
How in the hell would he know that?
Her face flamed with the shame of his words but she picked the vest up with a finger and thumb so he could see she only intended to pass it to him. She kept it far away from her body and swept it in a slow arc, hoping Scott had the sense to run from under the guy’s foot.
“Take it. And here I thought there was nothing to learn from those Vegas magicians.”
His gaze flicked to her face and inevitably, to her breasts. “What does that—”
She acted as fast as her half-naked, total-dud body could move.
“What does that mean? Let me answer that for you. Misdirection. It means that while you gaped at my girls here, I was able to slip a blade from under my vest with my toes. And while you stared over there at the vest and here at my breasts, I passed that blade to my hand and was able to stab you through the head with it.”
“Lexi.” Dick stood in the doorway. “Why are you talking to the dead fae?”
“We were having a conversation. I see no reason to end it simply because he died while I still had a point to make.”
A hurried glance at the floor revealed Scott coming out from under the bed. She picked him up gently and placed him on her hand.
“Get Dolores,” the tiny sorcerer yelled.
Lexi put her ear closer to him. “What?”
He tried again. “Call Dolores. Do-lor-es.”
Dick knelt beside the fae’s body and began to search through his pockets. “He’s asking you to call Dolores.”
“Oh, I know. I can hear him perfectly well.” She smiled at Scott. “But he’s so adorable this size. Can’t I keep him like this? I’ve heard the teacup human line before, but it’s never been this literal.”
The vampire looked at Scott, who was seated in her hand with his head in his hands. “I suppose you could get a little cage with
a wheel so he could exercise and a Barbie to talk to.”
He scowled at Dick and made a rude gesture.
Lexi straightened on the bed. “Oh, my God, that’s so cute. Did you see? He flipped you a teeny-weeny bird.”
Dick chuckled, then held up the golden poker chip “Tadaaa!” He threw it on the bed.
She gave him a thumbs-up and focused on her friend again. “Now, Scott. We need to talk. It’s about breasts. These are breasts, see?” She held him at breast height. “They are not a reason to lose focus and get yourself killed—or shrunken. Do I have to walk around topless until you get used to them?”
He put his hands over his eyes and shouted, “Put them away. They’re really big and it’s freaking me out.”
The vampire leaned against the wall and raised his hand. “Excuse me. I’m impervious. May I be excused from class?”
Lexi nodded. “Yes, would you mind calling Dolores?”
“Roger that.” He nodded and walked away.
She returned her gaze to Scott. “I’d also like to point out that while Dick had his strength and speed—”
“I was walking the dog,” he interjected from downstairs.
With a sigh, she continued. “And you had all your powers to hand, I was the dud with no legacy abilities but I was still the kickass bitch. I am still the kickass bitch and I will always be in this team.” She thought for a moment. “Unless you count my breasts as a superpower. And to be honest, I do lean in that direction.”
Gently, she placed Scott on the bed and pulled her vest on.
She glanced at the talisman. “Hey, see if you can use that to regain your regular size.”
He crawled across the bed to the chip. When he was almost there, she moved it six inches further away. He stopped and stared daggers at her and she giggled.
The sorcerer reached it and sat on it. He scrunched his eyes closed for a moment, then opened them. “Nope. Are you sure this is the right one?”
Lexi considered the question. “Maybe it’s because I’m holding the pouch and I’ll be honest, I’m not one hundred percent invested in your request. Try asking for a pitcher of margarita to appear on the dresser.”
Scott scowled at her.
She picked him and the talisman up as Dick appeared at the door
He stepped into the room and closed it behind him. When he opened it again, Dolores stood there in her apartment. “You’re lucky. I’ve been out of cell range and I was about to head out again. I happened to turn back for something when my phone rang.”
Lexi raised an eyebrow. “Hmm. That was lucky.”
Dolores went to the French doors on the opposite side of her room and opened them. “Quickly.” She gestured urgently to Dick.
He yanked Lexi’s blade from Murder-Fae’s brain, picked the corpse up, and ran through the apartment at vamp speed and up the boardwalk. With little compunction, he threw the fae’s body into the lake.
Lexi carried Scott to Dolores and looked through to the lake beyond the doors. “I hope no one discovers that body any time soon.”
A series of splashes drew their attention and the vampire looked over the edge and grimaced. He hurried to the portal. “Alligators.”
Dolores raised her eyebrows. “Really? I’ve never seen alligators there before.” She turned to Scott and tapped his tiny head gently. He outgrew Lexi’s hand and she dropped him but before he had the chance to fall, his growth had covered the distance. He stood with an angry look on his face. “Thank you, Dolores.” He turned to Lexi and shouted, “Yes, I know you have breasts,” before he stormed to the bed and sat with his arms folded to stare straight ahead.
The fae looked from one young person to the other and shook her head. “I won’t ask. I need to go before they put the wards up again.” Dick stepped out and she pulled the bedroom door closed.
Two seconds later, the vampire opened the door again with a flourish to confirm that Dolores’ apartment had vanished, and he bowed dramatically.
Lexi clapped.
Scott put his hand out to Lexi. “Talisman and pouch, please.”
He dropped the talisman into the little bag. “A pitcher of margarita,” he said acidly.
Dick looked around. “That’s disappointing.”
The sorcerer put a shielding spell on the items and handed them to Lexi. “No one will be able to track this now. I suppose you want me to get rid of the blood.”
She looked at the floor. “If you don’t mind.”
He stood over the blood with his hands outstretched.
The gong sounded and the blood remained where it was.
Dick raised an eyebrow. “Whoever’s messing with the wards must have realized he’s not coming back.” He wandered out of the room.
Lexi glanced at her friend, then at the floor. “You did offer.”
“Fine.” Scott stormed into the bathroom and returned with a scrubbing brush and a bucket of hot water. She blocked his path at the door and took them from him. “Go for a swim. You deserve it.”
After she’d scrubbed for a few minutes, Dick appeared at the door. “What on earth are you doing?”
“Getting the blood up.”
“Stand aside, sister. I’m an expert in all things blood.” He took the bucket and brush into the bathroom and returned with the bucket refilled and a bottle of hand wash in his other hand. “This needs cold water.” He rolled his sleeves up, squirted the hand wash onto the floor, and scrubbed with the cold water. She went to the bathroom and retrieved a towel. When she started to kneel, he stopped her.
He put his hand on her shoulder. “I’ve got this. You empty the bucket.”
Lexi tipped the bucket to empty the contents down the sink, refilled it, and squirted bleach in.
I miss the zombie twins.
She paused at the sound of singing and returned to the room to find Dick standing barefoot on the towel while he shimmied across the floor.
“Blame it on the Bossa Nova.” He looked up. “Oh, Lexi. I learned this technique from Jesús. He’s a little genius.”
Scott shouted, “Lexi, Dick,” from downstairs as they finished. She went into the bathroom and squashed the towel, pink with blood, into the bleach.
They headed downstairs to where the sorcerer stood in the hallway with a pitcher of margarita. “Look at what I won at the pool bar.”
Lexi pushed her plate away. “If I die today, it’ll be with a happy stomach.” She looked at Scott who appeared to be seated in front of an elephant graveyard. Huge, stripped white bones piled on the two plates he’d cleared in Jessie Rae’s.
He put his hands on his stomach. “It’s with great sadness I have to announce that as much as I’d like to, I cannot possibly manage a third plate.”
Dick raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure the local cattle wranglers were holding their breath.”
She grinned and passed the talisman to Albin. “What will you do with this?”
The man held the little pouch in his hand. “I can’t thank you all enough for this. I can’t put it on display yet. It will probably simply get stolen again.”
Scott put his hand out. “Keep it somewhere safe. It’s shielded so they shouldn’t be able to find it, even with the wards down. If you decide it’s too hot to handle, call Dolores. I’m sure she’ll be able to put it somewhere safe.”
Albin shook his hand. “I’m about to see Dolores anyway. She has asked me to help her with something. Then, I’ll work out where to keep it.”
Lexi stood and, although she intended to shake his hand, she somehow hugged him instead. He kissed her cheek and she sat again, a little dazed.
She smirked when Dick stumbled awkwardly to his feet.
The historian turned to him, took his face in his hands, and kissed him for a full minute.
Unable to help herself, she leaned forward and stared, her elbows on the table and her face in her hands. “I wish I was Dick’s lips.” She grimaced. “Did I say that out loud?”
Albin broke away. “And I’ll see y
ou when you’re next in town.”
The vampire swayed on his feet. “I’m not leaving. I live here now.”
“Call me.” Albin chuckled and turned and walked away.
Dick took his cell phone out and fumbled with it.
Lexi leaned across and took it out of his hands. “Not now. Show some restraint. Call him tomorrow.”
He frowned. “Are you sure? I mean, have you ever actually dated anyone.”
She stared at him. I am a calm pool of tranquility.
“Yes, you’re right.” He put both palms on the table. “I’ll play it cool.”
To refocus herself, she checked on Marcel who was asleep under the table with his paws around a stripped beef bone that was roughly the same length as his body. She took the cell phone out of the satchel she was now forced to carry and snapped a picture of him to send to her boss. “I’m texting Dolores. Any messages?”
Dick straightened. “Oh, yes. Tell her “Bond.” She’ll know what it means.”
Lexi had forgotten about his new name. “Bond, as in James?”
“Precisely.” He smiled and she thought he looked quite smug.
She shrugged. “Okay.” She began to tap the screen.
A few minutes later, her phone chirped. “She says our flights are booked for twelve pm tomorrow. Tickets and extra documentation will be in a sealed envelope at the information desk.”
The vampire smiled. “Perfect.”
Lexi refused to allow an evil little giggle to escape her lips.
Scott straightened abruptly. “Something’s wrong.”
They focused on him and waited as he rifled through his bag.
He withdrew a sheet of paper and stared at it.
She waited a whole two seconds before she asked, “What’s that?”
Dick peered around the sheet. “Is that a fax? How retro.”
“Yes. I asked Dolores to put the machine into my dimensional pocket. It’s a message from Bryan.”
Lexi took it and read it aloud. “To: Scott, From: Bryan, Subject: Urgent. Message Reads: Caleb has returned, I think—” She flipped it but it was blank on the other side. “Where’s the rest of it?”