This doesn’t make any sense. I mean, last week I didn’t feel the things that I’m feeling right this second.
Maybe I should explain something here. There was a girl, and she’d been trying to seduce me all the way through my shift at the bar last Saturday. When I came out from the back room just before we closed the place for the night, she was there, waiting for me. I kept playing what happened that night over and over in my mind for at least a couple of days afterwards while I tried to understand what it meant.
We … yes. We had sex. Meaningless sex in the room out back. But, that’s all it was. It didn’t mean a damn thing, and at the time, it was a distraction. It made me unable to think. It gave me distance from who I am and everything I’ve been feeling inside for the past eighteen months.
It didn’t make any sense to me at first, but I thought that I finally understood. I couldn’t kiss her. I didn’t want to kiss her because the last person I kissed was Holly. And, where Holly and I were never intimate in that respect, I didn’t feel like this afterward. I felt nothing, and it felt good. But, tonight? I felt something. Something entirely different.
Shaking my head, I know I shouldn’t be doing shit like this. Not anymore. I’m not that same guy I was. I wasn’t supposed to feel anything when I was with her tonight. I wasn’t.
I stare at the mask that I’m clutching in my right hand for a couple of seconds, and then toss it to the ground before standing back up and heading down the sidewalk.
Guilt. That’s what this feeling is. I made a promise. I promised Holly that I’d always be loyal. Always be faithful. There’s only one place where I should’ve been tonight. I need to be with her. I need to tell her that I’m sorry, and whatever that was back there, I need her to know that it won’t ever happen again. It can’t happen again because the new pain that’s running through my chest is the worst feeling I’ve experienced in a very long time, and I never wanna have to feel it again.
Chapter Two
Rachael’s just called to see how my time at the ball was last night. Needless to say, I’ve been avoiding giving her any details, and thankfully I’ve managed to steer our conversation toward more important matters in hand. We’ve been talking about one of the guys I met while I was on the inside. He was released just before I was, and though I kept myself to myself for the most part, he was one of the very few people who I actually had more than one conversation with during the whole time I was there.
I called him earlier this week, and he told me to hang tight while he looked into a few things for me. But, as of yet, I haven’t heard anything back. Sometime last week I told Rach that I’ll never stop, never give up until I find out exactly what happened that night. And, well, she offered to help. I mean, I knew she’d be on board because the people responsible not only took my girlfriend away from me; they took her little sister away from her, too.
“Yeah, everything else is cool,” I speak into my cell while jogging through to the kitchen to grab myself a soda. “So, what about you? Have you made any plans for the weekend?”
“Nothing for the weekend, but I thought that I might stop by on Monday after your afternoon class. I managed to get a hold of someone who might be able to help us, and they said they’ll try and look into a couple of things, so I’ll be in the city.”
“Well, that sounds promising,” I slow my pace as I walk through to the living area, and grab my jacket from off of the back of one of the dining chairs. “My last class ends at four on Monday.”
“Okay, well I’ll call you when I’m leaving. I love you.”
It always makes me smile whenever she says this. I know what I lost the day Holly died, but it was at that very time I was somehow fortunate enough to gain a sister, “I love you, too. Bye.” I end the call, and slip my arms into my leather jacket.
“Good morning to you, too!”
When I hear someone chuckling over by the couch, I glance to my right, and walk over when I see one of my roommates, James, peeking over the back. “Sorry, man. I didn’t see you there.”
“No worries. So, are you settling in okay?”
Nodding, I take a step back when I see the time, “Yeah. So far so good, I guess.” I tell him, and I can already see that he’s about to start firing a million questions my way. “Listen, I don’t wanna sound rude, but I’ve really gotta head to work, so …” I point over to the door, and smile before heading out of the building.
I stuff my hands in my pants pockets while slowly making my way down the steps, and then head toward the main gates. Because I’ve been watching the ground instead of what’s going on around me, I end up slamming into someone when I reach the sidewalk, “Sorry, totally my fault.” I mutter, and go to carry on walking, but the person I just knocked into grabs a hold of my shoulder.
Is he really gonna start something with me because I accidently walked into him? Seriously? I turn around and narrow my eyes, ready for him to start something. I don’t fight, but I worked out enough in jail to be able to take a good care of myself.
“Brandon?” A beaming wide smile spreads over his entire face, and I’d know that smile anywhere.
“Well, if it isn’t Rye McGregor.”
***
I sent a quick message over to Rach when I first arrived in work at one o’clock, telling her who I happened to bump into on my way over here. I know that she’s been constantly worrying about me being out here on my own, especially because I don’t know a lot of people, so I told her that there's no need for her to worry about me anymore.
Rye was the last person I’d been expecting to see here in Seattle. But, listen to this. Not only is Rye living in the city, Neil’s here, too. In fact, they’re both studying music at the same college, and it’s highly likely that we’ll be in the same class come Monday morning. Cool, huh?
While restocking the small refrigerator behind the bar, I feel a hand rest on my right shoulder and when I look up, I see Mark standing over me, waving five twenty dollar bills in my face, “Bravo, Mr. Disappearing Act. A very good performance!”
I swallow, hard, and look around to make sure no one else is close enough to hear him. The last thing I want or need is for him to start shooting his mouth off about last night, especially in front of Layla. Layla will tell Rach and, well, I really don’t need that to happen. It’s bad enough that I didn’t manage to catch any sleep again last night as it is.
“Here,” I look down to his hand when he offers my winnings over to me. “And I thought it was the sitter who’s supposed to get paid!”
Standing up, I shake my head, and push his hand away from me, “No. Keep it.” I insist, and go to walk around him. It doesn’t feel right accepting the cash. Especially after what happened when I went outside. She wasn’t just some chick, and she definitely didn’t deserve to have a wager put above her head. Man, she really needed to be just some other chick.
“No. No. I always pay my debts. Besides, I tried that line you used on some unsuspecting redhead, and let’s just say, she was putty in my hands, and my bed.” He winks, his smile wide. That’s information I definitely didn’t need to hear.
“Well, I’m happy I could help,” I throw over my shoulder, and bend to grab another crate of beer from off of the floor. “Instead of paying up, you could do me one small favor, though.”
He walks over and cocks his head to the side, studying me, “Shoot.”
“Don’t mention last night to anyone. As far as you’re concerned, I stayed with you all night and then headed home. Not a word to Layla, and definitely no mention of this to Rach.”
“Oh, and then it all makes sense. You got lucky, and now you don’t want your girlfriend hearing about your dirty little antics. You can trust me, bro. What happened at the ball will stay at the ball.” He winks again, and pats my shoulder when he goes to walk out the front.
Yeah, if only things were really that fucking simple.
“Brandon, now that it’s getting quieter out here could you go ahead and start organizing the bac
k room?” Layla calls over from the end of the bar.
“Sure,” I place the crate back down by the side of the bar, and then head straight over to Neil and Rye. When I told Rye earlier where I'm working now, he said that he’d make sure he and Neil stopped by tonight. They’ve already been here for a couple of hours, and because this place hasn’t been overly busy tonight, we had a little time to catch up. “Hey, I gotta go and do a few things out back. Give me a shout when you’re heading out, alright?”
“Will do, bro,” Rye nods, and I pat them both on the back once before making my way toward the hallway.
Once I’ve hauled the boxes of liquor around the back room, and filled out a new drinks order, I wipe my brow with the sleeve of my shirt and rest my hands on my waist, “Okay, I think that’s everything.”
“Okay, great!” I see Layla smiling as she checks through the order I just filled out. “Listen, it’s getting quieter out there by the second, and I’ve already told Seth that he can finish up early. You go ahead and knock off, too.” She walks out from the room, and heads into her office before I even have a chance to protest.
I notice there’s only around fifteen people in the whole place when I walk back into the main bar area, and see the guys sitting on a table over in the corner of the room, just up by the pool table.
“Are you done for the night, too, bro?” Neil calls over to me from where he’s sitting with Rye and a few other people, one of them being Seth. Though I’ve been working here a lot over the past couple of weeks, tonight has been the first shift we’ve actually worked together because he headed home for the holidays.
“Yeah, it’s pretty dead,” I say as I near the table. “You guys want another drink before I knock off?” I glance around the table, but not one of them seems to acknowledge what I’ve just asked, and then I notice Rye swinging his bottle of beer out in front of him before he speaks, “Alex, Alyssa. This is Brandon.”
I look across the table and see a blonde offering her hand out to me, “It’s nice to meet you,” she smiles, and I take her hand. “Seth just told me you’re the new guy in town.”
“Kinda,” I let go of her hand and grab a seat, pulling it closer to the table before offering my hand out to the brunette. “It’s nice to meet you …” Why didn’t I finish my sentence just now? Well, that could have something to do with the girl who’s sitting directly ahead of me.
No. No. No. This cannot be happening.
Okay, think. Shit, do something. Do anything.
One thing's for sure, I need to quit staring into those big, chocolate brown eyes of hers, but shit. She’s hot. No, not hot. She’s stunning. Yep, you’ve guessed it. The girl from last night is staring right back at me.
Breathe, dude. Breathe. You’re gonna freak her out.
Freak her out? I’m freaking myself out.
Okay, this really isn’t healthy. I shouldn’t be having conversations with myself about this.
I need to look away before she recognizes me.
Break the gaze. Break the gaze now.
My palms are beginning to sweat, and my heart rate picks up its speed. I clench my jaw tight so I can at least try and focus on anything else but … those lips, “Likewise … Alexis or Alex is fine.” She shakes my hand for a brief second before I pull it back away. I’m not appreciating in the slightest the way it just felt to be touching her again.
Alexis.
My eyes dart around the rest of the group to make sure they didn’t catch onto anything, and thankfully, it doesn’t look like they were paying any attention. When I take a seat opposite to her, I swallow, hard. I was not supposed to see her again.
“We were thinking of hitting a club,” Neil suggests. A club sounds good. In fact, it sounds like a fucking great idea. I need to get completely and utterly intoxicated. Yeah, it most definitely sounds like a plan.
“Are you gonna try and get in?” My head snaps over to the other side of the table when I hear the blonde speak. Alyssa? I think that’s her name, and notice that she’s aiming her question over at Alexis. Try and get in? Why would she need to try? “Maybe you’ll bump into ‘Mr. Operation Orgasm!’” My eyes widen.
What the fuck did she just say? Who in the hell is Mr. Operation Orgasm?
My fists are clenched under the table, and my jaw’s starting to twitch. Shit. Why is this even concerning me? It shouldn’t be. It really shouldn’t.
I keep my eyes on her, but when I see her looking right at me, I tear my gaze away again, “I don’t think so.” I hear her answer her friend, but I keep my eyes focused on the candle in the center of the table.
“She’s only eighteen. She’s the baby of the group.” I realize the blonde’s speaking to me, and hearing what she said just makes this situation a whole lot worse. I feel my eyebrows starting to furrow and my face fall. I don’t look at her. I can’t.
“Right, eighteen huh?” The baby of the group? If the guys find out about what happened between the two of us last night, then they’re not gonna be fucking happy. Especially when they come to realize that I don’t have any intention in perusing her. The youngest of the group is always protected. Always. It was the same back in high school. “You seem older …” Okay, well I guess that was better than saying nothing at all.
“You want me to call you a taxi back? Or, I don’t need to go with them. We can head back together.” I hear Neil offer, and I’m hoping he calls her a cab, or goes home with her. I don't want her to come along with us. That would just be awkward, if it can actually get any more awkward, that is.
“No, I can walk. It’s only a couple of blocks away. You go have fun.” I glance over and see her smiling at Neil, and then notice him place his cell back down on the table. He would let her? To hell she’ll walk home alone. Is she crazy and seriously that naïve? Okay, alright. So, I let her go outside with me last night, but that was different. I know me, and I know I wouldn’t have hurt her.
“Holy fucking shit!” I almost spill my beer when Rye jumps up from his seat, knocking the chair he was sitting on to the ground with his excitement. Twisting in my seat, I see exactly why he reacted in that way. “Did you see what she just did?” He hasn’t changed, not one bit, and I smirk when I remember the things he used to do in high school. “Oh, man, she’s coming over! Damn, she’s one fine piece of …”
“Well, hi again,” Oh shit. “I can’t stop thinking about last week, and I swear I can still taste you.” I wince when I recognize the bra. Yeah. Let’s just say, I wasn’t exactly in the best of places last weekend. I catch the look washing across Alexis’ face when I glance over this chicks shoulder, and I’m not particularly sure why, but it bothers me. Her eyes have widened, and her lips have slightly parted. “You want me to do it again?”
My whole body tenses when I notice the topless chick trying to climb on me. Her breasts are brushing against the side of my right cheek, and her hands are getting closer to my crotch. I need to do something. No matter how nice it is to have breasts pushed right up in my face, now is definitely not the time, “You know, I was just leaving actually,” I shake my head, try my hardest to smile, and take a deep breath of relief when she backs away a couple of small steps. “I have my friend over here to walk home.” I nod and point over toward Alexis.
“Maybe some other time.”
Oh, she really didn’t need to shake her ass as she walked away. Now that I didn’t need to see.
“Are you kidding me?” Rye face palms himself, and starts to shake his head. “You always get the fucking women!” I watch him lean back in his seat, and can see that he isn’t happy he missed out … again. “Shit! It was even the same in high school! Every fucking woman wanted a piece of you!”
“You guys went to high school together?” The blonde grabs my attention when she asks, and I try and make it subtly obvious to both Neil and Rye that I don’t want them to bring up anything about what happened back home. As nice as they all seem to be, I don’t want them to know shit about me, or about what happened. Peo
ple are all too ready to judge these days.
“Yeah, we pretty much grew up together. We lost touch when—”
“We lost touch when they went traveling,” I interrupt Rye, and notice Alexis’ face falter. She noticed my diversion there. I can tell.
“You’re not coming to the club?” Neil leans around Rye, throwing his question right at me. “I thought we were gonna go and check out that new place?”
He’s right. We were gonna check out that new place, but little Miss. Independent over there decided that she’d walk home on her own, “No, I’ve got a few things I need to sort out,” I stand, grab my jacket from beside the chair, and then turn back around to face her. “You ready?” She hesitantly nods, and she’s actually starting to look a little unsure. “I’ll just head to the bathroom and then we’ll get going.” I smile to try and reassure her that she’ll be more than safe with me. A hell of a lot safer than walking back to the campus alone, anyways.
Do I need the bathroom? No. No, I don’t. I need a little time. Just a couple of minutes to think things through. Trying to think while she was sitting right opposite to me was not an option. It took all of my energy to just try and act normal. Well, as normal as I could under these circumstances, anyways.
Resting my hands on the sink in the men’s bathroom, I take a couple of deep breaths, and try to understand. Because, if I’m gonna be completely honest here, I have no fucking idea what the hell this is or what it means. My pulse hasn’t stopped racing since I saw her again, and my gut keeps twisting and aching every time flashes of what happened last night filter through my mind. I’m not overly sure whether she knows that it was me with her last night. She looked a little unsure when I said I was walking her back to campus, and she looked mortified when the chick with the enormous breasts was trying to give me a lap dance. But, we’ve only just met, officially, and so maybe she’s just not sure about having a complete stranger walk her home. I noticed that her face dropped when she heard what the chick said but, well, I think I would’ve been kinda stunned, too. That chick should’ve come with a sexually explicit label attached to her ass.
Misguided Truths: Part Two (Misjudged #4) Page 3