“Brandon is gonna write new material for our band! Isn’t that awesome?”
“Yeah, I guess so …” she mumbles, and I watch as she turns to go and hang her jacket up on one of the hooks before leaning up against the wall to remove her boots. “I thought Corey wrote the songs?”
“He does, but they’re getting a little stale.” Neil answers as he comes back over to sit by us again. When I finish playing the song, I lift the guitar over my head before resting it beside the couch.
“Play another one!” I lift my head when I hear Alyssa, and see that she’s almost pleading for me to carry on. “You’re amazing!” Risking a glance over to Alexis, I see her shaking her head as she walks out of the room. What’s her problem?
I pick the guitar back up, and place it on my lap, strumming the strings a few times before having to stop when Neil heads over to answer the phone by the breakfast bar, “Alex, get in here! It’s your father!”
While we talk, I risk glances over to Alexis, and see her sitting on one of the stools by the breakfast bar. I can’t hear a damn thing she’s saying, but from the way she’s resting her chin in her hands and pulling a frown, well, it makes me think that she’s not so happy about whatever it is her father’s speaking to her about.
“You have to come with us when we go to that club again. Honestly, dude. Alyssa can even give those dancer chicks a run for their money. She was pretty cool up there, especially when she had that feather boa in hand.” Rye laughs, and I look over to see Alyssa’s cheeks heating up again. Oh yeah, there’s definitely something going on with those two, even if they’re not fully aware of it themselves yet.
“Alyssa, where’s Seth tonight?” Oh, and that’s a million dollar question if ever I knew one. Blondie over there doesn’t look so thrilled now if the scowl over her face is anything to go by. Maybe Seth had a word with her about giving Rye over here a little dance.
“He and I are taking a break,” I look over to Alexis, and see her roll her eyes when Alyssa answers her. “I prefer these guys’ company anyway!” Obviously.
“You guy’s only just got back together though.” She says, and I’m so tempted to nudge Rye in the ribs, but have to stop myself when Alexis’ eyes fall on me. Something tells me that if they are seeing each other then they’re keeping it strictly between themselves, and I think that it’s probably best if I keep my mouth firmly shut.
“Is everything okay back home? Did I hear you say something about theatre tickets?” Rye asks, and I see Alexis shrug her shoulders at his question. She seems like a totally different person than she did on Friday. At the ball, she seemed laidback. But, now? Well, now she just seems a little moody.
“Yeah, he just called about my Christmas gift. I left them behind,” she really doesn’t look so happy about something. Now, it could be because her father upset her, or … no. I think it’s because I’m here. Should I be enjoying this? Perhaps. Am I? Actually, no. No, I’m not. She looks like she’s about to cry. “Alyssa, can I have some of your wine?”
I watch Neil bounce out of his seat when she goes to walk away again, and he grabs her by the shoulders before turning her around and ushering her to come and sit down on the other couch, “Oh, no, you don’t, Alex!”
“Will you use the tickets?” Alyssa sounds a little more serious now as she sits forward, leaning closer to Alexis. “I think it’s time you did, Alex.” What’s the big thing about the tickets, anyways?
“Yeah, maybe. I haven’t decided yet,” she answers, and before I have the time to blink even once, she’s already downed the shot Neil just passed over to her. “Another?”
I watch her pass the empty shot glass back over without even looking in his direction. Shit. She didn’t even flinch when she drank it. That girl is seriously hardcore, “You’ve had that bad a day?” Neil asks her, and she mutters something that I’m unable to quite catch. “I’ll take that as a yes!”
Alright, there’s something going on here that I don’t quite understand, and I don’t know why, but my curiosity is getting the better of me, “Why wouldn’t you go to the show? You’re studying the arts, right?”
“I have my reasons.” I see her let out a sigh, and notice the other guys glancing between each other without saying another word about it.
There’s an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds, so I play another song, then another, and then another. The icy atmosphere that had been surrounding us since she first arrived home has almost disappeared now, and everybody, including myself, seem to have mellowed a lot. Shots and music. What more could you possibly need?
“Oh, I love this one!” Blondie almost shouts while nodding her head in time with the music. Yeah, she looks and sounds wasted. I definitely wouldn’t wanna be her in the morning let’s put it that way. “I wish I could play!”
“I could teach you if you want.” I offer, and I see her immediately screwing her face up at my suggestion. But, didn’t she just say—?
“Not with these nails, babe!” Right, of course. The nails. Now why didn’t I think of that? “Besides, I’m all fingers and thumbs when it comes to stuff like that.” She wiggles her hands out in front of herself, though my attention’s soon drawn straight over to Alexis instead when I hear her starting to choke on her drink.
“Are you okay?” Rye asks as he goes to pass her a couple of napkins. “What? You don’t think she would be any good at it?” Well, she obviously doesn’t or she wouldn’t have just spat her drink all over herself the way she just did.
“Fingers and thumbs!” The shrill sound of Alyssa’s voice makes me jump back in my seat a little bit, and I think they must have some private little joke going on here or something. “‘Mr. Operation Orgasm!’ We still need to find out who he is!” Who in their right minds would name something Operation Orgasm? I see Alexis’ eyes flicker on me for a split second, and I think now’s the time to let her know for sure that I’m fully aware she’s not as innocent as she led me to believe the other night.
“’Mr. Operation Orgasm?’” I sit forward in my seat, and place my now empty bottle of beer down on the coffee table while raising my eyebrows up high at her. “This sounds interesting.” Now’s the time to fess up, beautiful.
“He’s the first guy she ever let touch her, and I swear she’s been all dreamy eyed over him since Friday!” Alyssa practically beams when she says this. Oh. No. No, that’s not … shit. The first guy? I’m ‘Operation Orgasm’? I would laugh at this. I would, but this is not at all funny. She let me … when she’s never … Oh, well that’s just made me feel a whole lot fucking worse about everything. Dreamy eyed? Fuck. The worst thing? I like the idea that she trusted me enough to … I need water. “I can’t wait to find out who this guy is!”
I lean against the back of the couch, and swallow as my gaze drops to my hands, “Alyssa! Just leave it.” I daren’t look at her. She sounds pissed, and I’m thinking that it’s not only Alyssa she’s pissed at. Honestly, I’m pretty pissed at myself. She trusted me, and what did I go and do? I blatantly told her that it meant nothing to me. It’s irrelevant whether it was the truth or not, I know this, but now she must think that I’m a complete asshole. Yeah. Good job, Brandon. Good fucking job.
“What’s the harm? It’s not as though we know who he is!” She calls through her laughter. When I lift my gaze, I see Alexis making her way toward a door over on the right side of the room.
“Is she still hung up on that guy from the ball?” Neil questions, and from the corner of my eye, I see Alyssa nod. In the next instant, I sit forward and watch as he slams his bottle of beer down on the table beside him while crossing his feet over, placing them up on the coffee table. “Why? He didn’t even have enough respect to give her his name!”
“Can I go grab a glass of water?” I clear my throat, and then stand when Rye points for me to go ahead. “Thanks.” When I walk over to the kitchen, I decide that I need to try and speak with her alone. If I’d have known that she’d never been touched before then I sure as he
ll wouldn’t have—well, okay, I don’t think I would’ve been able to stop myself if I’m going to be completely honest—shit.
Yeah. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll try and talk with her. Clear things up so we both know where we stand. She can’t be getting all dreamy eyed over me as Alyssa just put it. I’m not him. Not anymore. But, she needs to know that she didn’t do anything wrong, that she’s not to blame for me not wanting anything more.
Chapter Four
Maybe this isn’t exactly the best way to approach the situation in hand, but I’ve been waiting almost thirty minutes for her to walk by and head to class. After the way I treated her, I’m not overly sure whether she’d agree to speak with me or not, so I really don’t see there being any other option than this.
Here she comes. I just need her to walk a little closer and —“What the—?” I grab her by the waist as she goes to walk past, and bring her further down the pathway so we’re out of view from everyone else.
“Alexis. I need to ask you something.” I say, and take a step closer when I turn her around to face me. She presses her hands flat against my chest, and successfully pushes me away. Shit. She’s angry.
“Brandon! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I’m trying to apologize. Yeah, I just need to apologize, and then we can just put everything that happened behind us and maybe even try and be friends.
“Is it true?” Okay, I lied. I don’t wanna just apologize. I also need to know why she let me do what I did. I’m damn sure there’s plenty of guys around here that would love to be with her. No, I don’t mean it in that sense. I just mean because she’s attractive, and she seems like a great girl to be around. She probably has heaps of guys falling over themselves while trying to gain her attention. “Am I the only … I’m the … I mean the only guy you’ve … that you’ve ever let … touch you?” What the hell was that? Shit. She’s turning me into a stuttering mess.
She closes her eyes and lowers her head. When she re-opens them a couple of seconds later, the look of uncertainty that was in them seems to have been replaced with what looks to be most definitely anger. Well, did I really think that this was gonna go well? “Are you happy now?” she takes another step away from me. “What? You haven’t humiliated me enough already so you thought you’d have another go at it?”
“Alexis, I don’t understand. When did I ever humiliate you? I never intended—” No, that was not what I wanted. I would never do that to someone. I didn’t know. I had no idea that I was the first person she trusted to do stuff like that with. Shit. The things I said. I was totally out of line.
“You never intended on seeing me again, and now you’re worried I’m going to tell your girlfriend! You know what, Brandon? I don’t plan on telling a soul about us because I wish it had never happened!” Me too, beautiful. But, it did happen, and for some reason unbeknown to me, I can’t leave this alone and pretend like it didn’t.
I step back and rest my hands on my waist. She wishes it didn’t happen. I wanted this. I wanted her to stay away from me. But, then why do I feel like I’ve just been kicked square in the stomach with a lead boot or something?
Hold up. Girlfriend? She thinks that I … no. No, I’ve gotta set her straight on this.
“Alexis, I don’t have a girlfriend, and if I did, I wouldn’t have dreamed of even touching another woman,” I tell her and shake my head. Okay, so I know she thinks that I’m an asshole, but I’d never cheat on someone I’m in a relationship with. She can assume whatever the hell she wants about me, but not this. Not this.
“I call bullshit! I saw her yesterday, remember? James told me about the two of you!” She definitely doesn’t sound too happy, but then neither am I. I didn’t expect her to put up such a resistance. She’s a feisty little thing.
“James told you? But—”
“He saw you both kissing and heard you say that you love her. Don’t even try and deny it!” Why would James be talking about me and telling her that I have a girlfriend? Wait. She’s been asking around about me? I rake my hand through my hair, and take a breath because if I don’t then I’ll be tempted to head over to James and ask him exactly what his problem is. What? Is he some kinda girl who likes to spread shit around? If he is then he’s the last person I need to be sharing a dorm with.
“Hold up. Just hold up for a second,” I need her to calm down just long enough for me to be able to think about this for a minute. There’s only one girl I’ve said those three words to, and that would be … Rach. Right. And she saw her at my place yesterday. Yeah. This is all starting to make a little more sense now. “You think the blonde girl you saw at my place yesterday was my girlfriend?”
“Are you denying it?” She asks, lifting her chin and crossing her arms. She’s holding her own here, I’ll give her that, but she really couldn’t be any more mistaken if she tried.
“Yes, because she isn’t! Shit, Alexis! Don’t you ever kiss your father or friends on the cheek and tell them that you love them?” I watch her face fall, and she’s starting to look lost. Good. I think she’s finally starting to listen to me.
“Of course I do. What? So, she’s family?” Her voice has lowered some, and I see her eyes filling with that same thing as they did on Saturday night. Hope. Shit.
“Yeah, something like that,” I answer, and inwardly curse myself for making her think that I’m available. I guess I am physically, though emotionally? Well, that’s another story.
She narrows her eyes on me, and I have to look away. I don’t like it when she does that. It means she’s getting ready to fire more questions at me, “Then why did you want to chat with me if it wasn’t to ask me to keep the other night to myself?” And there it is.
Time to explain. This could get a little awkward, but it was me who instigated this whole thing, and I know I’ve gotta at least try and explain myself, “When you said you don’t do those things with random guys, and then with what Alyssa said last night, that it was your first …”
“What about it?” I see the look of embarrassment wash over her.
“You said you wished it never happened.” I look down to the ground, and for some reason, I need to know this. I don’t want her to regret that I was the first guy who she ever let touch her.
“I wish it hadn’t happened with someone who didn’t feel the same things that I felt. I wish I was standing here right now with the same guy I was with on Friday night.” So do I. “But he doesn’t exist, does he?”
I swallow, hard, when I think back to the guy I used to be. The one who would be able to give her what she needs, and what she wants. I wish that I could be that guy for her, but I can’t be. I guess I need to just be honest here. Tell her what she’s waiting to hear. I take a couple of breaths, and start shaking my head solemnly while sliding my hands inside my pockets.
When I bring my eyes back on hers, I try and smile. Try and show her that this whole thing isn’t bothering me, but I don’t think I can. “No … he doesn’t.”
“Then I guess we should forget any of this ever happened.” Tears start to appear in her eyes, and seeing this makes my chest tighten. In a few years, she’ll look back on this and know that this was for the best. I know she will. Yeah. Let’s just forget this whole thing happened. There’s one small problem, though. What if I don’t wanna forget? No. Scrap that. What if I can’t? Yeah, I know, this shouldn’t be about me. She’s right. We need to push what happened to one side and try to get along.
“Can we be friends?” I step closer, and place my hand on her shoulder. When she doesn’t answer me, I know I need to push her to talk. “I’d like it if we could be, Alexis.”
“I don’t know.” Shit.
Stepping closer, I trace my fingers along her jaw because if we can’t be friends, well, then I won’t have another chance to touch her again, “Please, Alexis.” I take a hold of her chin, and lift her face until she’s looking right at me. Tell me we can be friends and then I can walk away from here and forget this whole thing happened l
ike we just agreed.
My chest presses lightly against hers when I go to lean in closer, “I …”
“Holy fucking shit!” A guy’s voice makes me step away, and I see Alexis narrow her eyes when she turns her head to the side. Something tells me that whoever this guy is, well, he sounds like a douche and Alexis doesn’t seem at all happy with him being here. I don’t know whether I should punch the guy or thank him. If he hadn’t have shown up just now then it’s likely we would’ve been making out. Yeah, it’s definitely a good thing that he interrupted us. It would’ve just given her the wrong impression otherwise. “Well, well, well!”
“Who’s that?” I keep my eyes solely on her when I ask, and step back some more. It seems that whatever we had going on a second ago has long since gone because of the interruption.
“I never thought I would see the day when Alexis Harper, daughter of a cop, got involved with a fucking dealer! Your mother would be turning in her fucking grave!” Whoa! What the fuck? Alright so I can tell that she’s not so happy to see him here, but from the way he sounds and the words he’s just spoken there’s definitely something going on here. Nice job, bro. You’ve just fucking woken up the beast, because I swear to God, no guy should ever speak to a woman like that.
My hands are already balled into fists by my sides, and I’m actually shocked she hasn’t said anything back to him yet. Is she just gonna stand there in silence and let him get away with this? What kinda hold has this guy got over her anyways? She was feisty just a second ago when she was talking to me, but now she looks a little lost, upset even. No. Fuck this shit. If she’s not gonna say something then I sure as hell need to. I swing around, clench my jaw tight, and head right over to him.
Misguided Truths: Part Two (Misjudged #4) Page 5