by S H Cooper
It’s of him having failed that day.
It’s of him losing me.
He’s crumpled on the ground again, the nightmare girl laid out across his lap. His shoulders heave and as I get close, I can hear him whispering ragged apologizes.
“My lamb. Oh, my lamb. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!”
I feel like I haven’t heard his voice in ages. My voice quivers and I call for him.
“Father! Father, turn around! I’m here! You saved me!”
Father doesn’t react. He holds the nightmare girl close, until she vanishes from his arms. Then he gets back up, trancelike, and remounts his translucent horse to begin again.
“Father!” I go to yank at the horse’s reigns, but my hand passes through them. Grabbing his pant leg, which is solid and real, also doesn’t get me a response. He rides away.
“You can’t save him, Mary.”
Meverick Conan’s voice mocks me from everywhere. I twist wildly around, searching the field, but I don’t find him.
“He will remain here until he dies,” Meverick taunts over the sounds of the ambush starting anew.
“No,” I cry.
“There is nothing you can do.”
I chase after Father and tug at his clothes and scream into his face. But he doesn’t see me. The only Mary that’s real to him is the nightmare one. I don’t know where Meverick is watching from or how, but I’m sure he’s smirking at all my failed attempts to get Father to notice me. That doesn’t stop me. I kick Father’s shins and pull his hair and beard. I cry against his shoulder when he cradles the ghost girl. I beat against his back, yelling, first telling him that she’s not real, then with no words at all.
I get nothing in response except Meverick’s cold laughter echoing all around.
“He’s gone, Mary. You don’t exist for him anymore. This is all he knows now. All he’ll ever know.”
“Why?” I shriek at the black and white sky. “Why are you doing this? Father has never done anything to you!”
“He is a McThomas,” I can hear the sneer in Meverick’s voice, “that is enough. He is the same proud, noble man that Samuel was. A fool who would stand in my way. I will see my kingdom grow, as my father intended.”
“He would stop you from hurting people!”
“He won’t do anything now. Except suffer. Soon enough, your brothers will join him. Moorsden will be the first to fall, and I will fly the flag of my family from their corpses.”
Father’s anguished yells send shivers down my back. I press my fists into my forehead and fight back the growing urge to scream, too.
”And when it does, I will find you again, and I will not be so kind.”
“Kind?” I laugh bitterly. “You think you’ve been kind? You truly are mad.”
“I was willing to let you live a life of comfort. You never would have wanted for anything.”
“I would have wanted my family! My father!”
Meverick scoffs. “It doesn’t matter now. Patrick McThomas is as good as gone.”
I watch Father ride toward the nightmare version of me. Every time, he is as desperate and determined as before. He never once looks away from me. He never flinches, never second guesses his decision. The only thing he cares about in that moment is me.
At my neck, the gold vial from the Halofain warms my skin.
“He is not.” I clench my hands into fists at my sides and widen my stance, pulling my shoulders back challengingly. “But even if he were, I’m not. My brothers aren’t. My mother, all of Moorsden. Father is part of us, and we will all fight you.”
Meverick’s biting laugh whirls around me, but I don’t shy away. The warmth of the vial is no longer pleasant. Its heat is becoming uncomfortable and I absently pull it out from beneath my dress.
“You are nothing,” Meverick says.
I scream into the hail of smoky arrows that fill the air.
“I am not nothing! I am Mary McThomas, daughter of High Captain Patrick McThomas and the lady, Katherine. I am sister to Drake and Joseph.”
My necklace burns now and I tear its chain away from my throat.
“I am the one who almost killed you, Meverick Conan, and if anything happens to my family, I will make sure I don’t fail a second time, whatever the cost!”
“You don’t yet know what you are,” the Halofain had said. “But you will. And when you do, this will aid you.”
I know who I am now. I am the daughter of knights, of warriors, and I will fight for what I love.
The vial dangling from my hand pulsates with a blinding light. I yell and drop it, shielding my eyes. Thin cracks appear across the glass pendant’s surface. When the light from within flashes again, the vial shatters.
A wave of gold washes over the nightmare world and I throw myself to the ground, my arms held protectively over my head. The sounds of battle are drowned out by the tinkling of falling glass shards, and when those fade, there is silence. Meverick doesn’t speak again.
Gradually, I begin to sit up. Whicker Field is gone. Now there is only an expanse of white and a glowing, golden doorway.
“Mary?”
My father says my name, breathless and disbelieving.
He’s on his knees, sitting back on his heels. His arms are curled against his chest, empty now that the nightmare has been washed away. His eyes are on me.
“Father!”
I launch myself at him, sobbing hysterically. At first, he remains motionless, like he isn’t convinced I’m actually real. But then I’m scooped up and crushed in an embrace so tight the wind is knocked out of me. Father strokes my hair and runs his fingers over my face, laughing and crying at once.
“Father.” I grab his hands. “We have to get out of here. We must go.”
“I don’t understand,” he says. “I saw you die! Where are we?”
“I will explain later, I promise.”
I pull him, trying to get him to stand, but he can’t stop staring at me.
“But the arrows…”
I take his face in both hands. “You saved me, Da.”
His lips tremble as he hugs me again.
“My lamb,” he whispers.
He finally lets me get him on his feet again and I point to the golden archway.
“What is that?” he asks uneasily, half tucking me behind him.
“The way out,” I say.
“Where does it go?” He’s still uncertain.
“Home.”
I slip my hand into his and smile encouragingly up at him. He squeezes my fingers and nods.
“Let's go then,” he says.
We walk together, hand in hand, toward the doorway, and I lead my father from the nightmare sleep.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I wake with a gasp. Ilyana is kneeling beside me. She has her hand beneath my head and holds the stone bowl with the milky white liquid to my lips. She’s telling me to drink. I take a few unwilling gulps before she sets it aside.
“Easy, breathe,” she says. “That will clear any remaining nightmare out of you.”
My brothers almost knock her over in their bull-rush to get to my side.
“Are you ok?” Drake asks anxiously. “Did you find Father?”
“What happened?” Joseph looks me over for any signs of injury.
The queen, Silvermoon, and Torren hover over their shoulders, but let my brothers do the talking.
“We got out,” I respond. I’m too exhausted to say any more.
Drake pushes for more information, but I can only shake my head wearily.
“Traveling to the dream world is draining,” Ilyana says gently. “She will need to rest before she can answer your questions.”
Disappointed, but understanding, my brothers agree to wait for their answers. I’m carried back to my room and tucked into bed. I pull the quilt up all the way to my chin and fall immediately into the first peaceful sleep I’ve had in a long while.
I sleep through the rest of the day and night, and when I wake u
p the next morning, the only thing on my mind is getting home.
“Are you well enough?” Silvermoon asks while I pack the food that the queen has sent to us. “It’s a long journey.”
“Father still needs us,” I tell him patiently. It’s the fifth time I’ve had to say it since he arrived to find me preparing to leave. “Ilyana must finish healing him.”
“Oh,” he says, drumming his fingers against the table. “But you’re sure you’re ok?”
“She said she is, elf.” Drake slaps him a bit too hard on the back. “Even if she isn’t, Joseph and I can manage her just fine ourselves.”
“Me, too!” Torren says.
“I don’t need managing,” I grumble.
Joseph appears in the doorway, his pack already full and over his shoulder. While he’s enjoyed his time with the elves, he is as eager as I am to return home.
“The horses are ready,” he says.
Silvermoon follows us down the long, circular staircase to the ground, where Queen Nauria and Ilyana, weighted down with a bag of medicine, are already waiting. They are standing next to three horses, all sleek and dappled grey with white spots.
“What are these?” I ask.
“Oh dear, she really is unwell! She doesn’t even recognize horses. Guess you’ll have to stay. Come, Mary, back to your room with you,” Silvermoon tuts, tugging teasingly at my pack.
I swat at his hands with a laugh, earning me a pointed sigh from Drake. “You know what I mean.”
“You didn’t think we’d send you off on foot, did you?” the queen says.
“No, but this is so generous,” I reply.
“Once they have brought you home, they will return to us in their own time,” she assures me. “Do not worry.”
“But --”
“Mary, just thank the nice queen for the horses.” Joseph nudges me. “It’s a long way back and I’d much prefer to ride.”
“Thank you.” I dip into a curtesy and she tilts her head in amused acknowledgement.
To my surprise, Drake repeats my thanks, although his is more awkward and stilted. “We won’t forget what you’ve done for us, Your Highness.”
She accepts it graciously, and holds out her hand to him. When he furrows his brow down at it, she says, “Shaking hands is still a human custom, is it not?”
Gingerly, he takes her slight hand in his. “It is, Your Highness. Reserved for friends.”
“I am happy to part as such. Until we meet again, young McThomases,” she says.
Drake glances at Silvermoon out of the corner of his eye. “Oh, I don’t think that’ll be any time soon.”
“Fate has a funny way of working these things out,” the queen replies lightly.
While my brothers strap our packs to the horses and Torren and Ilyana bid farewell to the queen, I say my own goodbye to Silvermoon. The elf lad rubs the back of his neck with a rather gloomy air and nods while I speak.
“I appreciate the whole saving me thing,” he says to me.
“You were probably rubbish at following orders anyway. I’m sure Conan thinks of it as a favor.”
“Well, next time I’m taken captive, I know where I’ll be sending the carrier pigeons for help.”
“Mary,” Drake calls. He and the others have already mounted the horses and he gives his reigns an impatient shake. “We’re waiting.”
“Thank you again, Your Highness,” I say quickly to Queen Nauria, and she smiles. To Silvermoon, I offer a small wave. “Stay out of trouble, aye?”
Silvermoon follows as I start toward my brother. “Moorsden, you said, right?”
“Aye,” I say over my shoulder. Drake clasps my offered arm and pulls me up onto his horse behind him.
“Goodbye, elf,” he says with no small measure of glee before clicking his tongue and nudging the horse forward.
“Maybe I’ll pay you a visit, Mary,” Silvermoon shouts after us.
I turn and grin at him. “Just don’t get lost on the way.”
“Better yet, don’t bother coming at all!” Drake says loudly.
“Is he always like this?” Ilyana asks, gesturing toward Drake.
“Pretty much,” Joseph sighs.
“Sometimes worse,” Torren chimes in from her place on Ilayan’s shoulder.
“Let’s hurry back to Moorsden then.”
The horses are quick and don’t tire easily, but the journey home still takes us over a week. During the day, I ride behind one of my brothers, and at night we gather around fires and trade stories. Ilyana speaks of her homeland and sisters, Torren of her clan, and I tell them what happened after we became separated and when I was in Father’s nightmare. My brothers don’t comment on it much; Drake because he hates feeling like he was useless, I think, and Joseph because he is too busy writing it down as fast as he can.
I still reach for the Halofain’s necklace from time to time during quiet lulls, mindlessly trying to drag vial across its chain. When I find it gone, I am not sad, however. I am grateful.
When we pass Cragsbridge, so close to home, we regret that we aren’t able to stop.
“I would have liked to show the Halofain my journal,” Joseph says wistfully. “I think I finally have a story to tell.”
“It’s not done yet,” I remind him.
There is still one thing yet to do.
As we near the border of Moorsden that evening, we are surprised to see a wooden barrier has been built across the roadway and there are knights standing in front of it with their hands on the hilts of their weapons. After Torren dives into Ilyana’s bag to hide, Drake tosses back the hood of his cloak and takes the lead.
“What’s this, then? A welcoming party?” he asks with a grin.
“Is that Drake?”
“It’s all of them!”
“Someone send for Loleck!”
“Callum.” Drake pulls his horse up alongside the banner and addresses the nearest knight while one of the others rushes towards town. “What’s going on?”
“It’s Loleck’s orders.” Callum leans against the barrier, relaxed now he’s recognized us. “After what happened at the field and to Erik, he’s been itching for someone to cross him.”
“Erik?” I peer around Joseph. “What happened to him?”
“After you three pulled your disappearing act, Erik did, too. Everyone thought he’d gone off with you, until one of the patrols found him beaten and tied up in the woods the next day. He’d been completely stripped down to his skivvies.”
My grip on Joseph’s tunic tightens. That was impossible; Erik had been with us almost immediately following the battle.
“Did he say what happened?” Drake keeps his tone casual, but his reigns are wrapped around white knuckles.
Callum shrugs. “He said he was snuck up on when he pursued the ambushers into the woods ahead of everyone else. A lad got the better of him, demanded to know who Mary was, and gave him a good whack to the head when he wouldn’t say. He thinks he meant to kill him. Loleck’s had us looking for the lad ever since, but all we’ve got to go on is blue eyes and dark hair with a few white streaks. Sounds made up, if you ask me, but every road in and out is watched now.”
“And our parents? Are they well?” Joseph demands.
“Your ma is, as far as I know, aye.” Callum drops his gaze uncomfortably. “Your da is...the same. We take turns checking up on them.”
“Let’s go!” I urge.
“Send Loleck to our house,” Drake instructs, directing his horse around the barrier. “There’s much to discuss.”
“Hey!” Callum shouts as we rush by. “Wait, who’s she? Drake! Joseph! Mary! Loleck said no strangers are allowed in!”
We leave him sputtering in the dust behind us. Ilyana glances back nervously, worried he might have given chase, but he’s standing in the middle of the road, his arms thrown up in defeat. From inside her bag, Torren hisses.
“Rylin!”
“What?” I ask.
“The lad who attacked Erik, he�
�s Meverick’s younger brother! That sniveling little...I never thought he’d leave their castle. I guess he thought he could finally prove himself useful. He’s spent the last century trying to win Meverick’s approval, but Meverick barely paid him any mind.”
“There are two Conans? And you’re just telling us now?” Drake says.
“I didn’t think I’d have to worry about Rylin! He just spent all of his time trying to learn Meverick’s magic and get his brother to give him a pat on the head. Sad, really.”
“Forgive me if I don’t shed any tears,” Joseph grumbles.
It suddenly all falls into place. His insistence at joining me, the anger when my brothers said they were coming, the way he kept trying to lure me away under the pretense of protecting me. Rylin had probably even been the one who sent that trio of bandits after us the first morning out of Moorsden. His arrival hadn’t been timely; he’d been waiting for the thugs to do his dirty work! The only reason he’d probably stepped in was because they were careless and one of them cut me, which would have hurt Meverick as well. He’d just been trying to get me alone so that he could take me to Meverick himself. He was going to win his brother’s affection with me. Why, then, had he given up? I scowl at the quickly passing ground beneath us.
“He couldn’t go into Cragsbride,” I say slowly. “If he did --”
“The wards would’ve wiped away his illusion,” Torren finishes for me. “That rat!”
“It also explains how the portal became interrupted, doesn’t it?” Drake points out. “He must not have gone far after he left us. He laid in wait then used some kind of magic to stop us.”
“The bug-eyed, big mouthed guppy!” Torren seethes. “As soon as we’re done here, I’m going to go warn the Halofain. If Rylin’s able to interfere with fae magic like that, he’s become more powerful than I thought. It would seem there really are two Conans to worry about now.”
“That is for another day,” Ilyana advises.
She’s right. I won’t allow Meverick or this brother of his to overshadow our homecoming. I have spent far too many days thinking about the Conan family. For now, it is time to focus on my own.
“Faster, Joseph,” I say. “We’re almost there.”
When our house rises into view on the horizon, my heart leaps into my throat. Part of me had never expected to see it again. Smoke furls from the chimney and the gate at the end of the dirt path leading up to the front door is open. Our horse hasn’t even fully stopped before I jump off, causing Joseph to shout, but I ignore him. I dart around Ilyana and Drake and I run.